It Goes On

by Ashley Claudy

  “Thank you,” Carly responded as shame overcame her.

  “I think it’s time you removed yourself from that negative situation, you can do better. How would you like to have a permanent position here, in my San Francisco office? You would have the potential to become an independent stylist after some training.”

  Carly’s shock shown on her face. She hadn’t realized Mrs. Chen had so much faith in her ability. She was beyond flattered. But she didn’t understand why? Was this a set up by Connor to keep her away?

  “You don’t have to answer now. Think about it and let me know. But just know this isn’t a pity offer. I truly believe you have the potential to succeed beyond being my assistant. And my business could benefit from your talent.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  The fear of rejection is worse than rejection itself.

  Nora Profit

  “Come on, let’s go get this workout over and then…” Ethan reached for my hip and pulled me into him.

  I pushed away, bumping into the kitchen counter behind me, my heart speeding. I had to get this out now. It was slowly killing me, pecking away at pieces of me. “I have to tell you something first.”

  His hand dropped and a hard mask slipped over his playful face. “What? What happened?”

  “I shouldn’t have slept with you last night—”

  “I knew it.” He slapped his palms on the kitchen counter. “I knew you weren’t ready—”

  I wrapped my arms around his waist as if I could hold on to what was already slipping away. “No, that’s not what I meant. I should have told you this first, before we slept together. I should have told you. I’m sorry.”

  His rigid body relaxed some, but his muscles were still tense as he wrapped his arms around me. “What is it you’re trying to say?”

  My heart sunk to my stomach in fear, unable to imagine him not holding me again. But I had to tell him. I squeezed my eyes shut, afraid to see his reaction as I released the words, “I slept with Liam.”

  His arms instantly dropped from my side, and he stepped back, away from me, out of my touch. Out of my reach. “When?”

  I lost him. I knew it from the cold look in his distant stare; he was already gone. But I owed him the story. “When I first moved to LA. I’d just found out about my dad, and I went a little crazy, wasn’t myself. It was before I knew you. I’m sorry I never told you. I didn’t want you to look at me the way you are now.” A tear slid down my cheek as I spoke, but I didn’t move to wipe it. If I moved, it would be to go to Ethan, but I couldn’t handle him pushing me away.

  He tilted his head to the side and the hardness in his eyes weakened. “That’s it? The only time?”

  I nodded my head, unable to speak past the knot of grief forming in my throat.

  The strangest look came over his face, a relieved amusement. He wrapped his arms around me again and kissed the lone tear on my cheek.

  I couldn’t make sense of his actions. Of all the scenarios I’d played out in my head, I hadn’t dreamed of this one.

  “Kate, Liam’s my best friend. He already told me about that night. I knew already.”

  I swallowed down my anxiety. “I didn’t think—He told me he wasn’t telling anyone.” I tentatively smiled, afraid to hope. “So you’re not mad at me? I thought it would change the way you thought of me. You seemed to think I was so innocent.”

  He brushed the hair from my face and laughed softly. “No, I’m not mad. And I didn’t think you were innocent, but I knew you were special. Even knowing about Liam, I wanted you. Since that first day I saw you.”

  I raised my eyebrow, doubtful. “When I was eating the cheeseburger?”

  His chest vibrated with silent laughter. “Before that. When you first walked into the party. You stood out, all nervous and pulling on that sweet little dress you were wearing like you didn’t realize you looked fucking awesome.”

  “You stood out too with that crazy flip.”

  He leaned against the breakfast counter and pulled me with him, arms relaxed around me as he talked, “I saw you watching Liam dive, and I wanted you to notice me. I didn’t realize you were the girl he told me about. You’re not his usual type. Then when I found out, it was too late; I already knew I wanted you.” He shrugged. “I don’t know what it was exactly, I mean you’re gorgeous, but it was something more than that. For some reason, I needed you to notice me, and I prayed the flip would get your attention. I guess it worked.”

  I remembered how he had kissed his fingers that day and raised them to the sky; he had really prayed, and it was for me.

  “I noticed you the moment you stepped on that board. You had this playful confidence. It was sexy,” I explained shyly.

  He cupped my face and kissed me. Nipping at my lips as his tongue slipped in and out of my mouth, teasing me. “Maybe we can skip our usual workout and go up to my room?”

  I nodded and allowed him to pull me to the elevator.

  This time our lovemaking was slow and intimate instead of the frenzied release from the night before, but every bit as intense.

  His hands dragged over my skin as if he was trying to memorize and absorb every curve of me. His breath caressed and heated, causing currents of desire to run through me, slowly building in my core.

  My hands traveled over him adoring the strength in every muscle as he rocked in and out of me.

  Our eyes connected and locked, speaking to each other in a language that could only be felt. He’d sliced me open, and I was left vulnerable but safe in his embrace. I’d taken that step I feared, off a cliff to the unknown, but he was there to help me fly.

  His mouth claimed mine as we both peaked and released. For an infinite moment, we were no longer in our bodies but joined together in mutual ecstasy.

  I relaxed back against Ethan on the lounge chair, my hands rubbing up and down his forearms wrapped around my waist, and he hummed in my ear. We sat on his balcony overlooking the road and city. The street lights were just coming on as the last remnants of sunshine disappeared behind the buildings around us.

  “I meant to ask you last night, but we got distracted.” He tightened his hold on me as we remembered. “What does that quote mean to you? You said you had it up before you met me.”

  “What the Tupac quote? It has a whole new meaning now,” I laughed.

  He nipped my shoulder playfully. “No. The Robert Frost quote. It goes on. It’s in the center of your board.”

  “I moved it there after I saw your tattoo,” I admitted. “Before I met you, I thought it meant that life was crazy. He says everything he knows about life is that it goes on.” I leaned my head back into his shoulder. “I took it to mean that it was impossible to understand anything, that everything was random. It’s all chaos; we go about our day randomly bumping into people. The only thing that’s for certain is it goes on. None of it matters. Life keeps going, and everything keeps changing. And were just here trying to make the best of it.”

  He turned me to face him, his eyes narrowed. “That’s really jaded, Kate.”

  I shrugged, studying the curve of his full lips I couldn’t get enough of. “I’m starting to see that, to think differently about it. You’ve helped me with that somehow, given me some hope that maybe there’s more to it than pointless actions.”

  “Hell yeah there is. The point is to build your life, to build relationships with people. It’s how you’ll be remembered. What you do, what you make, it matters. I’m going to leave behind buildings, homes that families can live in. Functional and beautiful structures that families can grow in.”

  “Just that quick.” I smiled in awe. “Just a few words about buildings and I see it take over. It turns you on that quick.” I laughed.

  His smile slipped into the sultry curl I’d seen often in the last twenty-four hours. “It wasn’t just building any home that did it. I was thinking of you, living in a home I built. You sleeping in the bedroom that I designed to have the best view of the night sky.”

&nbs
p; His words took the air from my lungs and his gaze liquefied me, sending a shiver over my body.

  He ran his hand over my shoulder, chasing the goosebumps down my arm. “Was that too soon?”

  I shook my head searching for words. “No. I never—I can’t explain how that made me feel.”

  He cocked his head to the side, and prompted, “Try.”

  “Wanted. You make me feel wanted. Thought about. And I can’t remember anyone making me feel that way before.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “Really? None of your past boyfriends? They must have wanted you? Or what about your parents?”

  I shook my head, unable to drop my eyes from his penetrating gaze. “My mother loves me in her way, but I always felt like I inconvenienced her. She wants me around her of course, but what I wanted was always an afterthought in her plans. And I told you, I only had two boyfriends before, and we never got close enough. They liked me around but didn’t really care to know me, if that makes sense?”

  “No. How anyone can be around you and not want to know you doesn’t make sense. I love… being with you, knowing you.”

  I nodded, lost in his eyes. The deep green seemed like a cool oasis in the dessert, in them was what I needed, what I had thirst for all my life.

  My stomach rumbled at the absence of food, reminding me that I’d not eaten all day. My nerves had killed my appetite earlier.

  Ethan patted my stomach. “I’ll go order food. What do you want? Mexican, Italian, Chinese, Hamburgers?”

  “Hamburgers sound good.”

  “Great. Wait here. I’ll be right back.” He jumped up and walked backward from the couch as if he was afraid I’d run for it the minute he wasn’t looking.

  I laughed and nodded. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  Left alone, I reflected on the past twenty-four hours, amazed. He’d made me forget the outside world. I’d been so wrapped up with him that I hadn’t thought about my father’s announcement or my mother’s reaction.

  Reluctantly, I pulled out my phone. I had a missed call from my mother but hesitated before returning it. Was I ready to let the world back into my bubble? Knowing that Ethan was near made me feel strong. I could face whatever happened next with his support.

  I pressed the call button.

  “Kate. Where have you been? I called over an hour ago?” She was breathless with excitement. Not the sad, hard voice I’d expected.

  I ignored her question. “What’s up, Mom?”

  “Oh, Kate, I have exciting news. Start looking at colleges in San Francisco. We’re going to get away from all the toxicity in LA. That place brings nothing but trouble. Your father said he’d support your education wherever you went. I think moving here would be the best thing for you.”

  It was like an anchor attached to me, and I was sinking. I’d known she wouldn’t stay in LA, but I hadn’t expected the move so soon, and her familiar twist on it angered me. She always tried to convince me the move was for my benefit.

  “Sweetie, did you hear me? I already have a job offer and a place for us to stay. We can move this week.”

  Even in my anger, I didn’t know how to say no. My life had always been attached to hers. There was a comfort, a familiar safety, in following her decisions.

  Ethan came back out on the balcony, and I looked to him helplessly. But even his presence didn’t give relief. I was being dragged but didn’t know how to detach myself from her.

  “Okay. I’ve got to go. I’ll call you later.” I hung up the phone.

  Ethan was by my side, his arms around me. “Beauty, what’s wrong? Who was that?”

  “My mom.” I sat stunned, unsure of my next move, my next breath.

  I tried to focus on Ethan surrounding me. I pressed into his shirt and inhaled him, closing my eyes, hoping for something, anything. Strength is what I needed.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked again, gently holding me away to search my face for answers.

  “She wants me to move to San Francisco with her.” I stared at him, memorizing his handsome face. His hypnotic eyes with dark brows, strong lines of his bones, and his kissable lips. I was experienced at pulling back my emotions and cutting people off, but this was different. He was different, and I was different with him. It wasn’t just him I risked losing, but also the parts of me I’d found with him.

  “What do you want to do?”

  I wanted to scream ‘stay with you.’ There were other reasons to stay as well, but my mother was going. Could I tell her no?

  “Whatever you decide, I’ll be here for you. If you move, we can visit each other. We can try to make this work.”

  I’d heard all those promises before. We’ll visit. We’ll call. We’ll keep in touch. Lies. Lies. Lies.

  I was being dragged further away from the future I’d hoped for just moments before I called my mom.

  I shook my head, not wanting him to talk anymore. “I–I don’t know what to do.” I couldn’t look at him, but I let him pull me back into a tight embrace, and I pressed myself as close as I could to him. I tried to focus on the sure, steady, sound of his heartbeat and let all other thoughts disappear.

  “You’ll stay with me tonight, right?” he questioned into my hair as he rested his head on top of mine.

  I nodded, holding him tighter, certain he was saying goodbye to me already. I wanted more from him. I wanted him to tell me to stay, not to move. His lack of response broke my heart. It seemed whether I moved or not, I’d lost him. But I’d stay tonight because I wasn’t ready to give him up yet.

  We barely spoke after that, even while we ate, but we stayed wrapped in each other’s arms for a long time. My heart ached with indecision and unspoken words; I couldn’t find my voice to say them.

  Ethan carried me to bed late that night. He took him time undressing me, and he clung to me when we had sex. Our movements were slow; it played out like a dream. Our hands barely moved; we gripped each other tight, trying to hold on to the moment and make it last. Ethan murmured things into my hair too low for me to make out over our breathing and the roar of feeling washing over me. We kissed briefly, softly, in a way that pulled at my heart with every sweet meeting of our lips.

  Unable to hold back anymore, I began climaxing, and my hips involuntarily increased their speed, trying to reach the burst of pleasure that would consume my sadness. Ethan stilled me, pressing his weight on me, keeping me from the release I sought. And then he began his slow, rhythmic movement again. He repeated this process and the third time the pressure began building, I thought I’d go insane if he stopped me again.

  “Please.” I whimpered in his ear.

  “What do you want, beauty?” He slowed his movements down again and braced himself on his forearms, looking into my eyes.

  “Please, faster.”

  “Like this?” He asked as he increased his speed and angled his hips, dipping so he stroked the front of me.

  I nodded, breathless, as the tight ball of pleasure within me began stretching, about to burst.

  “You want this. You need me.” He lowered his forehead to mine and whispered, “I need you.”

  I held him closer to me as everything in my body pulled tight, about to snap.

  His mouth covered mine, absorbing my moan as I dissolved beneath him.

  “Don’t go.” He laid his head on my chest and wrapped his arms tightly around me.

  “I’m staying,” I said, not allowing myself to hope he meant more than just the night.

  He took a few deep breaths, kissed my shoulder, and rolled off me. Cuddling me back into his arms, he soon fell asleep.

  I laid awake, restless, for a while. His presence both hurt and healed. I didn’t want to be anywhere else but knew this may be the last time I slept in his bed. I couldn’t breathe.

  Only thoughts of staying lessened the crushing weight. I decided, in the quiet of the night, that I had to stay. But could I get over him not caring if I left? I wasn’t sure.

  They had said Liam’s party was on a yac
ht, but it seemed more like a ship. There were four floors, and crowds of people already filled them. The main room had a stage and speakers that filtered to the entire boat. Several live bands were scheduled to play throughout the night.

  Lexi grabbed my hand. “Where’s Ethan?”

  “He’s coming with Liam soon.”

  Sonja added, “Brody’s with them too, they have something planned.”

  Chelsea looked around the crowded deck. “Let’s go down to the main room. Taylor and Sydney reserved a table for us.”

  The main room was deep blue, with tinted windows for walls. The marina was lit up all around us and provided a nice backdrop for the party.

  Sydney, Taylor, and Shane were already at the table.

  “Finally you bitches arrive,” Sydney slurred as she air kissed us all.

  Taylor pouted, “They said we can’t cruise around the harbor because there’s already too many people on board.”

  “Who cares?” Shane raised his glass. “Nobody. We’re not here for a boat ride.”

  As the electronic dance beat ended, one of the members of the band onstage spoke into the microphone, “The Birthday boy has arrived and he has a surprise performance for you all. Get a drink and make some noise.”

  Liam, Brody, and Ethan appeared on stage, drinks in hand, bouncing to the beat. Ethan captured my attention with his confident presence his casually sexy dance moves.

  Liam slid up to the microphone. “It’s my birthday, and I’m feeling a little nostalgic. So, indulge me for a moment while we take it back. ‘Cause fuck getting old, I’m still young.” He pointed his drink cup to the crowd, “You still young?” His question was answered with a roaring cheer from the crowd.

  Brody grabbed another microphone. “We’re all here for Liam, so get those drinks in the air cause you know…” the beat shifted behind them, and Brody and Ethan sang the next words. “We gonna party like it’s your birthday.” The crowd sang along with the chorus, but the rap was different. Ethan, Liam, and Brody took turns freestyling.