The Substitute

by Sean Ashcroft

  “And I was shocked when you actually texted me,” Zach said. “Because I really thought you were just being polite when you accepted my number.”

  “I was.” Flynn smiled wryly, really getting into the story now. He could absolutely do this. He could play the part of doting husband for Zach.

  Because he liked Zach.

  Because one day, maybe, he might have liked to be his doting husband, for real. It was too soon to think that, obviously. Way too soon, despite the fact that they were, technically, already married.

  But Zach made him happy. When he wasn’t hopelessly nervous, he was starting to feel like he wasn’t just a replacement for Aiden, like he wasn’t second best, like Zach wasn’t just hanging around because he needed Flynn.

  It felt so good that Flynn could barely contain it. He wanted to laugh and grin all the time, tell the whole world how lucky he was.

  “You two are made for each other,” Violet said, rolling her eyes, but still smiling. “I’m glad to see Zach so happy. He’s glowing. I’ve never seen him quite like this before.”

  Flynn hoped some part of that was down to him. He knew Zach was mostly glad his future was on track, but… he really hoped that Zach saw Flynn as a part of his future, maybe, too.

  There was no rush. They could afford to take their time once they’d convinced Violet that they were both happy and that this would last.

  It made sense that she was suspicious, after all. She’d met Flynn for the first time on the day he’d married her grandson.

  And they had been faking it then.

  But now…

  Well, it was still early days. And all the excitement Flynn was feeling might just have been a new relationship high.

  All the same, he couldn’t see himself wanting to be with anyone else in the near future. Zach was special.

  Hell, he had to be if he’d been responsible for Flynn figuring out he was bi, didn’t he? If nothing else, Flynn would always be grateful to him for that.

  “Yeah,” Flynn said. “Yeah, I think we are.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Zach laughed as he pushed Flynn through the front door of his apartment, heart soaring at how well the evening had gone and how nice it’d been to walk home with Flynn, shoulders brushing, hands grazing against each other from time to time, the crackling intimacy between them building and building on the way.

  He pulled Flynn in by the front of his shirt, their lips crashing into one another, laughter making the kiss awkward and messy but no less enthusiastic. No less good.

  They were going to get through this. They were going to get through this, because Flynn was amazing, and he took so much care of Zach, and Zach didn’t even begin to deserve him.

  “You did great,” he murmured. “You were incredible. You had her eating out of your hand.”

  Flynn blushed prettily in response, and Zach loved it when he did that. He was coming to adore everything about him.

  Every time he looked at Flynn, he felt his heart opening up to him, bruised and battered as it was. All of him knew that it’d be safe to hand it over, to give it to Flynn to protect and keep, and he wanted that.

  He wanted to drag Flynn to bed, and fuck him into the mattress, and tell him he loved him.

  Because he did.

  The light in the kitchen flicking on made Zach jump. Did Flynn have automatic lights? He hadn’t noticed before…

  His stomach turned as he felt Flynn go stiff under his hands. Something was wrong. The lights weren’t automatic.

  “Wow,” a familiar voice said from the kitchen. “Didn’t take you long to move on, huh?”

  Aiden.

  Zach swallowed, closing his eyes tight and only barely fighting the urge to bury his face in Flynn’s chest, beg for his warmth and kindness and protection.

  “Hey,” Flynn said, warning in his tone. “You’ve got a lot to answer for. First of all, you owe Zach an apology.”

  “Sure, yeah, I’m really sorry I left you in the path of my brother, who seems to think he can just… steal my boyfriend?” Aiden said.

  Zach turned, anger welling up in his chest. “You walked away,” he said, the sting of tears pricking at his eyes. “You ran away and left Flynn to clean up your mess.”

  “So you just jumped on his dick?” Aiden asked, pulling a face. “Jesus. I knew you were desperate, but I didn’t know you were that desperate.”

  The anger turned to cold fear, settling in the pit of Zach’s stomach.

  “Don’t talk to him like that,” Flynn said. “You’re responsible for the mess you left him in. I stepped in to fix it, like I always do. If you’re mad about this, you only have yourself to blame.”

  “Oh my god you married him,” Aiden said, turning his attention to Flynn. “You’re a bigger idiot than I thought.”

  Zach wanted to say that Flynn wasn’t an idiot, that he was good, and kind, and ten times the man Aiden could ever hope to be, but he was too busy being frozen to the spot to do any of that.

  This was what he’d been afraid of. Aiden coming back was his personal nightmare, and he’d known it was going to happen sooner or later, but the timing couldn’t have been worse.

  “He dragged me into this just so he could con his grandma into paying for art school and you went and fell for it in what? A few hours? And Callie says you let me use you.”

  “He’s not using me,” Flynn said, though his confidence seemed to be fading. He didn’t sound sure.

  Zach’s heart sank. He’d been literally seconds too late to tell Flynn he loved him. If he said something now, it’d be like confirming everything Aiden was trying to make him believe. It’d sound like he was just saying it to keep Flynn on-side.

  If he didn’t say anything, Flynn would probably think it anyway.

  Hell, he clearly did think it, and who could blame him? Zach had been desperate. This had been about convenience and getting what he wanted, in the beginning.

  It wasn’t now, but what had Zach done, exactly, to make Flynn believe that?

  Jumped on his dick. Like Aiden said.

  Which was also something he wanted. When had he ever asked Flynn what he wanted? Dammit, he had taken advantage, taken him for granted, just like everyone else in his life ever had.

  Flynn deserved better. He deserved more than that.

  “No, you just moved him out of his crappy shoebox apartment because this is true love,” Aiden said. “After what? A handful of weeks? And you’re not even gay.”

  Flynn opened his mouth, presumably to argue, but then shut it again.

  A lump formed in Zach’s throat. Was he having second thoughts about that, too?

  “I married him because you screwed up,” Flynn growled, but there was that unsure waver in his voice again. The one that made Zach’s heart clench. “Because you promised him a future and then ripped it away, and that wasn’t fair.”

  “Oh yeah?” Aiden asked, his gaze moving back and forth between the two of them, like a wolf picking a target. “What would Grandma Violet say if she knew this was all bullshit, huh? You think she’d be thrilled to know that her favorite grandson lied to her?”

  “You wouldn’t,” Zach said, though even as the words fell from his lips, he knew that Aiden would. It was written all over his face.

  He was mad about this situation, though whether that was because of Zach moving on or Flynn stepping in was impossible to tell. Either way, he clearly wasn’t about to just shrug and accept it.

  Which meant he wanted something.

  Which meant, almost certainly, that he was about to extort one or both of them.

  Probably Flynn. Like he always had. Flynn had been careful to avoid telling Zach exactly what Aiden had done in the past, but between hearing both of their stories, he could piece together that their relationship was all about give and take.

  In the sense that Flynn gave, and Aiden took, and took, and took, and he didn’t feel guilty or ashamed for a moment. Flynn was too kind to hate his brother, but Zach didn’t
quite feel the same way.

  Anyone who could be intentionally cruel to Flynn was obviously not a good person.

  Zach just wished he’d realized that about Aiden before they’d decided to get married. None of this would have happened if he’d just been smarter about all of it.

  “Why shouldn’t I?” Aiden asked. “It’d be for your own good. You’ll see. The minute, the second he doesn’t need you anymore, he’ll dump you like a sack of rocks. Like he did with me. He wasn’t interested in anything other than his grandma’s money.”

  “That’s not true,” Flynn responded, but Zach could hear the doubt. The creeping fear.

  It broke his heart, but it was also exactly what he deserved. While he was busy protecting his heart, he’d hesitated too long to let Flynn in, and now it was too late.

  The things Aiden was saying had done exactly the kind of damage they’d clearly been intended to. Flynn looked lost and confused, and any move Zach made to comfort him would be turned against him.

  Because Aiden was Flynn’s family, and Zach wasn’t, aside from legally. Aiden acted the way he did because he knew he could rely on Flynn to take his side, to help him out, to be the responsible older brother. No matter what.

  “Yeah?” Aiden asked. “I’ve still got grandma’s number from when Zach used my phone to call her.”

  No. No, no, no.

  No.

  Zach could see exactly where this was going, and he couldn’t stop it. There was nothing he could say or do to stop Aiden if Aiden was determined to go through with this.

  “So how about we get a little honesty out of Zach, here,” Aiden said, taking his phone out and tapping on the screen a few times. “Here’s the deal. I’m gonna call her and introduce myself, tell my side of the story. I dunno what you two said, but I’m betting it’s not well, we met last night…”

  Blood pounded in Zach’s ears.

  Aiden could ruin this. He could ruin everything, with one phone call, and he was apparently just vindictive enough to do it.

  “What did I do to you?” Zach asked, tears welling up in his eyes.

  Aiden glanced at Flynn. “That’s my brother,” he said meaningfully.

  Zach’s head spun. This wasn’t about him. This was about Flynn.

  About someone maybe, for once, being more important to Flynn than Aiden was. After all, from Aiden’s point of view, Flynn had taken Zach’s side. Even though they hadn’t known each other before Aiden walked away.

  And he was selfish, and childish, and Flynn belonged to him, in his mind. Zach was trying to take that away.

  Which, obviously, was unacceptable.

  “So if you had a choice between walking away from Flynn right now and me calling grandma and telling her the truth…”

  Zach bit his lip.

  He couldn’t make a decision like that. Getting his MFA had been his dream, the chance to show the whole world that he knew what he was doing, that his work was good. To prove to his parents that he wasn’t making stupid choices, to make something of his life.

  To keep doing the thing he loved most. It was his future, and he’d cared a lot more about losing that than losing Aiden.

  But now…

  Now Flynn felt like his future, too.

  Except, well…

  Flynn was unsure. Even now, he was looking at Zach like he expected rejection, like he knew how this was going to play out.

  And Zach had used him. He knew that now. Maybe he hadn’t meant to, but he’d jumped at every chance Flynn offered him, because he’d been willing to take what he wanted, and that made him no better than Aiden.

  Flynn would have been better off without him. If he wasn’t good enough for Aiden, he sure as hell wasn’t good enough for a man like Flynn.

  He wasn’t good enough for anyone. Art was all he had.

  “I’ll go,” Zach said, his voice breaking. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Flynn.

  Flynn, who was easily the best man he’d ever known. The best chance he’d ever had.

  Which was why it could never have lasted. Zach just didn’t get that lucky. Flynn would have found someone else.

  If he told himself that enough times, maybe it’d stop his heart from breaking.

  He was being a coward about this, and he knew it, but it was the safe option. He’d always have his degree when he finished it.

  There was no guarantee that he’d always have Flynn. Especially not now, not when the seeds of doubt had been planted in his head. By none other than his own brother.

  “Zach,” Flynn said softly, and Zach could hear his heart breaking, and that was too much.

  He turned without looking at either brother and headed for the door, waiting until he was outside to let the first tears fall.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  “I don’t know if there’s enough hot chocolate in the world for this,” Callie said as she shoved a mug over the table at Flynn. “So there’s a shot of whiskey in this one.”

  “Thanks,” Flynn smiled wryly. He wasn’t sure how much it’d help, but he figured it couldn’t hurt.

  Nothing could hurt more than the gaping hole where his heart had been up until last night.

  Maybe that was being a little dramatic, but… it definitely felt like his heart had been ripped out. He’d been so sure about Zach.

  “It’s okay if you cry,” Callie added, sitting down opposite him. “I’m used to it.”

  Flynn had cried. He’d closed himself in his room and left Aiden to the pull-out couch, because even after everything, he was too soft to tell him to get the hell out of his apartment. Aiden didn’t have anywhere else to go.

  That was why he had a key. Why he’d always had a key. So he’d always have somewhere to sleep, a place to shower, and food to eat.

  And no matter how much Flynn gave, it was never enough.

  He couldn’t even have one good thing without Aiden wanting to take it away from him. Even when it was something Aiden had already discarded.

  And then there was Zach, who Flynn had really believed…

  Had it really been all about using him?

  “I’m all cried out,” Flynn responded, sipping his hot chocolate. “I’m done, Callie. I can’t have nice things. The world’s told me that often enough, maybe it’s time I accepted it.”

  “Or,” Callie began. “Maybe it’s time to tell Aiden to take a hike.”

  Flynn looked up at her. This had been her mantra since they were kids, even before Flynn’s mom had died. At one point, Flynn had even thought it was jealousy.

  But it wasn’t. Aiden ruined everything he touched.

  “Too late. Zach chose, and it wasn’t me,” Flynn said, unable to keep the bitterness from rising in his throat all over again.

  “He should never have had to choose.” Callie reached out over the table to take Flynn’s hand. “You knew when you met him that you were doing this for his MFA. You knew that. And Aiden must have realized you knew, too.”

  “Doesn’t stop it hurting.”

  Callie was right, of course. Flynn had been mad about that, too. That Aiden had walked into his house and forced his boyfriend to make an impossible choice, knowing that the only sensible one was to walk away.

  And Flynn had played right into his hands, because he was an insecure sucker so desperate to be loved and have a family that he couldn’t do anything else.

  “Did you ever tell him you were in love with him?” Callie asked.

  “I’m not-” Flynn began automatically, the words catching in his throat. He was.

  He was in love with Zach. For the first time… maybe ever, he felt like he’d found someone he could have a real future with.

  Someone who could be family.

  Aiden couldn’t have known that, but… he wouldn’t have taken the chance that it might be true, either. He knew Zach was sweet, and nice, and everything Flynn wanted.

  Hell, he couldn’t even have had much time to come up with a plan. He was just naturally as cruel and selfish as he’d
shown himself to be, and Flynn had still let him sleep on his couch, and…

  Flynn realized, slowly, what Callie had been trying to tell him for years.

  Aiden was the problem. Aiden was his own problem, and Flynn had been living his life around him since they were kids, and it wasn’t fair.

  Anything he might have owed Aiden had been paid back a thousandfold by now.

  “Crap,” Flynn said, his fingers tightening around the mug he was holding. His thumb traced the top of the handle, remembering the shape of one of Zach’s mugs—a new design he’d told Flynn he was testing, that he’d just left in the apartment because he could do that.

  And Flynn had been so happy, because it’d been…

  It’d been like having a family again. It was like the few times he’d lived with Callie, warm and comfortable and easy.

  Aiden had never been easy. Flynn walked on eggshells around him all the time. So much so that he didn’t know how to do anything else.

  Except he did know.

  “You look like a man on the verge of a revelation,” Callie prompted. “Care to share?”

  “I love Zach,” he said. “And Aiden’s the problem.”

  Unexpectedly, Callie smiled and squeezed his hand. “Good,” she said. “I’m glad you figured that out for yourself, ‘cause I would have had a helluva time convincing you.”

  Flynn drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, the tightness in his chest easing off for the first time since he’d heard Aiden’s voice last night.

  He’d been scared from the first moment he saw him in the kitchen. If nothing else, that should have told him everything he needed to know.

  You weren’t supposed to be afraid of family. Even if it was just fear of disappointing them. Or fear of losing them.

  If Aiden loved him the way a brother was supposed to, he wouldn’t have been afraid. It was as simple as that.

  “What do I do?” Flynn asked. Even knowing all this, he had no idea how to start fixing it.

  “That part’s up to you. Because now you’ve got to make a choice. You have to choose between being afraid of losing Aiden, and actually losing Zach.”

  Flynn swallowed.

  He’d figured that was coming.