Light as a Feather

by Cameron James

  “He’ll sleep on the floor. He’s happy to do that.” He said amused, so I smiled.

  I could hear laughter and screaming as I got closer to the home. I looked up to the sky, appreciating how blue it was, the sun glaring down, with not a cloud in sight, the kids in the home were probably outside, even if it was against their wishes Ste and Diane had probably made up some excuse to get them all outside.

  I went to walk up the big stairway towards the door, then stopped because I saw Connor’s car. I walked towards it, then around it finding Connor under the hood with the tall purple haired boy who I believed was called Riley. Connor was pointing at things, talking quietly to him, until he looked up wiping his hands on a rag, and smiling at me.

  “You came.” He said, he seemed mildly surprised.

  “Ste sent me a text, apparently he’s being hounded for another ballet class.” I said, Connor laughed then pattered Riley’s shoulder, walking around him and to me. “What’s he doing?” I asked, “your car broke?” I added, Connor laughed shaking his head.

  “Good excuse to change the oil, refill the washer fluid. Riley enjoys it, and it saves me doing it myself.”

  “I’m pretty certain you’re not allowed to use these kids as manual labour.”

  “I’m pretty certain he approached me and asked if he could do things to my car.” He replied, then smiled at Riley as he looked towards us. “Go on, Ste’s in his office I believe. Jack’s the one making them scream in the garden.” He said amused, I nodded to him turning towards the stairwell and making my way up them. I went straight to Ste’s office, knocking twice then standing awkwardly outside of it, until he opened it.

  “Jacob.” He said happily, “thank God you’re here. They almost made placards demanding another ballet lesson.” He said amused as he shut the office door behind him,

  “I’m not that good of a teacher. No way.” I said, Ste laughed.

  “You’re just like Max.” He replied, I looked at him, “they’re used to that, they obviously enjoy that.” He said, I shook my head amused as I followed him into the garden.

  After I left the home, back when I was fourteen, Ste and Diane had finally caved and added Ballet to the extra curriculum list. After years of arguing with me about the expense and the dedication it took, they finally ended that battle and made a partner with Max, who, allowed any child who wished to attend ballet lessons, do so free of charge and only need pay for leotards and shoes.

  It appeared to work well, as most of the little girls in the home took part in at least a terms worth of ballet lessons. Some stayed, but most didn’t. It however didn’t stop them from begging me to do a ballet class with them when I visited. I stood beside Ste in the garden as he laughed watching Jack running around the self-made football pitch, he had the ball, and also had five small children running after him in an effort to get the ball.

  “Melody.” Ste called out, the little girl at the back of the huddle chasing the ball stopped and turned, her long black plaits whipping themselves around. She had a blue gingham bow in one, the other however was bowless and when she smiled, she had multiple teeth missing. “Look who’s come to see you.” He added, she gasped happily, then ran away, Ste laughed as she grabbed another little girl who looked about her age, they both turned to look at me.

  “Do you want to do it inside or out?” Ste asked, I looked towards the little patio set then nodded towards it.

  “Out. It’s such a nice day. It’d be a crime to stay indoors.” I said, Ste laughed leaning his head back and shaking it.

  “Don’t start repeating my wisdom back to me.” He said, then squeezed my shoulder. “Good luck.” He added, I smiled as I walked towards the patio, I soon gathered a following of little girls, led by Melody. They all ran to the little fence around the patio and stood alongside it, resting their right hands on it, as if it was the barre then grinning happily at me awaiting my command.

  “First positions ladies.” I said, they all giggled because I’d called them ladies. “We’ll start with a simple point.” I said, Melody did it straight away, beaming at me because she knew how, she was on her fifth week of Max’s programme.

  “You have to make sure you don’t squash the fairies.” Melody stated, “don’t you Jacob?” she asked, I looked at her then began to nod with some gusto.

  “You have to lift your heel fair enough off the ground that a fairy can get underneath it.” I said, whenever Max stated it to his new beginners there was always a slight laugh in his voice.

  When Frankie teaches alongside him the laugh becomes far more verbal and Max usually has to stop teaching for a few minutes to regain himself. If Cory’s in the room it’s ten times worse, so Max banned the two of them from being in his beginner’s class, because they make him laugh.

  “Don’t squash the fairies is, definitely, the best thing I’ve heard all day.” Jack said, as I sat beside him on the steps leading up to the house, we both had a glass bottle of coke that all the kids had shunned us for as Ste gave us the prohibited item. The majority of the kids sat on the patio area with their own juice and a packet of crisps each.

  “It’s Max’s favourite thing to say. He made it up in reference to the Sugar Plum fairy, and his best friend just twisted it, and made it…”

  “Homosexual.” Jack teased, I grinned at him then drank from the bottle. “How are you doing anyway? I’ve heard bits and pieces from Connor, but nothing substantial.” He said, I began to nod.

  “Better. Much better actually.” I said, then looked straight at him. “I’m sorry for being so angry at you when you tried to help… I was just…”

  “Hungry?” he asked, I began to nod as I sighed.

  “I get it. A lot. Looking back on some of my behaviour, it was actually embarrassing, but I got better and, well, here I am.”

  “Here you are.” I said looking back towards the patio. “I have to ask.” I said, Jack nodded whilst also watching the kids. “Would you prefer everyone just forgot about your depression because it’s over?” I asked, Jack sighed.

  “It’s not over.” He said, we looked at each other. “It’s quiet now. My therapist told me to think about it like the tide, when it’s quiet, it’s like a still day, with no tide, there’s no rocky waters, there’s nothing.

  On a really bad day, it’s a high tide, all the way up the beach, waves, and seafoam, storm clouds everything. I have to deal with it them days, but by them days it’s usually too rough for a lifeboat to reach me, so I should begin to address low tide days, where there’s a slight wind, the wind that helps the boat along.

  No, Jacob, I don’t want everyone to just forget it, but I don’t want to be defined by it. Is that how you see me? As depressed?” he asked, I shook my head very slowly.

  “Not as depressed.” I said, he almost frowned at me, “I remember that night, a lot.” I said, Jack sighed.

  “I really wish you hadn’t found me.” he said, I looked down. “Not in a whole, I didn’t want to be saved way, but more in the way of I wish it hadn’t been you and I’m beyond thankful that you never told Connor.” He added,

  “But I do think we should be worried that he never… knew.” I said squinting at Jack, he almost laughed.

  “Your friends?” he asked, I nodded. “They saw you faint, right?”

  “Right.” I agreed,

  “Are they being insufferable? Are they overcompensating, are they parenting you?” he asked, I shook my head almost instantly.

  “No.”

  “Then you’re fine. They’re not fixating on what happened, they’re fixating on Jacob.” He said, “and they’ll be there for you. The moment you need them.” he added, I smiled then jumped as Connor appeared on the step beside me, his own bottle of coke in his hand.

  “Riley cleaned my car. He’s officially my favourite.” He stated, Jack laughed.

  “I hope you paid him.”

  “I gave him a fiver.” Connor replied,

  “Profitable.” I said nodding, Connor agreed then tur
ned and looked behind us, so I also looked up.

  “BBQ?” Ste asked, Jack hummed.

  “Sounds good.” Jack said,

  “Staying for tea?” he asked, I looked at Connor, he smiled briefly then nodded to me, so I nodded back.

  ***

  “Hey.” I heard whispered, I tried to ignore it. “Hey.” Whispered again, I groaned, rolling myself over and trying to bury my face into my pillow. “Hey don’t ignore me.” was said, so I laughed turning my head and seeing the faint blurry outline that I presume was Kian.

  “What?” I whispered, my voice sounded heavy with sleep, Kian laughed turning on my bedside lamp so I groaned harder.

  “Happy birthday.” He said, I began to laugh reaching for my glasses and slipping them on. Kian grinned at me once I did and took a seat on the opposite end of my bed.

  He held a very well wrapped box on his crossed legs, and a far too smug smile, obviously for waking me up. I fingered my phone lightly, groaning when I read it was just past midnight. He passed me the package.

  “I got you something that to a non-ballet dancer would probably come across as weird, or like I didn’t try.” He said, I laughed as I ran my fingers underneath the join in the paper. “Go on, open it.” he said, I smiled as I did, not tearing the paper as I unwrapped it, he laughed the moment I did, which was when I saw the stretching band. “It’s blue,” he said, “and apparently the best stretch you’ll get.” He said amused, I nodded.

  “I totally appreciate this.” I said, Kian nodded raising his hands as if saying ‘I told you so’ to no-one in particular.

  “Connor and I are taking you out for tea tonight, and he wouldn’t let me tell you until your birthday, so this is me telling you.” he said amused, I nodded to him. “After of course our day of classes.” He said tilting his head at me, so I copied.

  “Which was why I was asleep before midnight.”

  “Fine, fine I’ll let you go back to sleep.” He said, then stepped off my bed, I grabbed his hand back, pulling him towards me and kissing his cheek.

  “Thank you.” I said, he grinned as he got back into his own bed, “Although, now you’ve woke me up. I’m going to pee.” I said, he laughed as he lay back in his bed and watched as I got out of mine.

  “Grande Pirouette à la seconde.” Arlo announced as we stood around him, holding the barre after our warmup. Arlo was stood in the middle of the studio, looking around almost hopeful that someone would come forward and demonstrate it, so he didn’t have to.

  “Large pirouette.” The boy directly across from me said, Arlo nodded it almost looked disappointed.

  “Yes.” He said then sighed, “à la seconde?” he asked,

  “In second position.” I said, Arlo nodded to me, he gave me a small smile, so I smiled at the ground.

  “It refers to a large pirouette in second position. This pirouette is usually performed by male dancers.” He said, then waved his hand at us, as if to say ‘you guys’. “It is a series of turns on one foot with the free leg raised to the second position in the air at ninety degrees.” He said, it was returned with numerous confused looks, “you will complete a normal pirouette, but instead of keeping it in passe position, you extend your leg out.” He said, the room all ‘ahed’ together. “You will have all seen them before, and I can guarantee you’ll have done them.” he said, then he looked at Kian,

  “No pressure?” Kian asked, Arlo laughed.

  “You’re our resident competition boy Cunningham, you must be able to do a grande Pirouette à la seconde.” He said, Kian looked across to me I began to laugh. “Spread out on the floor.” Arlo requested, so we did, then all watched as he pirouetted, I laughed to myself almost instantly as Max had me do them all the time. “Your turn.” Arlo stated, I nodded to him as I prepared, then I began to turn, not focusing on anything or anyone as I went around, and around. I could hear Arlo speaking, but not the words, until I began to lose speed.

  “Oh we’ve lost Kian.” Arlo said, he sounded amused, as I brought myself to a spectacularly steady spot. “And Jacob.” He said, then began to applaud me, “You turned more times than a fidget spinner, kid.” He said, I laughed.

  “Max likes to do pirouettes.” I said, Arlo raised his eyebrow at me.

  “Catch your breath, and we’ll go again.” He ordered, then clapped his hands to start the beats.

  “Nineteen then?” Margo said, I nodded to her almost wary as she leant across the canteen table to speak to me, I frowned back at her because she hadn’t gone to get any food yet. “What comes with nineteen?”

  “Nothing.” I said, “literally nothing. I did it all last year.” I said, she laughed.

  “True. I was devastated Kian wouldn’t make tonight a piss up.” She said tutting to me,

  “Look at us being adults.” I said lifting my water bottle up to her, she lifted her own knocking the lids together, as Kian returned to the table, I groaned pretty much the moment he did. “Don’t sing.” I said more to Margo, “do not begin singing.” I said, they both laughed as Kian placed the cake he’d brought over down in front of me.

  “I spoke to Ash. He said you can have a piece of cake, so long as he gets one as well.” He said, I laughed as Margo lifted a piece off the tray with a knife and slid it onto the napkin which she then put in front of me. I ran my finger down the icing that was in little domes on top of the cake, I looked at it on my finger then ate it. I saw Kian smirk at me when I did, so I grinned back.

  I delivered the napkin full of cake to Ash in our free between lunch and Pas De Deux. He didn’t seem like he was expecting me but welcomed me in, I took a seat on the couch then held the napkin out to him.

  “I was joking.” Ash said, I pushed my hand closer to him.

  “Come on, take the cake.” I said, he laughed as he reached into his drawers. He brought out a little rectangle package.

  “Swap?” he asked, I nodded letting him take the napkin, then I took the package. I began to open it when I was holding it, I glanced up seeing him take some icing on his finger and eat it before putting the cake behind him. I frowned at him when I opened the package to find a journal.

  “Food diary.” Ash said, I glanced at him. “Happy Birthday.” He added, so I smiled at him. “Thought I’d replace your notebook for an actual diary.” He said, as I turned it over. I ran the palm of my hand over the cover, of the silhouette of the ballerina with the words ‘If you stumble, make it part of the dance’, wrote in cursive above her. “You’ve been doing brilliantly.” Ash said, “outstanding in fact. I’m so happy with your progress, but I want you to keep up your food diary.” He said, I nodded.

  “I’m happy too.” I replied then I actually looked at him. “Thank you Ash.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Miss Olivia made us take a seat on the floor when we arrived into our Pas De Deux lesson, she told us to stop warming up and to take a seat, as Madame Rose would be in to talk to us soon.

  The whispers between ourselves silenced the moment Madame Rose walked into the room, she seemed mildly impressed as she stood before us, because she didn’t need to wait for silence.

  “Good afternoon first years.” She said,

  “Good after Madame Rose.” We chorused back; Kian smirked at me after we did as Margo laughed behind her hand on the other side of me.

  “I have come to talk to you about the scholarship auditions you will all be taking part in, in the next few weeks.” She said, then she proceeded to explain the scholarship process to us, much like Frankie and Cory had when I stayed at theirs. I listened to every word she said, trying to figure out if something had changed or if there were any rules, she waited until the end to go through the list of rules.

  “You must all wear exam wear. FREED approved, of course. Girls your hair must be in regulated bun, underwear rules apply.” She said, I looked at Kian as he raised an amused eyebrow. “And finally,” she said, so I looked back at her, she looked straight back at me.

  “All boys must start and
finish their audition on flat ballet pump.” She said, I sighed as she opened the floor to questions.

  ��

  Chapter 13

  I followed the music to discover which studio Kian had taken Elijah too. It appeared to be the last on the corridor, so I let myself in, closing the door quietly as they were already dancing, neither of them noticed when I walked in so instead, I watched them.

  They were laughing with each other as they moved through the moves, talking to each other and what Miss Olivia would say was putting each other off, but their steps didn't even falter. They did every step perfectly, as if there wasn't even any thought going into it.

  I smiled as Kian caught Elijah's leg when he'd raised it, holding it almost vertical to their bodies, then he slid his hand down Elijah's leg, and picked him up, they spun together whilst Kian held Elijah up with just one hand, until he practically dropped him, but caught him, just far enough from the ground for Elijah to go up onto pointe.

  They danced alongside each other, in perfect unison that's when Elijah spotted me, he grinned at me pulling his tongue at me but continued to dance as I laughed. Kian pulled Elijah towards him, holding Elijah's hand as Elijah pirouetted then stood to Kian's front dancing perfectly with him, they moved as one, until they stopped and just looked at each other as the music ended, they laughed with each other as they took a step away from each other and both bowed, I began to applaud. Kian nodded to me amused, as Elijah walked back towards Kian, then grabbed for his crotch.

  "I see you still get hard for me dear Kian." Elijah teased, Kian began to laugh pushing him away and walking towards where I was stood.

  “Jacob, meet Elijah.” Kian said, Elijah gasped happily,

  “Oh. Biblical.” He said, Kian almost choked on his sip of water.

  “Elijah.” He shunned, Elijah laughed, a real musical laugh which made me smile. “We were going to go for a coffee, have a bit of a catch up. Talk about Australia. Want to join us?” Kian asked, I began to nod then I paused.

  “Won’t I be intruding?” I asked, they both shook their heads, as they began to pick up their clothes. Elijah pulled his tongue at me as he pulled a black and white stripped t-shirt over his leotard.