Not Exactly Lying

by Melody Summers

  I had to hold my hand over the microphone to smother the laughter. Man, that felt good!

  “You shot me. I can’t believe you shot me.”

  “I’m sorry, but I’m sitting in a puddle of Mountain Dew here.”

  “I don’t believe this,” he snarled. “Later. I’m out.”

  The others burst out laughing as he disconnected.

  “If you did do it on purpose, he had it coming,” Trent said.

  “It was the cat. I swear.”

  I don’t think they believed me. Maybe it was the giggles that gave me away.

  That was the turning point, though. I was back in business after that, and even down two players we kicked the other two teams’ butts. I guess I just needed a little morale booster.

  After it was all over, Quinn stuck around as usual. “It wasn’t nice walking me into an ambush.”

  “Who, me?” I asked, trying to sound innocent. “I just figured you got careless because you had your mind on a girl or something.”

  “Oh? Are you afraid of being replaced in my affections?”

  “Ecstatic is more like it.”

  “Well, tough luck. You’re the one I want.”

  I disconnected without responding and sat there staring at the blank screen while my stomach roiled. Some part of me had still held out hope that after our beach party makeout session something would have changed. I didn’t have any idea as to how or why, but I’d secretly been hoping.

  But Quinn was still just as interested in Valkyrie and disinterested in Molly as ever. It was time to admit that was never going to change, that he would never accept me as I was, and that those kisses on the beach were all I was ever going to have of him.

  Chapter Five

  The weeks slipped past quickly, as summer vacations have a tendency to do, with July already long gone and August headed for the exits. I’d been doing my best to stay as busy as possible, which was about the only way I could keep myself from wallowing over Quinn. While I’d had a serious crush on him before, now I’d moved into the full-on misery of unrequited love phase complete with listening teary-eyed to sappy music and long spells of staring up at my ceiling in the dark.

  I did not write insipid poetry about him. I still had a little pride left.

  So I spent every waking moment doing my best to lose myself in my games or in hanging out with Delaney, Dannika, and Allison—anything that would keep my mind preoccupied so that I didn’t dwell on Quinn. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of it until Delaney ambushed me one afternoon while we were playing Mario Kart.

  “Why don’t you just tell him the truth and put yourself out of your misery?”

  As my head whipped around in response to this out of the blue question, my car slammed into a wall.

  “What?”

  “Quinn,” she said patiently. “Why don’t you just tell him? You’re making yourself miserable keeping these secrets.”

  I grumbled under my breath as I maneuvered my car back onto the track and gunned the engine. “There’s no point. He’s not interested in me.”

  “You never know until you try.”

  “Trust me, I know.”

  “Okay, what the heck happened that night on the beach?”

  My car skidded through a curve and crashed again, and I glared at her. “Nothing.”

  “I mean, I’m pretty sure that you kissed him, but you’ve refused to say a word. Was it really that bad?”

  “It’s not open for discussion.”

  “But you could go behind my back and connive with Walker to manipulate my love life?”

  “That was different,” I mumbled. “It was only a stupid misunderstanding.”

  “How do you know that this isn’t a stupid misunderstanding?”

  “Because I know. He wants Valkyrie. He doesn’t care about me.”

  She gave me an odd look. “But you’re Valkyrie.”

  “No, I’m not. I’m just Molly. Valkyrie is an act. I can’t be her outside of here, in the real world where it counts. If I told Quinn the truth of it that’s what he’d want, what he’d expect—for me to be Valkyrie all the time. And when I couldn’t do it, he’d dump me.”

  Delaney stared at me, a little taken back. That just got me mad. “You want to know what happened at the beach? All right. We kissed. A lot. He took me home and we kissed some more. And then he never bothered to try to get in touch with me again. I didn’t mean anything to him. It’s just Valkyrie who matters to Quinn.”

  “It’s hard to believe after all that kissing and him taking you home that you don’t matter at all.”

  “Well, he made it pretty clear.”

  “Walker…” Delaney paused with a guilty look when I glared at her again. “Walker says he’s a nice guy. Maybe you’re not giving him enough credit.”

  “He told me, Delaney. After that night he told me—told Valkyrie—that she was the only one he wanted. The stuff on the beach didn’t mean anything to him.”

  Delaney sighed and shook her head. “Sorry, Molly. We’re just worried about you is all.”

  “I’ll be fine—but I’ll be fine not dwelling on it all the time.”

  Her face lit up with a mischievous little smile. “We just need to set you up with someone else who can make you forget about Quinn’s kisses.”

  “I’m not ever doing that again. It was too hard, and not worth the stress and panic attacks.” And no one’s kisses could possibly be as good as Quinn’s, or ever make me forget.

  She let it drop, but after that I noticed that all three of my new friends were taking extra care to make sure that I always had company or someone keeping an eye on me. It was annoying, but it made me feel good that they cared. It was nice to have friends.

  It was those same friends who convinced me a few days later to do something that I’d sworn I’d never do again—go back to the beach. Only this time instead of a party we were going to hang out at Ashton’s beach house and the more secluded stretch of beach behind it. When I asked how we rated that, Delaney just pointed to Dannika.

  Allison whispered the story to me later about how Dannika and Ashton had been all Romeo and Juliet for years—until she caught him kissing another girl their freshman year. She broke up with him and refused to take him back, even though they were both obviously still crazy about each other and constantly hung around each other as “friends.” It made me feel better about my issues with Quinn. At least I wasn’t that bad.

  Anyway, the plan was to go there and avoid the crowds so we could have some quiet time enjoying the sun and water together without my anxiety getting in the way, or at least not too much. Although Delaney offered, I passed on borrowing another bikini. Last time had been more than enough, and I had no desire to attract any more attention. The other girls were welcome to it. Even so, as I climbed into the back of Dannika’s car with Delaney I couldn’t believe I’d let them talk me into this.

  When we got to the beach house Ashton greeted Dannika with a distracted smile. “Use the fridge if you’ve got extra drinks and stuff you need to keep cold, and you can come and go as you please. Mom and Dad won’t be around.”

  Dannika’s face threatened a pout. “Aren’t you hanging out with us?”

  “I’ve got a couple of friends coming over to play a new game I picked up. We want to get as much time in as we can before school starts again.”

  That could be trouble. Ashton didn’t play online games, but he was friends with gamers I knew who did. What if one of them recognized my voice? Why hadn’t I stayed home where I belonged?

  We left most of our stuff at his house and walked down to the beach over a manicured path lined with driftwood through the dunes. Big, puffy cotton ball clouds drifted lazily overhead, driven by a sultry breeze off the Gulf. Along the water’s edge seagulls hovered and darted, their sharp, raucous cries piercing through the whooshing of the surf. It was the water that held my attention, though. The waves glittered under the brassy sun like a sea of gold and diamond, bright enough to hu
rt your eyes if you looked at it without sunglasses, and it looked like it went on forever. It was a giant mystery—all that water, with hidden depths and secrets to put mine to shame.

  Allison kicked off her flip-flops and danced in a circle on the gleaming sand. “What a gorgeous day! And best of all we don’t have far to go if we need to go to the bathroom!”

  “No Porta Potties for us today,” Delaney agreed, grinning.

  Well, at least that was one thing I wouldn’t have to suffer a panic attack over. I took what consolation I could from that while we laid out our blankets and set up a big beach umbrella.

  “Who needs sunscreen?” Dannika asked.

  As I pulled a Mountain Dew out of the cooler, my skin already felt tight and hot from the merciless August sun. I wasn’t used to it, had nothing resembling a tan, and I’d cook to a crisp in minutes if I wasn’t careful.

  “Me. I could definitely use some.”

  “I’d be happy to put that on for you.”

  My heart stopped at the teasing voice, which I usually only heard in my gaming headset. Quinn. I turned slowly towards him, wishing that I might be wrong, wishing that he might be talking to someone else, but knowing that somehow my worst fear had just come true. He was watching me with a look of playful hunger, rather like a cat might regard a mouse that had the temerity to try to run away.

  “I think I liked your last outfit better,” he said with a smirk.

  Delaney darted to my side with the sunscreen. “I’ll just bet you did.”

  Quinn did a double take and pretended that he’d just noticed her for the first time. “Hi, Delaney. Where’s Walker?”

  “Working on his uncle’s ranch this week.”

  “Too bad.” His eyes swiveled back to me. “So how about that sunscreen?”

  “I think maybe I ought to put it on her,” Delaney said.

  “Don’t be silly.” He plucked the tube from her hand and one corner of his mouth lifted up. “Turn around.”

  As he came up behind me every instinct I had told me to run away, to escape before it was too late. But then his fingers brushed my bare shoulders and I forgot all about my legs. My pulse hammered through my veins, while the rest of my body seemed paralyzed. His hands were gentle and cool as they glided lightly along my sun-baked skin to apply a liberal coating of the oily sunscreen.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  “I came over to play a game at Ashton’s.”

  His touch was mesmerizing, and my eyelids drooped as his fingers probed and massaged my shoulders and upper back. I wanted to purr and let him go on doing that all day long, but I couldn’t.

  “Thanks,” I murmured, “but I can do the rest.”

  “Too bad.”

  He lowered his head and bent in so his mouth was near my ear. The last time he’d done that we’d ended up kissing for hours, and my chest tightened with impossible wishes.

  “Molly, I’m sorry. I’m a real jerk.”

  I turned to face him, peering at him over the rims of my sunglasses. “If you’re expecting an argument from me, you’re going to be waiting for a while.”

  “Yeah. I’m not exactly a saint at the best of times, but blowing you off like that after the party was a lousy thing to do.”

  “Yes, it was. But it happened and it’s over and I’d like to forget about it.”

  He continued as though he hadn’t heard. “The thing is, I’ve been hung up on another girl for a while.”

  This tack wasn’t going to score him any points. “Which one?” I asked sweetly. “There are so many of them I don’t know how you keep track.”

  At least he had the decency to look chagrined. “Ouch. But I guess I deserve that, too. The thing is that she won’t give me the time of day.”

  “So what are you telling me? I was a stand in? Someone to make you forget her?”

  “No. I was interested in you before I met her.”

  I should have run when I had the chance. “It’s fine, Quinn. Just let it go.”

  “I don’t want to let it go,” he replied stubbornly. “I want to get to know you better.”

  With a sigh I planted my fists on my hips. “Why?”

  “I felt something that night when we kissed on the beach.”

  “Yeah? Well, I felt something, too—your tongue going down my throat. And then you never called or texted or anything.”

  He winced. “Molly…”

  “No. You just don’t do that to somebody. It’s not right.”

  “I know that. But is there any possibility that you’d consider forgiving me for it and giving me a chance to make it up to you?”

  “I really don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  His grin peeked out. “That isn’t a no.”

  I realized that the others had stopped what they were doing and were straining to hear our words over the noise of the wind and surf. Why hadn’t I stayed at home?

  “Look,” he continued. “No strings attached. No expectations. I’m not asking for anything except a chance to get to know you better.”

  Giving him my best blank look, I stepped back. “Get to know me better? I’m Molly Powers, the girl who can’t walk and chew gum at the same time. What will you do for the other twenty-three hours and fifty-nine minutes of your day?”

  “Don’t. Don’t do that.”

  “I’m not what you want, Quinn.”

  “I don’t know what I want,” he replied. “But I know what I felt.”

  “It was a mistake.”

  “Was it? Are you going to lie and tell me that you didn’t feel it, too?”

  When I didn’t answer he held out a hand. “Come on, Molly. Give me a chance.” That grin danced back onto his lips. “You know you want to.”

  “No. I really don’t.”

  “I can see it in your eyes.”

  I snorted. “I’m wearing sunglasses, you big dope.”

  His laughter warmed me more than the sun had. “You’re not at all what people think you are, are you? Why do you keep—”

  A wolf whistle cut through the air, and we both turned our heads as Dylan and a couple of the other football players came up the beach. My hands began to shake and my throat seized up as Dylan gave me a lingering once-over before turning to Quinn.

  “Well, well. So Quinn does have a soft spot for everyone’s favorite little blonde.”

  “Drop it, Dylan.”

  “Whatever you say. Are we going to play?”

  “Yeah.” Quinn’s eyes cut over to mine briefly. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

  The others turned and headed up the path towards the house, and although the wind tried to carry their voices away I caught just enough of what they were saying to send my spirits into a downward spiral.

  “Seriously? Quinn and The Ditz?”

  “She’s hot enough,” Dylan replied, “but he’ll get bored with her in five minute and be begging one of us to take her off his hands.”

  “I wouldn’t mind that—so long as she didn’t try to speak or anything.”

  “I didn’t think that she knew how. I had three classes with her last year and I don’t think she opened her mouth once.”

  After they passed over the dunes and their voices faded, I turned away from Quinn and stared out over the waves, which danced merrily on, oblivious to the sickness in my heart. “I think you need to go play your game.”

  He didn’t answer, but after a minute I heard his footsteps moving away. And then I was alone. Or at least I thought I was until Dannika smacked my arm.

  “Ow! What was that for?”

  “What are you doing? Are you crazy? That was Quinn, and he wants to go out with you.”

  I glanced over my shoulder, but he had already disappeared. “I’m not sure what he wants, but it isn’t me. Not really.”

  I was less and less sure that I knew what I wanted, either.

  Chapter Six

  Two nights later he cornered me after another gaming session with the guys. I’d managed to mak
e it through the session without shooting any of my teammates, although in Dylan’s case it was a close call. He kept going on about how his sister was all hung up on Quinn after the beach party, and I was ready to pop him just to shut him up.

  Instead of worrying about winning, for the last twenty minutes of the game I was more concerned about what was going to happen afterwards. I was dreading that moment when it was down to just me and Quinn—dreading it but I couldn’t make myself stay away, either.

  “So,” he said when we were finally alone, “how about stepping away from the console and going out with me on Friday night?”

  “Why do you keep asking when I always say no?”

  I swear I could hear him grinning. “Because one of these days you’re going to say yes.”

  “Don’t hold your breath.”

  “Look, I know you like me. If you didn’t you’d either kick me off of your team or you’d find another group to play with. You sure wouldn’t smack talk back to me all the time when I’m hitting on you. You’d just shut it down. So why won’t you go out with me?”

  “I’ve told you—it wouldn’t work.”

  “But how do you know that?”

  Because you told me so. “Because you’re Quinn, and I’m nobody. Once you met me in real life you’d get bored in no time, and I’m not going to do that to myself.”

  “It wouldn’t happen.”

  “Yes, it would. You don’t know me, Quinn. Don’t you get it? Valkyrie isn’t real. I’m only her when I’m playing these stupid games with you. I’m nothing like her. Nothing.”

  “I don’t believe that. You couldn’t play her so well if there wasn’t a part of that in you. I just want to get to know the real you.”

  “But you don’t.”

  “You keep saying that, but you have no idea.”

  “I have a pretty good idea about the constant stream of girls that I see moving through your life.”

  “Well, the one I want refuses to go out with me, so I make do with the ones who will. But they’re not what I’m looking for.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “The thing that gets me is that you won’t even give me a chance.”

  I sighed. “To give you a chance I’d have to let you in.”