Secrets Between Us

by Valerie Keogh

  ‘Ellie,’ he said, moving to sit on the bed beside her. ‘I have an idea.’

  She said nothing, closing her eyes as if to shut him and his idea out.

  Will reached for her hand and held it tightly. ‘Actually, it was your idea,’ he said, ‘I just built on it. You suggested we pretend Tia was you, she could go abroad and have a termination. Nobody would question it.’

  Ellie opened her eyes and turned to look at him. ‘It’s the only way,’ she said quietly. ‘Nobody would question it. They might be curious as to why we didn’t have it here in the UK but they are unlikely to ask.’

  Will nodded eagerly. ‘Nobody would question it,’ he agreed. ‘Tia would say her name was Ellie and she’d have the termination.’ He watched a look of puzzlement cross Ellie’s face and squeezed her hand again. ‘But what if she says her name is Ellie and she has the baby?’

  Ellie snatched her hand away, threw the duvet back and got out of bed. Naked, she stood staring at him, eyes wide in disbelief. ‘Are you out of your mind?’

  ‘It could work,’ he pleaded. ‘She uses your name and has the baby. Meanwhile you pretend to be pregnant—’

  ‘Stop!’ she yelled at him, grabbing her robe from the hook on the back of the door and leaving, running bare-foot down the stairs.

  He followed her to the sitting room where she paced the floor, hands clenched by her side. ‘You cannot seriously think I’m going to pretend to be pregnant while Tia goes ahead and has your child?’ she said, brushing off his hands as he tried to hold her. ‘That is the most deranged thing I have ever heard.’

  ‘It could work,’ he repeated. ‘It was your idea.’

  She stepped up to him and, before he could move away, she lifted her hand and slapped him hard across the face.

  Both of them were stunned into silence. She took a step backward, lifting her hand to her mouth. He lifting his hand to the stinging pain on his cheek.

  Ellie sat on the sofa, her anger gone, a look of deep sadness on her face. ‘It was my idea for Tia to pretend to be me for a couple of days to get us out of this mess. You’re talking about a charade that would need to last for months and fool so many people.’ She looked at him. ‘I can’t believe you’re seriously entertaining this idea. Have you thought of the consequences? The lies we’d have to tell?’

  He sat in the chair and leaned towards her. ‘For it to work, we’d have to plan for every eventuality, consider the risks. You know business deals, Ellie, how to look at all the implications, weigh up the options and devise a strategy. It’s what you’re good at.’ He took a deep breath. ‘I want this baby, it may be my only chance.’

  She looked at him with her mouth open. Shutting it, she attempted a laugh that ended in a croak as she realised how serious he was. She stared at him for a moment, lost for words that would, in any way, suit the occasion before standing to pace the room again.

  Finally, she returned to stand over him. ‘It’s impossible,’ she said firmly, ‘I can’t do it.’ She turned away, then looked back at him and shook her head. Her next words were less emphatic. ‘You can’t ask this of me, Will. Anyway,’ she added, turning to sit on the sofa beside him, ‘it wouldn’t work.’

  He leaned back to look at her. ‘It could work,’ he said. ‘But, as I said, it needs planning.’ When she didn’t reply, a look of consternation lingering on her face, he continued, ‘It’s the only way. We book into a private clinic, register her as Ellie Armstrong, my wife, and for the next few months, we live the lie.’

  She shook her head. ‘That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard, Will. I still think a termination is the best option.’

  He stood abruptly and then sat again and dropped his head into his hands. A moment later, he raised his face and looked at her. ‘I’m sorry, Ellie. But I want this child. I know it’s not going to be easy but this way we also avoid any potential problems. Nobody will ever need to know.’ He leaned towards her and smiled grimly. ‘There has to be some advantages to being a twin, Ellie. Why would anyone suspect?’ He watched as she digested what he’d said, chewing her lower lip as she tried to make sense of it all.

  She shook her head emphatically. ‘It’s impossible. You’re talking about deceiving our friends and co-workers for months, never mind the doctors and nurses we’d have to deal with. We’d never get away with it.’ She reached a hand out to him. ‘I know how much having a child means to you, I do, but this is just madness.’

  He nodded. ‘I didn’t say it was going to be easy, but I think we can do this.’ He took her hand and gripped it tightly. ‘If we work together, Ellie, we can do this.’

  She frowned and looked at him. ‘What about Tia? Won’t she give the game away?’ Then she shook her head. ‘No, of course, she’d do anything for you,’ she said, the words out before she thought. She watched as his cheeks reddened. ‘It’s the truth, you know it is.’

  He shrugged and nodded. ‘Okay, you’re probably right, what do you suggest we do?’

  Ellie shook her head. ‘You ask me, I tell you, but you don’t listen,’ she said, her voice rising in frustration. ‘I suggest we go ahead with a termination.’

  He cut the air with an impatient slice of his hand. ‘I want this baby,’ he said again, his voice firm, a hard look in his eyes.

  ‘And if I don’t cooperate?’ She lifted her chin and met his gaze. ‘This is too much to ask of me. You know how badly I feel not being able to give you the child you want. And now you expect me to sit back and take part in this charade while my sister…my twin sister…gives you what I can’t?’ Her voice broke on the last words, her face stricken.

  Guilt shot through him, not just for what he had done, but for what he was about to say. ‘Don’t you owe it to me, for the secret you kept from me? Deep down, you must have known you’d never be able to have a child. There were signs…’

  She reeled back as if he’d hit her.

  He looked away from the pain on her face. He’d make it up to her. He just needed her to do this one thing. There was silence in the room broken only by her heavy breathing and the occasional gulp that told him she was trying her best not to cry.

  ‘Fine,’ she said eventually, sounding defeated. ‘I’ll do it.’

  He kept his tone of voice serious, despite his relief, and said, ‘It’s not going to be easy. We’ll need Tia to play her part.’ Chewing on his lip for a moment, he avoided her eyes. ‘We’ll get her registered with an obstetric clinic. She just needs to attend for scans and such. I can tell them she’s very shy, that I have to be with her every moment. They won’t suspect a thing, why would they?’

  If it felt like they’d wandered onto the set of a very bad play where everyone made up their own lines, neither of them said, both sitting silently, thinking of the parts they’d have to play, wondering if they could really pull this off.

  Will looked at Ellie from the corner of his eyes. She looked pale, desolate. The guilt stung but then he thought of the baby. It would be worth it. He’d find a way to make it up to her.

  ‘And, meanwhile, you’ll have to pretend to be pregnant.’ It wasn’t a question. A statement. He needed her to do this. For him. For them.

  Ellie shut her eyes for a second. He made it sound like a walk in the park. The idea of pretending to be pregnant was horrific but, as bad as that was, the thought of watching Tia grow large with her husband’s child was even worse. But Will was right, she had deceived him…not deliberately…not really, but the result was the same. She couldn’t give him the child he desperately wanted. Maybe going along with this insane plan would go some way towards putting things right. She took a deep breath; he was right, she did owe it to him.

  ‘…will have to stay indoors,’ Will was saying.

  ‘Sorry?’ she said, with a shake of her head, ‘I missed that. What did you say?’

  ‘I said Tia will have to stay indoors from now on,’ he repeated slowly. ‘We can’t risk one of the shop staff noticing or bumping into someone we know if we go out together. He lo
oked at her face. ‘You look like a rabbit caught in the headlights,’ he said with a slight smile.

  ‘I feel more like a rabbit caught in a huge snare, the more I wriggle the more I’m trapped.’ She looked at him. ‘This is a crazy idea, Will. I’m really not sure we should go through with it.’

  His face became set. ‘We can do this. It’s just getting all the nitty-gritty sorted,’ he said.

  Conceding defeat with a shake of her head, she asked, ‘How are we going to get her to stay indoors, she’ll never remember?’

  He shrugged. ‘I’ll tell her it’s not safe to go out any more. She listens to me.’

  She blinked but said nothing. And then something else occurred to her, making her shake her head. ‘What about that gynaecologist we saw, Dr Gardiner? He’ll know I can’t possibly be pregnant.’

  She watched irritation cross his face. He’d not thought about that. Or about the amount of lies they’d need to tell. She was already starting to lose count.

  Will pursed his lips as he thought, his face clearing as an idea came to him. ‘We’ll register her under your maiden name, well, her own surname, actually. It will be easier anyway if anyone asks her, she’ll be able to tell the truth without causing confusion. It won’t be that unusual, plenty of women keep their maiden name, after all. When we register the baby’s birth we can revert to Armstrong.’

  He frowned. ‘It might be better to go somewhere discreet, just in case. Somewhere they’re used to dealing with the rich and famous and their secrets. I’ll look into it and get an appointment.’ He tapped his chin with his finger. ‘I wonder if we need to go to our GP first. That might be awkward.’

  Ellie shook her head. ‘If you’re going privately you’ll be okay. Money cuts corners.’

  Will smiled. ‘Good. One worry less.’

  One worry less? She looked at him with a sinking feeling in her stomach. He was so focused on this baby that he was ignoring the reality. Of course, she thought bitterly, he wasn’t the one who had to pretend to be pregnant.

  Weariness hit her. ‘I’m heading to bed,’ she said, ‘we can finish this tomorrow. She stood up. ‘I’ll explain the situation to Tia. It might take a few days to get through to her.’

  ‘Just a second,’ he said, stopping her. ‘What about afterwards?’

  Her hand on the doorknob, she took a breath. ‘What about it?’ she asked, playing for time, she knew exactly what he meant but she wasn’t sure he was ready to cope with the answer.

  ‘Well, Tia’s going to have to stay, isn’t she?’

  She turned back then, holding onto the door to support her suddenly shaky legs and stared at him coldly. Was he really that stupid? Did he think they were all going to play happy families together? A ménage à trois? She thought of the perfume bottle and felt her gut twist. ‘Oh no, Will,’ she said, keeping her voice calm with difficulty. ‘We will bring up your child but Tia will go to Brighton. That part is non-negotiable.

  Non-negotiable,’ she repeated and then, without another word, turned the doorknob and left the room.

  24

  Ellie slept little, her mind whirling with too many emotions. She was crazy to have agreed to this ridiculous plan. She’d tell him it was impossible. Tia would have to have a termination. It was the only sensible way.

  But each time she reached this conclusion, guilt lashed her. She had misled him, hadn’t she? She knew how desperately he wanted a family. And it would only be for a few months. She calculated quickly. Seven. Less, maybe. She would go ahead with the charade.

  But then anger would burn her. How cruel he was to ask this of her? How utterly selfish? She’d insist that Tia have a termination.

  And round and round it went.

  At six, she crawled out of bed and stood under the shower for a long time. It was tempting to ring her office, say she’d come down with something. One look in the mirror made her smile ruefully; it looked as if she had.

  But if she stayed at home, she’d have to face Tia. All day. Work was infinitely preferable. Dressed, she looked in the mirror again. Make-up had helped. She’d pass.

  She saw sad eyes looking back at her. ‘You’ve made up your mind, haven’t you?’

  She had and, deciding there was no time like the present to start the charade, she went to tell Tia the news.

  She was already awake, watching television, the volume low.

  ‘Hi,’ Ellie said, pulling a chair near to the bed. ‘I need to talk to you.’

  Tia said nothing, eyes wide.

  Ellie cleared her throat. There was no point in being dainty or subtle about this. ‘Remember when I asked you if you knew how babies were made and you told me you did?’

  Tia hesitated and then nodded.

  ‘And then you told me that only Will had been…with you,’ she gulped, unable, unwilling to go into the details.

  Tia smiled. ‘Yes.’

  Ellie looked away. She would have sworn that smile was of pleasure. ‘Well,’ she said, her voice hard from the effort of trying to keep her emotions in check, ‘it appears that you are now going to have a baby.’

  She looked back. Tia’s expression had changed. Now she looked confused. ‘I don’t understand.’

  ‘You know how babies are made,’ Ellie tried again, waiting until Tia nodded. ‘Well when you and…Will…did that, you made a baby.’ She nodded to where the duvet covered Tia’s stomach. ‘You’ve already got a little bump where the baby is.’

  Immediately, Tia threw back the duvet and pulled up the T-shirt she was wearing. The bump was small but distinct. Her hand caressed it as Ellie looked on aghast before standing abruptly. She’d done enough for the moment.

  She was about to go downstairs when the image of the bump came into her head. She looked down at the figure-hugging top she was wearing and groaned. If she was going to go along with this mad scheme, she had to do it right. Back in her bedroom, she flicked through the hangers in her wardrobe and finally decided on a loose, floral shirt. A slight smile of amusement curved her lips as she wondered how long it would be before tongues would start wagging?

  The smile vanished. They’d wag a lot harder if they knew the truth.

  Downstairs, Will was already up and dressed. She reached for the pot of coffee he’d made. ‘I’ve told her,’ she said, pouring a cup. ‘She seemed to understand. I’ll talk to her again about it tomorrow.’ She sipped her coffee. ‘I’ll make the appointment with the obstetrician. I doubt if we’ll get an appointment for a week at least so we’ll have a few days to get her ready.’

  She ignored his grateful look. ‘I’m going with you on this, Will,’ she said, ‘but I still think it’s crazy.’

  He reached a hand across and laid it gently on her arm. ‘We’ll get through this.’ Taking his hand away, he added, ‘We should start calling Tia by your name today. Give her a chance to get used to it. In a couple of days, she won’t even notice and will answer to it automatically.’

  Ellie looked at him, her lower lip trembling. ‘So now, not only do I have a twin but a twin called Ellie who is pregnant with my husband’s child.’ She watched his eyes turn hard, defensive. ‘That is what you’re asking me to face, Will.’

  He shook his head, his eyes softening. ‘For a few months, Ellie,’ he pleaded. ‘Please, you know how much it means to me.’

  She nodded, ever so slightly. ‘Okay, Ellie it is. But you explain to Tia. Don’t leave that one for me.’

  He nodded. ‘I’ll tell her it’s for the baby’s sake. She won’t question it.’

  Ellie didn’t know what he said to her but, the first time she called her Ellie, Tia merely blinked rapidly and said nothing. After about two days she answered to it with only a little hesitation.

  A few days later, while she was getting dinner and Tia was setting the table, Will came into the room with the newspaper in his hand. ‘Have you seen this article, Ellie?’ he said without looking up.

  Both women looked toward him and said no, almost simultaneously. In the ensuing, uncomf
ortable silence, Ellie closed her eyes, her head suddenly spinning at the absurdity of what they were trying to achieve.

  Will, with an embarrassed glance in her direction, left the room quickly. From then on, she noticed, he never addressed either of them by name when the other was present.

  Two days before the appointment, she was sitting in her office trying to catch up with work she’d let slide. She was worried. Over the past few days, she had gently broached the subject of babies with Tia a number of times. It was hard to know how much she took in, she smiled and nodded as if she understood everything she was told, but Ellie wasn’t convinced.

  Suddenly, she had a brainwave. One quick internet search later, a few clicks of her keyboard and she sat back. A DVD on childbirth would be delivered to her home address by express delivery that afternoon.

  Putting it out of her head, she concentrated on the report she was trying to write, working through lunch in order to finish it, then sighing with relief when she was able to press send. She put her arms over her head and stretched, her eyes flicking to her watch. Almost four, it would have arrived by now. Tia would need to watch it several times before it would sink in.

  Decision made, she stood. ‘I have to leave early,’ she told her secretary, ignoring the look of surprise on her face. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’

  The offices were modern; glass and steel, leaving little opportunity for moving about unnoticed. It was the second time she’d left early recently, and some eyebrows raised as she walked toward the exit carrying her bag and coat. Ignoring the looks, keeping her pace slow and steady, she kept her eyes focused on the exit and left the building. It would work in her favour when she eventually broke the news about her pregnancy.

  The DVD was, as promised, waiting on the doormat when she got home. She picked it up and, without waiting to take off her coat, opened the door into the kitchen. Tia was in her usual place in the living room watching a movie. Ellie wondered, not for the first time, how her sister managed to keep the house spotless, yet never seemed to leave the sofa.