Instant Family

by Donna Gartshore

  She also realized that, with Ben’s encouragement, she was rediscovering her own traits of strength and commitment. After Trevor left, she had forgotten those things about herself and it felt very good to unearth them again.

  She had come to Silver Lake to find healing, and it felt like she was well on her way to finding it...and perhaps more. She murmured a heartfelt thank-you.

  “Who are you talking to, Mom?” Rae had returned to her art and had been working happily on it, unmindful of the battering elements outside.

  “I’m talking to God.” Frankie reached out an arm and scooped Rae into a side hug. It felt so good to say that.

  “Oh, okay.” Rae nodded sagely. “He’s pretty nice to talk to.”

  Frankie laughed and squeezed Rae tighter, breathing in the scents of waxy crayons, chocolate and cinnamon, until her daughter protested and wiggled away.

  “Oh, I thought about Danny spending time with Al,” Rae said breezily over her shoulder as she perused the fridge for a snack.

  “And?” Frankie prompted cautiously.

  “I guess it would be okay, but I think I should be there to keep an eye on things.”

  Frankie smiled, once again feeling profoundly grateful. “I’m sure we can figure something out. Thanks, Sweet Pea. You’re a good person.”

  Rae took a huge bite into an apple and nodded. She chewed, swallowed and said, “I like to think so.” She added, “I’m bored. I wish it would stop raining.”

  “Me, too,” Frankie admitted. “Should we play a card game or something?”

  They had just started to deal out the cards for a game of crazy eights when Rae suddenly went very still and tilted her head.

  “Listen,” she whispered. “Do you hear?”

  “What?” Frankie asked.

  “Hear the quiet? I think it’s stopped raining!”

  She flew to the door and flung it open, and cried excitedly over her shoulder, “It stopped! It stopped raining!”

  She threw her arms open wide, as if to embrace the world.

  “It smells great out here, Mom. Can I go outside?”

  Frankie laughed. “I guess so. Make sure you put something on your feet, though. It will be mucky out there.”

  Rae quickly obeyed and was soon outside, clomping merrily in puddles.

  It seemed to Frankie that the way the storm had raged and then just as quickly dissipated reminded her of the way her dark feelings had begun to flee, even though she had felt they would never leave her.

  She didn’t want to become too preoccupied with the activity in the other cabin, but she guessed that Ben and Al would be out the door soon, as the older man would be more than ready to break free from the cabin. She could only imagine how the past few hours had gone with them cooped up inside while a disruptive storm raged around them.

  Sure enough, it wasn’t long before they appeared on their deck. Frankie saw Ben notice her and wave. She waved back, and he beckoned for her to come outside.

  “Sorry for getting you outside in this mess of mud,” he said when she reached him. “But the temptation of a friendly face was too much.”

  “That’s okay,” Frankie said, glad that he’d waved her over. “I imagine it wasn’t very much fun being cooped up with your dad.”

  “Not so much, no.”

  Ben knelt to tie Al’s shoes for him and said, “I trust you ladies got along all right?”

  “We did. I had a chance to talk to Rae about Danny spending time with you and Al.”

  Ben stood up. “Oh, really? What did she say?”

  “At first she wasn’t any too keen on the idea.”

  “I can understand that,” Ben said.

  “But she must have taken some time to think it over,” Frankie continued. “Because later she told me that she was okay with it. Provided,” she emphasized with some amusement, “that she be close by to make sure things go okay.”

  “I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Ben said, catching the amusement. He added in a more serious tone, “She’s a wonderful girl, Frankie. She really is.”

  Frankie’s eyes found Rae, who already had smudges of mud on both of her knees and a tiny, water-saturated twig lodged in her braid.

  Frankie sighed and shook her head, her heart clenched in love for her funny girl. Rae beamed back the sun in her wide smile.

  She turned back to Ben and had to swallow a lump in her throat when she saw the pure, open affection on his face. Here was a man who was not only kind to her but who truly cared about her daughter.

  “Hey,” he said gently, “you okay?”

  Frankie nodded and smiled. “Yes, I’m more than okay—I’m great.”

  Ben squeezed both of her hands quickly and gently in his and said, “That makes me happy.”

  Rae did a splashing dance over to them and announced that her next picture was going to be called After the Rain and then gleefully twirled through a puddle.

  If she had seen them holding hands, it did not appear to concern her in any way and Frankie felt even larger gems being strung on her necklace of hope.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Bright and early the next morning, Ben and Danny stood surveying the graffiti on the side of the Nature Center. To his credit, Danny looked thoroughly ashamed. Ben could only imagine how it must feel to face that angry piece of artwork in broad daylight with another person gauging it with you and without the cloak of anonymity.

  But it was time to get down to business. “Okay,” he said to Danny, “here’s how we’re going to start...” Ben’s hope was that it wouldn’t take long to get the boy confident enough to work on his own so that Ben could pop back to check on his dad. Even though Frankie had assured him that she would be fine with Al for as long as was needed, he didn’t feel right about neglecting his duties to his father for any length of time.

  Ben sighed and wondered if he would have that cloud hanging over him for the rest of his life: the feeling that no matter how much he did, it would never quite make up for what he hadn’t done. And the fact that he would never be able to hear from his father’s own mouth that he was forgiven for not making it home before Mom died.

  For the longest time, he had felt that was his burden to carry and he hadn’t even considered the possibility of sharing it with anyone else. Then Frankie had come along and he knew that, despite his best efforts to push any feelings away, something in him was beginning to change, and his yearning to open up and share his entire burden was growing stronger.

  “Like this?” Danny’s question interrupted his thoughts and Ben turned to see him awkwardly clutching a paintbrush like it was about to fly out of his hand and take on a life of its own.

  “Maybe just move your hand down a bit, like this.” Ben showed him. “Hold it firmly but don’t choke the life out of it.” He winked at Danny, who looked startled and then chuckled reluctantly.

  “Come on,” Ben said. “I’ll show you how it’s done and when you feel you’re ready, you can give it a go on your own. Sound fair?”

  Danny nodded. They worked side by side with Ben coaching and encouraging. He noticed the way the boy straightened his slumped shoulders and how he applied each stroke of paint with a bit more confidence and precision than the one before. He guessed that Danny hadn’t received much praise or encouragement lately and it was good to see a glimmer of the positive impact it could have.

  “Gran says I’m supposed to thank you and your family for helping me,” Danny mumbled when they stopped to drink some water.

  Ben thought about correcting him and explaining that he and Al were a family and that Frankie and Rae were a different family with no connection. But he found that the words stuck in his throat and ached. He took a sip of water and gave the boy’s shoulder a brief, friendly squeeze. “Ready to get back at it?”

  After another hour or so of working together, Ben in
troduced Danny to a couple of other workers who he knew would treat the boy fairly but firmly. He felt bad about leaving, but he had to know how his father was getting along and there was no sense denying that he wanted to see Frankie, too.

  When he got back to the cabins, Frankie was on his deck sipping from a cup. As he drew closer, he could smell the soothing, refreshing smell of peppermint.

  Ben had the thought that the sight of her, with the sun and shadow playing games on her finely boned face, brought its own comfort, and he found he wanted to pause and watch her, as she watched his father and Rae splashing in the puddles that were left over from rain.

  Al chortled as his stomping foot sent a splash of mud flying in all directions. Rae gleefully stomped a muddy retort.

  “Looks like we’ll both be hitting up the laundromat,” Ben observed as he approached the deck.

  Frankie’s face lit with a smile that caused a shift within him. It wasn’t a bad feeling, not at all. It was just one that he wasn’t entirely familiar with.

  “You’re back!” she said. “How did it go?”

  “Danny’s trying hard.” Ben eased himself into the other chair. “I believe he wants to do well. He, ah...” Ben hesitated, feeling inept at expressing himself.

  “He what?” Frankie asked.

  “He said to say thank you—he said his grandma wanted him to thank me and my family.”

  Frankie looked perplexed at his discomfiture, and then understanding altered her expression into one that reflected her own uncertainty.

  “You explained to him that we’re not a family?” she asked.

  Ben shrugged and shook his head. “I didn’t want to complicate things by getting into it.”

  “I see,” Frankie said softly, after a moment, in a tone that he couldn’t decipher.

  He prayed briefly for the right words.

  “Frankie,” he said. “Lately, maybe I have found myself wishing things could be different—wishing that maybe we could have pursued something, at least an ongoing friendship, but my situation with Dad is not going to change.”

  Emotion flared brightly on Frankie’s face.

  “I know that,” she said, in a steely, calm voice. “And I have Rae. I don’t recall doing or saying anything to make you think that I asked or expected anything of you.”

  The proclamations hung between them, and Ben wondered if they were preparing each other—and themselves—for the inevitable separation.

  They turned their attention to the mud frolickers. Frustration and regret swirled like a tidal wave through Ben. He didn’t know why the words that left his mouth never seemed to convey what he was really feeling inside. Maybe it was because he didn’t know himself what he truly wanted. To his surprise it was Frankie who murmured under her breath, “I’m sorry,” and gave his hand a quick squeeze.

  “You don’t have to be.” Ben squeezed back.

  “I understand about your father,” she said. “Trust me, I really do.” Color rose in her cheeks again as she added, “And I admit I wasn’t expecting to have as strong a connection with you as I do. Trust me when I say that’s the last thing in the world that was even on my radar when we came here.”

  She paused, and her face told Ben that it was important to her that he understood what she was saying.

  “I couldn’t imagine that I’d even want to be friends with a man after what my ex-husband did to me.” Here her voice splintered before she gathered herself again. “But I want you to know that I am glad that I’ve had the chance to get to know you.”

  Ben squeezed her hand again. “I appreciate that. I do believe that God lets things happen for a reason, even if the reason is just to help each other through a brief passage of time in our lives.”

  Frankie’s expression was reflective. “I suppose I’m starting to believe again that God has His reasons,” she said thoughtfully. “But I think sometimes those reasons just make me ask more questions.”

  “I don’t think any of us ever get past having questions,” Ben said. “I think that the fact that we keep seeking answers is what faith is all about.”

  Frankie nodded slowly. “That’s another thing I wasn’t sure I’d ever find again,” she said.

  “Mom,” Rae called over to them. “Al and I want to go for ice cream.”

  “Oh, Al and you, is that right?” Frankie teased.

  “That sounds like a good plan to me,” Ben said as he dug in his pockets for money. “My treat.”

  The weather favored them by staying warm and sunny, and after they got their ice cream, they continued to the beach. Ben and Frankie sat and watched as Al and Rae slowly patrolled the edge of the water looking for treasure.

  “They’re a good team,” Frankie said.

  “So are we,” Ben said, then darted a glance at her, hoping she would grasp the spirit he’d said it in. She didn’t respond, but she didn’t look upset, either.

  * * *

  Sleep had only taunted Frankie and she was out of bed early. Despite being tired, she chose to make peppermint tea, as she was sure that caffeine would only contribute to her already jangled nerves. All night conflicting thoughts about Ben had gone through her head, not in an orderly march but in a jumble of flips and backward somersaults. Despite the calm, accepting exterior that she showed him, her emotions were in turmoil as she anguished over what it meant for God to bring Ben Cedar into her life and to show her it was possible to have feelings again, only to remove him a short time later.

  She visualized the affectionate, probing expression in his eyes when he looked at her. She recalled the softness of his lips, and felt pleasure when she thought of his lopsided grin. But it was the person he was—his character and integrity—that she knew she would miss most of all.

  Carefully and quietly, so she wouldn’t wake Rae, Frankie took her tea and the Bible out to the deck. She opened it to Proverbs, and then just sat, with one hand resting lightly on it and the other one curved around her cup, letting the cool morning breeze and the scent of peppermint smooth away her tumbling thoughts.

  Ben’s cabin was dark and quiet, and she wondered what kind of night he’d had and what projects he would help Danny with today. Ben had said that he didn’t want to tie Frankie down to staying close by for his father every day, so he’d made arrangements for one of their family friends to sit with him for a while. Frankie had told him she didn’t mind, but he insisted.

  Morning meditations were becoming a habit again with Frankie, and she included Danny in her prayers now, as well as her usual prayers that the Lord would continue to protect and guide Rae and her, as well as to uphold Ben as he dealt with the daily challenges of caregiving.

  A couple of hours later Rae yawned and spooned cereal into her mouth as she slumped in her chair.

  “Sit up, please,” Frankie said.

  Rae gave a slow, lazy turtle blink and straightened up in her chair.

  “When is Danny going to come over?” she asked around a mouthful of cereal.

  “Chew and swallow, please,” Frankie said. “And I’m not sure. That’s up to Ben.”

  “Or we could invite him over.”

  “Do you want to?” Frankie asked, surprised.

  “We could,” Rae said. “He’s not that much fun right now, I don’t think, but I wasn’t either before doing art made me remember how to be happy again. So maybe he has poten...” Her face scrunched as she got the word out. “Potential.”

  “Maybe he does,” Frankie agreed, tucking in her smile. “You’re a good kid, Sweet Pea.”

  “Can I have some hot chocolate with breakfast then, please?”

  “No, we save that for stormy days.” Frankie crossed over and kissed her daughter’s hair.

  “You, miss, need a shampoo.”

  “I’ve been concentrating on my art,” Rae said solemnly.

  Frankie chuckled. “I see. T
hat reminds me—did you give Al the special picture you made for him?”

  Rae shrugged. “I took it over. Ben said Al was out of sorts, but he’d be sure to show it to him later.”

  “He will,” Frankie said. “If Ben says he will, he will.”

  “You think he’s the greatest.” Rae crinkled her nose, but before Frankie could answer, she began spooning cereal again, satisfied with her declaration.

  After Rae had scampered off to get ready for art class, Frankie considered the truth of her words. There was no doubt that she had become attached to Ben in ways that she had not anticipated, and she was still trying her best to fight those feelings because it wouldn’t do any good to prolong or develop them. Sure, there was an abundance of ways to keep in touch over distance these days, but the fact of the matter was that Ben hadn’t given her any indication that he had the desire to continue their contact. Instead, he had made it abundantly clear more than once that he had enough to deal with without adding a new relationship into the mix.

  Frankie sharply shook her head as if the thought was an image on an Etch A Sketch that she had to erase. Ben was not the only one who had neither the time nor the circumstances for a relationship.

  So why did she have to keep reminding herself?

  “I’m ready to go, Mom.” Rae came out of her room and Frankie was grateful for the reprieve from her speculations.

  “Okay, Sweet Pea. Off we go.”

  After she dropped Rae off, Frankie decided to walk by the Nature Center. She thought maybe she’d find Lydia, the center volunteer whom she hadn’t seen in a while. But her heart told her that what she truly wanted to do was to find Ben and see how he and Danny were getting along.

  As she approached the building, she noted that the fresh paint that adorned parts of it already made it look ten times better. Then, almost immediately, she spotted Ben with Danny and something peculiar happened to her heartbeat as another, much larger, piece of scar tissue disappeared.

  The boy was looking at Ben with an expression of rapt attention while Ben demonstrated the use of a smaller paint brush, gently dabbing it into a corner, then replenishing the brush and giving it to Danny to try.