Fair Catch

by Ruddick, Jessica

  Ben drummed his fingers on the table. “Can you even do this? You’ve got school and football.”

  Leaning back in the booth, I shot Ben a weary look. Figures he’d be the logical one. “I’ll figure it out. If I had known what it was like in that house, I would have done something sooner. I didn’t know what Uncle Brian was like.”

  “No one did,” Ben said matter-of-factly. “I get the impression his drinking is their dirty little secret.”

  “Well, hopefully he’ll get the help he needs.” I nearly patted myself on the back for that sugar-coated well-wish. At this point, I didn’t give a shit, but I felt like that was what a responsible guardian of three kids would say.

  Ashley snorted again. She saw through my bullshit. In some ways, Ashley was a lot like me. God help me.

  “You’re going to have to join the PTA and shit like that,” Ben said, his nose wrinkling at the thought.

  I reached across the table and swatted him on the head, giving a meaningful glance toward Emily. “Language, bro.”

  He shrugged. “She’s heard it all and worse.”

  Emily nodded. “Uncle Brian has a potty mouth.”

  “All the more reason to get you the hell—heck—out of there.”

  Ben smirked. I wouldn’t have protested if he’d turned around and smacked me on the head. Christ. Am I getting in over my head? Definitely.

  But it didn’t matter. These kids were better off with me than in Uncle Brian’s house. I wanted them, and that had to count for something.

  “I’m in,” Ashley said, but her tone had a whatever vibe to it. Under the table, I felt her leg bouncing, a sure sign that she was nervous. She might try to act like she was grown, but she wasn’t fooling me. Beneath her dark eyeliner and sullen expression, she was still a kid.

  “So that’s two yeses,” I said. “Ben?”

  He pushed his glasses up his nose. “Obviously yes. Anywhere is better than here. And VVU has an awesome computer science program.”

  “Don’t get ahead of yourself,” I told him. “You’ve got to get through summer school first.” I channeled my father and shot him what I hoped was a stern look.

  “Yeah, yeah.”

  I knocked my knuckles on the table to get his attention. “Hey. If you’re serious about going to VVU, you’d better start getting straight As.”

  “You didn’t.”

  Smartass.

  I crossed my arms. “My circumstances were different.” My high school grades weren’t horrible, but I doubted I would be at VVU if not for football. Ben was way smarter than I would ever be. But I’d been smart enough to know not to fail classes, so maybe I was just smarter than him in a different way.

  “Hey!” Emily pointed toward the front of the restaurant. “That guy is making balloon animals. Can I go get one?”

  “Sure.” I dug in my pocket for some singles and handed them to her.

  “Can I borrow your phone?” She scooted out of the booth. “I want to record him making it. Then maybe I can make them later on my own.”

  I handed over my phone, and she trotted off happily.

  “Wait.” I had a moment of panic. “Should she be allowed to go off by herself?” I honestly didn’t know.

  “She’s right there,” Ashley retorted, her tone implying I was an idiot. “We can see her.”

  Still, I shifted so I had a better view. Emily was a cute kid with her long blond hair and big brown eyes. I immediately became suspicious of all the adults crowding around the balloon man, fearing someone might snatch her. Then I realized those were parents of the smaller children.

  I was not cut out to be a parent. I’m not her parent. Her parents are dead.

  But I was her big brother, and damn it, that meant I would do everything I could to fill the void left by our parents’ death. We were better off together. It was clear to me that I’d been an idiot to put distance between us. I wasn’t fooling myself into thinking raising them would be easy, but in my gut, I knew it was the right thing.

  Either that, or I was making the biggest mistake of my life.

  CHAPTER 8

  Rachel

  IT WAS MY turn to pick the show for my and my friends’ weekly TV night, but I wasn’t in the mood. I’d done more observation hours with Mrs. Davidson, and I had only narrowly escaped being suckered into taking another pointless project home. Still, I’d been late to my appointment with my academic advisor, which had turned out to be a waste of time. I didn’t know what I’d expected—maybe for her to tell me what to do. But until I decided what alternate major I wanted to pursue, she couldn’t help me. She’d basically patted me on the head and sent me home with a list of online personality tests that were supposed to help me determine what career I was best suited for. I’d shoved the paper in a trash can on the way to my car. Those stupid tests hadn’t helped when I’d taken them in high school. They would just be a waste of my time.

  “I’ll skip my turn,” I told Katie, Danielle, and Destiny.

  Dani stuck half an Oreo into the decadent cookies-and-cream frosting on the cupcakes she’d brought over. Normally, she made cookies or something simple, but she was upping her game… and helping us widen our asses. “No skips allowed,” she said. “You have to pick. Here. Have a cupcake.” She passed them out to all of us.

  Katie closed her eyes and moaned as she bit into hers.

  Destiny gave her the eye. “Are you eating a cupcake or having an orgasm?”

  “Don’t judge me.” My bestie licked the frosting off her finger. “Or at least don’t judge me until you’ve had a bite.”

  Destiny sampled hers, chewing slowly before swallowing. “Sorry, girl. That was definitely my bad. This cupcake is serving me better than any of the guys I’ve been out with recently.”

  Danielle peeled the wrapper off her cupcake. “I thought that one guy was kind of nice. What was his name? Colton? Colby?”

  “Colby.” Destiny shuddered. “Yeah, no. First impressions can be deceiving. I’m not even going to share the details. It’s downright embarrassing.”

  “Oh, come on.” Katie laughed. “You’re exaggerating.”

  Destiny snorted. “I wish I were. He took a call from his mother in the middle of dinner.”

  “So he’s a mama’s boy,” Danielle said. “That’s not so bad.”

  “They talked for thirty minutes about the exact shade of L’Oreal hair dye she should buy. But don’t worry. They got it narrowed down to light blonde and light ash blonde.”

  Katie tried to smother her giggle and failed. “Did you help?”

  “Oh, hell no. While he was on the phone, I ordered dessert, ate it right in front of him, then called an Uber. Good riddance.” Destiny nudged me. “Did you decide what we’re watching?”

  “Anything,” I muttered. “I don’t care.”

  “You have to pick,” Danielle reminded me.

  “Fine.” Closing my eyes, I blindly pointed the remote at the TV and pressed some buttons. I opened my eyes to see I had chosen a documentary about Star Trek superfans. “There. We’re watching this.”

  Destiny cringed. “Really?”

  I tossed the remote aside and shrugged. “You made me pick.” The three girls exchanged looks, and Katie mouthed something to them that I couldn’t make out. “What?” I snapped.

  Katie cocked her head. “Well, since you brought it up, you’ve been in a mood since you got home. And you haven’t touched your cupcake. What’s going on?”

  “Nothing. Maybe I’m watching my calories. Let’s learn about Trekkies. May the force be with you.” I focused my attention on the TV.

  Danielle shook her head. “That’s Star Wars, not Star Trek.”

  “What’s the difference?”

  “One is kind of cool, and the other is totally nerdy.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “Seriously?” Although now that she mentioned it, I remembered that they were separate things. In one series, the characters wore colored uniforms, and some had weird man bangs. In the other, they
fought with light sabers, and there were giant slugs. I failed to see which franchise was the cool one.

  “Cool in a nerdy way.” She shrugged. “My dad is into Star Wars. We watched them together a lot when I was a kid.”

  Of course they did. Because that was what good dads did with their daughters—they taught them about iconic movie franchises like Star Wars. The only thing my dad ever did with me was offer criticism. Sit still. Stop talking so much. Why can’t you be more like your sisters?

  Because, Dad, I prefer to think for myself, unlike Cara and Jenna, who—

  I needed to stop before I finished the mean and petty thought about my sisters. I might not have much in common with them, but different didn’t mean bad. Unless the different one is me.

  Sigh. Talking to my mother that afternoon had been a mistake. Normally, I tried to keep the conversations short and sweet, but I thought I would try being a more attentive daughter for once. My mom had gushed on and on about Cara’s pregnancy. Then she’d dropped the bombshell. Except she hadn’t exactly dropped it—it was more like she’d slipped it in. “I spent all day picking out paint colors for the guest nursery.”

  I’d had to ask her what she was talking about. Apparently, they were turning my room into a nursery for when the grandchildren came to visit. All of my childhood things had already been packed into boxes and stowed in the basement. But oh, I wasn’t to worry because I could stay in the guest room when I went home.

  While it was true that I was doing everything in my power to not spend the summer at home, my parents didn’t know that. Them getting rid of my room was a slap in the face. I was the redheaded stepchild, except I was actually their biological child. It was bullshit.

  My cat, Princess Buttercup, an overly fluffy tabby, jumped onto Katie’s lap and ran her tail along my roommate’s cheek, causing Katie to twitch. But even though she claimed to hate the feline, Katie shifted to accommodate her. Traitor. Princess Buttercup’s loyalty should have been to me since I was the one who’d rescued her from a shelter, but even my cat seemed to prefer someone else.

  I scowled, and then my scowl deepened as I realized how far into the pit of despair I’d fallen. That wasn’t like me. I was normally like freaking Taylor Swift, shaking that shit off. But with every load of shit that was piled on me, it was getting harder to move, and even harder to shake it off. Just a few days ago, I’d felt empowered and ready to take control of my life. Where did that feeling go?

  It was still there, just hiding deep within me, probably not wanting to share space with my bad attitude. Yes, the girl who talked to her car also thought of her moods and feelings as if they were sentient beings.

  What is wrong with me? I was acting like a brat because I’d had a crappy day. Except I couldn’t even sell that line to myself.

  I’d busted my ass on Saturday finishing my project. But when I’d texted Jake that evening to make plans for the following day, I was met with radio silence. I didn’t get it. He’d been into me. I knew that in my gut. But maybe I’d misread the reason he’d been into me. Maybe he hadn’t been into me so much as he’d wanted to get in my pants. Or maybe once he’d had time to think about it, he’d decided he didn’t want to see me again after all. At first, his lack of response pissed me off. Then I’d just felt numb. I didn’t know what it was about me that caused guys to blow me off. I supposed I should test that theory with a third guy before coming to the conclusion that it was indeed me, but I didn’t know if I wanted to find out. Because if it was me, then I didn’t know what came next.

  Still, as shitty as Jake’s lack of interest made me feel, there was no excuse to take my frustration out on my friends. So I decided to throw them a bone as penance for being bitchy.

  I paused the documentary, which I honestly didn’t need to do since no one was paying attention to it anyway. Except maybe Danielle. Maybe she was a closet Trekkie in addition to being a Star Wars nerd. Is there a name for those fans? Starries?

  “I broke it off with Adam,” I announced.

  Destiny’s mouth formed an O. “Are you for real? I thought you went out with him on Friday.”

  “That was the point of our date. I wanted to tell him in person.” I conveniently omitted the fact that I hadn’t gotten to tell him in person since he’d stood me up.

  “You kicked him to the curb almost a week ago, and you’re just now telling us about it?” Destiny asked.

  “She didn’t tell me about it right away either,” Katie said. “I had to pry it out of her, but only after I’d figured it out for myself. She almost lost her BFF status.” Although Katie invoked the joke we frequently used about revoking my BFF card, I could see beneath the charade that she was really hurt, which hadn’t been my intention. I didn’t know why I hadn’t told her. Maybe I was embarrassed because once the deed was done, I’d realized I should have taken her advice about ditching him ages ago.

  Danielle’s expression turned sympathetic, but she was the only one who expressed compassion. Katie and Destiny had no love for Adam. “How’d he take it?” she asked.

  “I think he’s okay.” I could only assume since I hadn’t heard from him. Prick. But it made me sad. We’d had fun together sometimes, and I was fond of him, even if I could never love him. He wasn’t the bad guy Katie thought he was. He was simply clueless, and I wasn’t taking blame for his behavior, but I had enabled it.

  “On to greener pastures!” Destiny was filled with glee. “I’m totally prepared to be your wing woman this weekend. Because I’m generous like that.”

  Despite my foul mood, I laughed. “I appreciate the offer, but I respectfully decline.”

  Destiny’s expression fell. “Why?”

  Katie smiled smugly as she stroked Princess Buttercup. “I know why.”

  “Because she just ended a relationship and needs time to grieve?” Danielle suggested.

  Katie snorted. “Hell no. She doesn’t need to grieve that jackass.”

  My mouth opened reflexively, but I closed it without speaking. My conditioned response when Katie mentioned Adam was to either defend him or change the subject. But I didn’t need to do that anymore. What a relief.

  “No,” Katie continued. “I think she already has her eye on another guy.”

  “No, I don’t,” I mumbled. At least not anymore. Katie had stayed at Wyatt’s place the entire weekend, so she didn’t know about my would-be date with Jake or about him blowing me off.

  “Don’t listen to her,” Katie told Destiny and Danielle. “She was all about Jake at the draft party and at TOTS on Friday.”

  “Jake? Jake who?” Destiny’s nose scrunched up as she racked her brain to connect the name Jake with a player on the football team like I had done.

  Princess Buttercup hissed at Katie as she tried to work a mat out of her hair, so Katie unceremoniously pushed the cat off her lap and onto the floor. “Jake Truitt. He sat out most of last season, but Wyatt is hopeful he’ll step into the number one wide receiver position now that Freddie’s gone.”

  Danielle tapped her chin. “His name sounds vaguely familiar, but I can’t place him.”

  “He’s hot.” Katie grinned. “Tall and wide receiver-esque.”

  Destiny whipped her head around toward Katie. “Wide receiver-esque? What the hell does that even mean?” I had the same question. If she meant handsome as hell and a body made for sin, then she’d nailed it.

  Katie shrugged. “It’s a body type. Anyway, he’s got these gorgeous eyes and chestnut hair, and he has the whole brooding thing down pat.”

  Destiny laughed. “Are you sure Rachel is the one who’s into him?”

  “You know I’m committed to Wyatt, but there are a ridiculous number of hot players on the team, and I’d be blind not to notice.” She paused. “Though Wyatt is the hottest.”

  Wyatt was undeniably good-looking. Once he went pro next year, companies were going to be after him to be in their advertising. He had the whole blond golden-boy thing going for him. But if Katie thought Jake was b
rooding, she needed to take a closer look at her own man. Wyatt could brood with the best of them.

  Jake hadn’t necessarily struck me as brooding, though. Perhaps that was because I’d been doing a bit of brooding myself lately. My pot wasn’t calling any kettles black.

  Destiny rested her chin in her hands. “I want to hear more about Jake.”

  “I only met him in passing once before last week,” Katie said. “It was Rachel who spent all night shoulder to shoulder with him while he helped her cut butterflies. Then there was the flirting at TOTS.”

  “Aw, he cut butterflies. That was sweet of him,” Danielle crooned.

  “He’s nice,” I said. Then I retrieved the remote and hit play in an effort to end the conversation.

  Destiny immediately jumped up and snatched it out of my hands. “You’re avoiding!” she squealed. “You’re totally into this guy.”

  I am… or at least I had been. “Nope. Katie is mistaken. He gave me a ride home, and we played some air hockey at TOTS. That’s it.”

  Destiny peered at me, trying to get me to squirm, but I maintained my neutral expression. She needed to up her interrogation skills if she wanted me to crack.

  “It can’t be a coincidence that you broke things off with Adam shortly after meeting Jake,” Katie protested. “And then you happen to steer us to TOTS, and we happen to run into him. Come on. Admit it.”

  She was totally right, but there was no way in hell I was going to cop to it. “I appreciated his help with the stupid butterflies. And it was fun hanging out on Friday. He’s a nice guy, but I don’t know what to tell you.” I shrugged. “That’s the end of it.”

  Though if I’d had my way, that wouldn’t have been the end of it. I’d been doing my best to shed my crappy mood, but thinking about Jake snubbing me brought out more bitter feelings. It was silly because like I’d told the girls, nothing had happened between us, no matter how much I might have wished otherwise.

  Katie studied me, and by the way her eyes narrowed, I could tell she saw through my nonchalant words. But to her credit, she didn’t say anything about it. “Okay. Let’s continue watching the documentary.”