Dare to Hope

by Caitlin Ricci

  A sensual beat pumped out from the speakers and echoed under his feet as he moved, coming up flush with Samuel’s body as he rubbed against him. Samuel’s eyes flashed bright with the disco lights as Chris watched his reaction, and then Samuel started to dance too. Chris’s heart pounded, and sweat broke out in the palms of his hands as the gorgeous man matched his rhythm sensuously with practiced skill. The common ground exhilarated Chris, and his body welcomed the steamy distraction.

  As Chris inserted his legs between Samuel’s to rub against his crotch, Samuel grabbed his ass and pulled him right in there. The size of Samuel’s erection almost made him drop to his knees to have a closer look, but he resisted making a fool of himself. Samuel seemed to like rejecting him, or at least nearly so since Chris was pretty sure Samuel didn’t have any kind of malice in him like that. But asking, again, to be able to give Samuel pleasure would only end in the same answer. Chris was sure of it.

  Knowing he was there and that his reaction was just for him was enough for Chris. With so many people around him, making the club heat up exponentially, Chris was quickly overheating. He stripped off his shirt, the button-down annoying him as his sweaty fingers fumbled with each of the buttons, until he was able to pull it off and tuck it into the back of his pants so that his arms were once again free.

  As soon as Samuel reached up to touch his chest, though, Chris remembered why he hadn’t been okay going around shirtless in front of Samuel, and he felt stupid for forgetting the last of the secrets he’d been trying to hide from Samuel. He hadn’t even made it a few days without showing him his tattoo.

  “Don’t ask,” Chris said, hoping Samuel would listen to him just this once, even as his fingers brushed over the curling tip of the tattoo, right over his heart.

  Samuel leaned closer. “When did you get this?”

  “Seven months ago. And I said don’t ask.” Chris wanted to put his shirt back on and take back the moment, but he knew it wouldn’t do any good.

  Samuel looked at it again and stroked a finger down his side. “It’s fucking sexy. I love it.” Samuel reached down, pulled his own shirt over his head, and tucked it into the back of his jeans. Then Chris was flush with his body and they started dancing again.

  Chris tentatively wrapped his hands around Samuel’s tattooed biceps, for the first time having the luxury of touching the man at leisure. Samuel’s reaction to his tattoo hadn’t been quite what he’d been expecting, but he was glad for it. He’d expected anger, or at least a lot of questions about why he had a Maori design stretching from his chest to his left hip, but Samuel thankfully had brushed it off. Chris was grateful for the minimal reaction.

  “I love getting to touch your tattoos,” Chris said.

  Samuel might not have been able to hear him, given how loud it was in the club and how many people were talking around them, but that was okay with Chris. It was enough that he was getting to touch them. If it wouldn’t have been too weird he would have tried to put his mouth on them too.

  “You have never allowed me to really touch you.”

  Samuel’s eyes were serious as he watched Chris speak. “Then touch me.”

  Chris inched closer and did what he had wanted to for so long—he kissed Samuel’s shoulder where the dark ink curved around his deltoid. He licked his tongue over the warm flesh and groaned at the taste of this man on his lips. Moving in, he took Samuel’s left nipple between his teeth and sucked it in, hearing the man hiss above him as he took advantage of the offer to explore.

  He tortured the little bud some more before lavishing the same attention on the other, but his control was slipping. Releasing the tempting nipple, he licked a path up to Samuel’s chin, where he reached up and pulled him down for a kiss. Samuel wrapped his arms around him, yanking him close, and with his heart pounding in his ears, he brought his right hand to the front of Samuel’s pants. He went as slowly as he possibly could, waiting for and expecting Samuel to push him away. But he didn’t. Instead he deepened the kiss between them, pushing his tongue between Chris’s teeth as Chris unbuttoned Samuel’s jeans and slid his hand inside. Without undoing the zipper, he wouldn’t have much access, but it was enough to be able to graze his fingertips over Samuel’s thick cock and feel wetness waiting there for him.

  He groaned into Samuel’s mouth, wishing he could do more and that they weren’t surrounded by people on all sides. He’d been thinking about giving Samuel head since minutes after he met him, and if they were alone, he would have already been on his knees for him. He loved giving pleasure just as much as taking it, and he needed to do that for Samuel.

  “I want you,” he mumbled against Samuel’s mouth. And the evidence of how much Samuel wanted him too was right there against his fingers. It was undeniable now.

  When Samuel didn’t instantly take him away from the crowd, Chris suddenly pulled away instead as he remembered that this was only a dance and just for fun. He didn’t need his heart broken by Samuel twice in one day. He backed up, putting some space between them, and that helped him clear his head a little.

  “I’m going to get another soda, then head back to my hotel. Thanks for the dance.” Releasing him physically hurt, but he couldn’t hear Samuel tell him that they were just going to be friends again, that just a friend was all Chris would ever really be for him.

  He shook as he made his way back to the bar, where Jeff was already putting a new soda down in front of him, as if reading his mind. Samuel had said they could be more, maybe, if Chris was better, but he was pretty sure that this was his best, and realizing that fucking sucked.

  “That was hot as hell,” Aaron piped up from beside him.

  Chris nodded. It had been hot. He’d felt alive and wonderful for the first time since Montana. He downed his soda and put more money than necessary on the bar. “See you later,” he said to both Jeff and Aaron before turning around and coming face to face with Samuel.

  “You leaving now? Just like that?” an obviously annoyed Samuel almost growled at him.

  “I am. Just like that. The same as you rejecting me at every opportunity while insisting I get better. You said you’re not interested in me unless things change with me, and I respect that. But it’s cruel doing what you did tonight if you’re just leading me on and you don’t plan to ever let us happen. So, like you, I’m protecting myself. Because I deserve better than someone who hovers between yeah and nay and can’t make up his damn mind.” Where his anger came from, he didn’t know, but he had to get out of there.

  Bursting through the door, he gasped as the cool night air hit his heated skin. Seeing a taxi parked at the curb, he walked right over, and when the taxi indicated he was in service, Chris gave him the hotel address as he climbed in the back. Chris didn’t try to see if Samuel had followed him outside. It would’ve been too much.

  Chapter Seven

  EXPECTING SAMUEL to be beyond pissed about the night before, Chris stared in surprise at the text on his phone the next morning. He was exhausted and possibly delusional from his lack of sleep lately. That had to explain the text.

  I have the day off. Do you feel like going out somewhere?

  Chris blinked to wake himself up fully. What did you have in mind? Still in bed.

  No rush. Somewhere local. Some wildlife. Coffee shop for lunch.

  Chris’s stomach rumbled at the mention of food, and somewhere in the back of his mind he remembered New Zealand’s wildlife were of the nonthreatening, noncarnivorous kind, so Samuel’s idea didn’t sound half-bad.

  Sounds like fun. What time? he typed back, and also included the address of the hotel he was staying at.

  I’ll pick you up in an hour.

  When the text came back, Chris rolled out of bed and headed to the shower. He dressed in comfortable khaki shorts and a T-shirt with sneakers before heading down to the lounge, where he had a cheese scone and coffee before Samuel arrived.

  Coming around the corner into the lobby when he finished eating, he was just in time to see Samu
el walk in the hotel door. He stopped and smiled when he saw Chris walking his way.

  “Hey,” he said, coming up to Samuel.

  Without the dance music bouncing around in his head and overriding everything inside of him, Chris realized how very hard it would have been to live even on the same continent with Samuel and not have a chance in hell with him.

  “Hey, you look good. Let’s go.” Outside, Samuel led him to a large truck and opened the passenger door for him to get in.

  “Thanks.” Chris huffed as he pulled himself into the high seat.

  Samuel walked around and got in next to him. “How did you sleep?” Chris asked him.

  “I have two days off a fortnight, and this is one of them, so I slept more than usual. How about you?” Samuel started the vehicle and drove them into the traffic, heading toward the outskirts of town.

  “The hotel is comfortable, so that’s nice. They’ve got a great pool if you want to go swimming before I leave.” It was almost… pleasant talking to Samuel like this, as if they were friends. As if he hadn’t been touching Samuel’s cock the night before. Thinking about that made him blush, and he tried not to focus on it for long. “Where are we headed?”

  “There’s this butterfly sanctuary northeast of here. I’ve never been there, but Kaden took Bran there a few weeks ago, and he loved it. It’s also safe taking you there, because they won’t visit it again so soon. I understand there’s an amazing little coffee shop on the premises with the best coffee and tiramisu in town.”

  “Okay, as long as it’s safe.” Chris couldn’t imagine what he would do if he ran into Bran today. He wasn’t ready, but then again, would he ever be prepared for it?

  “Common sense tells me people won’t visit the same attraction twice in a few weeks, but that’s my best guess right now. Would you rather not go there?” Samuel slowed down, as if waiting for Chris to change his mind.

  “No, keep going. What you say makes sense, so it should be okay.” Chris settled back in the comfortable truck and watched the beautiful scenery pass by, the radio playing softly in the background.

  “I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to lead you on, and I apologize.”

  The words caught him off guard, and he didn’t know what to say for a few seconds.

  “Thanks.” Chris settled his arms across his chest and cast a sidelong glance at Samuel. “Bran’s happy here? Isn’t he? We talk all the time, but you know how good of liars we both are when we can’t see each other. I miss him so fucking much.”

  Samuel laid his hand between them, and Chris brushed his knuckles against the back of Samuel’s hand. “He smiles all the time, so yes, I’d say he’s enjoying himself. And I’ve never seen Kaden happier than he is with Bran. It’s a bit sickening, actually.”

  Snickering, Chris shook his head and slid his fingertips against Samuel’s palm. He wasn’t holding his hand, not yet, but he was close to it. And Samuel hadn’t pulled away from him yet.

  “Have you ever hit anyone? Like Richard did with Bran and I?” That night had hurt to talk about for a long time, but now it was just something he’d been through, like anything else in his fucked-up existence.

  Now Samuel did take his hand. “No. And I never would. I think men like that are cowards.”

  It was good for Chris to hear the words from Samuel. He’d known Samuel wouldn’t be abusive to him or anyone else, but it was still good to be told that out loud.

  “Is that your only tattoo?” Samuel surprised him by asking.

  Chris put his free hand against his side, touching his tattoo without even thinking about it. “Yes. For good too. It hurt a lot to get done. Do you really think it looks sexy on me?”

  Samuel pulled them off the road and into a large parking lot. “Absolutely. Could I see it again sometime?”

  Chris laughed and fought hard not to blush but failed miserably. “Sure. If you want to.”

  “How about now?”

  He stared at Samuel for a long few minutes, not knowing what to say. “Here?” They were in the middle of the parking lot. Sure Samuel’s windows were tinted, and being even partially naked in a vehicle wasn’t exactly new to Chris, but it still seemed to be a strange request. Samuel slowly nodded, and heat began to flare over Chris’s skin. He undid the seat belt and turned toward Samuel so Samuel could see the tattoo. He loved everything about the intricately carved design, especially how it reminded him of Samuel every time he looked at it.

  In one quick motion, he pulled his T-shirt over his head, then leaned back against the door, giving Samuel a full view of the tattoo that stretched from his chest, down the left side of his body, over his ribs, to end at his hip just above the waist of his pants. Samuel’s gaze traveled over the swirls and fine lines. Unlike many tattoos he saw in the States, Chris designed his tattoo with the short strokes and delicate markings of the Maori tattoos he’d spent hours looking at before deciding to get it.

  “It’s beautiful,” Samuel said, making Chris smile.

  “Thanks. I like it.” Chris put his shirt back on and looked at Samuel. “We going in?”

  Samuel opened his door. “Yep, let’s go walk around and look at all the pretty butterflies and flowers.”

  “How many guys have you brought here?” Chris asked him as they got out of the truck and headed in.

  “None, actually. I told you I’ve never been here,” Samuel reminded him as they stopped at the ticket booth to pay the entry fee.

  Chris grinned at him. “I find it awesome that you’re actually honest, and you remember what you’ve told me. It’s a nice change.”

  “I’ve got nothing to hide, mate. I’m a very good boy.”

  Snorting, Chris shook his head and chose not to argue with Samuel on that point. A good boy would not have let him put his hand inside his pants on a crowded dance floor the night before.

  “How often do you see Bran? And Kaden and Trent too. But mostly Bran. Fuck, I miss him. Never thought it would hurt this much to be away from him for eight months.”

  They studied the hand-painted map of the sanctuary and chose which path to follow first. In between the trees and plants, it felt hotter and very humid, but Chris didn’t mind it as he kept his eyes open for the butterflies and orchids.

  “I see Trent almost daily because we work on the same farm, even if it’s just in passing, but we all get together at least once a fortnight for a meal or drinks. Sometimes we meet up on Fridays at the school sports field to play a bit of footy.” Samuel spoke softly, also looking around for the beautiful insects.

  “Footy?” Chris had to ask.

  “Football or rugby. We call it footy for short,” Samuel explained with a smile.

  Chris gave him a heated look. “Do you still take your shirts off to play while you run around and get all sweaty?”

  “Absolutely. If you have a shirt on at the end, you’re not playing hard enough.”

  Samuel winked at him, and Chris blushed.

  “Someday, when Bran forgives me for coming here without telling him, because I’m sure he’ll find out eventually, it would be fun to see you all play. I won’t be joining you, but I’ll clap and cheer from the sides.”

  Samuel frowned. “Oh, come on. Of course you’ve got to play. At least try. We won’t tackle you. I promise.”

  A cheeky grin followed the words, and somehow Chris doubted the sincerity of the vow.

  Chris turned and ran one of his perfectly manicured fingertips across the side of Samuel’s jaw. “I’m actually more worried about breaking a nail than I am about being under you. The girl that does my nails is nearly impossible to get an appointment with on short notice.” Before dropping his hand, Chris lightly brushed the pad of his thumb over Samuel’s bottom lip. The next moment the bushes to their left rustled and out walked a woman and two small kids, so Chris dropped his hand from Samuel’s face. No need to cause any drama in public.

  “Come, let’s go try this trail…. Hey, Samuel!”

  The exclamation had th
em both spinning around in surprise.

  Chris stared at the petite brunette woman, wondering who the fuck she was to Samuel. Ex-lover? Best friend no one had bothered to tell him about? He stared at Samuel, waiting for him to say something, but he looked stunned.

  “Samuel?” Chris prompted him. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to the nice lady with the two little kids that could pass for your own?”

  “Uuuum, hey, Kylie.”

  Samuel had gone as white as a sheet when he looked at Chris. Where had all the beautiful Maori gone?

  Kylie…. Kylie…. Where in the hell did he know that name from?

  “This is Kylie—Kaden’s sister.” Samuel addressed her again, “Kylie, this is my friend….” Samuel trailed off, not knowing what to call him.

  “Eddie.” Chris remembered his manners and stepped forward to shake her hand. “It’s cute that he forgets whether I like people knowing that my full name is Edward. It’s so old-fashioned. So you’re Kaden’s sister. Nice to meet you. And who are these two adorable children?” He was surprised he sounded so calm, given how panicked he felt. Kaden’s sister? Fuck.

  Kylie smiled back at him. “Nice to meet you too, Eddie. Wow, Sam. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” she added with a sly look at the big man. “Eddie, these are my two angels, Liam and Leilani.”

  “Are all the kids in your family named alike, or did that start with you two? It’s cute, don’t get me wrong, I’m just curious,” Chris quickly said, in case he was about to piss off his best friend’s sister-in-law. Assuming Bran ever married Kaden. Chris was pretty sure he was close to saying yes most days, if Kaden only had the guts to ask him.

  Kylie laughed, and the sound reminded him of Kaden, as did her open, strong personality. It made him miss Bran so much more.