The Substitute

by Sean Ashcroft

Contentment was rolling off him in waves, like a physical force, and Flynn just wanted to bask in that feeling for as long as he could. He was so damned comfortable with Zach. More comfortable than he’d realized was possible.

  For once in his life, someone liked him for who he was, not what he was doing for them. Sure, he was doing a lot for Zach, but Zach hadn’t made him feel used, not once.

  That was so rare that Flynn barely knew what to do with it.

  “So I’ll see you after class?” Zach asked, finishing the last of his bacon and pushing his chair away from the table. He lifted his plate to take it to the sink, and he didn’t have to do that, but… it was one of a million tiny things he’d done that made Flynn like him even more.

  Zach felt like someone he could be with. For the first time in his life.

  “Yeah,” he said. “You go, I’ll clean up.”

  “Are you sure? I’ve got time,” Zach said, glancing at the clock on the microwave.

  “I’m sure,” Flynn responded. “Go. Don’t be late for class. I’ll be here when you get back.”

  “Naked?” Zach asked hopefully, his eyes lighting up.

  “Maybe.” Flynn beamed at him, thrilled that Zach might want him that way. “You’ll have to wait and see.”

  Zach rolled his eyes, but set his plate back down and walked around the table to peck Flynn on the cheek. “I’ll be back soon,” he murmured in Flynn’s ear, the soft brush of his breath making Flynn shiver.

  He could get used to this.

  Sitting back, he watched Zach grab his backpack from where he’d left it by the door, wave goodbye, and then disappear out into the hallway. The door swung closed with a thud, and the tiniest pang hit Flynn square in the gut.

  He missed Zach already.

  Laughing at himself, he stood and took their plates to the sink. To his surprise, halfway through washing the dishes, he caught himself humming.

  Things were good.

  All they had to do now was keep their story straight for the weekend, and then they’d have all the time in the world to really get to know each other. Flynn could hardly wait.

  Chapter Twenty

  “I can’t believe that after promising me you’d be naked you’re actually wearing more clothes than when I left,” Zach complained as he collapsed onto the couch, looking up at Flynn appreciatively. The deep purple shirt he was wearing looked incredible on him, like every shirt he owned seemed to.

  He knew how to dress.

  Unfortunately.

  “I said maybe,” Flynn defended, moving to sit down beside him. “I had to do a video call with a client. But there’s always the chance I’ll be naked later, if you play your cards right.”

  Zach snorted. “Okay, fine, I’ll be on good behavior for potential nudity.”

  “How was class?” Flynn asked, spreading his arms along the top of the sofa cushions. Zach decided to take that as an invitation, kicking his shoes off and curling up beside him, resting his head against Flynn’s shoulder.

  His heart swelled as Flynn’s arm dropped, landing on his neck, thumb stroking idly. Simple, gentle contact.

  This was nice.

  The quiet intimacy was everything Zach wanted from a relationship. He couldn’t wait to get over this one last hurdle and then just be with Flynn. Then they could have this all the time.

  “Good. Interesting. I feel like I’m… learning. For once. Like it’s finally useful to hear things about theory and technique and all that. I dunno if that makes any kind of sense to you.”

  “No, I get it,” Flynn said. “You need experience for information to be useful.”

  “Exactly, yeah.” Zach snuggled a little closer, happily breathing in Flynn’s familiar cologne and the scent of clean skin under it. “So… how did we meet?”

  Flynn chuckled. “I could ask you the same question,” he said.

  “Let’s think about what we have in common?” Zach suggested, though he realized as he said it that he wasn’t really sure of the answer.

  “You mean aside from my asshole brother?” Flynn asked. “I dunno. Where do people meet, anyway?”

  Zach paused to think about that, unsure what the answer was. “I, uh… met Aiden through a hookup app, so…”

  “Oh,” Flynn said.

  He sounded… disappointed?

  Zach’s stomach tightened up. He wasn’t ashamed of it, but he could see why Flynn might not like it.

  It suddenly seemed weird that they’d spent so many hours talking, like they were the oldest of friends, but they didn’t even know the basics about each other like where they could realistically have met.

  The only thing they did have in common was being hurt by Aiden.

  “Sorry,” Zach murmured. “I know that’s not helpful.”

  The urge to apologize made his stomach tighten up even more, because what he wanted to hear was…

  “No need to apologize,” Flynn said. “I know hookup apps exist. I’m not a baby.”

  That wasn’t what he’d intended to apologize for, but it was good to hear all the same. It was what he wanted to hear. Reassurance that this wouldn’t be the thing that was too much for Flynn.

  Crap, Aiden really had broken him. He was afraid to tell Flynn what he was really like because he expected to hear that it wasn’t good enough, or to be ignored, or to be dumped for being too complicated or needy or… something.

  All he could think about when he looked at a man he liked was how to win their approval. Which wasn’t exactly a great starting point for a serious, fulfilling relationship.

  “I guess you don’t need them,” Zach said, trying to push aside the creeping dread that Flynn would break up with him if he was any more difficult than he was already being.

  Flynn laughed, which went some of the way to soothing the worst of Zach’s worries. “Not so much that I don’t need them, I just can’t imagine having sex with a stranger,” he said. “I mean, it’s totally fine that you can, I just… don’t get it.”

  “Which is also totally fine,” Zach responded, breathing a sigh of relief. They had wandered into personal territory, and that was why everything had suddenly felt tense and strange.

  That, and the fact that Aiden was hanging over this relationship like the goddamn sword of Damocles, suspended by a single hair and destined to come crashing into their lives someday.

  He was Flynn’s brother. As much as Zach hated to think about it, Aiden was coming back someday. Maybe not tomorrow or the next day, but… he’d always be blood to Flynn.

  What Zach was most afraid of, he realized, was that Aiden would ultimately be more important to him. Because they were family. And because Aiden was the only family Flynn had left.

  “I wanted to say…” Flynn began, stroking Zach’s neck again. The gentle contact was just enough to force the thought of Aiden from his mind. “It, uh… it means a lot to me that you were my first. I couldn’t have asked for someone kinder.”

  A soft, happy sound rumbled in Zach’s chest. That was exactly what he needed to hear right now.

  He turned his head to kiss Flynn’s cheek, feeling some of the tension in his stomach ease off. Worries were fine, and normal, and they didn’t mean things wouldn’t be okay.

  If an Aiden-shaped bridge happened to come up later, they could work out how to cross it then.

  “So how about a gallery opening?” Flynn asked. “Do you go to those?”

  “Uh… yeah?” Zach responded. “If I’ve got a piece in it, or a friend does, or there’s something I wanna see.”

  “Not for the free wine?” Flynn asked, nuzzling the top of Zach’s head.

  Zach chuckled. “I consider the free wine a bonus perk. So you’ve… been to those, too?”

  “Uh. My ex took me to a couple,” he said. “She was into reading articles on the internet about what constituted an interesting date and then making us both go on them whether we liked it or not.”

  “Holy shit,” Zach said in response. “I… how long did you date her?”
>
  “Nearly a year,” Flynn said. “Looking back… not sure how that happened. I guess… I guess I was lonely, and I didn’t… hate her, or anything. I think we were just clinging to each other.”

  “I wouldn’t have lasted that long.”

  Flynn shrugged. “It was mostly fine. We didn’t do anything super weird. I actually kinda liked the gallery openings.”

  “For the free wine?”

  “For the free wine,” Flynn confirmed. “I had a good conversation with one of the artists, though. He gave me his number. I couldn’t work out why at the time.”

  Zach blinked, amazement at how oblivious Flynn managed to be filling his entire brain for a moment, pushing out all other thoughts. Laughter welled up in his chest, and he couldn’t stop himself from chuckling at the thought of Flynn quietly accepting some poor man’s number and not realizing what was going on, maybe not even realizing that he’d been flirting the entire time.

  Like the barista.

  Flynn obviously made a habit of breaking little gay hearts wherever he went. Without ever meaning to.

  “I know now,” Flynn defended. “Just… took me a while. I figured gay guys would have better taste.”

  Zach snorted. “Better taste than tall, dark, and handsome?” he asked, shifting his position so he could look Flynn in the eyes.

  By the time he turned around, the tips of Flynn’s ears were glowing.

  “Well, when you put it like that…” A tiny smile danced around Flynn’s lips. He was stunning when he was happy, especially when he felt flattered.

  It wasn’t hard to imagine some other artist, somewhere, desperately wanting to see him again.

  “Anyway, I was thinking we could just… replace that guy with you. Since that way it’s kind of a true story?” Flynn suggested.

  “This… isn’t the worst idea I’ve ever heard,” Zach admitted, thinking back to all the times he’d been desperately flirting with unavailable men in art galleries.

  He’d done more of that in his life than he cared to admit.

  “Handsome and smart,” Flynn joked.

  “You laugh, but you are both of those things,” Zach said, looking Flynn in the eyes.

  He wanted Flynn to see what he saw. The kind, warm, gentle man who deserved the world.

  “Thanks,” Flynn said, blushing all over again.

  “So about that potential nudity…” Zach began, a smile spreading over his features as he shifted closer to Flynn. “Have I been well-behaved enough for you?”

  “I didn’t think you were serious,” Flynn replied, shifting his weight. “You really want…?”

  “You?” Zach finished for him. “Absolutely.”

  Flynn wet his lips, looking at Zach, and then glancing over to the bedroom door. “Okay,” he agreed. “Yeah, I’d… I’d like that.”

  Grinning, Zach stood up off the couch and offered Flynn his hand, squeezing his fingers once he took it.

  For the moment, everything else could wait.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  By the time Friday evening rolled around, Flynn’s stomach was in knots.

  After about a hundred checks in the mirror— his hair, his shirt, the evenness of his shave, and a dozen other tiny details—he’d finally convinced himself to leave his apartment and head to the restaurant Zach had texted him the address of. Now, he’d been standing outside it like an idiot for ten minutes, and there was another ten to go before the actual time they were supposed to meet at.

  Playing puzzle games on his phone was doing absolutely nothing to calm his nerves, either. What if he screwed this up? What if he said the wrong thing and Zach lost both his school funding and the trust of his grandma in one evening?

  The thought made Flynn feel sick. It would’ve been one thing if they got caught out before they were married. Or even after, but before they’d become…

  Friends.

  Boyfriends, he thought, though he was beginning to wonder if that was a mistake, too. Not because he didn’t like Zach, but because he had the power to screw up his entire life with one wrong word.

  Because Zach deserved better than the other brother. Better than a substitute.

  And that was nerves talking, and Zach would have told him he was being stupid, and then for good measure he would have called Callie and had her tell him he was being stupid, but that didn’t stop him thinking it. Inside his own head, left to his own devices, he couldn’t stop himself.

  “Hello, handsome,” a familiar voice said, and Flynn looked up to see Violet smiling at him. He smiled back, glad to have the relief from his own thoughts even if this was the moment when he had to face his fears.

  The thing was, he liked Violet. Lying to her had been uncomfortable from the get-go, but he’d done it because Zach had cried in his arms and he was a sucker for anyone who did that, and, well…

  He didn’t regret it, exactly, he just wished…

  He wished they’d met differently. Without Aiden’s involvement. Aiden had a way of cursing everything he touched, and at one point Flynn had thought he was just unlucky, but now he was starting to see that it was because he was him.

  Which Flynn hoped didn’t say anything about his future potential as a parent.

  “You look great,” Flynn said, figuring Violet had started with the compliments, and therefore it was okay to pass one back. She made a gracious, approving nod, so he was probably right about that.

  “I take it Zach’s late?” Violet asked, clearly unsurprised. “You know, I got him a watch when he was twelve. It never helped.”

  Flynn chuckled. “I usually don’t notice,” he said. “He just… shows up when he shows up. I’ve never given him a time.”

  All of that was true, so he wasn’t really lying. Even if he was implying that he’d known Zach longer than he actually had.

  “He needs a window,” Violet said, understanding in her tone. “I guess you got the hang of him quickly. Let’s go inside and drink all the wine on him.”

  Flynn laughed again, offering Violet his arm, and telling himself that maybe things would be okay, that he hadn’t screwed up yet, that he could get through this and everything would be okay and nothing bad would happen.

  Zach showed up five minutes later, when Flynn had nervously sipped his way through half a glass of wine already, and kissed both of them on the cheek before sitting down.

  Some of the worry in Flynn’s gut eased off.

  “Flynn was just telling me all about your studio,” Violet said. “Which I’m hoping to see this weekend.”

  Zach blushed, glancing over at Flynn, but smiling. “I think I could find some time,” he said. “I have to watch the market stall on Sunday, so I was hoping maybe one or both of you would want to come with me?”

  “I’ll come,” Flynn volunteered, not wanting Zach to feel like he wasn’t interested in spending more time with him. They were both working around hectic schedules right now while Zach dealt with school and Flynn dealt with the post-summer rush of clients, people coming back from vacations and spending time with their family who had the sudden urge to fix their web presence.

  It happened every year, but there were more of them every year. That was the price of success, he supposed, and it meant he got to pick and choose the best projects for himself and then refer the others to people who he knew needed the work, but it meant spending a lot of time deciding what he wanted to do. And taking on extra work out of fear that he wouldn’t make it through the lean holiday season.

  Callie had described him as being like a squirrel storing acorns.

  She probably wasn’t wrong. He did that with a lot of things.

  “I’d love to,” Violet said. “I’d love to see people appreciating your work.”

  Flynn smiled, partly because he was proud of Zach and wanted to see that, too, but also because if Violet saw that Zach was making a living, maybe she wouldn’t worry so much about him.

  That was probably why Zach had asked in the first place. Hell, it wasn’t impossibl
e that he’d made sure he’d be on the stall this weekend. Flynn couldn’t remember whether or not he’d mentioned actually changing the roster, but he remembered Suki talking about it.

  Zach was smart. More than smart enough to plan something like this, and he desperately wanted his grandma to be proud of him.

  “Great.” Zach grinned at both of them. “I thought about trying to get out of it, but I figured I could still spend time with my two favorite people and not let my friends down at the same time.”

  Flynn shifted his weight, squirming at being called one of Zach’s two favorite people. He knew it was probably just for show, but it was nice, anyway.

  “You’re a good boy, Zach,” Violet said. “I’m proud of you.”

  Now it was Zach’s turn to shift his weight bashfully. “That’s all I want,” he said softly, and everything about the way he said it told Flynn it was true.

  Zach deserved for people to be proud of him, and Flynn promised himself that he’d make sure he knew that he was proud. Proud to be seen with him, proud of his work, proud of the decisions he’d made and the way he’d made a life for himself.

  The conversation turned to the menu, and then to Zach’s day in class, and Flynn felt himself relaxing as he went back to sipping his wine and letting the sound of Zach and Violet’s voices flow over him while he ate happily.

  This was nice. He couldn’t figure out why he’d been so worried now that they were here.

  “So, Zach never told me how you two met,” Violet said while they waited for dessert, and Flynn couldn’t stop himself from laughing.

  He was glad now they’d taken the time to come up with a plausible story.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, realizing he probably shouldn’t have laughed at that. “It’s just… I was so oblivious. We were both at a gallery opening and we talked and talked and talked, Zach told me about a piece he had in the exhibition, and then he gave me his number and I couldn’t… figure out why. At all. Until I asked my best friend and she explained to me that I was being flirted with.”

  Flynn looked over at Zach, smiling fondly. “I couldn’t believe someone like him would be interested in someone like me.”