Fighting To Stay

by P. J. Belden

“Gare?”

  My voice is so soft that I’m afraid he didn’t hear me. Looking down at me, the worry in his eyes clouds them. Removing one hand from the wheel and looking back down at me, he runs his thumb across my cheek.

  “I’m taking you to the hospital, baby. Just rest. We’ll be there soon.”

  “I love you… you know just in case…”

  “You’re going to be just fine, baby. You’ll see.” The sadness in his voice is thick.

  My eyes are rebelling against me and they close. Unable to open them, I can only hear the things around me.

  “Please hang on, baby. Please hang on,” Garrett keeps saying repeatedly until I hear nothing else and it all just fades away. I dose off. I hear things happening in the distance—or is it all a dream.

  Man, I feel like shit.

  Slowly opening my eyes, they immediately reject the light. There’s a rustling noise from somewhere in the darkness that my eyes can’t stand to see.

  “How’s she doing?”

  “I don’t…” Garrett clears his throat. “The port site is infected. She’s running a fever that they’ve yet to break. They’ve put her on an IV for fluids and to get the meds in faster, treated the site, and now we wait.”

  There’s silence before I hear a gruff voice that I do not recognize. “How are you doing?”

  “I’m scared. The meds should have kicked in by now. We should be at home enjoying our time together. She… She had just told me she loved me.” His hand touches my face. “I’m a doctor, her doctor, yet here she is… in a hospital bed and I didn’t see the signs. I was too busy trying to convince her to take the leap with me than paying attention about her arm.”

  Another pause fills in before that unfamiliar voice speaks again. “You did nothing wrong. You’ve been in love with her forever. You weren’t in the office so you weren’t on the clock. Does she know what you went through for her?”

  “No and I’m not telling her either. She’s my everything, Fred. She’s more than that… If she doesn’t pull through this…”

  “You haven’t thought like this since you left two years ago. I know you love her. You two grew up side by side pretty much. However, if she’s bringing this self-doubt back out in you, maybe she’s not what you need. Has that thought crossed your mind before?”

  A long pause stretches on and I’m straining to hear his response. Has he thought about it before? Is he second-guessing things now? Is the answers to all those questions—yes?

  Everything around me has been falling apart for a long time. I’ve never let anyone in to know that. Josh, Hailey and I are not as close as we used to be. In fact, that’s why I live in town and they live three hours away in the country.

  When we were younger, we had a fight, something petty and normal for siblings, but for whatever reason none of us wanted to apologize for it. It is our seriously stubborn sides.

  Years passed by without any contact between the three of us. It tore my mother apart. She was diagnosed with lung cancer and things changed. My father would take none of us upsetting mom. We had to force fake smiles and come to the house every weekend for a family meal.

  One year later, Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer as well. Within a year Dad passed, mom followed right behind him only three months later. It was the hardest span of time for us. That is the drastic measures it took for us to get passed that stupid, petty fight, the death of our parents.

  Ever since then, Josh has been overprotective and Hailey has been micromanaging all of us. Me, well, I’ve just been trying to get by. My parents and I were very close. When they passed away, I was lost and empty. Garrett was a great friend and helped me through so much during that time.

  Now here to find out, he’s been fighting against something too. I think it may be me. If I’m that bad for him, maybe I need to let him go before we get too attached. Well, I think it may be too late for me, but maybe I can save him and his heart.

  His lips rest on my forehead for a moment. “No, the thought never crossed my mind. She gave me a reason to fight, a reason to stay. I told you that I was in love with her when I was thirteen. It’s not ever waivered since. Now, now that I know what it’s like to have her love returned, I can’t imagine not having it. She’s my sun and moon. I know you’re only looking out for me, but there’s nothing that will take me away from her, not now, not ever.”

  Slowly, sleep claims me again. The voices fade out to the peaceful sounds of nothingness.

  Groaning, I open my eyes and am thankful for the dim room. My head is pounding and I am freezing. The only thing I want right now is Garrett’s warm arms wrapped around me.

  “Garrett,” I moan softly, unable to speak any louder. “Garrett?”

  “Ma’am, can I get something for you?” A female voice asks.

  Shaking my head, at least I think I do. “I want Garrett. Where’s Garrett? Garrett!” I sob.

  “Ma’am, you need to calm down,” the woman insists, holding me down to the bed as I hear another noise in the background.

  “Get away from me! I want Garrett. Garrett,” I sob and yell at the same time, trying to buck this woman off me.

  “Baby? Baby, I’m right here. Shhh,” he coos softly as he touches my face.

  The woman looks at Garrett as she backs away from the bed. “She needs to remain calm. That is just uncalled for,” she huffs.

  “You can leave now. I can take care of her. If you can’t have a better bedside manner, you can start looking for another job while you’re at it,” he hisses in a tone that I’ve never heard come from him.

  “Yes, Sir,” she mumbles as she leaves the room.

  He looks down at me and his face immediately softens. “What’s wrong baby? How are you feeling?”

  “I’m freezing. My head is killing me. Get me warm please,” I beg.

  Garrett helps me shift over and he climbs into the bed with me. Gently, his arms wrap around me and I’m immediately calm. His touch soothes me, even when I’m on the verge of a panic attack.

  “Shhh, I have you baby. I’m never letting you go,” he whispers into my hair.

  “I don’t feel good,” I whimper.

  “I know baby. You should feel better soon. Just close your eyes and get some sleep. I’m right here.”

  Tenderly, he strokes my back and soon I pray that this is better soon. I don't like this feeling. His touch is like a sedative I’m soothed back to sleep.

  Two days later and we are finally heading home. I miss my bed. The port is all-good now and I have not had a fever in over twenty-four hours. So I can keep the regular schedule for chemo. I’m not sure I’m thankful for that or if I’m upset.

  Over the past couple of days, Garrett has stressed himself stupid over me. I need to really think about his future, but I’ll wait and see how things go before I talk to him—I just want him happy. I love him like I never knew love before. For all I know, I’ll pull through all this nightmare and never have a damn thing to worry about. Sure I may not be able to have kids, but if I have Garrett, I’m the happiest I’ll ever be.

  “Hey,” Garrett brushes his hand down my cheek. “What are you thinking about?”

  “Tomorrow,” I say quietly not meeting his eyes.

  He pulls into the parking spot right in front of the building. Without saying another word, he climbs from the truck, walks around to my side, opens the door, and turns me sideways. Brushing the hair from my face, he lifts my chin up until I’m looking in his eyes.

  “I’m going to be with you every step of the way. Any question, any problems, I’m going to be there. Okay?”

  A tear slips down my cheek. “I’m going to lose my hair,” I say softly.

  He wipes the tear away. “I know, but you will still be the sexiest woman alive.”

  “Are you sure you’re ready for this? I won’t be upset if this is all too much for you and you want to bail. It is overwhelming for me.”

  He laughs and leans in kissing me. “Healthy or sick, I’m not leaving you. Yo
u’re stuck with me.”

  Jumping on his back, we laugh as he acts as if he’s a horse galloping up the stairs. Taking my keys from me when he reaches my door, he unlocks it and enters.

  “What the fuck,” he gasps, shocked.

  Sliding down his back, I look around my trashed apartment. Anger fills me so completely that I don’t think before walking into the apartment and up the stairs. There in the middle of the disaster that used to be my room, are shredded remains of everything of mine.

  What is scarier than that are pictures of me sleeping, pictures of Garrett, and me with my siblings.

  “That bastard’s going to pay for this,” I hiss as I turn to storm out.

  Garrett wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me back against him. “You need to stop. Let’s go to my house. You are not going after him. Where’s your phone? I left mine in the truck.”

  Pulling out my phone, I hand it to him. Walking back over to the pictures, I glance at all of them. Picking up the ones of Garrett holding me while I slept and kissing me, I smile.

  “At least we have these memories captured thanks to my evil bastard ex,” I say as another photo catches my eyes.

  A sob escapes before I can stop it and I fall to my knees as I gather the photo. Lying on the ground cut and bleeding is my brother. A message is scrawled on the back says, “I’ll take out everyone until you come back to me where you fucking belong.”

  Garrett’s warm comforting arms wrap around me, lifting me from the ground. Turning in his arms, I bury my face in his chest.

  “He was hurt because of me. My brother was hurt because I kicked him out.”

  “Baby, this isn’t your fault. This guy is a nut job. I’m glad you’re away from him, not just because I have you now, but because you weren’t safe with him.”

  There are voices from downstairs and Garrett informs me that he has called the police. We head downstairs, answer all the questions they have for me. They go around the apartment looking at all the damage. My heart sinks the more and more I take in the destruction. My home, it is gone.

  “Ma’am, do you have somewhere else you can go for a while?” One of the officers asks as he comes back over to us.

  “I…” I start, but Garrett interrupts me.

  “Yes, she does.”

  “I suggest you gather what’s important and head there. We will need to be in contact about all findings we may have. How’s tomorrow work for you?”

  Dropping my head, I take a deep breath. “I’m starting chemo treatments tomorrow.”

  “Oh, Ma’am,” he removes his hat. “I’m sorry. We will get this guy. I promise you. Just go to your safe place.”

  “Thank you, Sir. We’ll be in touch,” Garrett says to the officer before turning to me. “Do you want to grab anything?”

  “There’s nothing left here. He destroyed everything,” I say numbly, clutching the pictures I took in my hands.

  “Come on, baby,” he wraps me in his arms as we walk out of my apartment.

  Stopping us outside by the rail just a few steps away from the door, Garrett lifts me onto it and cups my face in his hands. For a moment, he only looks at me.

  “I want you to stay at my place. Is that okay? We can go to a hotel if you’d prefer that, but I really don’t want to leave you alone.”

  Looking at the genuine concern in his eyes, my heart warms. This man shows me in every interaction how much he loves and cares about me. Whatever I did to finally be in this position, I’m so unbelievably grateful.

  “If you don’t mind me crashing with you, I would love to be able to sleep with you. I feel kind of spoiled over the past few days.”

  “The only way you deserve to be is spoiled,” he smiles before kissing me lightly.

  Before he could pull away, I wrap my legs around his waist, pull him in tighter, and deepen the kiss. After all that has gone on over the past few days and especially just now, I need this reprieve. That is exactly what Garrett’s kisses are to me. Relaxation and a calmer in lip form.

  Pulling away, he looks at me with heavy lidded eyes. “If we do this any longer… Let’s get back to my place.”

  I wiggle my hips against him, rubbing his erection between my legs where I want him badly. His growl fills the sexually charged air and I smile innocently at him.

  “I’ll take you right here on this rail. After having a taste of you at the hospital, I need more. I’m addicted. So don’t tempt me. Hop on my back and let’s go,” he instructs with his warning as he turns around.

  Giggling, I hop on his back and he practically runs down the stairs. As we are walking across the parking lot, I get a strong feeling of someone watching us. Not making it noticeable, I look around the lot and spot his car. Leaning forward, I whisper in Garrett’s ear.

  “We are being watched. Please don’t look around, but I’m done with this bastard.”

  Turning his head, he smiles. “What are you up to, beautiful?”

  “I’m taking my life back. I’m not giving him a chance to ruin it any longer,” I smirk.

  He opens the door of his truck and sets me in there. Running around to the other side, he jumps in and looks at me. I’m not sure who moves first, me or him, but regardless his mouth is on mine, devouring me once more. Shifting over, I straddle his lap. His hands push up the back of my shirt unclipping my bra. The minute his hands move around to play and caress my breasts, I move my hands down to his pants. Unbuckling them, I push my hand inside.

  “Ah, shit, baby. Stop. I’m not making love to you in my truck, not yet anyway.”

  “How fast can you get us to your place,” I ask as I bite his lower lip.

  “Oh, I’ll push it,” he laughs as I slide back over to my seat.

  When he goes to close up his pants, I stop him. “Nope, I’m having fun while you drive.”

  Reaching my hand in his pants, I pull his incredible length from his jeans. It makes my mouth water.

  “Dee…” he starts, but I’m already lowering my head taking him in my mouth. “Ahh, fuck,” he breathes.

  Looking up at him, I see his head tossed back. His eyes are closed, but I can see the smile on his face. Pulling off him, I lick a slow circle around the head before pressing a soft kiss to the tip.

  “Drive or I stop,” I breathe then twirl my tongue around the head.

  “Fuck,” he curses.

  Starting the truck, he puts it in drive. I can’t help the small bit of laughter that escapes when his body shudders just from my breath.

  The whole ride to his place, I tease him. His body is tense and he keeps cursing. Suddenly, we are skidding to a stop.

  “Get undressed,” he urges.

  Not caring where we are, I did as he asks. He is stripping as I am. Quickly, I climb over him and he slams me down on him, burying him completely inside of me.

  Tossing my head back, I moan. “Oh Garrett,” I breathe as my hands grip his hair tightly.

  Garrett growls and pulls me to his mouth. Moving his hands to my hips, he moves me up and down his shaft faster and faster. Lost in each other and the feelings we are creating in each other, my climax begins to build.

  Unexpectedly, we are both moaning as we cling to each other, riding out an out of this world orgasm. We break from the kiss. I continue to rise and fall on his length as I bury my face in his neck to keep from screaming.

  His fingers dug into my back as they slide down. It is the most intense moment we’ve shared yet. Moreover, the best moment I’ve ever had in my life.

  “Shit, baby, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

  Leaning back, I smile. “I’m better than okay. That was incredible.”

  “Everything is when you are involved. Let’s get inside, take a shower, and get something to eat.”

  “We’re here?” I ask as I look around.

  We are currently parked inside a garage, so I can’t tell much about his house yet, but hopefully I will soon.

  As I go to shift off him, but he holds me firmly in place. “No, I w
ill carry you in. Just like this. I’ll come back for the rest of this later.”

  He opens his door, carefully removing us from the vehicle. Opening the adjoining door, I look around to see a mudroom of sorts. A flash of little shoes, coats and backpacks fills my mind as I look at the cubby like areas that lines one of the walls with a little bench in front of them. Trying my hardest to keep the heartbreak from my face and body, I blink several times and breathe a sigh of relief when he keeps moving. He moves further into the house.

  We enter a grand kitchen, complete with an island and granite countertops. As he runs up the stairs, he’s moving in and out of me and I can’t help the moan that slips from my lips. He claims my lips purposely moving me up and down on him now as he walks toward some place that I could care less about right now.

  Vaguely, I hear a door open, right before I’m laid down on the most comfortable bed, I’ve ever lain on. Slowly, he pushes in and out of me. His kisses turn slower, but just as hungry. He cocoons me. Garrett is making love to me. He’s not just screwing me, not just reaching for a release. No, instead, he is cherishing me, loving me slowly and it leaves me breathless. After an amazing orgasmic bliss, he cocoons me. Cuddling me, I have never been happier than this very moment.

  “How’s the food?” Garrett asks watching me pick at it.

  “It’s fine,” I mumble.

  He places his hand on mine. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

  “Just not sure what I’m going to do,” I force out as the tears build in my eyes.

  Everything was fine while we were busy making love to each other. I didn’t have time to think, nor did I want to. All I wanted was to live in that moment and never come out. Now, hours later, as I sit here attempting to eat, my mind goes back to all the things that are so unsettled right now.

  “Not sure what to do about what, baby?”

  Slamming my fork down harder than I meant to as the frustration takes over. I look at him. “Well, let’s make a list here. My brother is in the hospital because Vince put him there. I’m worried about Hailey now. My apartment is in shambles. I don’t think I can live there anymore even once it’s cleaned up and put back the way it was. Therefore, now I need to find a new place to live. Then to top it all off, I start chemo tomorrow and don’t know when I’ll have time to do any of it,” I practically scream.