Light as a Feather

by Cameron James

  “Yes Madame.” I replied, she nodded back then walked on as I sighed.

  Madame Rose split us into groups following our barre work. She asked us onto the floor into our groups, and shouted out a sequence for us all to follow. I stood beside Kian on the barre as we watched the first girl group dance their way through the sequence.

  “No earrings from tomorrow’s class.” Kian said as he crossed his arms against his chest and leant on the barre, I sighed.

  “No glasses from next week.” I replied, he looked at me he was almost frowning.

  “Okay, I get no earrings but how can she tell you, you can’t wear your glasses. You need them to see.” He stated, I nodded.

  “No bracelets from tomorrow’s class.” Margo said, I turned my head to look at her, as she came to lean next to us on the barre.

  “She wants me to wear contacts.” I said, Kian shook his head as Margo frowned at me. “And of course, sometime in the gym.” I said then leant my head back, I felt as it connected with the mirror behind me.

  “I’ll go with you.” Kian said, “apparently the facilities are amazing here.” he said nodding to me.

  “Group one, boys.” Madame Rose said, Kian grinned at us both as he walked to stand on the front line of his group. He stood tall, his arms in demi-bra his right toe pointed in front of him, he began to move almost instantly when Madame Rose started the music. I was pulled out of watching as Kian’s group danced by Abi coming to stand beside Margo.

  “What aren’t you allowed to have from next lesson?” She asked amused as she played with her bracelets. Abi frowned back at her. “Bracelets.” She said,

  “Glasses.” I added,

  “Earrings.” Margo and I said together as we nodded towards Kian,

  “Oh. Nothing.” she said, I rolled my eyes by instinct, then looked away before she realised I had.

  “Perfect then?” Margo asked, I laughed because I could hear the teasing in her voice.

  “Group two girls.” Madame Rose requested, Margo winked at me as she walked away, then stood where Kian had, her arms beautiful, her lines were equally as beautiful.

  “Wow.” I muttered; Kian practically sniggered as he came back to lean next to me.

  “Figured it out yet?” he asked, I looked at him as he smirked back at me. “That you like her.” He whispered; I shook my head at him.

  “No. I…” I said, then I frowned at him, “no I don’t.” I said, he laughed,

  “I don’t blame you. If I was straight, I’d be all over her.” He said, then whistled quietly, “I mean, that personality, that body. She’s everything.” He said, then he met my eyes, I didn’t drop my gaze, until he smiled and I laughed and looked away.

  “Yeah, I like her.” I muttered,

  “Awesome.” He said laughing,

  “Group two boys.” Madame Rose said, I raised my eyebrow at Kian, walking away from him and taking the spot Margo had been stood in.

  I took a deep breath before standing up straight, I held my arms out in demi-bra, then extended my leg and pointed my toe. I could hear Max’s voice in my head, all he was saying was strong, strong, strong.

  My stance had to be strong.

  My arms strong.

  My feet strong.

  He’d spent the last four years shouting the word strong at me from across the dance studio, he usually accompanied the words with a clap, up until last year when it became a laugh because I’d started repeating it back to him. I thought away the smile that had formed on my face and then I began to dance.

  I stood trying to control my breathing as Madame Rose critiqued us one by one. Most of her critiques where simple, and fair, and on a whole about extension.

  “Lovely Jacob.” She said, I relaxed, “let’s work on building up your core strength now. Okay.” She said nodding to me, I nodded back slowly then dropped my end position.

  “So, day one of six hundred and sixty-eight. How is ballet school for you guys?” Margo asked as we sat on a round table out on the patio area that was attached to the canteen.

  Margo and I had been almost too over the moon when we discovered the canteen had a sandwich bar. We’d both worked out way through it, coming out with stacked high sandwiches and chips. Kian had laughed loudly when we sat back at the table, and had proceeded to steal numerous chips off both of our plate’s in-between eating his own chicken and rice. Abi just had a salad, and tutted at us in regular intervals.

  “Day one has been, eye opening.” Kian said thoughtfully as seemed to conduct his thoughts with the piece of chicken on the end of his fork. “How do you adapt from being the favourite?” he said, Margo laughed.

  “She didn’t even touch you.” Margo said shaking her head at him.

  “Well, I’ve already succeeded in doing one thing by day one that I didn’t think I’d have.” I said, Margo nodded to me.

  “And it is?” Kian asked, I grinned then looked down as I ate the individual fillings out of my sandwiches.

  “I made friends.” I said, they both moaned at me, a few of Margo’s chips flying towards me, as Kian’s napkin did, so I began to laugh, which soon made them.

  “Welcome to your first Pas De Deux lesson.” Miss Olivia said from the front of the studio, she seemed happy, it really made me smile. “Ladies I will expect you all to be wearing your pointes during our Pas De Deux lessons, and I will also have expected everyone to have warmed up before the class begins.” She said, we all nodded to her as we stood scattered around the studio.

  “So, we’ll start with gentlemen on the floor. Ladies once you have your shoes on, please warm up.” She said, all the girls moved to the sides. “We’re going to do a simple exercise gentleman.” She said, then she smiled at us. “This will warm up your shoulders, and your back. Whilst also helping me determent around what level we’re all at.” she said, then she smiled again and started the music. Miss Olivia seemed happy with our warmup, so sent us to the barre, beckoning the girls to the middle. I did every step of their pointe warm up with them, until Kian touched my shoulder.

  “Withdrawal?” he asked, I smiled at him, then looked towards Miss Olivia as she began to pair us off.

  “Kian, and Margo.” She said, I looked towards Margo as she pulled her tongue at Kian whilst he walked towards her. “Jacob, and Abi.” She said, then she smiled at me as I walked towards Abi. She stood just a bit in front of me, her hands on her hips “We will be beginning with balance, and touch. Ladies, you need to allow our gentlemen to guide you whilst remaining independent. Gentlemen, you will learn how to be able to tell if your lady is off centre, and will be able to guide them into the correct positions.” She said, whilst talking with her arms, “so, we will start simple. Ladies, stand in front, and gentlemen, place your hands on your lady’s waist.” She said, I saw Abi look over her shoulder at me, I got from that look that she was not going to help me at all, as I hovered my hands over the middle of her body. I heard Miss Olivia laugh so I looked up. It appeared I wasn’t the only boy who was struggling to find their ladies waist.

  “Well done Kian.” She said as she walked down the line, lifting the boy’s hands and placing them on their waists. She smiled warmly at me when she stood in front of us, she took my hands in hers then placed them where Abi’s skirt met her leotard. I could feel as Abi squirmed under my touch. “Ladies raise onto pointe.” Miss Olivia said, I tightened my grip as Abi rose onto her pointe, her hands touched mine, she mustn’t have trusted me not to drop her. “Gentlemen, can you feel the ladies centre.” She said, there was a holler from the back, it made me laugh, I felt as Abi hit my hands. “Into an arabesque.” Miss Olivia requested as she walked back and forth at the front of the class. I could hear Abi’s unhappiness with me, as a whole as she raised herself into an arabesque.

  “You’re unbalanced.” I said, she glared at me. “You need to balance yourself before going up onto pointe, otherwise your arabesque will be off.” I said, she turned to look at me, I’m sure if she had a ponytail it’d have whipped me a
cross the face.

  “What do you know?” she snapped back at me.

  “I know that your balance was completely off, and if I wasn’t holding you, you’d have fell and possibly broken your ankle.” I snapped back.

  “Now, now…” Miss Olivia began, as Abi scoffed.

  “Well go on, do it better then.” She stated, I rolled my eyes at her.

  “No.”

  “Because you don’t know what you’re talking about.” She stated. I scowled her, as she scowled right back.

  “Now, now calm down. Pas De Deux work is difficult but you have to learn how to communicate with each other. Talk through your problems.”

  “I think you’ll find they are talking through their problem.” Kian said, Miss Olivia looked at him briefly, he beamed back at her, I’m pretty sure she rolled her eyes at him.

  “Jacob, although I appreciate your assistance with teaching, but let’s leave it to the teachers to teach the technique.” She said, I sighed. “Now, arabesque, please.” She said,

  “I am not working with him, until he does an arabesque.” Abi stated,

  “Abi.” Miss Olivia said, she didn’t seem to have the end of the sentence.

  “If he feels the need to correct me.” she added more to Miss Olivia, so Miss Olivia sighed, then waved her hand at me.

  “Do so Jacob, but do it quick. I’d like to continue with this lesson.” She said, I looked down at my feet, then I sighed, pointing my right toe out in front of me, and stepping onto it. Lifting my left into the arabesque and holding my arms in fourth. I saw as Miss Olivia smiled, along with Kian and Margo who both looked amused. Abi however, did not look happy. “Is everyone happy now?” Miss Olivia asked, Abi sighed at her as I relaxed then I stood in first position waiting for Abi to stand in front of me again. She did so unhappily, and then didn’t look at me for the rest of the lesson.

  “She knows it isn’t Princess school, right?” Margo said, as she sat leaning on Kian’s bed, she had multiple bobby pins in her mouth as she unwound her bun. She thought about it for a few minutes, then took her bobble out, running her fingers through her hair to fluff it out. I sighed as I lay back on my bed.

  “She hates me.” I said as I closed my eyes, Margo laughed.

  “On the contrary. It’s quite the opposite.” She said, I turned my head to look at her.

  “Shut up.” I said, she laughed as Kian reappeared from the en-suite, I smiled at him as he went to sit back on his bed, he’d changed out of his leotard and now sat in baby blue jogging bottoms that were covered in stars and simply a grey t-shirt.

  “Are you antagonising Jacob?” Kian said, Margo began to laugh then shook her head.

  “We were talking about Abi.” She said, Kian rolled his eyes as he reached for his phone.

  “I’m going to get changed.” I said as I stood from my bed. I searched through my wardrobe until I found some jogging bottoms and a t-shirt. I took them both into the en-suite with me.

  Kian’s leotard, shorts and ballet belt were hung up on the back of the door, once I closed it over, so I stood frowning at them as I peed, because his ballet belt was massive. I held mine up to it once I’d stepped out of it. I frowned for a few minutes as I ran my thumb over the cup of my own ballet belt, until I sighed and threw it to the floor. I stepped into a pair of boxers, then pulled my jogging bottoms up to my hips, and pulled my t-shirt down. I picked up my leotard, shorts and belt, taking them back into the bedroom smiling as I watched Kian twirling Margo’s hair around, and around as if creating a bun.

  “Oh, don’t we look good in yellow.” Margo cooed at me; I turned my head to look at her then I began to laugh.

  “Spongebob Squarepants?” Kian said raising his eyebrow at me as I sat back on my bed, I looked down at my chest. “The musical.” He added, I laughed.

  “My Dad was in it.” I said, they both frowned at me, “My other dad. The ballet dancers’ husband.”

  “Oh, two penis parenting. My favourite.” Kian said grinning down at Margo as she shook her head, it almost looked shocked. “You have two dads?” he asked, I nodded.

  “Max, is the ballet dancer. My teacher. Cameron, does musicals. He did Spongebob when I was fifteen. I loved it; I think it was my favourite musical he’s been in.”

  “Ugh, I want to live with your family.” Margo said, I laughed.

  “Tell us all about your family please.” Kian said, I shook my head amused.

  “Tell me a bit about yours. I feel like I’m the only one talking about my parents.” I said, they both laughed, Margo looked up at Kian, he sighed and shrugged.

  “Run of the mill. Mum, Dad. Overachieving football playing brother, underachieving twin sister.” He said amused, “I don’t know why I started ballet. I don’t know what actually went through my Mum’s head to enrol me into ballet, but it happened, a year later I was in the same class as my sister.” He said.

  “So, where is your sister?”

  “Ballet is my life, whereas ballet is her hobby.”

  “Really?” I asked, he nodded.

  “She found it fun, and it didn’t really bother her if she didn’t pass her grades, or if she didn’t move to pointe class. She just enjoyed doing it. Whereas I focused more on my Grade Six than my GCSE’s.”

  “Ditto.” I said, he laughed, I smiled back at him.

  “Your turn female.”

  “Mum.” Margo said, then shrugged. “Step-Dad I suppose. Only child.” She said, “boring.” She added,

  “Do you guys think…” I began then tilted my head at them, “do you think if your parents hadn’t put you into ballet, that you’d have chosen to go?” I asked, Kian nodded to me.

  “I’m about ninety percent positive that I would because I just love it, and I think I always have.” He said, it made me grin.

  “I use ballet to show my Mum I can do something. It might not be useful, but I can, so, if I hadn’t started ballet, I’d probably do something else and try and over achieve at it.” Margo said then she grinned up at Kian as he shook his head amused.

  “Now, my question.” Kian said, as he finished playing with Margo’s hair. “Where does our sexuality lie?” he asked, I snorted lightly as Margo smirked up at him. “Your Dad’s are gay… so?” Kian asked, I laughed openly at him,

  “What so that makes me gay?” I asked, he shook his head dramatically.

  “Course not. I know you like girls.” He said wiggling his eyebrows at me,

  “Not Abi?” Margo declared, we both scoffed at her.

  “I’m bi.” I said, Kian’s eyebrow raised.

  “Oh, we have a bisexual in our midst. Do we have a story of how we know?” he asked leaning his elbows on his knees, I laughed rolling my eyes.

  “Yes. Actually.” I said amused, he grinned. “I kissed my best friend when I was fourteen. He’s gay, he’s known that since he was thirteen. We kissed and I sort of. I didn’t think about it for a long time. Like you said before, with focusing on ballet over exams. I was kind of focusing on ballet over everything, until I was about sixteen and Max was just talking to me, just casually, asking about boyfriends or girlfriends and it occurred to me that I’d never actually had either.

  I began to think about it for real, and yeah, I’ve always had a thing for boys. I mean, I’m pretty certain I spent about thirty percent of the ballet videos watching for the men, than the dancing.” I said, they both laughed. Jack had caught me watching a ballet video at one point before I was adopted. He had laughed practically into my ear and asked me in a whisper if I was just watching it for the hot guys. I’d blushed, all flustered and scared and exited the video before he could ask me any further questions about attractive men.

  “And… did you sleep with this best friend?” Kian asked, I shook my head amused.

  “No, no not at all. Connor and I never will either. He’s my friend and just that.” I said, Kian smiled at me. “I’m a virgin.”

  “Oh.” He said, “I can change that for you.” He purred at me, winking at m
e. I laughed.

  “No thanks.” I replied, then hummed. “Not tonight anyway.” I added, Kian beamed. “Margo?” I asked, she raised her hands.

  “I’m straight.” She said then looked up at Kian,

  “Full blooded homosexual.” He replied, then he looked at me. “Have you ever gotten hard in your leotard?” he asked, I shook my head as I laughed, because I hadn’t every lesson I’d had was with Max, and that’d have been beyond weird.

  There as one lesson, when I was fifteen where I’d sat in on Immediate Pointe and the multiple older girls in leotards had certainly grabbed my attention. “Well, that’s how I figured out I was gay.” He replied, Margo and I both began to laugh as he grinned and began to tell us the story.

  ��

  Chapter 3

  I had tossed and turned for what felt like hours but when I lifted my phone to confirm that, it had only been twenty-five minutes.

  I figured Kian was well asleep, he hadn’t spoken, or moved for a while, but I still looked towards the darkened area where his bed was. I was trying to figure out if I could get away with touching myself.

  I knew, or at least after living with Kian for coming on five days I thought I knew that he wouldn’t care as a whole, but he probably didn’t wish to wake up to it. I groaned quietly then rubbed my eyes, taking off my glasses and placing them on my bedside cabinet. I gave up in the end reaching under my quilt, but not pushing it down.

  I made sure I was still fully covered as I slipped my hand underneath my pyjama waistband. Covering my mouth the moment I groaned, biting my bottom lip to stop the sound escaping, then I gasped when the room suddenly filled with light. I heard Kian’s laugh as the bathroom door close. I sat myself up, covering my face until the light came through my fingers so I looked up.