Room on the Porch Swing

by Amy Clipston

  Stunned, she flinched. “What are you talking about?”

  “At least you’re not staying there overnight anymore. I’m glad I could put a stop to that.”

  She gasped, stunned as his words clicked into place. “You told the bishop?”

  He shook his head. “I had mei mamm tell him.” A coldness had crept into his voice.

  Laura’s body began to vibrate as fury at the betrayal unfurled in her belly, sliding through her veins like a snake. “How could you do that to me?” she said, seething.

  “Do you know how it looked having my girlfriend spend the night with a widower?” His voice held a sharp edge.

  “Ya, I do.” She nearly spat the words at him. “It looked like I was helping Mollie adjust. She lost her mamm, and then her mammi had an accident. I’m the only one who can console her at times.”

  “You’re not her mamm!” he said between gritted teeth, and she cowered. “And you’re not his fraa!”

  A car horn behind them tooted, and Rudy looked up at the green light before guiding the horse through the intersection.

  He gave her a sideways glance. “Would you like to be his fraa?”

  She blinked at him as the words echoed through her mind. “Why would I want to be his fraa?”

  “I don’t know,” Rudy snapped. “You were always envious of the relationship he had with Savilla. You told me once you wanted a marriage like that.”

  “What’s wrong with wanting a froh marriage? That’s what we all want, right?” A tremble of anxiety crept into her voice.

  He didn’t answer.

  “Don’t you want to marry me, Rudy?”

  His lips formed a thin line as he guided the horse onto Beechdale Road. His silence rang clear in her ears, and then it hit her like a ton of bricks—Rudy was never going to marry her. They would never have a future beyond this complicated, frustrating relationship.

  As her farm came into view, tears burned behind her eyelids, and despair scorched her throat. She opened her mouth to speak, but a thick knot of humiliation, disappointment, and hurt began to swell, making words nearly impossible. But she had to know. She had to ask.

  “You’re not going to marry me, are you?” Her words were thick as tears began to stream down her hot face.

  He halted the horse at the top of the drive and then turned toward her, his face lined with regret. “I’m not ready.”

  “You’re not ready to marry at all? Or just not ready to marry me?”

  “I don’t know.” He returned to staring out the windshield. “Mei mamm has been pressuring me to marry you for more than a year now, but I’m just not ready to ask you. It doesn’t feel like the right time.”

  “So what are we doing, then?” She pulled a tissue from the pocket of her sweater. “We’ve been together more than four years. Where do you see our relationship going?”

  He looked down and picked at his trousers. “I don’t know.”

  Both anger and confidence surged through her body. “You don’t want to marry me, but you don’t want me to help Allen. What do you want?”

  He looked at her. “If I asked you to marry me, what would you say?”

  Stumped by the question, Laura shook her head. “I don’t know.”

  Rudy slumped against the buggy door. “So what does that mean?”

  Laura felt as if they were sitting on opposite sides of an electric fence. When she spotted movement out of the corner of her eye, she wiped her cheeks and turned. Mark was coming. “We need to talk about this later,” she whispered before pushing the door open. “Hi, Mark.”

  “Hi.” His smile faded. “Was iss letz?”

  “Nothing.” She climbed out of the buggy and hefted her tote bag onto her shoulder. “Is Florence here yet?”

  “No, but she should be here soon.” Mark studied her.

  “I’ll see you inside.” She made her way up the path toward the house while trying to keep her emotions in check. When she reached the back door, she took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and stepped into the mudroom. She silently prayed for strength as she prepared to face her family—and meet the woman who might change all their lives.

  As Laura set the table and Cindy placed a basket of bread on it, the delicious aroma of chili permeated the room. Laura had managed to keep a smile on her face while she and her sister prepared the meal. She didn’t want her asking questions right now.

  Rudy’s admission that he’d asked his mother to talk to the bishop, coupled with his confession that he didn’t want to marry her, weighed heavily on her heart. She longed to run to her bedroom seeking solitude, but she forced herself to keep pushing forward.

  When Dat entered the kitchen with their guests, his smile could not have been wider. He’d waited for Florence and her children on the front porch, and Laura noticed his change of fresh clothes.

  Standing tall, he made a sweeping gesture toward the guests beside him. “Laura and Cindy, I’d like you to meet mei freind Florence. And this is Sarah Jane and Roy.”

  “Hello.” Laura approached Florence. “It’s so nice to meet you. I’m Laura.” She shook Florence’s hand.

  “It’s so nice to meet you, Laura.” Florence’s chocolaty eyes were warm, and chestnut hair peeked out from under her prayer kapp. “Your dat has told me so much about you.” She held up a pie plate. “We brought two pies—one chocolate and one shoofly.”

  “Danki. That’s so generous of you.” Laura shook Sarah Jane’s hand and noticed she had the same chestnut hair and brown eyes. Both women where slightly taller than Laura, but she was used to most people towering over her petite stature.

  “Wie geht’s?” Laura asked Sarah Jane.

  “Danki for inviting us over for supper.” Sarah Jane’s smile was shy.

  Cindy welcomed them and shook their hands, but she looked shy as well. It seemed she and Sarah Jane were equally nervous and uncomfortable with the meeting. Cindy took the pie plates from them and set them on the counter.

  Roy, who was about as tall as Mark, shook her hand. He had the same coloring as his sister and mother. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “We’re so froh you came tonight. I hope you like chili.” Laura pointed toward the large pot simmering on the stove. “We thought chili would be the best meal to make for our full table tonight.”

  “That sounds wunderbaar.” Florence clapped her hands together as she approached the stove. “I’ll have to get your recipe. It smells appeditlich.”

  “I’ll leave you all to get acquainted while I go pay the van driver. I left my wallet in my bedroom.” Dat smiled at Florence before disappearing from the kitchen.

  Laura’s stomach constricted at the love in her father’s eyes. Would Florence soon become her stepmother and Roy and Sarah Jane become her stepsiblings? The question sent a pang of grief through her already crippled soul.

  Florence moved to the table and rested her hands on the back of the chair where her mother used to sit. “How can we help you prepare for supper?”

  “We were just setting out the food.” Cindy lifted a large bowl of rice. “Would you like to put this on the table while I get out the shredded cheese?”

  “Of course.” Florence took the bowl from her.

  “What can I do?” Sarah Jane walked over to Laura.

  “You can pour our drinks.” Laura pointed to the empty glasses on the table. “The pitcher of water is in the refrigerator.”

  Laura began folding napkins and slipping them under the fork at each place setting. The table was set and ready when Dat reappeared. He washed his hands in the sink and then stood by Florence.

  “Everything looks lovely.” Dat smiled at the table and then at Florence. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  “I am too.” Florence beamed at him.

  Laura glanced over at Cindy. She was standing by her chair, studying her plate.

  “We’re ready to eat,” Laura said, her voice a little too loud. “I’ll call in the buwe and see if Kayla has arrived.” Before anyone
could answer, she went out to the porch and focused her gaze on Mark to avoid Rudy’s stare. “Supper is ready.” Then she saw Kayla. “Hi, Kayla. It’s gut to see you.”

  “Hi!” Kayla rushed over and hugged her as the men filed past them into the house. “I was on my way in to say hello and see if I could help. I’m so glad I could leave the restaurant early to join you tonight. How are you?”

  “I’m fine.” The overwhelming urge to spill her soul hit her, but she resisted.

  Kayla eyed her with something like suspicion.

  “Let’s get inside.” Laura followed Kayla into the kitchen, where those who needed to wash their hands did so at the sink. Cindy and Sarah Jane sat together on one side of the table and Dat and Florence sat next to each other on the other side. Laura breathed a sigh of relief that Florence hadn’t taken her mother’s chair.

  Jamie and Kayla sat together and Mark joined Roy, Cindy, and Sarah Jane. Rudy took his usual spot and then met her gaze, his eyes pleading with her to join him. Laura squared her shoulders and sat down beside him.

  After the silent prayer, the sound of clinking utensils and the buzz of conversation bounced around the kitchen. Laura filled her bowl with rice and chili and began to eat.

  Beside her, Cindy and Sarah Jane fell into a conversation about mutual friends in their youth groups. Roy, Mark, and Jamie discussed Jamie’s most recent calls at the fire station.

  Laura kept her eyes on her bowl as she felt Rudy’s eyes watching her. She silently prayed Mark would pull Rudy into his conversation with Jamie. If only they had a special twin telepathy.

  “Laura,” Florence suddenly said. “Your dat told me you’ve been working as a nanny for your freind.”

  Laura swallowed and looked up at Florence, who smiled. “Ya, I have been.”

  “How old is the kind?”

  “She just turned a year.”

  Florence clicked her tongue. “That’s such a fun age. Sarah Jane has been working as a nanny for our neighbor. They have four kinner, ranging from one to five years old.”

  “That’s nice.” Laura smiled despite sensing Rudy’s resentment.

  “Do you like to quilt?” Florence asked.

  Laura shrugged. “I’m not very gut at it, but Cindy is a talented quilter. She makes quilts and sells them.”

  “Really?” Florence looked over at Cindy, who was still talking to Sarah Jane. “We’ll have to get together to quilt sometime.”

  “Ya. I would like that.” Laura longed for this supper to end. Why couldn’t she just hide in her room and shut out the rest of the world?

  “Florence,” Kayla began, “I don’t quilt much, but mei mamm likes to quilt when she has time. What’s your favorite pattern to make?”

  Laura turned toward Kayla, and Kayla smiled at her. Had Kayla jumped into the conversation to help Laura?

  Soon Florence and Kayla were engrossed in a conversation about their favorite quilting patterns. Rudy finally joined Jamie and Mark’s discussions, and Laura ate in silence.

  When they’d finished with pie and coffee, the women began cleaning up the kitchen and the men moved their conversations to the back porch.

  “Are you ready for your wedding?” Florence asked Kayla as she swished a bowl in rinse water.

  “Oh, no.” Kayla shook her head. “My sister-in-law, Eva, and I have been working on the dresses, but we still have quite a bit to do. We’ve only completed mine. I still need to finish the others. I can’t believe it’s less than two months away. I need to finish them soon.”

  “Do you want me to help you one day?” Cindy offered. “Maybe you could take a day off from the restaurant, and I could come and help you. Or I could work on two of the dresses here too.”

  “Really?” Kayla spun toward her. “You would help with the dresses?”

  “Why wouldn’t I?” Cindy asked.

  “I know you offered when Jamie and I were first engaged, but I also know you’ve been busier than usual while Laura’s been helping Allen. So I didn’t want to ask.”

  “I still have time. And I’d really like to help.”

  “Cindy is a fantastic seamstress,” Laura chimed in. “She definitely inherited Mamm’s talent.”

  Cindy’s eyes sparkled with tears, and Laura immediately regretted the compliment.

  “That’s so kind of you, Cindy,” Kayla said as she dried a handful of utensils. “Maybe I could bring you the material for your dress and Laura’s dress.”

  “I could come and get it from you too,” Cindy offered.

  “Great. Let’s talk about that before I leave.”

  “Laura.” Florence turned toward her as she washed another bowl. “Your dat says you and Rudy have been together four years now. Do you think your wedding will be next?”

  “Oh, well, uh . . .” Heat crawled up Laura’s neck. “I’m not sure about that. We haven’t actually talked about it.”

  “Really?” Florence’s dark eyebrows careened toward her hairline. “You’ve been together four years and you haven’t discussed marriage?” She looked at Kayla. “How long have you been with Jamie?”

  “A little over a year.” Kayla gave Laura a sideways glance that resembled an apology. “But I think Jamie was ready before most men are. And he’s also older than Rudy.”

  Laura lowered her gaze to the counter as she continued drying bowls.

  “How old are your grandchildren?” Kayla asked Florence.

  “Oh,” Florence began, “let’s see. Judah is five, and Naaman is three.”

  A few of the knots in Laura’s shoulders released once Florence was distracted from any discussion about her and Rudy. Thank goodness for Kayla’s intuition!

  “Well, we should get going. I’m sure our driver is already waiting outside,” Florence said when the work was done. “We had a lovely time. I hope we can do this again soon.”

  Laura shook Florence’s hand. “It was so nice to meet you.”

  Florence pulled her into her arms for a hug. “I’m so froh to meet you and your family.”

  Laura swallowed and forced a smile. “Have a safe trip home.” Then she turned to Sarah Jane and shook her hand. “Gut nacht.”

  Cindy said good-bye to them and then excused herself before heading up to her room.

  Kayla sidled up to Laura after Florence and Sarah Jane disappeared into the mudroom for their sweaters and then out the back door. “Was iss letz?”

  “Everything is fine.” Laura nodded despite her shaky hands.

  Before Kayla could ask more questions, Laura walked into the mudroom, her body trembling as she pulled on her own sweater. She knew what she had to do. It was time to let Rudy go.

  TWENTY-SEVEN

  “Would you walk me to my buggy?” Rudy asked Laura as she stepped onto the porch.

  “Ya, of course.” She buttoned her sweater and shivered in the cool breeze.

  “We’re heading to the barn.” Jamie stood and shook Rudy’s hand. “Gut nacht, Rudy.”

  “Gut nacht,” Rudy echoed.

  “See you soon.” Mark shook Rudy’s hand and then gave Laura a concerned expression.

  She ignored her twin and followed Rudy to his waiting horse and buggy. Farther down the driveway, Dat leaned into Florence’s driver’s van, no doubt saying good-bye. Or maybe making plans.

  “Look, Laura.” Rudy leaned back against his buggy, his expression lined with regret. Or was it contrition? “I’m sorry. I was out of line earlier, and I never meant to hurt you. Lately, it seems like all we do is argue.”

  “I agree. We can’t have a conversation without it ending in a heated discussion or an argument.” She folded her arms over her chest.

  “I’ll try harder.”

  “No.” She shook her head as her hope for their relationship crashed and burned a fiery death. “I don’t think that will work.”

  He swallowed. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m confused. I’m not sure what I want anymore. I still feel like we’ve grown apart.”

  Rudy
leaned against the buggy door. “I do too.”

  “It hurts.” She wiped at more tears. “A part of me doesn’t want to let you go. You’ve been my special freind for so long, and I feel as if letting you go means I’m letting part of myself go. It’s scary to imagine life without you because you’ve always been there.”

  “I know.” He rubbed his temple. “But at the same time, it’s as if we’re together just because we’ve always been together, not because we want to be.”

  “Right.” And then the truth bubbled to the surface, and she knew she had to be completely honest with him. “I think I’m falling in love with someone else.”

  “It’s Allen, isn’t it?” He scowled as if the words tasted bitter.

  “Ya. And I’m afraid of what that might mean. I didn’t plan to fall for him. I had no idea it would happen. It just did.” Her voice scraped out of her throat, betraying the emotions she tried to suppress. “I never meant to string you along. It hasn’t been fair to you, but I can’t ignore how I feel any longer.”

  “Danki for being honest with me.” He looked more pained than angry.

  Silence hung in the air between them, choking her words for a few long and painful moments.

  Finally, he turned to her. “So I guess that’s it? It’s over?”

  “Ya, I think so.” The finality hit her with a heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach, like an iron bar. “We tried to work it out, didn’t we?”

  “Ya, we did.” He sat up straight, his eyes sparkling with tears in the dusky light. “I hate to let you go.”

  “I know, but we have to face reality.”

  “Are you sure this is what you want?”

  “Ya, I’m sure.” Her words were strong despite her crumbling heart. “I think it’s been over for a long time, but neither of us was ready to admit it.”

  They stared at each other for a few moments, and then Laura turned toward the house. “I need to go.” She hesitated. “Rudy, will you keep what I’ve told you about Allen to yourself? I don’t know what I’m going to do about it.”

  He looked at her with a kind of pity in his eyes. “I won’t say anything to anyone. I promise.”

  “Danki.”

  She walked toward the porch, and when she turned toward the driveway, she found it empty. She’d been so engrossed in their conversation that she hadn’t heard Florence’s van leave.