Why We Elect Narcissists and Sociopaths- And How We Can Stop!
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get tired of being adversarial themselves. This is the advantage that HCPs
have over everyone else. They have an enduring pattern that can keep going
and going and going.
This is how Donald Trump beat out sixteen other candidates in the
Republican primaries in 2016. He never stopped being personally aggres-
sive. He personally attacked each candidate as a human being, while they
tried to look reasonable, logical, and collegial and were repeatedly caught
off- guard.
Similarly, those who work and live around an HCP are usually not
prepared for someone this endlessly aggressive and therefore often defer
to them because it’s easier in the moment. Sure, let Joe be in charge; he
wants it so badly. They don’t realize that when someone seems extreme
about wanting to be in charge, this is a warning sign of an HCP. This may
be the exact wrong person to lead the team and people need to realize
this.
In elections, three sets of people can screen out HCPs. Here is my advice
to each group:
●
Committees that select and nominate candidates within political
parties: Don’t pick, support, or encourage an HCP candidate, for any
reason, under any circumstances. You will always regret it.
●
Volunteers and paid organizers who campaign for a candidate:
Don’t work or campaign for an HCP candidate, under any circum-
stances, for any reason. Sooner or later, they will turn on you and
shock you with their vicious attacks.
●
Voters: Don’t vote for an HCP candidate, under any circumstances,
for any reason. They will do everything they can to ruin democracy
and rule of law—and they will do their best to destroy everyone and
everything that stands in their way.
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Early Warning Signs
Keep in mind that people with personality disorders have a narrower pat-
tern of behavior than the average person. In the Diagnostic and Statistical
Manual of Mental Health Professionals (the DSM-5), this is described as an
enduring pattern that is pervasive across many settings in the person’s life.
This essentially means that they aren’t flexible and don’t change. Therefore,
their behavior is generally more obvious and predictable than that of the
average person. This is equally true for people with high- conflict personali-
ties, whether they have a personality disorder or not.
Let’s review the warning signs from Chapter 1. A Wannabe King will
have many or all of the following attributes. The more powerful the office the
person aspires to, the more extreme these traits are likely to be.
HIGH- CONFLICT PERSONALITY KEY TRAITS
1. Targets of Blame
2. All- or- nothing thinking
3. Unmanaged emotions
4. Extreme behaviors
Most Wannabe Kings will also have some or all of the following person-
ality traits:
NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY TRAITS
1. Drive to be superior
2. Grandiose ideas
3. Fantasies of unlimited power
4. Lack of empathy
ANTISOCIAL (SOCIOPATHIC) PERSONALITY TRAITS
1. Drive to dominate
2. Deceitful (lying and conning)
3. Highly aggressive
4. Lack of remorse
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142 Part III: How to Stop High- Conflict Politicians
Spotting High- Conflict Politician Patterns
There are three methods for spotting these patterns of high- conflict politi-
cians—and for pointing them out to others. I’ll describe the WEB Method®
in this chapter. The other two are in the Appendices. Appendix A is “40 Pre-
dictable Behaviors of HCPs,” and Appendix B is the “High- Conflict Politi-
cian Scorecard.” Those are both self- explanatory.
Using the WEB Method
The WEB Method involves paying attention to an HCP’s words, your emo-
tions, and the HCP’s behavior. (For a detailed description of this method, see my book 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing
with Narcissists, Sociopaths and Other High- Conflict Personalities. )
THEIR WORDS
High- conflict politicians are especially easy to spot with this method because
they say (and often write or tweet) so many words. Indeed, every HCP
described in Part II of this book was (or is) known for speaking five to ten times
as much as other politicians. This is probably because of their narcissistic ten-
dencies, which demand excessive attention and admiration.
Look for words that show a lot of the following:
BLAMING:
●
Once again, it’s the fault of the [Jews, kulaks, drug addicts, the
elite, the establishment, Muslims, Mexicans, Republicans, Dem-
ocrats, etc.]!
●
We’re in this mess because of the decisions of the last administration.
●
You can’t trust _____, and they’re right over there!
They also never apologize, never take responsibility for making bad deci-
sions, and never reevaluate their past actions, decisions, or practices.
ALL- OR- NOTHING THINKING:
●
It’s us against them!
●
It’s ALL ________’s fault!
●
Their way is a total disaster and must be completely shut down.
●
I will do the best job anyone has ever done in this position.
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●
The person now holding this position has done the worst job in the
history of the country.
●
I choose the best people to work for me. And, of course, only the
best people vote for me.
●
Every single thing you just said is a lie.
UNMANAGED OR INTENSE EMOTIONS:
●
You make me ashamed to be a citizen of this great nation. You
know what I want to do right now? Come over and slug you in your
ugly, stupid face.
●
The prior chair of this committee was totally incompetent!
●
You’re a disgrace! You should be stripped of all your awards!
●
HOW DARE YOU! Apologize to these good people right now!
●
When I look at what my opponent has done to this country, I want
to throw up.
EXTREME BEHAVIOR OR THREATS:
●
I will eliminate most of the programs of the last administration.
●
I will invest all of our resources in this wonderful new project.
●
We have to do it exactly the way we have always done in the past,
without any change.
●
It will be easy to win a war on this issue. I know exactly what we
need to do.
●
The answer is simple: lock him up and throw away the key.
OTHER FREQUENT WORDS OF NARCISSISTIC LEADERS:
●
I know what everyone here needs to d
o.
●
I have a plan, but I’m not going to tell you what it is until you
elect me.
●
The other side is a bunch of losers.
●
I will be better at doing _____ than anyone who ever held this
position.
●
You’ll look back and see how totally right I was and totally wrong
you were.
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144 Part III: How to Stop High- Conflict Politicians
OTHER FREQUENT WORDS OF SOCIOPATHIC LEADERS:
●
I will crush _____ [you, the opposition, anyone who questions me,
our enemies].
●
We will dominate _____ [the opposition, our neighbors, the
establishment].
●
This group of _____ is a bunch of insects who don’t deserve to live.
●
They are trying to control us—but we will destroy them.
●
Politics is always war—and we must win the war by any means
necessary.
●
My opponent is so corrupt, you won’t believe it! His tax returns
belong in fantasyland!
YOUR EMOTIONS
Reflect on how you feel in your relationship with the politician. Get used to
paying attention to any extreme feelings you may have.
EXTREMELY NEGATIVE:
●
Do you feel afraid, vulnerable, or anxious when they speak?
●
Do you feel that, if this person gets into power, you will be per-
sonally and politically doomed?
●
Do you feel demoralized and helpless when you hear their policies?
●
Do you feel like the politician is going to pull the rug out from
under us?
●
Do you feel angry?
●
When you hear the person speak, or see their face, do you want
to scream?
●
Do you feel afraid to speak negatively in public about the person?
●
Are you afraid that if you let people know how you feel about the
person, you will be viciously attacked?
EXTREMELY POSITIVE:
●
Does the person feel or seem too good to be true?
●
Do you feel infatuated with them?
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●
Do you just love them and think they would be the best person
who has ever held the office?
●
Do you feel compelled to follow them or listen to them?
THEIR BEHAVIOR
Of course, no one trait or incident creates a certainty about one’s personal-
ity and future behavior. But all put together, you may see a pattern that you
don’t like in a candidate.
●
Does the person do negative things that 90 percent of people would
never do, such as throw things across the room at people?
●
Do they spend a lot of time denying things that others say they did?
●
Do they spend a lot of time criticizing people on their team?
●
Do they attack both close friends and distant foes?
●
Do they pretend (or claim) to have experience, talents, or abilities
that they don’t have?
●
Do they lie a lot?
Jamming Your Radar
HCP Wannabe Kings engage many subtle techniques of distraction and
deception while they are seducing their Loyalists. Here are a few:
1. Straying from the topic or jumping repeatedly from one topic to another
2. Saying things that make no sense at all (though they might—or might
not—seem to at first)
3. Telling voters how much they care about them or even how much
they love them
4. Telling voters how much they will do for them—but in uselessly gen-
eral, nonspecific terms ( You’re going to be so happy and successful! )
5. Promising voters things that are very specific, utterly impossible, and
transparently false ( When I’m president, every single one of you will
become a millionaire! I guarantee it! )
6. Promising voters how great things will be, but never saying how they
will achieve it ( We will become the greatest power in the history of the
world! Why? Because that’s where I’ll take us. )
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146 Part III: How to Stop High- Conflict Politicians
7.
Insisting that they and the voters share the same concerns ( What you
care about is exactly what I care about. )
8. Proclaiming that they are just like the people they are speaking to
( You and me—we’re just the same, aren’t we? What’s good for you is
what’s good for me. And we both know how the world really works,
don’t we? )
Some Important Reminders
Knowing the warning signs of HCPs can help you avoid getting into many
bad situations. It’s worth learning these predictable patterns and teaching
them to others.
However, I have a few words of caution. Remember, you’re not diagnos-
ing narcissists and sociopaths—or any other mental disorder. You’re just
learning ways to protect yourself and your community from the possibility
of one or more high- conflict personalities.
Don’t tell people that you are certain about someone else’s personality.
Just say something like this, as one example:
I have some serious concerns about so- and- so, and I won’t be [selecting him as a can-
didate], [working for him as a candidate], or [voting for him]. He seems to have a lot of
all- or- nothing thinking, and he seems preoccupied with blaming other people. To me,
these are key warning signs that he won’t be a reasonable decision- maker and will be
stuck fighting unnecessarily with people, when there are important issues that need
attention instead.
If you use phrasing similar to this, you can warn people without being
seen as judging their personality unfairly or diagnosing someone with a
mental health issue. Remember, a high- conflict personality (HCP) is not a
mental health diagnosis but a description of how someone behaves in a con-
flict. So, if you feel compelled to say that you think a candidate’s personality
is truly dangerous and want to say why, you could say this:
I have concerns that he has a high- conflict personality and will escalate our commu-
nity/state/nation into war, because that’s what HCPs often do. They are always adver-
sarial and endlessly aggressive and can’t stop themselves. So it’s better that we stop
him now—by not electing him.
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You may want to practice that with friends before you say it to strangers
just to get used to the idea and to build your confidence. Remember, your
sense of strength and confidence can be very appealing.
Conclusion
Screening out HCPs from being elected won’t be very hard once a lot of
people realize their dang
ers and their patterns. One of the hardest things for
people to realize about these HCPs is that they really do lack empathy and
remorse, and they really attack people for no good reason. The bad behav-
ior is about them and not about the person they’re attacking. In politics,
it’s about the political issue, it’s about the personality. Pay attention to the
patterns of behavior, don’t be misled by what they’re talking about. Would
90 percent of people say and do what they are saying and doing? Would you
ever say or do that? Asking ourselves these questions will help everyone in
preventing HCPs from getting into dangerous positions of power over us.
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12
EXPOSE THEIR FANTASY
CRISIS TRIADS
People like understanding what is going on in the world and they really
like being able to spot patterns in other people’s behavior.
Some people may recall the moment in the 2016 Republican primary
debates when Governor Chris Christie criticized Senator Marco Rubio for
having a pattern of just repeating his talking points in response to other
candidate’s comments and questions.
Mr. Christie had instructed the audience to listen for what he dismissively
called the “memorized 25-second speech,” adding, with a twist of the
knife, that it was “exactly what his advisers gave him.”
. . .
When it was his turn to reply, Mr. Rubio—inexplicably—seemed to fulfill
Mr. Christie’s prediction, repeating the main idea of that same memorized-
sounding speech about Mr. Obama. Almost word for word.
“This notion that Barack Obama doesn’t know what he’s doing is just not
true,” Mr. Rubio said. “He knows exactly what he’s doing.”
Mr. Christie pounced. “There it is,” he said icily, turning to Mr. Rubio and