Faithless

by Amanda Bennett

  I gently pulled her closer to me, as I stood to carry her to her room. When I did, a thick envelope fell to the floor and I bent down enough to retrieve it. When we got to the doorway of her room, I noticed that Blake is nowhere to be found. As I tried to lay Riley down on her bed, her hand tightened its grip around my shirt and I had to gently pry it free. I sat next to her on her bed, running my fingers through her hair, when that envelope caught my eye. Without a second thought, my curiosity took over and I opened the envelope.

  I skimmed through the thick stack of papers before I finally come across the one with beautiful handwriting scrolled across the page. As I read the last, dying words that her mother had left her, my mouth went slack and I found myself needing a drink. Her mother had gone into detail about who she had looking after her. There wasn't a name, but there was enough for Riley to go off of, if she ever wanted to go searching for this person. The papers slipped through my sweaty fingers, and I quickly exited Riley's room without looking back.

  I didn't stop walking until I was in the parking garage and in the driver's seat of my car. I gripped the steering wheel tight as my body shook uncontrollably. Just when I thought everything was starting to work itself out, another wrench gets thrown in the gears. Realizing I had work to do, I headed home.

  When I arrived at my condo, no one met me, as usual. I live a secluded and lonely life, but it was one that I had decided on my own. This is exactly how I need things to be right now. I throw my keys on the counter and make my way over to my laptop on the couch. I open it and immediately open Google. I'm not exactly sure what I was hoping to find, but there had to be something, anything on this London guy.

  I type in the information I know and go grab myself a cup of coffee while I wait for the page to pull up. As I approach the couch, a bright white blank screen is staring back at me.

  I sat back and shook my head in disbelief. How is there absolutely no trail of this guy? It's like he never even existed. I was trying to find some answers, but have found more questions than anything. I needed to find answers as soon as I could. If anything, for the protection of Riley. There definitely has been some deceiving going on, and I will be damned if I didn't try to protect her, the way her mother wanted.

  Glancing at the clock on the wall, I realize that it's getting later and too late for me to head back to the hospital. I decide to just hop in the shower and head to bed. Maybe tomorrow, I can find some things out.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Riley

  My eyes feel like fifty pound bricks have been hanging from them. I can barely open them, but I try to push through it, needing a glass of water. When I finally open my weary eyes, I catch sight of an empty bed across from me. Apparently I had either missed group this morning, or it is still yesterday. My hand clumsily searches around for the small alarm clock on my nightstand, and I find myself getting excited when my hand lands on it.

  I let out an irritated sigh, as I notice it is only six in the morning. I glance back over at the empty bed perplexed by the fact that Blake is awake before me. I'm always the one awake this early. I usually have to pull her from her bed kicking and screaming in the mornings to get up for group.

  Begrudgingly, I throw the blankets off of my body and make my way into the bathroom. I quickly shower and blow-dry my hair. I'm feeling anxious today to get to group, and for once I need to talk about what I had found out yesterday. As I make my way over to my bed, I notice the stack of papers strewn about the floor. My brows knit together in confusion, as I can't recall how I even made it back to my room last night.

  I neatly gather the papers and fold them back up before putting them back in the envelope in which I received them. I toss the envelope back on the bed and continue getting dressed for the day. I'm feeling better today, even optimistic. I can feel myself making real progress, and I won't let something like this slow me down. I pull on my favorite pair of skinny jeans, and a blue off the shoulder sweatshirt. Before I head out for the morning, I decide that there is something I need to do. I slowly walk over to my dresser and retrieve the sweatshirt I had always kept with me, and drop it in the wastebasket by the door. I grab the envelope and tuck it tightly into my back pocket as I make my way out to grab some coffee. Just as I reach the cafeteria, I am met by the most beautiful shade of blue. His eyes are staring at me questioningly and I can't help but feel a little nervous under his scrutinizing gaze.

  "Good Morning, Riley."

  My heart melts at the sound of his voice and I find myself at a loss of words. I smile a genuine smile before I finally find the words to respond. "Morning, Tristan."

  "How'd you sleep?"

  "Good I guess. I don't remember ever going to bed, but oh well. You?"

  As I reach for a cup to pour my coffee into, Tristan gently reaches for my free hand and places a hot cup of coffee in it.

  "Cream and five sugar packets, right?"

  I can feel my face flush a deep red and I nod. How did he know how I took my coffee? His hand lingers on mine for a second longer than usual, but he quickly pulls it away when he realizes what he's doing. My eyes meet his as a small smile spreads across my face as I take my first sip of mouth-watering coffee.

  My eyes drift away from his for half a second, as I notice London heading towards us. Tristan begins to speak, but London's voice almost immediately cuts him off.

  "Well good morning, Riley. I hope I'm not interrupting."

  "You kind of are." Tristan mutters as he stands in an intimidating stance at my side.

  "Well I'll make it brief then. I just wanted to make sure you were okay after leaving group so abruptly yesterday." He sounds off and not at all genuine, but I play it off to my drowsiness.

  "I'm okay London, thanks for asking."

  "Of course. Well I'll let you to get back to it. See you both in group in a few."

  As London walks away from us, Tristan reaches out for my hand and gently curls his fingers around mine. "Can we talk for a minute?"

  "Yeah, of course." I let him keep his hold on my hand, not because I'm ashamed to pull away, but because for once, I actually like the physical contact. Tristan leads me through the large room of tables to the back patio, before he finally releases me.

  "Riley, do you remember yesterday at all?"

  I take a seat in my usual spot and motion for Tristan to sit next to me. "Kind of. I remember reading a letter from my mother and then, it all gets a little fuzzy. Wait, didn't you come out here to check on me?"

  "Yeah." He's hesitant in his response and this throws me a bit. "I'm the one who took you to your room last night. You cried until you fell asleep and then I carried you to bed."

  I can feel the embarrassment present in my blush, but somehow find peace in knowing that it wasn't a complete stranger who helped me to bed. "I'm so sorry, Tristan. You shouldn't have had to see any of that."

  His hand slowly slides onto my knee and he gives it a tight squeeze. "Don't you realize, I would do anything for you?"

  My face quickly shoots up to his, instantly finding his lips. I remember this, that I am sure of. I deepen the kiss as Tristan's hand makes its way into the back of my hair. His tongue slides across my lower lip and I don't hesitate, granting him access to the depths of my mouth. When our tongues meet, I feel a surge of excitement roll through me. This was something I had never experienced. His touch is warm and I can feel his heart racing beneath my touch. And just as quickly as it had started, he ended it. I pull back feeling ashamed of myself. When I'm about to apologize profusely and then run away, Tristan places a tender kiss to my cheek and smiles.

  "Don't even think about apologizing for that. The only reason I stopped it, is because we are going to be late. That and I'm pretty sure, I wouldn't be able to stop myself if it went any further."

  A small giggle escapes my lips and I smile up at him. "You're a mystery Tristan. One I hope you'll let me try to figure out."

  "I think that could be arranged."

  I sat there staring at him alm
ost as if he was a figment of my imagination. I can feel the butterflies in my stomach taking flight, and I welcome the foreign feeling. Before I have a chance to say anything, Tristan is pulling me to my feet and heading towards group. When we reach the doorway, Tristan comes to an abrupt halt.

  "Are you okay?" I try to whisper so only he can hear, but unfortunately the rest of the group is standing behind us now.

  "I'm okay. Look at Mr. Rollins and London. Don't they look like they're getting into it?"

  "A little. I don't understand."

  "Never mind, let's just go inside." Before I can respond, he's tugging at my arm and pulling me over to my usual seat.

  I glance over at London and can tell that he looks heated. His face is flushed a dark red and his mouth is pulled into a tight line. I wonder what could've caused those two to have such a horrible argument. As far as I knew, they barely knew each other.

  Today I don't pull my feet up under me and I don't stare down at the ground. Today I am standing tall and ready to take on my problems head on. Tristan must notice my confident posture, because he leans over to me, making sure I can see the shit eatin' grin splayed across his face.

  "You just think you're funny, don't you?" I tease.

  "Maybe."

  "Alright group, let's start. Um, Riley have you seen Blake this morning?"

  "I haven't seen her since last night."

  "Okay, I'll ask the nurses up front what's going on. All right, back to business. Today I want everyone to share something that they feel will or has changed their life since they've been in here. Any volunteers to start."

  Before I know what I'm doing, my hand flies up and I am the only person willing to share any information. I feel Tristan lean in closely, but I just put my hand up to put him off. This is something I need to do.

  "Well alright. Riley please go ahead, you have the floor."

  I slowly stand and try to steady myself, when I feel Tristan's warm skin against mine. His fingers are sliding between mine and closing around them. Usually I wouldn't like the public displays of affection, but today I need this.

  "Well, yesterday I found out some pertinent information about my mother. The nurse at the front desk gave me the letter, which basically changed my entire world in one day. First off, come to find out, it wasn't my mother who tried to kill me as a child, it was my father." I can hear the gasps echo off of the walls in the large oversized room, but that was my second observation. The only thing I could concentrate on was how tightly Tristan was now squeezing my hand. I give his a small squeeze in a reassuring fashion, before I continue. "I also found out that she left me everything she owned. Now, I'm not a materialistic person. It's kind of hard to be when you bounce around in foster care your entire life, but this made my day because now, I have a way out of here." I can hear Tristan take in a sharp breath, but I continue anyway. "I have a home. A real home with windows and a yard, and a car." I can feel the tears welling up behind my eyelids, threatening to expose themselves. "For the first time in my life, I have a place to call my own." I quickly wipe away the small tear that has formed before anyone can notice, and then sit back down. Tristan tries to pull his hand out of mine, but I refuse to let him. Little did he know that him just holding my hand, actually gave me the courage to do what I just did.

  I was staring at Tristan when Mr. Rollins’ voice broke through my thoughts. "Well, I think I speak for all of us here when I say, that's wonderful. I truly hope that this will bring you some peace in life. Now we can start on some one on one therapy and get ya out of here."

  I gave Mr. Rollins a small smile and then returned my attention to Tristan, who now looked a little bit angry.

  "Are you okay?" I whisper.

  He doesn't answer, just nods his head. Obviously something is bothering him, but I wouldn't want to be pushed, so I won't push him. I turn my attention back on the group and slowly slide my hand out from under his. I can feel his anger radiating off of him and all I want to do is hug him. I want to be there for him like he has been there for me.

  The last half hour of group drags on at an excruciatingly slow pace. When Mr. Rollins finally calls it to a close, I let out a sigh of relief. Tristan quickly grabs my hand and forcefully pulls me all the way out to the back balcony.

  "Tristan, would you please ease up a little. You're hurting me." He doesn't stop or slow down until we are completely alone. He drops my hand and starts pacing back and forth not saying a word. "Tristan, are you going to talk to me?" He throws his finger up to tell me just a minute, but now I'm getting irritated. "Look, you dragged me out here not the other way around."

  "Do you remember who saved you that night?"

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Tristan

  I can tell my words shocked her and threw her off balance a bit. If she still couldn't remember, then I was going to have to force her to remember.

  "Honestly, no."

  She's hanging her head in shame and I feel bad. My intentions were never to make her feel bad, just to help her get answers. Truthful answers.

  "Why do you want to know, Tristan?"

  I pushed my hands back through my hair, letting out a deep breath. "Well...

  The back door came flying open at that moment and I see a furious Blake, heading in our direction. I'm not quite sure what's wrong with her, but it can't be good. She looks pissed.

  "Riley, we need to talk. Now!" Riley and I both jump a little at the edge in her tone.

  "Can you just give us a minute?"

  "No! No I can't. Come with me now, please?"

  Riley turns and gives me an apologetic smile. This wasn't how this was supposed to happen. Damn it. I reach out for Riley's hand, but Blake has already pulled her close enough to the door that I can't reach her anymore. I turn and kick over the trashcan closest to me. This was bullshit. I just needed ten minutes; I don't think that's asking too much. The metal can clatters off of the ground and rolls away from me.

  I make the decision to go find Riley and see if she is okay, but that turns out to be one of the worst ideas I've ever had. Riley and Blake are sitting in the common room, and I can hear Blake's voice from where I'm standing across the room.

  "He's a cop, or a private investigator, whatever you want to call it. He doesn't even sleep here, Riley. Hell, I wouldn't put it past him to be pretending he's a patient here."

  Shit, shit, double shit. How the fuck did she find out?

  "How do you know, Blake? You don't even know him." My heart melts at Riley's attempt to defend my lies.

  "Honey, not only is he the cop that showed up at my house, but he's a surfer. He has been surfing the same point as my group and me since I can remember. He was also one of the cops on the scene when I was pulled from the ocean. I know him. I know where he lives, and I know what kind of guy he is."

  "Well I know what kind of guy he is too." Riley pushed her chair back from the table and stood toe to toe with Blake. "I don't believe what you're saying."

  "Just ask him then. I'm even willing to bet that he's the one who saved you, Riley."

  Riley's face goes stark white as every piece of the puzzle starts clicking in place. This wasn't how she was supposed to find out. I was supposed to be the one telling her. The minute I read her mother's letter, I knew I had to tell her the truth before someone else did. Riley glances over at me and I'm stuck in place. She's livid, I can see it and she's out for blood. My blood, unfortunately.

  It takes Riley a whole twenty steps to get to where I am, and she looks even more pissed off than just seconds ago.

  "Outside, now!"

  I follow her, not knowing exactly what is about to happen, but my emotions suddenly click into preservation mode. I need this girl more than she will ever know, and if I lose her, well I would be losing a part of me.

  "Riley, let me explain."

  "Oh you will explain, and you'll do it in the next five minutes or I am walking out of your life for good."

  I took in a deep breath, "Okay, Blake was some
what right about me. I am a cop and private investigator. I've been with the force for four years. My first PI case was yours." I can't bring myself to see her reaction. I know that was a big blow, but she needs to hear the rest. "Your mother hired me to find you. I'm the PI that has been following you. I followed you that night on the bluff. I watched you, wondering what you were going to do. I had remembered a story your mother had told me about your father taking you there for a picnic or something. She told me that if I couldn't find you anywhere else, to look there. I watched you close your eyes as the wind whipped around you. I remember how absolutely stunning you looked. When you put your arms out to your sides, I knew you were going to jump. After watching you for as long as I had, I just couldn't let you do it. I knew you didn't have much to live for, but a part of me wanted to be a reason. I thought you would remember, but you didn't." I looked up to see if she was still standing in front of me, when I felt her hand connect with the side of my face.

  "How dare you. You made me trust you, but the entire time, you have just been playing me. You made me feel for you so you could learn my secrets and now you want what?"

  I wanted to tell her she was wrong, but I would be lying and that's what got us here in the first place. I wanted to pull her into me and never let her go. I had fallen for this girl in the last three months that I had followed her and gotten to know her here. I needed her to understand that.

  "Riley, it wasn't like that. It wasn't all a lie."

  "I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!" She storms off in the opposite direction from me, and at this point I have no choice but to let her go.

  I can't help but to feel like she was taking a piece of me with her. This was going to be more than I could bear, I could feel it deep in my soul. Without a second thought, I go in search of Blake. Who the hell did she think she was anyway? I scan the common room, but there is no sign of her anywhere. It's possible that she is in her and Riley's room, but there is no way in hell I'm going in there. Just as I'm headed back towards the dining hall, I see London walking in my direction. Before I can dodge him, he yells at me from across the room.