Keep it Secret

by Olivia Snow

  “I’ll see you Monday, then?”

  I smiled and nodded, Gabriel bent down and I froze. My heart started racing and my palms became embarrassingly sweaty. Oh God here it comes, he’s going to kiss me and I’m frozen in time like a damn statue. His lips moved past mine but settle on my cheek. Gabriel’s skin lingered on mine for a moment before taking in a sharp breath causing my butterflies to multiply by the dozen.

  “Good night.” He whispered in my ear. I bit down on my bottom lip scared I might be smiling like an idiot.

  “Night.” I whispered back.

  “See ya.” He said stepping back almost tripping on the last step.

  “Oh, God, are you all right?” I said reaching forward. Gabriel stopped me with his hand.

  “I’m good. Get some sleep beautiful.” He smiled in embarrassment as he rubbed the back of his neck getting into his car. I forced the giggle that was trying to escape down waving bye as I entered the front door. With my back against the door, I touched my cheek still feeling his lips against my skin. Best date ever!

  Chapter Seventeen

  Ava

  I woke up to a dead silence. What the hell happened to my phone—oh great, it’s dead. Getting out to find my charger I winced as a sharp pain stabbed the sides of my head. I should have known better, not enough water plus half a bottle of tequila equals major hangover. I stumbled off the bed towards Van’s room. Luckily she was still out on her date there wouldn’t be a lecture waiting for me on the opposite side of the bathroom, just great pain meds for this hideous headache. I staggered to her nightstand praying my eyes would quickly adjust to the darkness so I could find the damn pills. Just as I pulled the drawer open Vanessa screamed which made me scream.

  “What the hell, Ava!” Vanessa yelled reaching over the nightstand turning on the lamp that sat on top.

  “Ah! Turn that shit off! I have a big ass headache.” I grumbled, shielding my eyes from the light. “Do you have any pain killers in here—wait aren't you supposed to be on your date? What are you doing home?”

  “It’s four o'clock in the morning. Ava.” She huffed in annoyance, turning off the lamp. “You know it serves you right for drinking so much.”

  I lay down on the opposite side of the bed rubbing the side of my aching head with my palms. Vanessa grunted as she walked to her desk shuffling through the drawers then walking into the bathroom. She reappeared handing over two pills and a glass full of water. I gladly accepted them.

  “Drink all of the water, you're dehydrated.” I did as I was told trying my hardest not to gaging on the water. Vanessa took the glass from my hands headed back to the bathroom filling up the glass with water once again.

  “Here, keep this with you. Sip on it.” I took a sip before setting it on the nightstand next to me. Closing my eyes I felt Vanessa lying back down on the bed.

  “How was your date?” I asked not really wanting to know what happened. Just picturing them kissing threatened the water to crawl up my throat.

  “It was perfect. We went to watch a movie and then we ate dinner at that Italian place next to the theater. He doesn’t know that I don’t like Italian food and I didn't want to disappoint him, so I just order a salad. Then we went to get ice cream walked around the promenade and talked.” She replied playing back the evening, her voice all dreamy like. I’ve never truly experienced jealousy until this very moment.

  “Did he kiss you?” I asked abruptly. To an outsider, it might have sounded like I was jealous and I was but to my innocent cousin who had never thought badly of me probably thought I asked because I was being overprotective.

  “Of course not. Gabriel’s a gentleman. He gave me a kiss on the cheek after he walked me to the door. He’s perfect Ava, he’s sweet, thoughtful and funny plus he’s gorgeous. It was the perfect first date.”

  Even though jealousy ripped through my insides I was sickeningly happy she had a nice time. The way she described her date made it hard to linger on my own bullshit. She was incredibly endearing.

  “I’m glad, Van, you deserve a guy like that.” That’s what I needed to replay in my head she deserved a guy like Gabriel, not me. The pain meds were starting to kick in along with my need for some feel good juice.

  “Sorry, I woke you, Van. I’m going to head back to my bed and go back to sleep. This headache is killing me.” Slowly peeling myself off the bed I only stumbled a little.

  “Ava, talk to me please.” She begged as I reached the bathroom door.

  “Not tonight, Van” I whispered, my voice suddenly hoarse.

  I suddenly felt like I was suffocating. I couldn't catch my breath and I was cold and wet. I gasped struggling to breathe. This only made it worse. Water seeped into my nose causing me to snap my eyes open as I fell off the bed. My body voluntarily coughed up the water that was stuck halfway down my throat. There was movement at the end of my bed that caught my attention. Rose stood with an empty pitcher in her hand.

  “What. The. Fuck. Rose!” I yelled slowly coming to my feet resting a hand on the wall for support and the other on my chest.

  “Don’t you talk to me that way Ava Maria. I am your mother and you do not speak to me that way!” There was fury in her eyes she was livid. “How dare you disrespect your aunt and uncle by having sex in the back of their car?” She whispered the word sex. “And now I find you dead asleep at 1:30 in the afternoon with a half empty bottle of tequila on your nightstand. Have you no respect for yourself or someone else's property?”

  I ran my hand down my face trying to wipe off the water that was dripping on the carpet.

  “Rose, you don't get to lecture me, you lost that privilege a long, long time ago.” I pushed off the wall heading towards the door. Before I could reach the doorknob I was jerked back, Rose had her hand wrapped around my arm.

  “No! Enough, you’re mad at me I deserve it. Yell at me, scream at me but talked to me Ava. I will not, I cannot live like this anymore.” Her words were filled with pain, I knew she suffered but I just didn't care, my heart was stone when it came to her. She could huff and puff all she wanted I would not succumb to her pain, just like she didn’t to mine.

  “Avie, I lost him too. I’m so sorry I wasn't there for you. I’m disgusted with myself.” I yanked my arm free my anger was rising, she could see it too because her eyes widened as she took a step back. I had locked these feelings up for five years. The concrete wall was cracked and I couldn't hold it in any longer. I had enough. On pure fury, I grabbed the bottle of tequila and threw it against the wall opposite of us. The glass shattered instantly the room smelled of tequila. Rose gasped with panic.

  “You’re sorry?” I screamed my fist clenched the sides of my head gripping my hair. “After five years—five fucking years, you finally have the audacity to say you're sorry?” I laughed like a maniac I had no control over my emotions right now. “It’s too late for all that, I’m ruined because of you. Why couldn't you just take care of me? For an entire year I bathed you, wiped you, fed you, pleaded with you. I was thirteen—a fucking kid—on my hands and knees begging you to come back to me and you didn't give a shit! You just looked at me with empty eyes and turned your head. Your grief was more important than mine. I’m broken thanks to you!” I was sobbing not even sure if my words were coherent. My tears were so thick I couldn’t even see where she was. Air wasn’t reaching my lungs fast enough I was struggling to breath. My instant reaction was to run, run away. I wiped my face and grabbed my phone marching towards the door I almost tripped over Rose. She was on her knees her forehead on the floor sobbing. Holding the doorknob, I felt a big weight lift off my shoulders only to find the hole in my chest ripped wide open. Saying all that out loud made it all real. The absence of my mother in my time of need was out in the open for everyone to see. Stepping out of the room I was surprised to see Aunt Cynthia, Uncle Bill and Vanessa standing with disbelief and disgust painted all over their faces.

  “Ava.” Vanessa whispered with remorse reaching her arms out to hug me. I exte
nded my arm to stop her shaking my head ‘no’. Even though she was innocent in all of this, the thought of being touched by anyone that was blood related felt gross. I walked past them and heading out the front door. Once outside I ran, forgetting that I had a beautiful truck that could take me anywhere I wanted to go. The blistering pavement on my feet also reminded me that I was barefoot. But I didn’t care I just need as much distance from them as possible. Logic started to sink in as the much hotter asphalt burned my sensitive skin I exited the gate and got onto the main street. Maybe this wasn't the brightest of ideas. Fuck, I wish I had my keys. The sight of a familiar black Mercedes made me stop dead in my tracks. How is this possible? I stopped so did the car, coming to a screeching halt in the middle of the main road. The shiny black door pushed open. Gabriel hesitantly pulled himself out the car. Time stood still as he realized it was I in the middle of the street. The sun cast a glare over his blonde hair giving the illusion of a halo, he was beautiful, my angel sent from heaven. My legs gave making me crumble to my knees I started to cry in my hands as if his presence gave me permission to break down knowing he was here to catch me.

  “Ava!” He ran to me taking me in his arms, I went easily to him. Gabriel carried me to his car sliding me in the passenger side he buckled the seat belt. I closed my eyes to stop from crying, but my tears were endless after so much time of holding them in. We drove in silence to his condo, except for my occasional pitiful whimpers. Once we arrive, he parked his car turning off the engine. I turned to look at him, his smile was full of sadness Gabriel took my hand and placed a soft kiss on the inside of my wrist, it sent shivers throughout my body giving my heart a small spark of life. Gently, letting go he gets out of the car, soon enough he was opening my door reaching in to take me out. Gabriel carried me to the elevator and up to his floor. Instinctively, I nuzzle into his muscular chest breathing in his sent it instantly calmed me. Opening the door to his condo, like the last time, we went straight to his room. But only this time he set me down in the bathroom. Gabriel opened the glass door to the shower, turning it on immediately steaming. Reaching inside a closet next to the toilet, he grabbed a white towel and placed it on a hook that was adhered to the shower door. Gabriel stood in front of me gently grabbing my face he pulled me to his lips and placed a silent kiss on my forehead. His lips lingered on my skin and all I want to do was devour his mouth and have him make me forget all this bullshit. Gabriel stepped back breaking our connection leaving the bathroom without a single word. I undressed and stepped into the shower. The hot water was calming and relaxing.

  Under the raining showerhead, I stood with my forehead against the white subway tile fighting the feeling to stay numb, numb to the world exactly how I always wanted to feel. However, this time, the walls of my emotional dam had a crack and no matter how many times I drank or fucked they were not closing back up. I stared into nothing until the water started to cool snapping me out of my trance I turned off the water and wrapped the towel around my body. Wiping the steam off the mirror I glared at my swollen eyes and puffy lips, red from crying. I instantly felt irritated for letting Rose affect me this way. Ugh! Why now Rose? Why beat a dead horse? It was all said and done five years ago. I was fine with keeping it buried, keeping it secret. Tightening the towel I walked out of the bathroom into Gabriel’s room, on his bed was one of his grey t-shirt’s. I smiled putting it on breathing in his scent the shirt barely covered my ass this must be one of his smaller tees, as I dried my wet hair with the towel I heard a groan behind me causing me to turn around with a jump. Gabriel leaned against the doorframe in all his beautiful angelic glory his gaze was anything but celestial. He was eating me up with eyes and I loved every bit of it. Gabriel cleared his throat before speaking though his voice was still hoarse.

  “I was coming in to check up on you. You were in there for a while.”

  I bite my bottom lip trying to suppress my smile I loved the effect I had on him. I knew what I did to men, but with him it made me feel entirely different. I felt the tightening sensation in between my legs, I hung my head low not wanting him to see the look on my face but he saw it anyways. Gabriel groaned marching towards me I looked up to him cupping my face. Slowly he lowered his face to mine and all I could do was tell myself to breathe. With him so close to my face, I instinctively licked my lips, without hesitation his lips crashed into mine. My lips parted giving him access to the inside of my mouth Gabriel’s warm soft tongue collide against mind sending shivers down my spine. He tasted like peppermint and something else that was entirely Gabriel, completely addictive. I whimpered feeling him in me, wanting him in me in a whole different way. Abruptly, he jerked away balling his fits he punched the wall. No. Come back.

  “Damn it! Ava, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, you're obviously going through something and you asked me to be your friend and I go and kiss you. I’m sorry! It’s just having you here in my room—and you’re in my shirt—I’ve never seen anything sexier in my life. I’m an idiot. I’m sorry.” He was rambling and I couldn’t help but be turned on even more by him. I needed him. Stomping towards him I grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked him down, kissing his plump lips painfully hard. Gabriel returned the kiss sliding his tongue in my mouth once again our kisses became savage filled with desire. The sensation to feel more of him overwhelmed me I bite his bottom lip a little hard, Gabriel groaned as he grabbed my ass lifting me up I wrapped my legs around his waist while he walked to the bed. He came to a stop I slid my legs off of him our mouths parting just for a moment as he reached for the hem of the shirt lifting it off my naked body.

  “Jesus Christ.” He sucked in a breath stepping back to admire my entire body. His stare fueled the fire burning inside. This was all taking too long I was on the verge of dripping that’s how wet I was. But Gabriel wanted to take his time, gently he kissed my forehead, then my nose, again on both my cheeks, chin. His sweet kisses made me feel loved and cherished, something I had never felt from a guy I was about to have sex with. Next was my neck, gently he pushed me to the edge of the bed laying me down he hovered over my naked body as he continued his path of kisses. This time he started on my chest moving slowly down the valley in between my breast, then over to my right side where my tattoo was next he moved down my stomach. His face was so close to my warmth. Excitement filled me. I stiffened as he moved past it. Tease. His kisses trail down my thigh to my toes. I giggled…well I Ava giggled as he reached the arch of my foot. I felt his smile on my skin, reaching down I grabbed his face bringing him back to my lips I opened my legs positioning him where I wanted him to be his erection pressed against my V making me needier. Enough of this mushy shit I needed him inside of me now! Frantically, I pulled his shirt off admiring his perfect torso making my mouth water.

  “Ava, I really, really want to do this…but I don’t have any protection and I know you don't either.” He said his voice shaky looking down in disappointment. I was on birth control. Depo-Provera to be exact and I was clean, regularly getting checked but I didn’t know what other sexual partners he’s had and people…lie. I wasn’t going to risk catching something regardless of how much I wanted him. Like I said I might be a slut but I’m not stupid.

  “It’s…it’s all right, Blue…I just need to feel you next to me, is that okay?” I responded breathing heavy with disappointment. I tried, but I knew I failed in trying to hide the letdown in my voice. He reluctantly nodded slipping off his pants and shoes he laid next to me in his boxers. He laid flat on his back pulling me close to him along with the bed sheet.

  “Can I ask you something?” He spoke after several minutes of silence.

  “Of course.”

  “The tattoo on your ribs, did that hurt?” He asked as his fingertips lightly trail the ink on my side.

  “It was one of the most painful things I’ve ever had to endure.” I looked up to meet his reaction.

  “I think it’s a pretty awesome work of art.” He replied lifting my chin and kissing me softly. I smiled at his swe
et gesture.

  “So…tell me more about your parents.” I asked abruptly. His body stiffened against mine clearly he was uncomfortable with my question. Still, he cleared his throat to speak.

  “Well…you’ve met my mom and…uh…my dad…my dad he’s somewhere with his wife and kids.” His answer caught me off guard, that’s not what I expected to hear it was obviously a touchy subject and I wasn’t one to pry. This all getting to know you stuff was all new to me. I guess there wasn’t much I knew about Gabriel.

  “I see.” I replied.

  “The last time I saw him I was ten, but like the ‘responsible’ man that he is, he always sends me a check every month. That’s why it’s so important for me to do well in school and in sports. I need a full ride scholarship to attend college. I don't want his money. I want to make something of myself without him… you know?” Instantly, my chest contracted in regret, I was a bitch to him that night on the track field. I thought he was an average rich kid, with average rich kid problems. But he was so far from it he wasn't expecting success to be handed to him on a silver platter he was doing all the work by himself for himself.

  “Yeah, I understand. Listen, Blue, I’m sorry for what I said that night in the track field.” I looked up at him, hoping my regret was clear in my eyes.

  “Don’t worry about it.” He whispered shifting so I was no longer cuddled up on his side, now he faced me propping himself up on his elbow he softly grazed his thumb along my bottom lip. I closed my eyes counting backwards from one hundred in my head. It was taking all of me not to jump him, and his sweet simple gestures were making it extremely hard. Just the fact that Gabriel was laying next to me only with the thin cloth from his boxers between us was torture. His warm lips feathered against mine our breaths in sync as they became jagged possibly because we were both fighting the insane need growing between us. My eyes flutter open to him licking his lips his delicious breath was warm against my mouth as he spoke in a low husky whisper.