Keep it Secret

by Olivia Snow

  Two weeks later, on an early cold Saturday morning in November I was on my way to pick up Gabriel from his condo. It was visiting day for the prisoners at the Denver Women's Correctional Facility Dr. Charles agreed to meet me there. He had no idea I was bringing Gabriel I figured it was none of his business. Doc had also arranged a private room for us to speak I had no idea how he did it. Outside of his condo building I texted Gabriel that I was there. Minutes later he walked out the building looking as delicious as ever. Instead of opening the passenger door he rounded the hood of the truck and opened my side.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “I think, it’s best if I drive.” Ah, he had a point. Unbuckling my seatbelt I jumped out the truck standing directly in front of him. Gabriel’s eyes ate me up our attraction was too strong. We might not act on it, but we were too weak not to admire each other. I instantly thought about the way he sounded when he was coming or the feeling of his mouth around my breasts. Gabriel placed both hands on each side of my hips bringing me to him letting go of my hips he pulled me in for a hug. Easily I wrapped myself around his neck coming to my tippy toes I hugged him back.

  “Hi.” He whispered in my ear.

  “Hi.” I whispered back. Pulling back from each other he bent down to kiss my cheek. I bit down on my bottom lip trying to suppress my physical need for him I walked away before we did something we would both regret.

  The two-hour drive to the facility was quicker than I wanted. I was sweating bullets the whole time. Blue tried to take my mind off of this inevitable meeting the best he could but failed miserably. Parking the truck Gabriel, shifted in his seat to look at me he brought a hand to the side of my head cupping my face, I instinctively nuzzled into it. I didn't need words to tell me how he felt about me I could tell by the way he looked and touched me. Turning my head, I kissed the center of his palm Gabriel leaned over the center console bringing our foreheads together.

  “Ready?” He whispered. I let out a breath not aware that I was holding one in.

  “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

  Dr. Charles was waiting for us inside he immediately looked at me with that certain stare of his when he saw Gabriel.

  “Dr. Charles, this is my friend Gabriel. Gabriel this is Dr. Charles Parker.” They both shook hands.

  “Nice to meet you, Gabriel I wasn't aware you would be joining us.”

  “Nice to meet you sir, I—”

  “I’m sorry doc, I didn't know I needed to ask permission, next time I need to take a shit you want me to give you a call, make sure it’s all right?”

  Apparently, nothing I said around these two men surprised them. Gabriel shook his head in laughter and a small smile broke out on Dr. Charles face.

  “This way, we have to check in.” Responded the doctor. Two guards brought us to a hallway they asked that I go in alone. Gabriel and Dr. Charles were not aloud to be in the room with me. Before going inside I hugged Gabriel and for reasons unbeknownst to me I hugged Dr. Charles. He stiffened as I hugged him but then hugged me back as he relaxed. A guard opened the only door in the hallway gesturing me inside. Stepping in the room I looked around, still not believing I was doing this. In the middle of the room was a rectangular table, two foldable chairs sat across from each other. I sat on the one closest to the door. The room was white with dingy white tile flooring and dingy white walls. A guard was at the corner opposite of me as one waited outside the room. I sat there twiddling my thumbs fighting the urge to vomit. What the fuck, did I agree to?

  Moments later the latch to the door clicked open. In walked a tiny looking thing with long straight brown hair the orange jump suit she wore was two sizes too big it ate her small frame up. The guard guided her to the chair as he unlocked the shackles around her wrists. She sat with a thump causing me to jerk up. She kept her head low her shoulders slouched making her look even smaller. I couldn't believe I was here she was here. Anger simmered in the pit of my stomach. This creature in front of me ruined my life, ruined my mothers, ruined my ability to trust, to love, to feel alive. She was the cause of my unforgiving pain. This tiny little thing gutted my insides the day she killed my father. Killed. My. Father. Took his life, a life that didn't deserve to be taken. This worthless piece of skin, decided ‘omg’ was more important than keeping her eyes on the road. But here I sat, needing to forgive her. I needed to forgive her to move on. How fucked up was that? I don't think I'm capable of that Dr. Charles seems to think so he forgave. His sister was taken from him and yet he forgave.

  Forgiveness.

  Can I?

  Will I? The jury’s still out.

  “Look at me.” I snapped. Kimberly winced. Her head slowly lifted eyes creep open. Our eyes met. Hers were filled with torment, remorse, and misery all balled up into two hazel eyes. She lifted her hands so she could take her hair behind her ears and as she did the sleeves ran down to her elbows exposing her wrists. They were covered with cuts and healed over scares. Aware that I had seen her wrists, she instantly dropped her arms to her lap. And there I realized she was going to suffer for the rest of her life knowing she had taken another persons life, she was suffering. It brought me no joy, surprisingly.

  “Kimberly, what you did, destroyed me. Destroyed my mother. But I see that it has destroyed you too.” I sighed not really knowing what to say next.

  “I don’t forgive you…not yet at least, but I will try.”

  Kimberly squeezed her eyes shut and nodded as silent tears ran down her face. I looked at the guard signaling him to take her away. He approached her handcuffing her hands again guiding her towards the door. Before leaving she turned to look at me and said.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Vanessa

  Saturday morning Ava disappeared for most of the day, when she returned she and Aunt Rose left and didn't return until late that night. Once again, there was something being hidden. I wasn't entirely sure my parents even knew what was going on. I didn't ask. Though things were better between Ava and I she was still holding out on me. Sunday, Gabriel had invited me out on an early date. I gladly accepted. At eleven sharp, the doorbell rang. I ran downstairs as mother opened the front door greeting Gabriel.

  “Good morning, Gabriel.” mother said sweetly.

  “Good morning, Mrs. Saint John, how are you?”

  “I’m well, where are you two off to?” She asked, as I approached Gabriel giving him a quick hug and a smile.

  “I thought we would go hiking since its nice out considering its November. Then a late lunch?”

  I could sense mother start to protest when I interrupt her. “That sounds lovely, doesn't it, Mother?” I said looking at her innocently her lips thinned giving me a tight smile.

  “Yes, lovely.” she repeated. “Have a good time don't come back too late, Vanessa.” She said my name in a stern tone I knew not to further push my luck.

  “Of course, mother.” I replied giving her a kiss on the cheek.

  Gabriel took me to Cross Creek trail I hadn't been there since I was little. We took the trail around the creek making it an easier hike. I’m not a fan of any physical activities but here with Gabriel alone in the wilderness, smelling the pines and fresh fall air. I couldn't think of any other place I’d rather be. These past weeks I had become a lot more comfortable with him. I still had episodes where I felt like I was going to hyperventilate but over all it was a lot easier. As we walked he intertwined his fingers with mine looking up at him he holds my hand up to his mouth and kisses my knuckles. I tremble as his lips make contact with my skin it brings a faint spread of crimson over my cheeks.

  “I love that about you.” He said.

  “What?” I asked, looking onto Cross Creek.

  “The way you blush over the simplest things.”

  “Oh, well I’m not experienced. You're the first boy I’ve ever held hands with. That’s if you don't count Declan or my dad.”

  Gabriel chuckled. “I’m not very experienc
ed either, so don't feel bad. It’s a good thing, you make me feel like a hero every time you react to me that way.” His voice becomes slightly lower while he slowly comes to a stop to face me. My heart starts to pound into my mouth I feel my palms getting sweaty. It takes me a second to find my words.

  “So, you've never…?” I cleared my throat.

  “Uh, yeah…I’ve had sex but only with one person and it was unplanned and unexpected to say the least.” He said, looking terribly uncomfortable. It surprised me because I mean he's Gabriel Mason, the hottest guy in Eagle Academy. I assumed it was Katy, but I didn't ask him because really it’s none of my business.

  “Vanessa?” He asked, breaking me of my thoughts.

  “Yeah?”

  Gabriel cleared his throat. “Vanessa, I really, really like you. A little too much I think it’s kind of confusing and I’m not used to feeling this way. I feel torn, but I just wanted you to know that I like you…a lot.” Before I could respond or process his words he lowers his face closer to mine and I freeze. This was it he was about to kiss me. How was I going to react? I mean I really like him too but was I ready for this? He did choose the perfect spot for it. It's a beautiful day in front of a scenic view and he just confessed how much he liked me but why the admission? Was it because he was trying to persuade me it was all right to kiss him? Why wouldn't it be all right? He was my boyfriend and has been “courting” me since the beginning of the school year. Maybe I’m thinking too much into this. I’m just nervous. I was about to get kissed by my first boyfriend, my hotter than hell boyfriend. Nervously, I licked my lips which thinking back was probably the wrong thing or the right thing to do. This I assumed gave him the go ahead because before I knew it I felt his soft lips on mine. I let out a slight whimper that might have been from fear or pleasure I’m not quite sure. He took that as a good sign and continued to kiss me lightly and softly. My nervousness began to ease up making it easier to pucker my lips against his finally feeling somewhat comfortable enough to kiss him back. Thankfully, he didn't take the kiss any deeper slowly he pulled back to look at me.

  “That was better than what I've been fantasizing about.” I instantly blushed tucking my chin in between my chest.

  “You’ve been thinking about this? Often?” I asked, surprised.

  “I might be a good guy, Vanessa, but I'm still a guy and you're beautiful and incredibly sexy—and the fact that you're looking at me like I have two heads makes you even hotter. You have no idea how attractive you are, do you?” I have no idea how to respond to that, but I decide since he's complementing me I should thank him. Mother always said how classless it was to contradict a compliment when given especially if it was a man giving it.

  “Thank you.” I said blushing brighter than ever. Gabriel smiled.

  “Are you ready to go eat?” He asked. I nodded yes. He cupped my face with one hand before planting a soft peck on my lips.

  “Yup, way better than in my dreams.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Ava

  Going back to school on Monday was a little strange I hadn't noticed a difference in me since Saturday, but Mallory said my face looked less bitchy. The week went by as usual everyone was excited about the following Saturday it was homecoming week and there would be a dance after the wrestling meet. Gabriel and I started talking again but this time solely as friends. He’d asked Vanessa to be his date for the dance of course and Talon was going with Mallory.

  “Come with us.” Mallory said, taking a sip from her water bottle then placing it on the lunch table.

  “For the fiftieth time, no. I don’t do dances plus Declan’s coming home for the weekend. I’m hanging with him.” I said snatching a carrot stick from Vanessa’s tray and winking at her.

  “You always end up getting into trouble when you’re with him.” Vanessa said pouting because I took her last carrot.

  “That’s not true, we have a blast. I’m the perfect wing man.” Vanessa gave me her disapproving looking. “Van, I’m single. I haven't gotten laid in a while. I need this.” Right, after I said it I wished I could have took it back. Gabriel, shot me a look but as quickly as it came. It vanished.

  Mallory being the perceptive creature that she was took my hand.

  “Ooh look at the time be a doll and walk me to my locker.” She said pulling me up. I leaned over and kissed Van on the head before leaving giving Blue a small wave. He smiled weakly waving back.

  The insane urge to pee came as I sat in seventh period listening to Mr. Newton’s lecture. I caught his eye and mouthed bathroom. He nodded giving me permission to go. Walking back to class from the bathroom I felt a hand wrapped around my wrist pulling me back. Instantly knowing who it was from his smell. I looked up to meet his eyes as he was pushing me up against the wall. Gabriel’s body melted into mine his erection pressed against my thigh.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, my voice coming out as a husky whisper. I looked around the hallway luckily it was empty but for how long? Gabriel leaned his forehead on mine.

  “Please don’t.” He whispered.

  “Please, don't what?” I asked confused. Gabriel shook his head and sighed.

  “Don’t sleep with anyone.” He sounded wounded.

  “Blue, I didn't mean it. I just said it just to say it. I regretted it as soon as it came out my mouth.”

  “I’m such an asshole, here I am asking you not to sleep with anyone while I’m dating your cousin. You should do whatever you want to do. It just kills me to think that some other guy is touching what belongs to me. Touching the skin that I've tasted. The skin that I dream of at night.” Gabriel hands were on my hips, squeezing each side. Damn, I was getting all hot and bothered.

  “I don’t belong to you.” I whispered, moving my nose softly around his.

  “Don’t lie, baby, you know you do.” He said as his lips grazed mine I was so horny all my logic and self-restraint had vanished. I let out a whimper Gabriel, let out a growl from deep in his throat. His tongue slowly moved along my bottom lip. I couldn’t take it anymore. I caught his tongue bringing it inside my mouth to suck it. Gabriel moaned thrusting me against the wall it sent shooting lines of hot desire down in between my legs. We kissed each other frantically drinking each other in like we were dying of thirst. Gabriel gripped the back of my thigh bringing it around his waist as he held onto my thigh. His other hand hiked up my skirt as his finger grazed against my damp panties. Yes, I wear panties to school.

  “You’re so wet.” He whispered, pushing my panties to the side. I felt his thumb gently rub circles around my clit slowly pushing two fingers inside me. I moaned as he thrust his tongue back in my mouth keeping me quiet. He pumped his fingers in and out of me sending me into a sexual craze already I felt my muscles begin to clench.

  “Gabriel.” I moaned his name quietly.

  “Come for me, baby.” He said against my lips, pumping fast, circling even faster around my sensitive bundle of nerves. I came hard against his hand biting down on his shoulder in order to stop myself from moaning out loud since we were still in school in the middle of the hallway. Oh my fucking God, we’re still in school in the middle of the hallway! Catching our breaths, Gabriel eased his fingers out of me gently dropping my leg. Backing up he takes my face into his hands. I smell my arousal on his fingers giving me a sickening feeling of pride marking him with my own essence. Marking him as mine.

  “Come to my meet tomorrow.” He said softly, placing sweet kisses on my lips. I hesitated before answering.

  “I don’t know, Blue.” I replied dropping my gaze to his lips.

  “Please, baby, I need you there.”

  “Vanessa will be there, you don't need me.” I looked up to meet his eyes I saw the turmoil in his gaze. He sincerely was in love with both of us was that even possible? Could someone love two people at once?

  Gabriel sighed quietly. “All right, I understand.” He was disappointed. Instantly I felt bad although I knew I shouldn't. His face started to turn b
ut I caught it with my hand bringing his eyes back to mine.

  “I’ll go, Blue, just for you.” I said kissing him softly. He smiled wide his blue eyes glisten with joy.

  “I love you, Ava.” He whispered. Wait…what? I stand frozen like an idiot, not saying anything. I’m immovable, turn to stone. Did I hear him correctly? Was this all a twisted play of my imagination? Which is weird in itself, why would I want Gabriel to make his feelings for me real by speaking them out loud? Feelings that I already knew he felt but was able to handle because he never dropped the big L bomb. I hope he wasn't expecting me to say it back because I didn't even say it to my family for fucks sake and you’re like programmed to love them. Gabriel chuckled softly at my reaction placing a peck on my lips he backed away.

  “I’ll see you later.” He said smiling, leaving me there dumfounded.

  For the rest of the day and Saturday, I was in an incredibly good mood. Guilt had yet to rear its ugly head from the extra curricular activities Gabriel and I had participated in the hallway. Which made me a horrible, horrible person, I know. Not even the thought that Gabriel was not my boyfriend and he would continue to be with Vanessa had crossed my mind. He would kiss her and dance with her tonight while I sat at home—alone—remembering how he cheated on her with me. Ah! There it is, guilt and jealousy had officially arrived.

  After my epiphany, I locked myself in my room. I contemplated, justifying my reasons on going and not going to the meet. When the time had come to decide Vanessa knocked on my room to ask if I was going. Instead of giving her a definitive yes or no answer I told her I would probably meet her there. Her parents were also going I guess sports were a big deal around here. Fifteen minutes after they left I panicked. He would be looking for me and when he realized I wasn't showing up it would break his heart. Fuck-fuckity-fuck-fuck. I threw my head back like a brat kicking the air. My tantrum was pointless because there was no one in my room to see it. He’s lucky I think he's cute or I’d say screw it and not go.