In Her Words (A St. Skin Novel): a bad boy new adult romance novel

by London Casey

  “A night without Paisley?” I asked.

  “I know it’s a lot to ask,” he said. “Just think about it. You’ll like my place.”

  “Cass, this really means something to me.”

  And it did.

  But what happened next meant more.

  Cass came forward but skipped kissing my cheek. Instead, he kissed my lips. A quick kiss. His lips ever so slightly brushing against mine.

  But it was a kiss.

  He got on his motorcycle and walked it to the end of the driveway before starting it, so he didn’t disturb Paisley.

  Right then, it was official.

  We were crossing some very dangerous lines.

  Cass

  NOW

  I bought the big house without really thinking what I was doing. For years, my home had wheels. My family was whatever band I was touring with. And my friends were the tens of thousands of fans who would show up and cheer the band on. So the house was like a castle to me. Almost a hundred years old, a stone front, wrap around porch, red front door, and plenty of land to get lost on. I even had a secondary building, which was a converted barn. That’s where I had dreamed of setting up a record studio. I had all the equipment in there but never took the initiative to actually set everything up and do something.

  My life was upside down still. Lucky for me I liked roller coasters and didn’t mind the sensation. But I had to admit, driving to and from to see Paisley every single day was starting to get a little old for me. I’d do it every day to see the pretty girl, but I wanted more. What exactly more was, I didn’t quite know. Things were racing forward, but that’s what time and life did. Holding hands, pushing forward.

  I stood outside on the porch and had a vision of Paisley in some kind of walker toy thing, racing up and down. Cutting at the bend, going down to the door that led to the kitchen.

  Behind me, the screen door slapped against its frame.

  “Need a refill?” Axel asked.

  I took a fresh beer from his hand. “Thanks, bro.”

  “So when does this truck come?”

  “Soon,” I said.

  “You know, I would normally say something about this. But I’ve always wondered what the hell you were doing with such a big house. So many empty damn rooms. Good to see you filling them up.”

  “Yeah, thanks.”

  “You talk to her yet?”

  “I talk to her every day.”

  “You know what I mean. About what you’re doing here.”

  “No,” I said.

  “Why?”

  “I’m just doing things my way.”

  “You know, my ex-wife used to tell me the same thing. That’s why she’s my ex. You want to make something here—”

  “Axel, shut up.”

  “I’m just going by the way you look when you talk about her.”

  “She’s my daughter,” I said.

  Axel grinned. “Not the kid. About the woman raising the kid.”

  “Easy,” I said. “What do you want me to do? Her best friend is the mother of my daughter. There’s no way—”

  Axel smacked me on the back. “You can’t control fate, Cass. By the way, here comes your truck.”

  It was a large white truck. The second it started to back into my yard toward the house, I wondered what the hell I was trying to do. What I was trying to prove. Was I taking care of Paisley? Was I trying to impress Diem? Or was I trying to fix all that had been wrong in my childhood?

  Either way, I stared at red blinking lights and heard the beeping of the truck.

  Today, this rock star’s house was going to become something more suitable for a family.

  I had the picture of Paisley stuck in the corner of the mirror in my office at St. Skin. The shop was busy, but it was always busy. Today had a certain buzz about it. Everyone was there. That left a swirl of all kinds of music and a really good vibe in the place. A family kind of vibe.

  For me, I was face down, working on a tribal design on a guy’s left arm. He wanted a half sleeve, wrapping around his shoulder and cutting down to the bend of his elbow. This was a multiple sitting piece of work. That was fine by me. Gave me more time to get to know who I was working on.

  Seth was a welder and lived thirty minutes away. His girl took off on him with another guy, leaving behind their four year old son. This guy was taking it all on by himself. He told me he had been working some overtime to help keep the house in order and he finally wanted to treat himself. Today, though, he came with some earbuds and disappeared on me. I found out later that his girl showed up and took the kid for a week.

  See, that’s what I feared with Paisley. The tearing her back and forth. Not that Diem and I were enemies. Hell, we were far from it. If anything, it would have been better if we were enemies. The tension between us kept building. My normal kisses on the cheek had become a quick peck on the lips. The last time I kissed her, I caught her left hand flying up like she wanted to grab my head and hold me there.

  But I stayed focused on Seth.

  I inked him up for a few hours straight through and called it a day.

  “Only two more to go, brother,” I said. “Looking great.”

  “Yeah, it is,” he said. “Hey, my kid loves the tattoo. I caught him with a pen the other day drawing on his arm.”

  I laughed. “That’s great. Hey, I can help you out with that.” I pushed back on my chair and opened one of the drawers. Don’t ask why but I had plenty of temporary tattoos. Sometimes people wanted to see how something looked. I grabbed a nice tribal design and held it out to Seth. “Give this to your boy. It’ll wash off with time. Let him match the old man.”

  “Hey, thanks,” Seth said.

  “I bet your girl didn’t like ink, huh?”

  “Hates it,” Seth said with a grin.

  “That should have been your first sign,” I said. “Any woman that can’t appreciate ink—see you later.”

  “Truth,” Seth said.

  He stood up as there was a knock at my door.

  I opened it and took a step back.

  “Surprise,” Diem said, standing there, holding Paisley.

  The second that blue eyed pretty girl saw me, she reached for me.

  I plucked her out of Diem’s hands and hugged her.

  I turned as Seth was trying to find his way out.

  “This is my daughter,” I said.

  “She’s beautiful,” Seth said. “Should I make another appointment?”

  “Yeah, go talk to Danielle.”

  I shook Seth’s hand and ushered him out and Diem in. I shut the door.

  “What is this?” I asked.

  “You mentioned you wanted us to come here,” she said. “So we’re here.”

  I leaned in and put my free arm around Diem. I hugged her, pulling her close to me. Hugging her and holding Paisley at the same time just felt so right. It felt so damn good.

  The hug lasted longer than it should have.

  I broke away from Diem, my cheek brushing against hers. There was a split second where we both hesitated, waiting for a kiss.

  “So what do you do here?” Diem asked.

  A dumb question, but enough to break up the moment.

  I took Diem to my black leather chair and made her sit down. I handed her Paisley.

  “This is where I work,” I said, taking a seat. I touched her arm. “Right here.” I rubbed her soft forearm.

  “Right here?” she asked.

  I shot back and grabbed my tattooing gun. “I’m going to put a pretty red rose right on your forearm.”

  Diem gasped and pulled her arm away.

  I squeezed the trigger and made the gun buzz.

  “Cass, no way,” she said.

  “Darlin’, it’s all good,” I said. “There’s nothing here.” I laughed. “But this is what I do. This is my grand office. I know the last time you were here, it was all quick.”

  “You kicked me out.”

  “Don’t remind me.”

 
; Diem pointed to the guitars. “So those are yours, huh?”

  “That was a lifetime ago,” I said. “A different Caspian.”

  “Caspian,” Diem said. I loved the way my full name rolled off her tongue.

  “That’s me,” I said. “Those guitars are all from important shows on the road for me.”

  “So why’d you stop?”

  I thought about it for a second. I looked at Paisley. She was chewing on her fingers.

  “Truthfully, it was just time. I was almost out of control. It was fun being out there, I won’t lie. But playing someone else’s songs, night after night. It took its toll.”

  “Why not have your own band?”

  “I did, plenty of times. Just never worked out for me. Axel pulled me out of the fire, so to say, and brought me here to St. Skin.”

  I noticed the way Diem’s face dropped when I said ‘pulled me out of the fire’.

  It struck me.

  I reached for her hand, wanting to ask her why she seemed bothered by that comment.

  My office door swung open and in came Tate.

  “Oh, damn,” Tate said. “Is this?”

  I looked at Tate. “Tate, hey. This is Paisley, my little girl. And this is my—this is Diem. Paisley’s—”

  I had nothing. I had no idea how to introduce Diem. Paisley’s mother? Caretaker?

  I wasn’t sure what Diem wanted to be called.

  “Sorry to bother you,” Tate said. “Damn, that’s a beautiful baby. How the hell could someone as ugly as you, Cass, make that?” Tate looked right at Diem. “Am I right?”

  Jesus Christ, Tate. Diem’s not her birth mother.

  I gritted my teeth, wanting to knock Tate out.

  But Diem handled it with ease.

  “Well, Cass isn’t all that bad looking,” she said. “But I agree, Paisley is much more beautiful.”

  “What are you up to for the rest of the day?” Tate asked.

  “That was my last one,” I said. “I plan on now taking my daughter to my house. Is that a problem?”

  “I had some stuff to go over with you.”

  “Can it wait?” I asked.

  “Of course it can,” Tate said.

  But my time in St. Skin wasn’t done just yet.

  Tate left the room and shut the door.

  “So, I’m beautiful, huh?” I asked.

  Diem looked at me. “If that’s what you heard.”

  She didn’t seem to take it as a joke.

  “Hey, I’m sorry about that. I don’t know what to say sometimes.”

  “Yeah, neither do I, Cass,” she said.

  Diem swung her legs off the chair and stood up. I took a breath, realizing that we were still in such a sensitive situation.

  She grabbed for the door and I put my hand to hers. My body was an inch from touching hers.

  “Darlin’, let’s figure it all out then. Because you’re doing the job of a mother. You should be called that. I want you to come to my house. I want to show you something. Please.”

  Diem looked back at me. We were in silence.

  I inched forward.

  Easy, Cass …

  My lips gently touched hers. Another stolen kiss. A kiss that felt good, begged for more, and had a small side of guilt.

  There was another knock at the door, making all three of us jump.

  “There’s a baby in there!” Prick’s voice said. “Let me see the baby.”

  “Yeah, you’re going to have to meet the whole crew,” I whispered. “Sorry.”

  I opened the door and it was like a movie star pushing through the paparazzi.

  Prick, Danielle, Danny, and Max huddled in the hallway, all wanting their shot at holding Paisley. To my shock, Diem went along with it all. She didn’t seem bothered by it at all. Tate stood in his office door, grinning and nodded. Axel was out front with a client, but paused to boop Paisley’s tiny nose.

  I finally got us out of St. Skin.

  I told her to follow me.

  I was on my motorcycle, the engine rumbling like thunder. I looked at my mirrors and each time I was in shock.

  Diem was right behind me, with my daughter.

  Whether she realized it or not … she was my family now—and I was going to take care of her.

  Diem

  NOW

  His house was beautiful. Like nothing I would have expected from a man like him. In fact, in some ways his house told me a story that he hadn’t yet. It was a big and old house, lots of stone. Hardwood floors. Big rooms, tall ceilings, a massive fireplace in the living room. The kitchen was to die for, the windows facing a vast backyard.

  “I don’t know what to say right now,” I said. “This house is amazing.”

  “I snagged it on a good deal,” he said. “Paid all cash. Said screw it to the road and settled here.”

  “What’s that out back?” I asked.

  “That’s a barn. It’s fully converted. I had plans to turn it into a recording studio or some kind of man-cave thing. Never did much with it though.”

  “Why not?”

  “Time was never on my side,” I said. “Or maybe I was waiting for you and Paisley to come barging into my life.”

  “Yeah, that’s it,” I said.

  “I’m not done here,” Cass said. “Let’s go upstairs.”

  I felt the heat wash over my face. I gasped. I knew he didn’t mean it in that way, but hearing it, well, it sort of turned me on.

  Upstairs, Cass showed me a nursery. It was enough to steal my breath. A crib. A changing table. Paisley’s name on the wall in letters. A pink and black set of colors throughout the room.

  “Oh, look,” Cass said. “I even got a rocking chair. Since I know you both like it so much.”

  “Cass …” I felt myself choke up a little. “How did you do this?”

  “Just bought a bunch of baby stuff,” he said. “I want Paisley to come here. To sleep here. I want her to know this place. This town. The people at St. Skin. They’re all good people. Ink, piercings, whatever. That shit doesn’t matter.”

  “I don’t judge people, Cass. Ever.”

  He closed in on me. We stood in the middle of the cozy room, the three of us. It was like a family.

  “Diem, there’s something else,” Cass whispered.

  “What?”

  “I had one of the spare bedrooms redone a little. If it’s not to your liking, change whatever you want.”

  “Spare bedroom,” I said.

  His eyes met mine. “Unless we have no need for a spare bedroom.”

  “Cass—there’s so much history …”

  “Not for us, darlin’,” he said. “This is a clean slate. This is doing the right thing. I’m trying to figure out the right thing. I have nothing to go by. The way I grew up—” Cass shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. I just wanted you to see this. Understand that I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, darlin’.”

  I reached up and touched the scruff on Cass’s face. He was so rough. He was so bold. Yet this baby thing scared him. You could see it in his eyes.

  “I think she’s asleep,” Cass said.

  Sure enough, Paisley was out cold. Right there in my arms, her father’s body touching her too.

  Cass nodded to the crib. Before I could protest a thing, he pointed to a baby monitor hanging over the crib. He’d seriously thought of everything. A man who could have stormed away from Paisley and left it up to me to decide what to do legally. Instead, he took everything as his own and did all of this.

  I put Paisley down and Cass took me by the hand and we left the room.

  Once we were downstairs, he offered me a drink.

  “I think we need to finally talk here,” he said.

  “Talk about what?”

  “The elephant in the room, darlin’. What this is. What we’re doing. And what happened.”

  My stomach started to curdle. “I don’t know, Cass. I don’t want to ruin what we have right here.”

  “We don’t have a choice,�
� he said. “I’m sorting through so much shit in my heart. Because a lot was taken from me. And I have no place to put that anger. So I’m trying to find the justification of it all.”

  “I don’t know there is,” I said. “You knew Scarlett—”

  “For one night.”

  “You loved her.”

  Cass gritted his teeth. “Yeah, we had a moment together.”

  “More than a moment,” I said. “A life. She’s upstairs.”

  “But you’re raising her,” Cass said. “You need to give yourself credit.”

  “How? You don’t know what I deal with, handling the lawyers,” I said.

  “What’s the process? Huh? Tell me. I’ll back you up. You’re that girl’s mother, Diem. End of discussion.”

  “I’m not, though.” I cried out. “That’s my best friend’s daughter upstairs. And that’s your daughter upstairs. Not my daughter!”

  I gasped when those last three words escaped my mouth. I turned, grabbing my mouth, my eyes filling with tears.

  I didn’t mean it like that. I love her.

  “Jesus, we broke that barrier fast,” Cass said.

  I looked back at him. “Fuck you.”

  Cass walked toward me. “What are you so afraid of, Diem? You’re taking care of her. You love her. You’re doing everything right. I don’t get it.”

  He touched my shoulders. He was trying to care for me. But I shook him away.

  “She could be taken at any moment.”

  “How? Why?”

  “It’s just how it is,” I said. “And now that you’re in the picture, one phone call to a lawyer and I’m dead in the water.”

  “Do you think I’d do that to you?”

  “I don’t know,” I admitted.

  “Turn around, darlin’. Look at me.”

  I did so. I was facing Cass now. Staring up into those very dark eyes of his.

  “You’re her mother,” he whispered. “That’s how I see it. If you think for a second I’m going to swoop in and steal all you’ve done, just don’t. I would never do that to you. I’m angry at Scarlett. So angry. I don’t know where to put all of that anger. But looking at you, darlin’, all you’ve done, it helps. It really does help. I’ll do whatever I have to do to make you feel like Paisley’s mother.”