Babydoll

by Nikkole Pruett

  I swallowed hard. I was quiet for just a touch too long, trying to figure out the best answer, and Lane chimed in again.

  "We've been together for a while," he said. "It's not just some bullshit."

  I could see my best friend start to put everything together. Every time I didn't stress about going out. Every time she knew Lane was sneaking out to see someone. Every lie. Every misdirection. I could see when my best friend stopped being my best friend.

  "Lucy," I said, stepping toward her with my hand out. I didn't know what I was going to say but I wanted to grab her hand like I had a billion other times like maybe that help somehow.

  She jerked away so violently she stumbled back into Gavin.

  "You liar," she hissed at me.

  "Yo, what's going on?"

  For maybe the first time since I had met him the sound of Luke's voice made everything worse. I concentrated on holding back tears as he and Haley joined our angry little mob

  "Fuck," I heard Lane mutter. The badness was like a snowball rolling down a slope; it just kept getting bigger and bigger.

  "Ask them," Lucy said, angrily, gesturing to Lane and me.

  Luke's brow furrowed.

  "What's going on?" he asked, looking hard at us.

  "Luke," Lane started.

  "They're fucking," Lucy blurted, robbing her brother of the chance to ease into it.

  "What?" Luke asked. From the look on his face I could tell he was having a really hard time believing or maybe even understanding what his sister was telling him.

  "Fucking. Lane and Bailey. My brother… your brother and my best friend," she rants. "Can you believe this shit?"

  "Baby-doll?" Luke was looking at me for verification. I could hear not only shock, but also disappointment in his tone. I felt the tears start bust over.

  "Luke, it's not like that," I told him.

  His jaw set. He didn't yell like his little sister. He stopped looking at me altogether. Like I didn’t even exist to him. He looked at the boy behind me.

  "Let's go," he told his little brother.

  My hand flew back, instinctively, to touch Lane. I don't want him to leave me in that mess all by myself and now that everything was out in the open there was no reason for us to hide our touches. I felt his hand in mine immediately.

  "Luke, I can't just leave," he said.

  "Lucas, this is bullshit and you fucking know it!" rages Lucy.

  "Pipe the fuck down, Lucy," Lucas roared. I had never heard him yell at Lucy and it shocked her enough to get her off her tirade. My tears ratcheted up another notch. This is the full on destruction I had been scared it would be. "Lane, give Bailey your keys and go get in the fucking Jeep. Lucy, you too."

  His voice was steely. He wasn’t yelling anymore but I was pretty sure his growling was just as bad. Plus, he still wouldn’t look at me. It was like I had disappointed my own big brother.

  "I'm not going anywhere with him," Lucy huffed.

  "Go. Get. In. The. Jeep." Lucas grounded out every word. Then he looked at Gavin. Gavin nodded.

  "Come on, baby," he said softly.

  Lucy gave me one last evil glare before she let her guy lead her away but I could hear she was still cursing as she went.

  Lane came to stand in front of me. I was trying to calm down but I had gotten to that little kid crying point where all I could do is suck in hiccupy breaths. Over his shoulder I could see his brother watching with stone face, still unwilling to meet my eyes.

  "My keys are with my hoodie. Can you drive?" he asked. He held my face in his hands.

  I didn't want to drive his car, I didn't want him to go, I wanted it all to go away. I managed to shake my head.

  "I've got her," Haley said. She stepped over and laid a hand on my arm.

  Lane nodded and kissed my forehead. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and not let go. Instead, I let Haley lead me away.

  When we got back to our spot I sat down and wrapped my arms around my legs. I just wanted to stop everything for a minute. Just to get my head together. I didn't look at Haley. I didn't want to see one more person disappointed in me. I was surprised when she sat next to me and put her arm around my shoulders. I braved a look and thankfully I didn't see any anger or judgement in my oldest friend's face.

  "You’re not mad at me?" I asked.

  My friend snorted a laugh.

  "About some shit I already knew?" She asked.

  My face wrinkled up in surprise.

  "You knew?" I asked.

  She reached behind her and dug my smokes out of my bag. I took one, gratefully, and lit it with still shaking fingers. My bestie seemed to know everything I needed in that moment.

  "Of course. If Lucy could take a break from judging everybody for just a little bit she probably would had noticed too," Haley said.

  "I'm sorry," I said. And I was. I was sorry I had caused some much discord. I was sorry I hadn’t trusted my oldest friend with my secrets even when she had trusted me with hers. She waved it off.

  "For what, Baby-doll? For not kissing and telling? For keeping a secret? Whatever," she said.

  I took a drag and let it out.

  "It's not that really. I wanted to tell you guys about that stuff -"

  "Please don't tell me about Lane's dick. Please," she said, shaking her head.

  Despite everything I laughed. I think that was Haley's intention.

  "I know an awful lot about Luke's," I shot back with a smile. "It's been hard not telling you guys when we're gossiping and all. But it's bigger than that. There's other stuff at stake if word gets out about Lane and I."

  "The shit with A.J.?" she asked.

  I wrinkled my brow again.

  "Luke knows. He's worried. Like, a lot," she explained.

  I nodded and took another long drag. I wished it was something a little more potent.

  "Me too," I agreed, as I let out a cloud of smoke.

  "I think that’s why Luke's is so upset. I think he's just worried about both of you," she said. She put her arm around my shoulders and gave me a squeeze. "I think I'm worried too."

  It was funny how it seemed all any of us ever did was worry about the others.

  B

  It was the first day of school and I found myself thinking about how stuff mattered even when you didn’t want it to. I didn't want my first day of the year outfit to matter. But it mattered even more than all the first day outfits I had picked out with the help of my two favorite girls. The first day outfit for that year had to be my suit of armor protecting me from the glares of my used to be best friend. I thought she would have at least given me a chance to explain and maybe listen to what I had to say after she had a little while to calm down, but no such luck. She had cut communication completely. Not one answered text or call. Not one e-mail. And the couple of times I did happen to see her on my way in Haley's door the “fuck off” was so clear on her face I knew not to bother.

  My outfit had to be comfy too. I was sleepy beyond belief. I had went riding around with Lane the night before, so not only had I been up all night, but my nerves were twinging. It hadn’t been his car we were riding around in. And that ride hadn’t been the first one.

  The first time had been a couple of nights after Lucy's meltdown at the beach. Lane had called me a couple of times but I hadn't seen him. Instead of concentrating on how much I missed him I was smoking my brain with the sack Jan had dropped off for me. My phone buzzed his text alert at two a.m. Like he knew I would still be awake.

  Meet me up the street, the message read.

  I didn't consider, I didn't over think. Just slipped my bare feet into my chucks and threw a hoodie on over my sleep tank and shorts. I didn't realize something was weird until I saw the sleek black mass of steel at the stop light. With just the street light casting glow over the tinted windows I couldn't see who was driving but I knew for damn sure that wasn't Lane’s Volvo. My paranoia was starting to creep in as I approached on the sidewalk. I didn't know if I should stop or keep g
oing or what. Just as I neared the passenger window, it rolled down.

  "Hey, little girl, want some candy?" Inside, Lane sat smirking at me.

  I walked over and leaned in.

  "What's going on?" I asked. "Whose car is this?"

  He didn't answer, only arched an eyebrow to go with his smirk.

  My heart started to pound in my chest. A stolen fucking car. He was sitting in front of me in a stolen fucking car.

  "You coming?" he asked.

  "Coming? What? Are you fucking crazy?" I could hear my voice getting pitchy and hysteric.

  "Would you mind keeping it down?" he asked. His expression hadn't changed yet.

  I glanced around only to see that we were still alone on a quiet street corner.

  "You want me to get in there with you?" I demanded. "In a fucking stolen car?"

  "I've missed you," he said. I noticed he wasn't answering my questions.

  "So you figured you'd come try to get me thrown in jail?" I demanded.

  He sighed.

  "Are you coming or not, Baby-doll?"

  It was like the war between my heart and my brain was turning into a constant thing. My head said take your ass home. Get away from that criminal boy and all his trouble. My heart saw lips I needed to kiss so bad and hands on the wheel that I wanted on my skin. So, I got in and I buckled my belt and let Lane drive me around in a classic car that didn't belong to him.

  I didn't ask how he was unworried about driving the rumbling evidence through deserted neighborhoods. I didn't remind him who my dad was and how much worse getting busted with me in the car would be. Instead he played a bootlegged copy of the new Kings Of Leon cd that wasn't even out yet. I let Followill's voice sooth my nerves as Lane drove us out of town and out to the beach. It didn't take long for us to climb in the back seat and soon sweat glistened skin was sticking to leather as the comforting music drifted through the speakers.

  There were more rides after that. Each one got easier, less scary, less nerve racking. My hands had barely shook when I climbed in the loaded Expedition the previous night. But then again that could had been due to the fact that Haley convinced me to sprinkle just half of one of her mom's ground up Xanax in the blunt we smoked before she ditched me to go to Makenna's.

  I knew I couldn’t spend all day day-dreaming so I pulled on my favorite skinnies, a v-neck t-shirt, and a soft cardigan. I brushed on extra blush to make me look more awake. I briefly consider a quick puff or two just to chill myself out but instead I chose to be optimistic. I thought maybe school would be great. Maybe something about notebooks and pens would make Lucy change her mind. Maybe something would be in my senior year textbooks that would help me figure out what to do about Lane… and my dad… and everything else that seemed to spiraling out of control.

  * * *

  Chapter 23

  * * *

  I knew something was up as soon as I saw my dad's car in the driveway. Dad was never home at that time in the evening. Six was call time. He’d say the same old thing, “just checking to make sure you made it home, kiddo. How was school? Make sure to lock up tonight.” The reliability of our routine let me carve out the occasional little bit of fading November daylight with Lane. Nothing too crazy. We just spent a little time at the Rec Center.

  Lane had finally dropped his issues with Cody, so he fit in pretty well with the people I was spending all my free time with now that his sister hated me. For a while I had held out hope that the passing of time would finally bring Lucy around, but it never happened. And Haley had slipped back into nastier habits after Luke headed back to school. Jan and Cody and the rest of the guys weren’t replacements for my best friends but they were good friends and I liked being around them. And I loved having Lane with me. Just holding hands and sometimes me sharing herb with Jan and the guys crashing around on their boards. No glaring used to be best friend eyes. Nobody to report to my Dad. No worries.

  Clearly, I had gotten too relaxed. I knew it was a baby trick but I crossed my fingers hoping my dad was sitting in his recliner watching Sports Center and he had just gotten a random night off.

  Of course that wasn't the case.

  Being the only child of a cop had taught me a lot of things. I had learned about stranger danger and how bad drugs were way before my friends. I had learned about the importance of being a good citizen and where being a bad person got you. But the thing I learned super early was how to handle an interrogation. While that skill had only applied to things like forgotten chores or a snuck piece of candy as a little it, it had grown far more important as I got older. As soon as I saw him sitting at the kitchen table, hands folded, waiting, I felt my mental armor clang into place.

  Instead of sitting down with him, I dropped my bag and headed to the fridge for a snack just like I did every afternoon. Usually, it was because I had the munchies. Luckily, I had been too involved in Lane to smoke that particular afternoon.

  "Hey, dad," I said, pulling out a piece of string cheese.

  "Hmpf." He was grunting already. That wasn’t good. "Where have you been?"

  The first rule was to only answer the question asked. Never give more than you were asked for.

  "Hanging out with Jan," I replied.

  "Since when does that happen? Aren't you supposed to come home after school unless we've talked?" He questioned.

  His face was stone. I knew he was going somewhere with his questions. I knew I had to be very, very careful. I shrugged as I sat down and started to unwrap my snack.

  "I didn't have any homework so I didn't think it'd be a big deal," I said, nonchalantly.

  "Who were you with?" he asked.

  That was another cop tactic. Regurgitate the information the perp gave you in question form. Too easy, Dad, I thought.

  "My girl Jan," I told him, in between bites.

  "Who else?" I heard the warning bells go off in my head. He knew more than he was letting on but I wasn’t sure what all that was just yet.

  "Some of her skater friends," I replied.

  "Lane Campbell?" He demands.

  Bam. His interrogation wasn’t about me not being home. It wasn’t about a found pack of smokes. It wasn’t about a shirt that smelled like weed. It was about the boy. And I didn't know how much he knew. I didn't know who reported what. Did someone see a kiss? Did some security camera get a snap of me creeping out in the middle of the night? I racked my brain trying to think of what all he could know.

  "Lane Campbell?" I repeated, faking confusion. What most kids didn’t realize was that they tell on themselves. They would give their parents all the details just trying to guess what mom or dad knew.

  "I know there's something going on between you two Bailey," he goaded.

  I didn't reply. I kept my expression blank. He was waiting for me to get defensive and start talking. I knew if I did that I’d say too much, so I just waited him out.

  "What is going on between you two, Bailey?" he finally demanded.

  I could tell he was getting tired of me not coming clean. That meant he must have not known too much or he would have already busted me with exactly what he knew. I shrugged again.

  "We're friends. I've been hanging out with Lucy for years, Dad. Not like I can completely ignore her older brother," I told him.

  "Bullshit. Wilkerson said he sees you two together all the time at school," he said.

  Internally, I took a huge relieved breath. He knew second hand information from a nosy ass school resource officer. He knew how we behaved at school, where I was sure to be super careful to keep casual. He knew I walked to class with Lane. He knew weren’t complete strangers. He didn’t know a damn thing.

  "Wilkerson needs to worry more about his cousin trying to upskirt us in the halls than who I talk to," I snapped. "He's more worried about busting his co-worker’s daughter, doing nothing might I add, than that little creeper who's gonna end up on the registry."

  "Upskirt, what?" Dad asked, looking confused.

  "Yeah, Jackson is f
ollowing us around trying to take pictures up our skirts," I said, taking another satisfied bite of my snack.

  "I'll talk to him about that. But what about Campbell?" His voice was still stern. Clearly my diversionary tactic hadn’t worked the way I wanted it to.

  "What? Should I detour around him in the hall? Ignore him when he talks to me?" I asked, sarcastically.

  I knew I was pushing it, but it wasn’t fair that I was under surveillance. Especially, from some half ass cop that could only be trusted to monitor kids.

  "First of all, watch your tone. Secondly, you will do whatever you need to do to keep that boy out of your life. Or I will do whatever I need to do to keep that boy out of your life," he said.

  "Jesus," I huffed. "You act like he's a criminal!"

  "He is, Bailey," He yelled. He was exasperated and the look on his face said he just said more than he meant to.

  "What do you mean?" I asked. Even though I kept my expression mildly curious, inside I was screaming.

  "Look, I can’t tell you everything but he's been brought in connection with an ongoing investigation. Bailey, Lane hasn't been arrested but that’s only because the DA wants more than just him. That kid is one step away from going to prison instead of college," Dad said, shaking his head. "I will not let you get involved in that."

  I was careful to make sure my face was apathetic but inside I was stunned. Brought in? DA? Prison? I mean, I knew. I wasn’t stupid. I knew what he had been doing was illegal. But I had just played it down in my mind. Lane was a kid. He wasn’t even a really bad kid. He was a good kid from a good family. He wasn’t a killer. He wasn’t raping. He was just driving cars. People had insurance and stuff. No one was really getting hurt.

  Even worse than finding out that Lane had been brought in, that things had gotten so serious, was that he hadn’t told me. In all over our conversations he never mentioned police stations and investigations. Lane just talked how he wanted me to be his girl and how we were going to go to college together. He had told me over and over how he wanted us relationship to be public and legitimate. He even went as far to say that he would tell my father for me if that was what I wanted. Now I knew all that was garbage and he had been banking on me saying no the whole time. He had known there was no way my dad would let us be together. I felt like the hurt and the anger balling up in my stomach were going to rise up and choke me.