31 Days of Autumn

by Fallowfield, C. J.

  ‘I don’t want to lose you,’ I whispered, tears filling my eyes at the thought of it.

  ‘Do I need to “Ellie Baxter” you?’ he asked, with a gentle shake of his head and a smile. ‘You can't get rid of me that easily, Ellie. We have an incredible sex life, but that’s not all it is for me. I’m just happy to still have you in my life. The future seemed unbearable when I thought I’d lost you. Let’s just take one day at a time. Sex will happen when we’re both ready. I love you, baby, more than I could ever put into words. You’re my heart, my home.’

  I nodded and threw my arms around his neck. He’d stolen my words as that’s just how I felt about him. ‘When can we go home?’ I mumbled into the crook of his shoulder. ‘I want to go home.’

  ‘You’ve lost weight and you’re too weak, Ellie. You need to stay here until they think you’re strong enough to leave. Come on, let’s finish your hair because Brooke’s likely to pull the fire alarm to get you out of your room, she’s that impatient to get in here to see you.’

  He helped me back into bed when he was satisfied that my hair didn’t have any damp left in it, then insisted on the nurse reattaching my drips before anyone came up. She was just inserting the second into the cannula in my arm when the door was knocked loudly.

  ‘I know you said to wait, but I can’t wait anymore. I need to see her again. Don’t make me Quattro Handson you, Davenport,’ Brooke shouted.

  ‘Again?’ I asked, looking up at Dan.

  ‘I let her and Molly in to see you when you were admitted, no one else. I know you’d have been embarrassed if you’d seen the state you were in, but it was Brooke,’ he shrugged. I smiled and nodded, impatient to see them both.

  ‘I can hear you talking about me and if you don’t let me in now, I’m kicking the door down.’

  ‘Or you could simply turn the handle and open it,’ Dan retorted, doing just that as he blocked my view of my best friend. I couldn’t wait to hug her, Molly too.

  ‘O, sorry, thought it might have been locked given you haven’t had sex for days. Move out of the way, my girl needs me,’ she announced.

  ‘I’m going to leave you with her while I go and get a coffee. Please don’t get her too excited, she’s tired and needs her rest and everyone else wants to see her, too.’

  ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah, talk to the hand,’ she muttered as Dan yelped and clutched his side. ‘Now shift, or you’ll get it again.’

  ‘No getting out of that bed,’ Dan called over his shoulder, giving me his firm, domineering look. I looked up at the nurse and rolled my eyes. She just smiled and patted my arm.

  ‘All done, Ellie. Enjoy seeing your visitors, they’ve all been very patient over the last several hours. I’ll be in and out to check on you and if I think you need to rest, I’ll ban them all, understood?’

  ‘I don’t suppose you and Dan are related by any chance, are you?’ I asked with a smile.

  ‘Ellie! It’s me. Let me in, Dan, I’m not joking now, you’re starting to piss me off.’

  ‘Nothing new there then,’ he retorted with a shake of his head. ‘Molly, I’m trusting you to keep her under control.’

  ‘Like I could do any better than you,’ she replied. ‘She’s a law unto herself.’

  ‘Fine, I’ll be back in a while,’ Dan replied, casting one last look back at me. I nodded to let him know that I was ok with him going. He stepped aside and Brooke barrelled in and threw herself at me, knocking me back onto the pillows as she started to sob. I put my one arm around her as Molly came to clutch my other hand with tears in her eyes.

  ‘Ellie Davenport, I love you,’ she said softly with a smile. ‘I couldn’t remember when I last told you and I hated that, so I promised myself it would be the first thing I said when I saw you again.’

  I nodded, unable to say anything in return. I just wanted to soak up this moment. It was enough just to have my two best friends here, but that only served to highlight that one of us was missing, which made my tears start, too.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ Brooke eventually moaned. ‘You didn’t deserve this, you’ve had enough go wrong in your life without this, too.’

  ‘Thank you,’ I replied, resting my head against hers.

  ‘I can’t believe she’s gone,’ Molly added quietly. ‘It’s just not fair, none of this is fair.’

  ‘What happened down there?’ Brooke asked, sitting up and wiping her face. I shook my head, a lump forming in my throat.

  ‘I … I can’t, Brooke. It’s too much, it’s … it’s too soon.’

  ‘You can’t bottle it up.’

  ‘Brooke,’ warned Molly as I felt myself tensing up. ‘Don’t push. Ellie will talk when she’s ready. Right now, we just need to be here for her, ok?’

  ‘I don’t know what to do,’ she moaned. ‘I’m the ear, I’m always the ear, and if she won’t talk, I don’t know what to do.’

  ‘I think you’ll find I’m the ear, you’re all mouth,’ I reminded her, leaning in to kiss her. ‘I just need some time, ok? I don’t want to deal with it right now. I just want to spend time with my family and friends, I missed you all.’

  ‘We missed you, too. Everyone did, no one more than Dan, he was a mess,’ Molly nodded. I grimaced, wondering how this was going to affect us when we got home. Would I get needy and clingy, the type of woman I swore I’d never become, or would Dan suffocate me, not giving me the space I might need?

  ‘Talking of a mess, look at the state of your nails and skin,’ Brooke scolded, lifting up my left hand to take a proper look.

  ‘So how about you put your beautician skills into practice tomorrow morning?’ I suggested, grateful to give her something to do that would make both of us feel better, without me having to relive the last week in graphic detail.

  ‘Deal,’ she beamed. ‘Molly, could we get Mario over, too?’

  ‘Mario?’ I asked, looking between them.

  ‘The senior stylist at the hotel,’ Molly confirmed. ‘He owes me a favour, he could come and do a cut and colour and deep conditioning treatment for you. You’ll be looking your usual glamorous self before you know it.’

  ‘Thank you,’ I smiled. ‘That sounds perfect. Now tell me all about my babies, what did I miss? Eva’s taken her first steps already?’

  Day Twenty Eight

  Sunday 20th September

  Ellie

  I’d had the best night’s sleep I think I’d ever had in my life. I’d chosen to have a few weeks of tablets to heavily sedate me at night. I was pre-empting night terrors, and given we were all sleeping in one room for a while, I didn’t want to wake the children in the night and upset them, too. Oliver was doing quite well, all things considered. He was so happy to be with his brother again, the two of them had spent all morning racing around and entertaining the nurses, but he had asked a number of times when Jenny was coming home, crying and saying he was missing her. Much as I’d never forget her, or how amazing she’d been with all of my children, Oliver especially given she’d had more time with him one-on-one, I hoped that eventually he would forget her. I couldn’t bear to see him hurting now that she was no longer around. Brooke told me that she’d left his favourite blue teddy bear light on the night he arrived home and she’d slept on a blow-up bed next to him, in case he’d woken up scared. When I’d woken up this morning, he was fast asleep in my hospital bed, tucked up next to me. He’d never been clingy at night, never once tried to come and sleep with Dan or I, so I could only put it down to the events of the last week.

  I’d spent the morning being pampered with a facial, manicure, and my hair cut and coloured, then had the children on my bed, reading them stories and giving them lots of kisses and cuddles. Dan had sat in the corner, wanting to be near us while he tried to work, given he’d been too distracted to do anything while we’d been missing. We hadn’t had a chance to talk properly last night. I’d had visitors all afternoon, one couple at a time, and we’d all hugged and spent time together. There hadn’t been one dry eye, even though I tried n
ot to discuss what I’d been through. It was bad enough that they’d all suffered too, they didn’t need to know the specifics and I really wasn’t ready to talk about it. I’d just confirmed that it had been terrifying and that I was so relieved to be reunited with them all. No truer words had ever been spoken. By the time they’d all left and I’d eaten dinner with Dan and the boys, I’d been exhausted, and he’d insisted on me going to sleep.

  ‘Right,’ Brooke announced as she stood with her hands on her hips and addressed the boys. ‘Who fancies a trip to Hamleys toy store, then a delicious afternoon tea of sandwiches and cakes with hot chocolate?’

  ‘Me, me,’ shouted Oliver, jumping up and down with excitement.

  ‘Me too,’ clapped Jonas, grinning from ear to ear. Eva just sat watching, her big green eyes trying to take in all that was going on.

  ‘Ok, let’s get your coats and shoes on,’ Molly suggested.

  ‘You promise me that they’ll all be safe?’ I asked Dan as he stood with his arms folded, waiting for them to go. I was so nervous about being separated from them, in case anything happened.

  ‘Ellie, I’d promise you the universe if I could, but after last week, you know that I can’t make a promise like that again, a promise I know that I might not be able to keep. But what I can promise you is that the men responsible are all dead, they can’t hurt us anymore. I can promise you that Andy and Chris will be with Molly, Brooke, and the children at all times, as well as Scott, who’s taken over while James is recovering.’

  ‘I just … if I lost anyone else, I …’ I shook my head and exhaled slowly as I tried to stop tears from forming. I’d cried so much, I hated being so emotional like this, but the thought of anyone harming someone else that I loved was just too painful. Dan quickly strode to my side and took my hand in his, then stooped and kissed my forehead.

  ‘Trust me, it’s hard for me, too. But if we don’t want our fears rubbing off on our children, we have to try not to wrap them in cotton wool. For them, life has to carry on as normal. Besides, we really need to talk, without being interrupted every few minutes,’ he coaxed. I swallowed a lump of anxiety in my throat and nodded. He was right. I needed to deal with my worries myself, not let them affect anyone else.

  ‘You know I’ll protect them as if I was you, like they were my own,’ Brooke stated in an unusually serious tone. ‘There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep them safe.’

  ‘Nor me,’ added Molly, giving me a reassuring smile.

  ‘Thank you,’ I replied, thankful I had such amazing friends. I spent some time giving all of the children a tight hug and kiss, telling them that I loved them and that they were to be good and do whatever Brooke and Molly told them. I buttoned up Jonas’s coat and pulled Eva’s hat down over her ears to keep her warm, given it looked overcast out of my big picture window facing Hyde Park. Dan had certainly made sure we had a room with a view. Molly put Eva in the buggy and then put on Jonas’s harness, which he had a sulk about, but he was the worst for being at your side one moment, then shooting off the next.

  ‘We’ll send you some pictures of them having fun,’ Brooke smiled as she kissed my cheek.

  ‘Andy has my credit card and has full authorisation to allow you to spend any amount on toys for them. I want to spoil them today, so let them have whatever they want. Treat yourself and Molly, too, for everything you’ve done for us in Ellie’s absence.’

  ‘Great,’ Brooke grinned. ‘But Hamleys? Really not my idea of a toy shop. You’d better warn Andy that he’ll be purchasing some sexy undies and a toy or two for Molly and me.’

  ‘The man’s faced terrorists and death on numerous occasions, why do I get the feeling he’ll beg me never to go on a mission with you again?’ Dan chuckled.

  ‘If anyone can crack him and shatter his one hundred percent mission accepted record, I can,’ she giggled. I bit my lip as they left, craning my head to see them disappearing up the corridor as Dan closed my door.

  ‘Can I get you anything?’ he asked.

  ‘A time machine would be amazing,’ I whispered, as I remembered that the last time we’d taken the children to Hamleys, Jenny had been with us.

  ‘You know I would if I could,’ he sighed, striding over to climb up onto my bed with me. He lay down, then put his arms around me and pulled me down onto his chest. ‘I’d go back to that first winter and I’d have been honest with you about who I was and saved us all of that heartache. You wouldn’t have fallen in the loch, you wouldn’t have been alone for your first pregnancy, and I’d have been there for Oliver’s birth and to see his first smile and giggle. You’d never have fallen down the stairs or been taken from me, either.’

  ‘I always used to believe that things happen for a reason, but I’m not sure I do anymore. What was the reason for my parents and Jenny being taken from me?’ I asked in a pained tone as I gripped the front of his shirt tightly.

  ‘None,’ he sighed. ‘But if I had a choice, I’d change anything that had ever caused you pain. Nothing hurts me more than seeing you or my children suffering.’

  ‘I know that, I feel the same about you,’ I whispered, wiping a stray tear that had breached my determination not to be shed today. ‘How can you be sure the men responsible won’t come back and try something again? You said they were all dead, but how do you know that? How do you know that there weren’t more?’

  ‘Because there was only the ringleader and the four ex-Military personnel, Ellie. James killed the two in the bunker with you, as well as the one responsible for shooting Jenny. De … Andy shot the main guy, the one who forced you to choose.’

  ‘I never thought I’d be happy to hear that someone was killed, Dan, but I’m glad those two are dead. The others might have been complicit, but they weren’t evil like Charlie and Alfa. They got off on scaring us. You should have seen the looks on their faces when I was forced to choose and they shot Jenny instead. I’ll never forget it, never.’ I shuddered and he squeezed me tightly.

  ‘Neither will I. It was bad enough to watch on video, I just can’t imagine how horrendous it must have been for you to be there.’

  ‘Who was behind it? Brooke’s convinced it was Zac after the coincidence of him being at the hotel a few days before. I just don’t believe that, Dan. He was a liar, a cheat, a drug addict, and a thief, but murder? He used to pass out whenever I cut my finger in the kitchen. He couldn’t handle blood and violence.’

  ‘Arsehole, you forget he was an arsehole,’ Dan added, kissing my forehead.

  ‘Was it him?’ I asked, looking up at Dan for confirmation. ‘Did he do this because I left him for you? Is this all my fault?’

  ‘It’s not your fault, Ellie,’ he sighed, rubbing his free hand across his eyes. ‘It was nothing to do with you, it was all about me, about making me suffer.’

  ‘I don’t understand.’ I tugged his hand down and looked up at him, waiting for answers.

  ‘I think I’d better fill you in on the blanks, on what happened from the moment we found James and Oliver,’ he nodded. I listened as he recounted his journey through the woods, to the point where they heard Alfa was leaving. He said that they thought I was in the van when the detonation went off. I held his hand as he shuddered and closed his eyes, tears trickling down his cheeks as he tried to explain the utter devastation he’d felt in that moment, thinking he was about to lose me. ‘Jamieson was trying to get inside the van to save you, Ellie. Andy and I were running so fast trying to get there, for you, but the flames were starting to spread. I’ve never been so terrified in my life. When Jamieson was forced back by the fire, I finally saw him, the one responsible for everything. He looked straight at me, Ellie. He gave up in that moment, he knew he was going to die. He had that same look on his face that James did when he offered to sacrifice himself.’

  ‘So Zac was really behind everything,’ I whispered, hardly able to comprehend he was dead. Much as I’d never be able to forgive him for his treatment of me in the past, and for what he’d orchestrated and pu
t everyone through last week, including being responsible for Jenny’s murder, burning to death? I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

  ‘Zac?’ Dan shook his head. ‘It wasn’t Zac, Ellie. It was an old friend and employee of mine, Thomas Williams. Zac being at the hotel in Scotland that day was pure chance.’

  I listened attentively, and somewhat relieved, as Dan explained that Ian had checked Zac out thoroughly after he’d been up at the hotel. He was no longer in investment management advice, given he’d lost his licence to trade due to his financial losses, so he’d retrained as a drug counsellor. Apparently he’d weaned himself off drugs not long after I’d left him, realising he’d hit rock bottom, and had stayed clean ever since. He was now acting privately, hiring himself out as a sober companion to clients of means who needed a counsellor and constant supervision for their children to get them on the straight and narrow. He’d been in Scotland for a genuine meeting with a potential new client, whose seventeen year old son had nearly died of an overdose. I was glad that he’d sorted his life out and was giving back, helping other people instead of thinking just of himself.

  It seemed that “Damien Daniels” was the man behind everything. Except that was a fake name. He was really Thomas Williams, one of Dan’s old friends from university. Dan had hired him as his chief programmer and he’d moved over to California when Dan did. By all accounts, when Dan had been launching a new software system, around the time we were separated, Thomas had become addicted to drugs and had screwed up so badly that he’d cost Dan millions and set him back months. Dan had fired him instantly, meaning he was blackballed in the industry. He’d lost a highly-paid job, his fiancée left him, his house and car were repossessed, and he’d eventually come back to England penniless. It seemed that he blamed Dan for his change in fortune, also believing he was entitled to a share of Dan’s company, so taking us and blackmailing Dan for our safe return was his way of getting even.