Room on the Porch Swing

by Amy Clipston

  She suddenly felt as if the world were spinning faster and faster and she might float off into space. When would her world right itself? And how could she cope until it did?

  TWENTY-FIVE

  “We made you a surprise for breakfast,” Allen announced when she entered his kitchen the following morning.

  “Lala!” Mollie called from the high chair before scooping food into her mouth.

  “Hi, Mollie.” Laura set her tote bag on a kitchen chair before kissing Mollie’s head. Then she stepped over to the counter where Allen stood. “What’s the surprise?”

  Allen held up a pan with an exaggerated flourish. “A breakfast casserole!”

  A deep belly laugh escaped her lips, and his grin widened.

  “It has brot, egg, cheese, and bacon it in.” His face was filled with pride.

  “Why did you do that if you despise casseroles?”

  “I never said I despise them.” He cut a slice and placed it on a plate as he spoke. “I just grew tired of them. It’s like the expected bereavement meal, and at one point my refrigerator and freezer were stocked with all kinds of casseroles. I remember one evening wishing I had steak and potatoes instead of a hamburger casserole.” He sliced another piece. “But at the same time, I appreciated the generosity and love baked into every one.”

  She shook her head. “Love and generosity baked into the casseroles? That’s poetic.”

  He handed her one of the plates. “Here you go. A breakfast casserole to thank you for all your hard work.”

  “Danki.” Her smile dissolved as dread stabbed at her belly. Why had he made her breakfast? Was today her last day? Was Irma Mae ready to take the job back?

  “You don’t like breakfast casseroles?”

  “Oh, it’s not that. I was wondering what the occasion is.”

  “No occasion, really. Mollie and I were up early, and I remembered Savilla had a recipe for a breakfast casserole she used to make for us on Christmas Day.”

  Her chest constricted at the mention of her best friend’s name.

  He gave her an embarrassed smile. “I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

  Her heart warmed. “Danki.”

  “Gern gschehne.” He picked up the second plate. “Would you sit and eat with me before I go out to the shop?”

  “Of course.” She sat down across from him at the table and bowed her head in silent prayer. After a few moments, she dug into the casserole. “This is appeditlich. Maybe you should start doing the cooking.”

  He shook his head. “You’re just being nice.”

  “It really is gut.” She glanced over at Mollie, who ate while humming to herself. “How did she sleep last night?”

  “Fine.” He wiped his beard with a paper napkin. “I woke up at one and was convinced I’d heard her. But when I checked on her, she was fast asleep. I guess I was expecting to hear her, but she slept through the night.”

  “That’s great.”

  “How was your night?”

  Laura took a sip of coffee as she recalled her conversations with her brothers. “It was strange.”

  “Strange?”

  “I found out mei dat is seeing someone.”

  “Really?” Allen’s eyes widened.

  “Ya. He’s been seeing her for a month, and I was the last person to know.” She summarized the whole story.

  He placed his fork on his plate and looked at her, his eyes full of what looked like concern. “How do you feel about it?”

  “I don’t know.” She rested her arm on the table. “I was awake for a while last night just staring at the ceiling. My thoughts kept going and going, like a river. I kept thinking about all my favorite memories of my parents together. If mei dat marries Florence, she’ll sit in mei mamm’s chair. She’ll cook the meals and try to offer me advice. And she has a dochder and sohn living at home, so I’ll have a new schweschder and bruder. I don’t know how I feel about that. I guess that means Roy would take my room, and I’ll move back in with Cindy. Or maybe Sarah Jane would move in with Cindy, and I’d have to take the sewing room.”

  She pulled a deep breath through her nose as her thoughts turned to her sister. “I don’t think Cindy is taking this well. She left the room when Mark started talking about Florence. I went to check on her late last night, but she was asleep. I don’t know how she’ll adjust to all of this. She took mei mamm’s death the worst of all of us because she blamed herself for her accident a long time.”

  She sniffed and wiped at her eyes. “This is all so strange and scary. I know I should accept it because mei dat has a right to be froh.” She pointed at Allen. “Just like you have a right to be froh and move on when the time is right for you.”

  Something unreadable flashed in his eyes.

  “I feel selfish for even doubting mei dat’s decision to move on. It’s been more than a year, and he has the right to fall in love again. But why was I the last one to know? Why didn’t any of my siblings or mei dat think to tell me?” Her voice broke, and she covered her face with her hands. Oh no. Why did she have to get emotional in front of Allen again? Why couldn’t she keep it together until he went out to the shop?

  “Ach, Laura.”

  A chair pushed back, and a moment later she heard rustling beside her.

  “Laura.” His voice was warm and comforting beside her ear. “It’s okay to be upset. You’ve been through so much, and this is yet another change.”

  “I know.” She wiped her eyes with a napkin before looking up at him. “But Florence and her two younger kinner are coming to supper tonight.” She smiled as an idea formed in her head. “Why don’t you join us? I left a message for Rudy too.”

  He frowned. “Danki, but I don’t think that’s a gut idea.”

  “Why not?” She sniffed again. “You’re family, and I want Florence to meet all of the people who are important to me.”

  His expression warmed. “I appreciate that, but I’m not sure Mollie and I belong there. We’ll meet her if she comes to church with your dat, right?”

  “Ya, I guess so.” She slouched at the disappointment. She’d hoped Allen would come since he was a source of strength and confidence to her. Allen could help her get through this awkward and emotional supper tonight.

  Then Mark’s warning echoed through her mind. You’re getting too attached to Allen and Mollie.

  Mark was right. Not only had she become too attached to Mollie, but she’d allowed herself to get too close to Allen as well. Uneasiness flashed through her veins.

  “I think it’s great that Florence is coming to supper,” he continued, oblivious to her inner turmoil. “You’ll have to tell me all about her tomorrow.”

  “Okay.” She dismissed the disappointment.

  He pushed his chair back and moved to the other side of the table. “I better finish my breakfast and then go. I have a couple of customers stopping by to look at buggies today.”

  “That’s wunderbaar. Your business has been booming for months now.”

  When Allen headed outside, Laura set to cleaning up the kitchen. Her twin’s words intruded as she worked, but she rejected them. She would do her best to let go of her attachment to Allen and Mollie. Instead she would concentrate on just taking good care of Mollie. That was her job.

  Later that afternoon, Allen sat at his desk and worked on his accounting books. He’d sold two buggies that morning, bringing a grand total of five sold this week, and it was only Thursday. His business was a blessing, and he was grateful his grandparents had left him enough both in real estate and in cash to buy this business when he moved to Bird-in-Hand.

  If only he still had a wife with whom to share it.

  He tried to concentrate on his accounting books. But then Laura’s words from earlier filtered through his mind.

  I know I should accept it because mei dat has a right to be froh. Just like you have a right to be froh and move on when the time is right for you.

  Her words had punched him in the chest, sending h
is emotions spinning. But he’d fought to keep his reaction imperceptible, to keep a cover over his heart. The idea of moving on was equal parts terrifying and painful. How could he even consider moving on after losing Savilla less than a year ago?

  Eleven months.

  Where had the time gone?

  The harsh ring of the phone jolted him from his thoughts. He dropped his pen and picked up the receiver.

  “Bird-in-Hand Carriage Shop,” he said. “How may I help you?”

  “Allen. This is Rudy.” Rudy’s resentment sounded through the line. Or was Allen imagining his former friend’s hostility?

  “Hi, Rudy.” Allen plastered a smile on his face despite his growing dislike for how Rudy treated Laura. “How are you doing today?”

  “I’m fine, danki.” He paused. “Laura left me a message last night. I was wondering if I could speak to her.”

  “Of course. Let me go get her for you.”

  “Danki.”

  Allen set the receiver on his desk and hurried into the house. He found Laura leaning over the kitchen counter while perusing her mother’s favorite cookbook, the one she carried to his house daily.

  When he came up behind her, she jumped with a start and blew out a deep puff of air.

  “You startled me.” She placed one hand on her chest as she smiled. “I need to put a bell on you.”

  “I’m sorry.” He grinned, enjoying her smile. “Where’s Mollie?”

  She pointed toward the ceiling. “She’s fast asleep in her crib. It’s not so hot up there today, and she passed out shortly after lunch. So I came down here to see if I can find something easy I can put together for your supper.”

  “You have a special supper tonight at home. I can feed Mollie and me.” He pointed toward the door. “Rudy is on the phone for you in the shop.”

  “He is?”

  He followed her out to the shop and then entered the bay while she went into the office. He busied himself with arranging the tools in his large toolbox while he waited for her to come out. He hated the jealousy that swirled in his gut like acid. Rudy was her boyfriend! He had the right to call her.

  “Rudy said he’s going to pick me up at four.”

  Allen turned toward the doorway where she stood. “Oh. Okay.”

  She frowned. “I won’t be able to make you supper, then.”

  He fought his smile. “I promise you Mollie and I won’t starve.”

  “Right.” She nodded. “I’d better get back to work. I want to get the bathrooms cleaned before Mollie wakes up from her nap.”

  She was gone before he could respond.

  Allen finished his accounting books and then returned to the latest buggy he was set to refurbish. He was tearing down the suspension when he heard the clip-clop of horse hooves heading toward his shop. He grabbed a red shop rag and wiped his hands as he walked to the bay door. His jaw tensed as Rudy climbed out of his buggy.

  “Wie geht’s?” Allen called, hoping the greeting sounded friendly instead of irritated.

  “Hi.” Rudy gave him a halfhearted smile and sauntered toward the shop.

  “I didn’t realize it was four o’clock already.” Allen gestured toward the clock on the wall in his shop. “The afternoon went quickly.”

  “Ya, it did.” Rudy gestured toward the house. “I need to get Laura so we can make it to her parents’ haus on time.” He turned to go.

  “Wait,” Allen called after him.

  Rudy spun around, his brow pinched.

  “Can we talk for a minute?” Allen pointed the rag inside the shop. “I have a few things I’d like to say to you.”

  Rudy paused and then nodded. “Sure.”

  Allen stepped inside and sat down on a stool next to his buggy project.

  Rudy walked over to the buggy and ran his hand over the side of it. “Where did you get this?”

  “The man who owned it called me. His teenage sohn ran it into a ditch, and he asked me if I wanted to buy it from him.”

  Rudy looked over his shoulder at Allen. “You aren’t fixing it for him?”

  Allen shook his head. “No, he just wanted to sell it for parts. He bought his sohn a new one.”

  “Really? That’s awfully wasteful.”

  “I thought so, but it’s not my business. I can fix it for a couple hundred dollars and then sell it for more than that.” Allen’s irritation boiled as Rudy studied the buggy instead of looking at him. “Rudy, you’ve been mei freind since I moved here. I can’t stand the distance between us. What can I do to make it better?”

  Rudy gave him a dark look. “Stop acting like my girlfriend is your fraa.”

  Allen blanched as if he’d struck him. “We’ve been through this already. I’m not acting like Laura is mei fraa.”

  Rudy’s face flushed as his eyes narrowed. “Really? She’s stayed overnight for two and half months while caring for your kind.”

  Allen stood. “She isn’t staying overnight anymore. The bishop put an end to that.”

  “Well, it’s about time.” His smile was smug. “I was hoping he would.”

  Anger swirled in Allen’s chest like wasps as he stood and walked over to Rudy. “Why do you care about what Laura does?”

  “She’s my girlfriend.” Rudy pointed to his chest.

  Allen took another step toward Rudy, standing nose to nose as he stared into his dark eyes. “I know that, but why do you care what she does? You’re not supportive of her. Why are you dating her?”

  “I care about her.”

  “You care about her, but do you love her?”

  Rudy hesitated. “Ya, if it’s any of your business.”

  “If you love her, then why have you been stringing her along for four years? Why haven’t you married her? I dated Savilla for only two years before I married her. I knew when I first met her that she was the woman I wanted to make mei fraa.”

  “That’s none of your business.” Rudy’s eyes shimmered as he lifted his chin. “Maybe you need to worry about your own life and stay out of mine.”

  Allen’s hands balled into fists. He opened his mouth to spew a biting retort, but then Laura burst into the shop with Mollie in her arms.

  “Allen! You have to hear what Mollie just said!” She stopped short and divided a look between Allen and Rudy. Her smile fell, and she cleared her throat as she shifted Mollie on her hip and turned to Rudy. “Rudy, hi. I didn’t notice your buggy. Let me get my things.”

  Rudy glared at Allen and took a step back. “I’ll wait in the buggy.” Then he walked out of the shop.

  Laura looked up at Allen, her eyes wide. “What did I interrupt?”

  “Dat! Dat!” Mollie exclaimed.

  “Nothing.” He held his hands out to Mollie, and she reached for him. “You should get going.” He pulled Mollie into his arms, and she touched his beard as she started telling him a story of some kind.

  “Please tell me what happened.”

  “Let’s walk into the house.” Once they were in the kitchen, she spun toward him.

  “Please tell me what happened between you and Rudy.” Her eyes pleaded with him.

  “Don’t worry about it. You should just go.” He touched her arm. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  She bit her lower lip. “Are you upset with me?”

  He gave a sarcastic snort. “No. I could never be upset with you.” When she continued to hesitate, he added, “You’d better hurry up. Rudy is already angry with me, and I don’t want him to take it out on you.” She opened her mouth to protest, and he said, “Please, Laura. Just go. I promise we’ll talk tomorrow. Enjoy your supper.”

  “Okay.” Her voice was soft and shaky, as if she were holding back tears, and the sound tore at his heart. She gathered up her bag, kissed Mollie’s cheek, and headed for the door. “See you tomorrow.”

  Allen moved to the mudroom window and watched Laura climb into Rudy’s buggy. As the horse and buggy started down his driveway, he let out a deep sigh. Perhaps he should have made other arrangements
for help with Mollie instead of creating this mess of emotions for Laura.

  “Dat.” Mollie touched his cheek and smiled up at him. “Dat.”

  Allen’s heart warmed as he took in his baby’s beautiful face. “Ya, Mollie. We’re going to be just fine, right?”

  “Dat.” She rubbed his beard and then rested her head against his collarbone.

  “Ya, somehow we’ll be just fine.” Closing his eyes, he rubbed her back and hoped Rudy wouldn’t punish Laura for his caustic words.

  TWENTY-SIX

  Laura’s heart pounded as she climbed into the buggy, and her mind spun with questions. Rudy sat rigid, his eyes trained on the road ahead.

  “Hi.” She set her tote bag on the floor and smiled at him. “How was your day?”

  “Gut,” he responded, without taking his eyes off the windshield.

  “Danki for picking me up.”

  “Gern gschehne.” He guided the horse down the driveway without looking at her.

  She folded her hands in her lap and looked out the windshield. Worry consumed her. She couldn’t wipe the memory of Allen and Rudy standing nose to nose, their faces twisted in furious glares. Had they been arguing about her?

  She turned to Rudy and gnawed her lower lip. A deep frown carved into his handsome face, and the strain radiating off him was palpable.

  “Are you okay?” Her voice was timid, sounding more like a child’s than a woman’s.

  He responded with a curt nod.

  “Are you angry with me?”

  He blew out a deep sigh, but it did nothing to release the tension in his posture.

  They rode in silence for a few minutes, and when he halted the horse at a red light, she turned her body toward his.

  “Rudy, please talk to me. I can’t stand the silence between us.”

  Finally, he faced her. “Why are you helping Allen?”

  “You know the answer to that. He needs help with Mollie.”

  He gave her an unconvinced smile. “Tell me the truth, Laura. Are you doing it for Mollie or for yourself?”

  “I-I don’t understand.”

  “I’m not blind, but you’re making me look stupid. I see how Allen looks at you.”