Jest Right

by Piers Anthony

  Jess appreciated Aria’s support as they lapsed into silence. But now she found herself thinking of the Sea Hag again. Bleep! She banished the thought.

  When they returned to the group, Dolph caught the others up on what had happened.

  After that Jess talked with Magnus. “Ira would like to—to be with me, and he can take me seriously. But—”

  “Jess, from what you tell me, Ira can give you what I can’t. He can appreciate you without hindrance. I would be a heel to try to stop you from finding your happiness with him.”

  “But I want to find it with you!”

  “And I with you. But that’s highly speculative. We don’t know when, if ever, we’ll find a way. Jess, I would rather see you happy with him than miserable with me. He’s a bird in the hand, as it were. You can still be Atrocia in the show.”

  “Bleep!” she swore tearfully.

  “It has to be your decision. I will abide by it.”

  So there was no compelling imperative there. He was being too nice about it.

  Then Jess went to Santo, “About that similar service . . .”

  He smiled. “I suspected.”

  “Ira is a good man. He would like to—to have me for his girlfriend. That would be easy enough to do, if only—”

  “If only you didn’t love Magnus.”

  “If only,” she agreed sourly.

  “I know I need Noe in my life, even though I can never marry her. You found a way for us. Magnus needs you in his life. I know how he was when you were gone and feared lost. It’s how I was with Noe. It’s love; that’s not in question. What is in question is the way that love is to be expressed. For me, having Noe as a sibling is perfect; she can lie with me and hold me all night if need be, and during this permanent hole project it may indeed need be. For you, giving Magnus Atrocia in the show is perfect. If you can’t be together one way, try another way. If that works out, Magnus will accept it. He understands your situation, as Noe understands mine.”

  “What are you saying, Santo? I don’t much like the smell of it.”

  “I am saying you should give this man Ira a fair chance. Try it with him his way for a night. If that works out, try it for a week. If that’s good, then a month. If it continues good, marry him while still being Atrocia in the show. You can have both, Jess. Just as I’ll have both with Noe. Romance is not the whole of love.”

  “A compromise trial,” Jess said, seeing it. “A night, then decide on a week. Not a whole commitment at once, but a gradual one, if it works.”

  “Yes. It was gradual for me with Noe. At first our relationship was pure show and convenience. But slowly in the course of a year, as I got to know her better, I came to appreciate her more. It might have gone the other way. It might for you. The fairest thing you can do for either man is to give it an honest open minded try.”

  Jess nodded. “When you say it, it starts to make sense. A limited fair try.”

  “You really helped me, Jess. I hope I am helping you.”

  “You have shown me how I can find out, I think. That will do.” She leaned toward him. “Consider this a sibling kiss.” She kissed him on the cheek.

  “Siblings I can handle.”

  That night she told Magnus. “I will stay with Ira one night. If I don’t like it, it will end there. At least I will have tried.”

  “That’s all a person can do.” He took her hand and kissed it. That much he could do.

  And how much could she do? She truly didn’t know.

  Next day Dolph as the roc carried Jess, Noe/Kadence, and Myst/Mairzy, so as to introduce more of their number. Ira welcomed them, and gave them token iridium trinkets. Kadence explained more of the necessary process of tunnel-shoring, and Ira understood. “That will be hard work for me, as for you and Santo, but with proper support we should be able to manage it.”

  “You will have to join us on the boat,” Kadence said. “For the duration. Dolph won’t be able to fly you back and forth all the time.”

  “Yes. I look forward to seeing that fabulous boat. I have heard rumors of it.”

  “They do not do it justice.” They both laughed.

  Then it was time for them to go. “I have enjoyed seeing you again,” Ira told Jess politely.

  “I am staying the night.”

  “The night! I did not demand this.”

  “I discussed it with my folk, and they felt I should give you a fair chance. I can’t promise you love, but I can lend you my body, and see how I feel about it.”

  “How you feel?”

  “If I don’t like it, I won’t do it again. You know I love another man, though my curse keeps him at bay. I might discover that it is a reasonable compromise. I might not. I don’t know. But at least I will have given it and you a fair chance.”

  “That is more than fair,” he agreed.

  The others departed. Jess had a nice meal with Ira, then got serious. “We don’t have to wait for night. Let’s start now.” What she didn’t say was that she feared that if she didn’t get promptly on with it, she would lose her nerve.

  “As you wish. We can hold hands at first.”

  He was trying to be delicate. Jess did not dilly-dally. She removed all her clothing and lay down on his bed. “Come and get me.”

  “Are you sure? You really don’t have to.”

  “I do have to. I need to know whether this is possible for me. Do whatever you like with me. I will try to respond appropriately.” She did know what it was all about, thanks to her night with Magnus when she had the Brown Rose, though that seemed very far away now. What she didn’t know was how well she could respond with another man.

  He stripped and joined her on the bed. He stroked her body. She lay with her eyes closed, willing herself not to flinch. Whatever she decided in the morning, she wanted to be sure to be responsive now.

  “Oh, my,” he said.

  Jess opened her eyes. “Is something wrong?”

  “Your face is soaking wet.”

  “It is?” She was surprised.

  “Jess, you are crying.”

  She felt her face. It was completely watered with her tears. “Oh, no.”

  “You don’t really want to do this, Jess.”

  “But I do! I do! I need to find out.”

  “You already know.”

  “Ooh, bleep!” she swore. “I do know. I’d rather be miserable with him than happy with someone else.”

  “I wish I could find a woman to love me like that.”

  “Maybe you will,” she said desperately. “Maybe I am she. Maybe we just need to try harder.”

  He shook his head. “I appreciate your determination, but I fear you are a lost cause for me. I need a woman who truly wants to be with me, not one who has to force herself. I’ll provide the iridium your project needs. All I ask in return is that if you ever conclude that it isn’t going to work with Magnus, you will come look me up. See where it goes from there.”

  “Yes! I can commit to that!”

  “Meanwhile, let’s get dressed. I hope we can enjoy each other’s company on a friendship basis.”

  “Yes,” she said, relieved. That was how Santo and Noe worked it out, really.

  “Let me give you this to remember me by.” He presented her with an iridium ring.

  “Yes. Thank you.” She set it on the fourth finger of her right hand, where it fit perfectly. “I will be glad to remember you.”

  “When you wish to locate me, lift the ring and sight though it. It will show you where I am at that moment. Then you should be able to locate me.”

  They talked, they played Nineteen Questions, they laughed together. They were compatible. In fact she liked him. It was so great to be taken seriously in a non-serious way! Soon she found herself telling him about Atrocia. “It’s the one benefit my curse provides. I am quite a hit
as her.”

  “I am curious. Will you do your monologue for me?”

  “It may not be that funny to you, because you can take me seriously. It’s really not much without my curse.”

  “Perhaps that will make me more objective.”

  So she did Atrocia for him, and he was not overwhelmed but was amused. “If you told me you loved me, I would not laugh my head off. Neither would I vomit on your panties.”

  “Those are actually exaggerations. They didn’t actually happen.”

  “Hyperbole, of course. Humorous exaggeration.”

  “Yes.” He understood so well. If only she could love him!

  “You have told me how you inadvertently traveled through several worlds. Perhaps you should parody them for your act.”

  “Maybe I will,” she agreed.

  When night came, Ira tried to give her his bed while he slept on the couch. She demurred, wanting the couch. They argued pleasantly, and finally agreed to share the bed, and if she changed her mind about something along the way, she would take the initiative.

  As it turned out, she didn’t, and slept well through the night. At one point she woke and gazed at him in the dim light of one of the moons. He was handsome and decent and talented, and immune to her repulsion. He would be a fine man to marry, if only. Later she half woke again and realized that he was gazing at her similarly. If only, again!

  Next day Ira was busy wrapping up his business so he could be away a few days. Jess explored the property, finding it pleasant. Then the roc express arrived, and they were ready to board.

  “Oops,” Ira said, standing beside the big bird.

  “What is it?”

  “I have never flown before. I think I am afraid of heights.”

  “Maybe I can help you. Close your eyes. Trust me.”

  “I do trust you.”

  He closed his eyes. She took his hand and guided him onto the roc’s back. Then they lay down, and she put her arms around him, holding him close to her bosom, his head cushioned. “Just relax,” she murmured. “I will not let you fall.”

  “Physically, or emotionally?” he asked into her shirt.

  She laughed, rocking his head. But it wasn’t really funny.

  And as they traveled, thoughts of the Sea Hag intruded once again. Why couldn’t she get that foul creature out of her mind? Did she have an appetite for punishment?

  They arrived safely at the boat. “We could have flown to Hell, and I would have been happy in that embrace,” he said.

  “Thank you.” She loved the fact that he was serious.

  Jess showed him around the decks and introduced him to those he had not yet met. “You do travel in style,” he remarked.

  Then she turned him over to the Tunnel Team: Santo, Dolph, Noe, Kadence, Tata, the peeve, and Squid. They had set up a separate cabin to work from, because Fibot would have to go with Magnus’s show team.

  And it was time for that diversionary expedition. They needed to justify the time they spent on the World of Three Moons so that no one would suspect that their real mission was to build the secret tunnel. The royal wedding was a convenient pretext, however serious it might be to the participants. Magnus and Aria had shown a fine inability to say no to additional engagements, so there were a number scheduled around the planet.

  The Show Team consisted of Magnus, Atrocia, Aria, and assorted stage hands and supportive personnel, such as Dell, Nia, and Win to transport them, with Ula, Myst and Mare Imbri to handle details. They did a private rehearsal, then sailed to the palace.

  Queen Jenny was there, of course. She greeted Dell, Nia, and the children warmly, as they knew each other from prior trips. She was more formal with Magnus and Jess, who were new to her. “But where is Kadence?” she asked, immediately recognizing the change in Ula.

  “It got complicated, and I had to change princesses,” Ula said. “Kadence is marvelously talented, but she can’t sing. So her cousin Aria is with me now.” She did not have to explain about Noe, because Santo’s visits to her had been largely private and she hadn’t met Jenny. Jenny knew the princesses were from the future, but not the recent future crisis.

  Jess was glad they did not have to try to explain, saying it was complicated.

  They also met Prince Jerry and Princess Froma, regally lovely with red hair, orange eyes, and four fingers like Jenny and Jerry.

  Then it was show time. The audience was studded with royalty, as the monarchs of other kingdoms attended with their retinues. In fact Jerry and Froma, the betrothed couple, were there, to Jess’s surprise. She had thought they would have better things to do than watch and listen to nonsense.

  Aria briefed the cast privately. “Kings and queens, princes and princesses are people too, at heart. This is their relaxation before the big event of the wedding, where they will be on show as well as the marital couple. So treat them just like ordinary folk but don’t push it. Politely lower your eyes when speaking directly with them; never meet their gaze, because that implies you regard yourself as equal to them.” She smiled. “I will meet their gaze; I am equal, and they will know it. Don’t say anything negative about anyone; word travels at the speed of thought and negatives are poisonous. Otherwise, be yourselves.”

  “Thank you,” Nia said, appreciating the warning. “But what of Jess? If she speaks deferentially, they will not believe it, and think she is insulting them.”

  Aria considered. “True. It may be better if Jess never appears. Only Atrocia. That’s her character; they will expect it from her. Just as Ula will not appear in public, only me.”

  “I’m glad of that,” Ula said.

  “And of course it is Atrocia they have really come to see,” Aria concluded.

  Could that be true? Jess could not be sure it wasn’t. Her curse was becoming better known than she was.

  Magnus went into his spiel, marvelously effective as always, and asked for volunteers. And the volunteers were all royal—including Jerry and Froma. That was a surprise. Other royal women were eyeing Magnus speculatively. Jess had seen that look before; it meant that even grown royals were not immune to his charm.

  “Stay close, Aria,” he murmured as he turned the stage over to Jess. Jess had never seen him nervous before, but she knew Aria would guide him and intervene if necessary. It might indeed be necessary, judging by the way the royal women were moving in. Aria did know the royal scene, as her tenure at Planet Distaff had demonstrated.

  Atrocia took over, with her standard introduction. The royals laughed just like any other audience, which was encouraging. Then she got into her new material. “So there I was, marooned on Planet Stench. I never really believed that my act stunk; now I did. But would you believe it, they were bored, because every act stinks there. I had to try to get serious; then they laughed.” She went on to Distaff. “Know why they have that distaff symbol of a rod with a swollen end? Because they need that in lieu of their weak-spined men.” The men did not laugh as hard as the women did. And on to Planet Ant. “Just call me Ant Atrocia.” It worked well enough, though she suspected that without her curse it would have fallen largely flat. Which was the thing about that: she needed her curse to be Atrocia.

  Then Magnus returned, with the starkly original story of prince meets princess, loses princess, regains princess, with four fingers being the key. Aria’s accompaniment lent real feeling to it, concluding with the wedding march. The audience loved it all.

  Yet after the successful show, Jess thought of the Sea Hag again. Bleepety bleep! she thought furiously. She had to get her masochistic mind clean of that ugliness.

  They checked back in briefly with the Tunnel Team before sailing to their next engagement. They were hard at work, with a man-high tunnel between planets, Dolph as a giant stone-borer worm, Squid scraping up the droppings and smearing them on the tunnel wall, and Ira conjuring a thin but steady supply of iridium fo
r Tata to vaporize in a small attachment that the peeve then blew against the plastered wall by clinging to the floor and strongly flapping its wings. Kadence’s magic made it all integrate.

  “Ira is really working hard,” Santo told Jess. “I can see how this sustained conjuring depletes him as it does me, but he’s not complaining. We need to find a way to repay him.”

  “I promised to seek him if it doesn’t work out with Magnus,” Jess said.

  “That’s not enough. Which reminds me; Ira wants to talk with Magnus. We’d better take a break; we all can use it.”

  They took a break, and Ira came to greet Jess. She could see the suppressed longing he had for her. “Fetch Magnus,” Santo told the peeve. The peeve flew off without backtalk; it was tired, too.

  Soon Magnus appeared from the boat. “Something wrong?”

  “In my delirium of effort I got a crazy idea,” Ira told him.

  “Oh? If it is a way to improve the tunnel, I’m not the one to see. I know nothing about the mechanics or chemistry of it.”

  “Not exactly. Let me talk to you privately.”

  The two men went aside. Jess was curious as anything what they could be talking about, but knew she had to give them their privacy.

  Magnus burst out laughing. “You’re right! That is crazy! But Xanth is crazy. It just might work. Thanks!”

  “You’re welcome. I hope it does.”

  “Now my idea,” Santo told Ira. “Do you know how we found you?”

  “Jess said something about Tata orienting on a supply for iridium.”

  “Yes. Let’s ask Tata about something else.” Santo addressed the dogfish. “What about platinum? That’s similar to iridium, as I understand it. Don’t they merge well, I mean for alloys or whatever in the science realm?”

  Tata’s screen flickered. “Yes,” the peeve translated.

  “Can you orient on a similar source for platinum?”

  “Yes.”

  “Like maybe someone who conjures platinum?”

  “Yes.”

  “Like maybe a young woman?”

  “Yes.”