The House of Roses

by Holden Robinson

  He turned as she approached and what she saw in his eyes didn't look anything like guilt. He looked happy, if not a bit surprised and anxious.

  “Cate,” he said, leaning down to kiss her cheek. His lips lingered there, and Caitlin suppressed an urge to press her lips to his. The little girl moved to his side, and looked at Caitlin with beautiful eyes the color of cocoa.

  “Who's that, Papa?” she asked, and Caitlin forced herself not to react.

  “She's my friend, Mia. Can you and Faith sit here in the shade with Mom for a minute? I need to talk to my friend.” Mia nodded, and sat in the grass beside her mother.

  “Caitlin, this is my friend Rosario, and her daughter, Mia.”

  “Hello,” Caitlin said, looking at Colin with curiosity. The woman extended her hand, and Caitlin took it. She shook it gently, amazed at how frail the woman seemed. Caitlin guessed Maria was right. The woman looked ill and Caitlin imagined she was Colin's patient.

  “They'll be fine for a minute. Can I get you something to drink, Cate?” Colin asked.

  “A coffee or an ice tea would be nice,” she said. Colin took her arm, and steered her away from the woman and the little girl.

  “How's your leg, by the way?” Caitlin asked, noticing the bandage had gotten considerably smaller.

  “Feels like it never happened,” Colin said, as they took a seat on a nearby bench. “It's nice of you to ask,” Colin said, feeling idiotic.

  “Did you want a coffee, Colin? I can get it, if you want to rest your leg.” Small talk. Useless small talk.

  “No, I'm good. I'll be right back,” he said, disappearing in search of the coffee.

  He returned in less than five minutes, and sat beside her on the old stone bench. A canopy of ancient oak trees shielded them from the blazing afternoon sun.

  “The little girl called you Papa, Colin. Why did she call you that?” Caitlin asked.

  “It's a long story, Cate.” Colin reached for her hand, and Caitlin didn't pull away. “She's my patient.”

  “The woman.”

  “No. The little girl. Her mother is dying of AIDS. There isn't any easy way of saying this, Caitlin. I'm adopting that little girl.”

  For a moment Caitlin said nothing. She just stared at the man she loved. “You are?” she asked, in a small voice.

  “Yes. I am.”

  “I'm amazed,” Caitlin said.

  “Yeah, so am I.”

  “I'm proud of you, Colin.” And, I'm more in love with you now than I was five minutes ago.

  “Me, too. Rosario has no family. Actually, she has no one. She asked, I said yes. In a way, it seems surreal, like I'm watching it happen to someone else.”

  “I know that feeling,” Caitlin said. She did.

  “I wanted to call you when I decided. I was so scared, and truthfully, I still am. I wanted to know what you'd do, what you would say.”

  “I'd have said yes.”

  “I did,” Colin said, staring longingly at the woman by his side. “God, Cate. I've waited a long time for this moment. I've wanted to talk to you for so long, and we haven't said anything about us.”

  “Is there an us?” Caitlin asked. Everything stopped as she waited for an answer.

  “I shouldn't have left you. I really loved you.”

  “Past tense.”

  “I still love you, Caitlin. My life is really complicated right now, but I'd like to see you sometime. I'd like to go to dinner, and I'd like to know about your life. I'd like to know who you are now. You look different. Are you all right?”

  “Things have been crazy.”

  “For me, too. Do you still love me, Cate?” Colin asked softly. Caitlin tried her best not to cry, with little success. The tears slid one by one down her face. “You do love me, don't you?” he asked, and Caitlin nodded. “Don't cry. We'll figure it out,” he said, brushing her tears away with his fingers. “Don't cry, Cate.”

  He leaned in to kiss her, and she gasped into his mouth. Ten months of longing burned within her, and she kissed him with a ferocity that frightened her. When he finally pulled away, she stared at him. She saw passion and confusion in his eyes. She sniffed loudly, and he smiled at her. They sat for several minutes beneath the tree. He held her hand, and she laid her head against his arm.

  “I should get back to them,” Colin said. “Rosario isn't doing well. She doesn't have much time.”

  “I'm sorry for her.” Caitlin took a deep breath, as the same words played over and over in her head.

  Tell him. Tell him. Tell him.

  In the end, she didn't. He stood to go, and gently he kissed her lips one last time.

  “Are we still on for Monday?” he asked, looking hopeful.

  “I'd like that.” I'll tell him then. That was the original plan.

  “I'll see you then. I love you, Cate. I always will.”

  His voice was so gentle, so genuine, that Caitlin couldn't speak. He said he loved her, but was it enough for him to want to try again? She wasn't sure, and for a moment, doubt and fear grabbed at her, and she nearly fainted. Instead, she smiled weakly, and watched as he turned to go. When he had taken a few steps, he turned and waved. Caitlin lifted her hand, and stared as he smiled one last time, and walked away. Once again she'd stood, unable to speak, watching him leave.

  Forty-two

  Nathan Parker watched as Maria struggled to get the stroller into the diner. He moved quickly, taking the door she held open with her backside.

  “Can I help you, Miss?” he asked, sounding official.

  “Please,” Maria groaned.

  “Harder than it looks?” Nathan asked, and Maria nodded.

  “This is impossible.”

  “You look good with them.”

  “I do?” Maria asked incredulously.

  “Yeah.”

  “Thanks......, I think.”

  “It was a compliment,” Nathan said, sounding suddenly shy.

  “Would you like a drink?” Maria asked, once she'd successfully gotten the stroller into the diner.

  “I don't know. You very nearly pickled me last night.”

  “This is a diner, Nathan. I'm pretty sure they don't serve margaritas here,” she said, smiling at him.

  “Good point,” Nathan said, returning the smile. “I could go for an ice tea. It's on me.”

  “Thanks. I'll try to get these guys near a table, and then I have to text Caitlin to let her know I'm here.”

  “Where is she?” Nathan asked, pulling a crinkled five-dollar bill from his pocket.

  “She's talking to Colin.”

  “He's here? What is he doing here?”

  “I don't know. I'm assuming Caitlin will return with the answer to that question.”

  “Wow. Okay, I'll be right back.”

  Maria navigated the twins' stroller to a corner table, and sent a quick text message to Caitlin while Nathan got the drinks.

  “Thanks,” she said, as Nathan reappeared with two frosty glasses of ice tea.

  “You're welcome.”

  “How are you today?” Maria asked.

  “I'm good. You?”

  “I'm good. Shall we talk about the weather now?” she asked.

  “I don't know how to do this, Maria. I'm sorry.”

  “Don't apologize. We're having a drink and a conversation. This is the easy part.”

  “Lord, what's the hard part like?” Nathan groaned.

  “It's what Caitlin is doing now, trying to fix something you know got screwed up. This is the beginning of something, at least I hope it is. This is the good part.”

  “I've been alone for a long time. My daughter Erica thinks I need to go on a date.”

  “Do you?”

  “I don't know.”

  “Do you want to go on a date with me?” Maria asked, and Nathan smiled.

  “Yes.” There. He'd said it.

  “Okay. I'd like that.”

  “I don't know where it would go, Maria. I'm an honest guy, so I want to be truthful with y
ou. I haven't dated since college. I married my wife the week after we graduated.”

  “I understand. Let's go on a date, and we'll just see.”

  “We'll just see,” Nathan said, sounding as though he was beginning to relax. Maria reached out her hand, and gingerly Nathan took it. The connection felt good. It felt good to touch someone, to do something as simple as hold her hand.

  “What was she like?” Maria asked gently.

  “My wife?” Nathan asked, and Maria nodded. “She was lovely. She was a wonderful person. She was bright, and beautiful, and everyone loved her, and she loved everyone. I'm a better person because I knew her.”

  “I'm sorry about what happened. Cate told me. I'm hope you're not angry.”

  “No. It's not a secret.” Nathan had no idea what to say or do, but he liked this woman. He wanted to know more about her. “What do you want, Maria? What do you want out of life?” he asked bravely.

  “I want a family. I didn't think I did. I didn't have a good example at home. My mom was totally dependent on my dad. He left when I was fifteen, and my mom drank herself to death. I can't believe I am telling you this stuff. Almost no one in my life knows about any of that. I've just put it behind me.”

  “Maybe not as much as you think,” Nathan said gently.

  “Maybe not. Caitlin says I always pick the wrong men, and maybe I do. Maybe I get myself into relationships I know won't work because then I never have to take them to the next level. I used to be terrified of that, of any type of commitment. I don't even keep friends long. Caitlin is my best friend, and the longest decent relationship I've ever had with another human being.”

  “Are you still terrified?”

  “No. I want to build a life with someone. I don't want someone who's dependent on me, and I don't need to rely on someone else. I just want to build something together, to be together, to take care of each other.”

  “That's a nice thing to want.”

  “It feels good to want something like that. I always thought it would be so complicated to want something like that, but it feels simple.”

  “It is, but it takes work.”

  “I know that now. I'd like to work for something worthwhile. You're a good guy, and a damn good listener. I like you, Nathan.”

  “I like you, too.” Nathan did. He really liked the woman who was his cousin's best friend, and he silently thanked the fates, and whatever act of God it had taken to bring her to New Hope, and into his life.

  “I wonder if Caitlin's all right. I'm worried about her,” Maria said. Rogan had begun to fuss, and she gently took him from the stroller, and laid him against her shoulder.

  “I know. I'm worried, too,” Nathan said.

  ***

  Caitlin was not all right. She had no idea how to feel about what had happened. She had seen Colin. Again. She wanted to tell him, and it felt unfair to see him in a crowd with his infant children only a few feet away. She would tell him Monday, as she'd originally planned.

  She felt equally heartbroken about the woman, and her little girl. Caitlin recalled standing in the window the morning after the twins' birth. She hadn't wanted Colin to be with the woman, but she would have never wished her any harm. The woman was dying, and Caitlin began to tremble as she imagined the horror of it. What was it like to know you were dying? What inner strength did she call upon to face leaving her child? As much as Caitlin hurt for herself, she hurt more for the dying woman, and tears of sympathy slid down her face as she sat for ten more minutes on the old stone bench.

  Finally she found the willpower to rise, and her eyes immediately scanned the surrounding area for any sign of Colin. She didn't see him. He had been swallowed up by the crowd, or perhaps he had left, taking his ill friend, and her daughter with him. She was so proud of him. In the few minutes they'd spoken, she'd seen a side of him she never had.

  There was a softness there, and fear, something he had rarely shown her. It made him seem more human, more vulnerable, the way loving him made her feel.

  Her cell phone vibrated in her hand, and Caitlin jumped. She opened the phone and read the text message from Maria. Slowly, with little purpose, Caitlin walked toward the diner. Her feet moved, but she felt listless, almost lethargic, and the coffee she'd shared with Colin seemed to churn in her stomach.

  She stopped for a moment in front of the huge plate glass window that separated passersby from the patrons in the diner. She felt like an intruder, or some kind of pathetic Peeping Tom, as she watched Maria and Nathan at a table in the farthest corner of the diner. She watched Maria with Rogan on her shoulder. She was laughing, and Nathan was smiling at her. They looked happy, and they made life look simple. It wasn't. Caitlin pushed the diner door open, amazed at how heavy it felt. She took several steps inside and stopped. The air felt stagnant, and for a moment she couldn't breathe. Everything around her took on an abstract appearance. She tried to speak, but no words would come. She watched Nathan, watched fear register on his face. Maria rose, still holding Rogan, and the two began to walk toward her. They were talking, but she couldn't hear them over the sudden roaring in her head. They had nearly made it to her side, when Caitlin Goodrich fainted.

  Forty-three

  Rita Hollings shook her head in exasperation. She complained to whomever was listening, and Nathan Parker and Maria Sands were the lucky parties.

  “I thought I was done having to keep my eye on that girl every minute. She's out of my sight for less than an hour, and she busts her head. How did this happen?” Rita complained, and Maria and Nathan exchanged a glance.

  “She fainted, Rita,” Maria said.

  “People faint,” Nathan agreed.

  Caitlin opened her eyes. She was in a tent, but had no idea how she'd gotten there. She closed her eyes again, feigning sleep, and listened.

  “She fainted in the diner?” Rita asked.

  “Yeah. We both witnessed the whole thing, Rita,” Nathan said. The exchange sounded like a court trial, and Caitlin forced herself not to laugh.

  “Did she eat something bad? Were you drinking?”

  “She was with Colin,” Maria said, defensively.

  “Who?”

  “Colin,” Nathan said, “the father of her....”

  “I know who Colin is. What the hell was he doing here?”

  “It's a public place,” Nathan said, and Maria laughed.

  “Don't be a smart ass, Noonie. I am trying to figure out what happened.”

  “Maybe she was upset, Rita,” Maria said, glancing at Nathan who appeared afraid to speak. Rita could be a force to be reckoned with at times. “Noonie?” Maria questioned, and Nathan waved her off with his hand.

  “Would someone please tell me what happened to my daughter, from the beginning!” Rita nearly shouted.

  “Ask her,” Caitlin said, as she struggled to sit upright.

  “Easy does it,” Nathan said, moving immediately to her side. He put his arm around her, and Caitlin leaned against him.

  “My head is killing me,” Caitlin whined

  “It should hurt. You took out a dinette set with it,” Maria said, and Rita rolled her eyes

  “What happened, Cate?” Rita said, sitting beside her daughter in a folding chair.

  “I don't know. I saw Colin, and I talked to him, and he kissed me, and I was really confused, and I thought I was going to puke up the coffee I had, and then I saw Nathan and Maria with the babies, and they looked like this perfect family, and it made me feel funny, and then everything pretty much went black.”

  “Good Lord,” Rita said, taking Caitlin's hand.

  “No kidding. Wasn't she an English major?” Maria said, and Nathan laughed.

  “That was the run on sentence of the century, Caitlin,” Nathan added. Rita threw a glance at the two hecklers that seemed to convey doom, and they both fell silent.

  “Please, you two. This is serious. Caitlin, what am I going to do with you?”

  “I don't know, Mom. Maybe I could take a refresher class
in Grammar.” Nathan started to laugh, and then stopped, as Rita looked at him sternly.

  “Sorry,” he mouthed.

  “This isn't funny, Cate.”

  “It's kind of funny, Mom.”

  “It is kind of funny, Rita,” Nathan said.

  “Nathan, stop!” Rita said, and Nathan did as asked.

  “I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Laughter feels better,” Caitlin said.

  “It usually does,” Nathan said, earning himself another glance. “She seems fine, Rita, and if she wants to laugh at this, we should let her. You have to admit, this girl has had the week from hell,” Nathan said, in Caitlin's defense.

  “That's an understatement,” Caitlin groaned. “Can we go home, Mom.?”

  “I'll take you home. We can talk in the car,” Rita said.

  “Maria can go with me,” Nathan offered.

  “Where are the twins?” Caitlin asked.

  “We left 'em in the diner,” Maria said, and Rita swatted her.

  “They're with Erica and Becca, and Becca's mom,” Nathan said. “They're fine.”

  “You kissed him?” Maria asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “How'd that go?” Maria asked, more out of concern than curiosity.

  “About like you'd think, given that I passed out and bashed my head. Mom, please take me home. I need frozen corn,” Caitlin said.

  “You hungry, Cate?” Maria asked.

  “Truthfully, yes, but frozen corn is the best thing for head injuries.”

  “I'd never heard that one,” Nathan said, arching a brow.

  “It's frozen, and the bag conforms nicely to your head.”

  “Ah, gotcha,” Nathan said, as he helped Caitlin to stand. She wobbled only slightly, and didn't refuse the arm Rita offered.

  “You're worn out, Cate. You're going to eat and ice that noggin of yours and I am on baby duty again tonight,” Rita said, and Caitlin started to object. “You're not arguing with me,” Rita demanded, and Caitlin gave in reluctantly.

  “I do need to get off my feet,” Caitlin admitted.

  “You do, Cate, but please try not to hurt yourself this time,” Rita said.