Numb

by Tanya Paterson

  CHAPTER 20

  ALEX

  The week after Dave’s birthday dinner, I was killing time at Airlie Beach. I needed time out from Ally who’d been sticking to me like superglue all week. I knew I should end it but sometime in the past few weeks I’d turned into a spineless git. Ally must have known I wanted to break up with her, but she didn’t say anything, preferring to pretend everything was fine between us when we both knew it wasn’t. Krista knew it too. After I’d arrived back at the table that evening Krista had cast pointed looks in my direction while Ally glared warningly back at her and tightened her grip on whichever body part she had hold of at the time. The two of them might have been friends but they acted more like rivals. I wondered how they’d feel if they knew Hayley was the girl I was really interested in. Hayley avoided me for the rest of the night. It was just as well. I wouldn’t have been able to stand seeing those green eyes flickering between sympathy and understanding, pity and disappointment.

  I was sure Hayley would tell someone about the kiss. Then they would tell someone, and they would tell someone else causing it to spread like wildfire. All week I waited for the proverbial to hit the fan but Hayley had remained mute. I’d kind of hoped it would’ve come out so I would have a reason to end it with Ally but Hayley acted no differently, as if nothing had happened. Maybe it didn’t matter to her, I realised. Maybe I didn’t matter to her.

  It was busy along Main Street that afternoon. Although most tourists would be still out on their island cruise or snorkelling trip to the reef, there were plenty of others wandering the boulevard in their board shorts and sarongs, making the most of their last few hours on holiday to browse the shops, looking for cheap made-in-China tat to take home as souvenirs. Some people were hurriedly licking ice creams from the Baskin Robbins before they melted over their fingers and dripped onto the pavement. Music was already blasting from the backpacker bars, though only a few customers were ready to start partying this early.

  I didn’t know what I was doing there, just looking for a distraction I suppose. I wandered up the hill to the top of the street and of course I saw her, as I’d secretly hoped I would. I told myself again that I wasn’t stalking her, not technically anyway. But I still couldn’t explain how I was to seek her out even when I didn’t mean to.

  Hayley was sitting on the bench outside Juicy Bits, a small smoothie in her hand and her back to the beach as she faced the sun. Her face was tilted upwards to bathe in the soft pink light of the fading day and the gentle rays were kissing her, blessing her. She wore a blissful, reverential, expression as her head nodded in silent prayer to the tune on her ipod. Hayley was lost in her music.

  I was mesmerised. I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

  A minute later her eyes suddenly shot open and she retrieved her mobile phone from her pocket to check the caller ID. She didn’t notice me as I eavesdropped on her conversation.

  “Hey,” she said as she pulled the tiny headphones from her ear and pressed her phone in its place.

  A few seconds passed as she listened to the caller, he blissful expression replaced with a slight frown.

  “No, it’s ok. Really. Its fine I understand. I’ll wait at the Dragon. Ok, see you later. Bye.”

  Hayley slid the phone back in her pocket and started to gather her things. Before I knew it I was standing next to her.

  “Hi.”

  When Hayley smiled I swear my heart stumbled.

  “Hey, Alex.”

  There was brief moment of awkwardness while we both mentally rehashed that night before I motioned to her cup.

  “Did you just finish work?” I asked casually, pretending not to have overheard her call.

  “Ages ago,” she rolled her eyes. “I’ve been waiting for my brother to pick me up but he doesn’t really do ‘on time’.”

  “Where’s your car?”

  “Sitting on my drive. It wouldn’t start….again. I probably should just give up and get a new car. Well, not brand new, but you know new-ish, one that runs for more than a week without breaking down.”

  “I can give you a lift.” I hoped I didn’t sound too eager. Or too nervous.

  “Really?” She sounded wary. “I don’t think I live anywhere near your house.”

  “It’s no problem,” I insisted, “I’d be happy to.”

  Hayley hesitated a moment, weighing up the situation in her head, no doubt wondering if I could be trusted to keep my hands to myself. I prepared myself for rejection but instead she surprised me when she asked, “You’re not in a hurry or anything are you?”

  “No, why?”

  “Well, I don’t live that far from here but if you give me a lift you might not make it home for a while.”

  “Ok.” I didn’t hide my confusion but Hayley just smiled instead of elaborating so I said, “That’s fine. I’m not in a hurry. There’s nowhere I need to be.”

  “Well, ok then. I would like to take you up on your offer of a lift.”

  We walked to my car, making polite chitchat along the way as if we both needed to keep the conversation focused on mundane everyday topics like the weather. It wasn’t quite awkward but something had obviously changed between us, as if we’d both taken a step over an invisible line. I tried not to dwell on the fact that in a short period of time I would be in Hayley’s home. I had the impression that like me, Hayley didn’t invite just anyone over to her house and my name had been added to the guest list of a very exclusive club.

  We made our way up the hill to the car park as the electricity pulsing through the space between our bodies intensified. We hadn’t stood so close before and now the hairs on my arm lifted to attention and reached towards Hayley, willing me to close the distance between us. Every cell was hyperaware of her, more so than usual. How was I going to last the car journey with her?

  I stumbled on the footpath and reached out automatically to steady myself. At the same time Hayley grabbed my arm and for a second we were holding each other. Electricity and desire shot through my fingertips and hands and spread through my body like lightning.

  What the hell?!

  A second later she let go and jerked back as if she’d felt it too.

  “Sorry,” I said, looking at my clumsy feet. I think my subconscious had willed them to stumble just so I would have a reason to touch her.

  Hayley shook her head as if to say ‘no need to apologise’ but her confusion was clearly evident on her face. She must have thought I was disabled. Either that or she also felt 10,000 volts pass through her body.

  Yeah right, dream on Alex.

  As we got into my car, Hayley tossed her bag on the back seat and I caught a glimpse of her white earbuds still hanging around her neck.

  “What kind of music do you like?” I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me as I turned the key in the ignition. She didn’t get a chance to answer before the car’s stereo switched on automatically and my favourite band boomed from the speakers. Chester Bennington screamed his lyrics and the sound distorted. It was loud, very loud.

  “Sorry,” I apologised as I fumbled with the controls to turn it down to a less ear-bleeding volume.

  “I love Linkin Park and this Jay-Z remix is awesome,” she said nodding her head to the music, a knowing smile on her lips. “I knew you wouldn’t like Katy Perry or Rhianna,” she added, matter-of-factly.

  Yes, she would know I’d lied at the restaurant, wouldn’t she? Hayley seemed to have an uncanny knack for knowing the truth.

  “What’s wrong with pop music?” I asked defiantly, annoyed with her for guessing everything so easily.

  “Nothing, I just didn’t think you would empathise with vacuous lyrics.”

  I clenched my jaw to stop it gaping open in surprise. That was exactly how I felt.

  “Not a lot of people would think that about me.”

  She watched me seriously for a moment. “That’s because appearances can be deceptive.”

  She was doing it again.

  She can see you.<
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  We drove out along the main road towards the highway. After about fifteen minutes Hayley directed me to turn onto a smaller unmarked gravel road hedged on either side by tall fields of cane and we followed it for a few more minutes until the cane fields were abruptly replaced by rows of fruit trees.

  “Turn right here,” she instructed, pointing to a dirt road up ahead, “this is my place.”

  I pulled into Hayley’s drive. Multicoloured banners on tall poles lined the fence on either side of the entrance, fluttering like prayer-flags in the wind. Next to the entrance was a sign hand-painted in a swirl of psychedelic colours.

  “Funkadelic Fruit?”

  “Mum’s an eco-hippy,” she explained, shrugging her shoulders in a what-can-you-do gesture in the same manner a parent would when speaking fondly about a precocious child.

  “The farm has been in my family for generations. We used to grow sugar cane but they nearly went bankrupt when the bottom fell out of the market years ago and after mum and dad got married she convinced Dad to switch to organic tropical fruit. It was a big deal around here back then. Everyone thought my dad had been brainwashed by a crazy hippy and we were treated like pariahs for years. Still are to some extent.” Hayley looked wistfully at the hundreds and hundreds of fruit trees lining the drive.

  She turned to me smiling, “At least we eat well,” she joked, always looking on the bright side.

  “Is your dad a hippy as well?”

  “No. He’s not with us anymore. He died when I was twelve. Car accident.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s ok,” she said looking out the window, “it was a while ago now. But it still hurts to remember.”

  I parked in front of an old wooden house set on low stilts, the kind you see everywhere in Queensland. It had once been painted white with a red roof, but that was many years ago and now the paint was cracked and peeling in places and the corrugated iron roof faded to a dusty pink by the unforgiving sun. Still, I had the impression the house was well-loved. A deep veranda ran around the entire outside and it was crowded with dozens of huge potted plants and ferns. Two hammocks were strung from the railings in the corners, and another hang from the rafters. Several enormous Indian cushions lay scattered here and there around the deck. Wind chimes, bells and colourful ribbons dangled from the awnings, catching the breeze and releasing their music.

  It was hippy central.

  In every direction around the house were rows and rows of trees – enormous mango, skinny pawpaw, leafy guava and dozens of varieties I didn’t recognise. There were several large buildings behind the main house with farm machinery scattered around outside them. Chickens and geese were free-range, pecking at patches of grass or paddling in the small pond to the east. As we got out of the car a couple of border collies raced towards us, tails flapping, tongues hanging out.

  “It’s a little crazy but somehow it works,” Hayley laughed, noticing my sensory overload. “Hey boys,” she said kneeling down to pet the dogs.

  “It’s fantastic. I love it.” I said, because I honestly did. Hayley’s home was so different to anything I’d ever seen – earthy, alive, unrestrained and unordered. It was the antithesis of my mother’s house in London where everything had its place and order ruled supreme. Houses reflected the people who lived in them and my mother’s was cold, sterile and rigid. Her hedges were clipped to geometric perfection, lawns mowed in perfect parallel stripes – not a stray leaf, tiny weed, or fading flower was tolerated. Order would be imposed on nature and nature would obey and bend to my mother’s will whether nature wanted to or not.

  My mother had the same approach to parenting.

  Hayley was looking at me curiously, probably wondering what I was thinking.

  “You and I come from vastly different backgrounds,” I admitted.

  She laughed her beautiful genuine laugh and again I couldn’t help but feel uplifted by it.

  “Come on, I’ll show you around.” Hayley dropped her bag beside the steps and walked towards the cool shade of the fruit trees.

  We wandered aimlessly through the orchard, passing dozens of varieties, many I’d never even heard of or seen before. Hayley showed me lychees with their rough red skin, lime green star fruit, sweet smelling pineapples, kiwi fruit on their vines, pear-like guava, football sized pomelos and so many more I couldn’t remember all the names. As we wandered through the groves I tried to find a sense of order, but failed. Most trees were planted in haphazard groups as if someone had randomly scattered seeds and the seedlings had sprouted where they landed.

  “It’s only this manic near the house,” Hayley said, reading my mind. “It’s more ordered in the larger orchards further out.”

  Planted amongst the trees were rows of herbs, clusters of lavender, and long planters of mint. The smell was incredible – the same sweet, perfume of Hayley. I greedily sucked in deep breaths until I began to feel intoxicated and light-headed.

  “People really eat this?” I asked incredulously, pointing to a fruit on one of the trees which resembled, I can’t describe it any other way, a hairy testicle.

  “That’s a rambutam, its taste is similar to a lychee. Don’t let its appearance fool you, Alex. It’s what’s inside that matters.”

  “Right,” I murmured.

  “Hey, I’ve got something to show you,” she smiled mischievously. “Come on.”

  Hayley led the way through the scented trees towards the large sheds near the house. I silently followed her, marvelling at how this bizarre girl had commanded my attention so completely. I hadn’t anticipated any of this happening. I hadn’t even thought it possible. Not for me.

  Hayley pushed opened the tall door of a rusting corrugated iron shed and the old hinges creaked and groaned in protest.

  “This is where we pack the fruit for delivery,” she said her voice echoing off the metal walls. “Everything that is still in here is un-sellable because of imperfections in colour or shape or whatever and most of that then goes to Juicy Bits to be blended into smoothie goodness.”

  There was a single long table in the centre of the building with several large plastic crates stacked on the floor on either side. The crates were filled with dozens of varieties of colourful fruit and Hayley walked to one, picked up an enormous prickly melon and put it on the centre table. It was one hell of an ugly fruit.

  “I want to show you what I mean when I imply you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover,” she said, rummaging in a drawer for a knife. “You need to taste this.”

  “Um Hayley, I don’t think I could eat all of that,” I replied, alarmed at the size of the strange fruit which was bigger than a football.

  “You don’t have to eat it all,” she smiled, “just a taste. This is durian. It’s a delicacy in Thailand and south-east Asia. It takes a little getting used to and, well…can you just trust me?”

  “Yes.”

  I already did. I trusted her. More than anyone.

  “I’m going to cut into this. Just don’t freak out on me, ok?”

  I nodded in assent.

  Hayley sliced the durian in half and immediately a strong, sickly, vomit-like smell filled the room. I gagged as my stomach retched. It was overpowering.

  “What the….you can’t be serious,” I choked from behind my hand which covered my nose and mouth. “What the hell is that?”

  “You said you’d trust me.”

  Hayley scooped out a small portion of the fruit with her fingers, removing a large seed from inside the little pocket of sticky yellow flesh. My stomach was lurching from the stench. How could I be in scented heaven one moment and hell the next?

  Then she put the fruit in her mouth and ate it. My eyes bulged as my stomach heaved.

  She was smiling. Maybe they were right about this girl? Maybe she really was crazy?

  “The Thais say durian smells like hell, but tastes like heaven,” Hayley said when she’d finished eating.

  “I was just thinking of hell,” I mumbled.


  “Now it’s your turn.” Hayley passed me a piece of flesh as I held my nose, trying to block the putrid smell.

  “I don’t think so….”

  “Don’t hold your nose Alex,” she said, “smell is an important part of the taste. You have to take the bad with the good.”

  I hesitated. Was she really asking me to eat this vomit?

  Her eyes pinched together in a frown as doubt and worry crossed her features.

  “I’m sorry Alex,” she said, looking upset with herself and dropping her hand. “I’m doing it again, aren’t I? I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I’m sorry I’m so pushy all the time, I’m not usually….”

  I grabbed Hayley’s wrist as she started to retract her hand. Electricity seared through my veins for the second time that day but I didn’t let go.

  “Let me taste it.”

  I held on to her wrist and steeled myself. I would walk through fire if she asked me to, surely I could handle eating vomit. I took the sticky piece of fruit and put it in my mouth before I has second thoughts.

  Chew, chew, chew and swallow…I mentally willed myself as Hayley watched expectantly. As anxious as I was, I couldn’t bring myself to take my eyes off her. And then I registered the taste on my tongue. Surely that’s couldn’t be the durian. It was delicious. Syrup, cream, and something else I couldn’t place. Once I’d gotten over the putrid smell, it was incredible and I wanted more.

  My surprise was obvious and Hayley smiled in relief.

  “That’s the magic of Durian. At first it confuses the senses and you think its going to be one thing but it’s another entirely. If you ignore the initial alarm bells, you’re rewarded with something pretty amazing and then you realise you can’t get enough.”

  She was right. I couldn’t get enough. I couldn’t get enough of this bizarre girl who was confusing my senses and whose wrist I realised I was still holding. The world seemed to stop turning as if we’d pressed the pause button and were frozen in time for a moment – just the two of us: alone, together. Surely she felt it – the energy in the air? It was almost tangible. My face was barely two feet from hers and I looked at her lips, still glistening with the juice of the fruit. So inviting. I was moving closer, or was it her who was, I don’t know.