Why We Elect Narcissists and Sociopaths- And How We Can Stop!
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jabbing his finger at him. “There it is, everybody. ”267
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150 Part III: How to Stop High- Conflict Politicians
The crowd then cheered Mr. Christie. They enjoyed learning about
someone’s narrow pattern of behavior and then seeing it demonstrated right
before their eyes.
From my years of experience teaching people about high- conflict per-
sonality patterns, almost everyone likes learning about personality patterns
that they can recognize and behaviors that they can expect in the future.
Most people will appreciate learning about the narrow pattern of the Fan-
tasy Crisis Triad. Once someone learns about it, it’s hard not to notice it
when high- conflict politicians speak. But while this can be enjoyable, it’s
also very serious.
The key to explaining this is to focus primarily on the fantasy crisis itself
more than the fantasy villain or fantasy hero. The fantasy hero and fantasy
villain are mostly about two tribes and the attack- and- defend adversarial
process. The fantasy crisis, however, is about reality. Facts and analysis usu-
ally clear up whether something is genuinely a crisis or a problem that needs
to be solved.
But let’s start out by looking at why we shouldn’t emphasize criticizing
the fantasy hero or defending the fantasy villain.
Don’t Emotionally At ack the Fantasy Hero
One of the big mistakes that many fact- focused politicians and their sup-
porters make in response to a high- conflict politician is to point out how
ridiculous he is. These disparaging comments are what makes the news, but
they actually strengthen the HCPs relationship with his followers.
Remember that the high- conflict politician has taught his followers
that they are the victims of a powerful, evil group of people—his Targets of
Blame—namely, you and your candidate, party, race, organization, nation,
and so on. The HCP teaches people that there are two groups or tribes: Us
and Them. Their tribe has a heroic leader, the Wannabe King. At the core of
their tribe are their Loyalists.
When you attack their leader, they feel that you are attacking all of them.
From the start of their campaigns (if not well before), high- conflict politicians
train their followers to respond angrily to their opponents, by yelling at them,
chanting about them at their rallies, trolling them on the internet, and so on.
An example of this was described in 2009–2010 when the Affordable
Care Act for healthcare considered by Congress was being presented to the
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12: Expose Their Fantasy Crisis Triads 151
American people. At one point, Alaska governor Sarah Palin dramatically
said that the ACA would have “death panels” to decide who got healthcare
and who didn’t. This was not true and was corrected in the media. Yet here
is what happened next:
But the correction actually backfired among Palin supporters. . . . After
receiving the correction, they became more likely to believe that the
Affordable Care Act contained death panels. Ironically, the correction
intensified their original belief. The study suggests that if members of an
out- group support some proposition, their very support might entrench
the preexisting beliefs of the in- group.268
This happened because the group had an emotional bond with a leader,
rather than a logical, information- focused bond. They got energy from being
attacked and responding together. This proves to them that they are on the
same team as their loved leader!
This is the strongest human bond there is: joining together in battle
against an enemy, working together against the enemy, while also sharing
beliefs about the enemy.
In this case, Sarah Palin ran for vice president in 2008 as a Republican
and, after losing, she built quite a following by waging war against the estab-
lishment of the Republican party as being the cause of many of her fantasy
crises. For a time, she was considered a contender for president in 2012,
but she eventually demonstrated her lack of experience and her inability to
handle real problems. By 2011, even Roger Ailes, head of Fox News, said
“she’s an idiot!”269
In their book, New Power, this is what Jeremy Heimans and Henry Timms
had to say about the way that Donald Trump inspired his followers:
Trump became the leader of a vast, decentralized social media army who
took cues from him—and who in turn fed Trump new narratives and lines
of attack. It was a deeply symbiotic relationship. . . . He drove the inten-
sity of his crowd not by insisting that they read his talking points, but by
empowering them to activate around his values. Think of him as a Plat-
form Strongman, mastering new power techniques to achieve authoritar-
ian ends.270
The paradox here is that the more Trump is attacked, the more it
strengthens his bond with his followers. It’s not just that they cheer him,
but they also—using social media—share a common task in defending him
online with the emotional intensity of an army.
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152 Part III: How to Stop High- Conflict Politicians
People are often shocked at the power of the negative feedback they get
from Trump’s followers in response to minor criticisms in social media post-
ings or online news articles or opinion pieces. Pointing out their leader’s lack
of knowledge feeds them with an opportunity for a war- like response. Here’s
a dramatic example:
Strikingly, according to these social media analysts, the moment during
the campaign that expanded Trump’s social media following the most was
his campaign’s supposed nadir: the release of the Access Hollywood tape in
which he boasted about pussy- grabbing. This moment, with much of the
country lined up against him, caused his supporters to rally around him
like at no other time in the race.271
The result of all of this, is that emotionally attacking the high- conflict
leader
●
Reinforces his narcissistic claim that he is being treated unfairly by
his opponents, and needs to be defended.
●
Strengthens his followers’ bond with him.
●
Energizes his followers to fight for him.
●
May make you look bad to the Dropouts.
●
Changes no one’s thinking, as it isn’t about thinking—it’s about emo-
tional bonds between high- conflict leaders and followers.
Don’t Focus on Emotionally Defending
the Fantasy Villain
Since the high- conflict politician has turned the election into an intensely
adversarial contest between Us and Them, when you intensely defend your
candidate, you are fitting into his construct of the crisis. You feed the highly
emotional contest, which reinforces blocked thinking and emotional reactions.
It becomes about attack and defend rather than about useful information.
In addition, the high- conflict politician will always be
better at attack
and defend, because that is all they do and it is often a lifetime skill—a
narrow pattern of behavior.
Rather than focusing on defending your candidate (the Wannabe King’s
fantasy villain), simply explain your candidate’s skills, experience, and goals.
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12: Expose Their Fantasy Crisis Triads 153
Then, respond to the substantive attacks with useful information, often
about the fact that there is no crisis and that you have information about
real problems and real solutions.
An Informative Approach
about the Fantasy Crisis Triad
What I am recommending here is what I have found works over and over
again in legal disputes opposing a high- conflict personality. Take an infor-
mative approach, rather than an adversarial one, to teaching the Fantasy
Crisis Triad to others.
Explain that the HCP politician appears to have a pattern of believing in
misinformation about this situation, just because it feels true. But the feel-
ing comes from high- emotion media and emotional repetition rather than
factual information. The real problem is that this politician appears to have
a Fantasy Crisis Triad.
For example:
Mr. ________ is misinformed, which is sad and dangerous.
He appears to believe that there is a terrible crisis involving [immigrants commit ing lots
of crimes] [unfair trade with our neighboring countries] [minorities in our country who are
out to get us] [some other terrible threat to our way of life].
However, the reality is that good research tells us that [immigrants cause less crime
than natural- born citizens] [we don’t have unfair trade with our neighboring countries,
but instead, when you include services, we have a trade surplus . . . ] [today’s minorities
are more like us than different from us—for example . . . ] [the world we actually live in
is much better or safer than the one Mr. ______ is making up]. In other words, there
isn’t a terrible crisis. Instead [there’s a problem to solve, but it’s not a crisis; there are
methods, policies, people in place already addressing it] or [it’s a total fantasy and
unrelated to any real problem today].
BIFF Responses
Here is a simple way to remember how anyone can respond to one of the
HCP’s false statements. It involves being brief, informative, friendly, and firm Eddy_WhyWeElect.indd 153
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154 Part III: How to Stop High- Conflict Politicians
(BIFF). This is a method I developed for the High Conflict Institute that we
have taught to thousands of people over the past twelve years. It has helped
them deal with family disputes, workplace conflicts, and legal cases more
calmly and productively. It really works to take the steam out of false or
hostile statements.
BIFF responses can be used to effectively respond to newspaper articles
and letters to the editor; Facebook posts, tweets, and other social media
posts; angry or argumentative e-mails; and in- person discussions. They
are especially useful in dealing with an HCP’s surrogates and Negative
Advocates.
SAMPLE BIFF RESPONSES
Here are three examples of hostile messages you might receive from an HCP
or one of their supporters, and some sample BIFF responses you or someone
else might use:
ON IMMIGRATION
Fearful Citizen:
Mexicans are pouring into this country. They are rapists, criminals, and murder-
ers. Your candidate supports a totally open border and eliminating immigration
enforcement. Don’t you care about your country? Don’t you care if citizens get
killed?
You:
I agree with you that not everyone should be admitted into our country or given citi-
zenship. That’s why my candidate doesn’t support a totally open border or eliminating
immigration enforcement. You’ve been misinformed, because my candidate supports a
moderate immigration policy. We want to reward hard work and give reasonable immi-
grants a pathway to citizenship like we have always done. Lots of research shows that
immigrants work hard and cause less crime .
The highlighted phrases in this example, and later ones, can be repeated
over and over again in responding to many different hostile comments
or emails on the same general topic. The more people repeat the same
phrases, the more power they develop.
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ON TRADE
Fearful Citizen:
Trade agreements are ruining us! The ones the previous administrations have nego-
tiated are the worst ever. They sent jobs overseas and destroyed our manufacturing.
Don’t you care about the future of our economy and our workers? You must be a
socialist!!
Campaigner:
I agree that our trade agreements are important because they can save us money
and expand markets for us. You have been misinformed: the previous deals are not
the worst ever and have been successful in many areas of business. Our employment
levels are high now and our manufacturing is at an all- time high, although there are
fewer jobs because of automation. Of course, trade deals can always be improved, but
taking an all- or- nothing approach and throwing them out risks alienating our trade
partners and destabilizing economies. As most employers will tell you, a stable world
economy needs stable trade agreements .
In this example, more could have been said, but keeping it relatively brief is better. Not
everything has to be replied to, such as the socialist comment. It’s best to avoid name-
calling while making information the focus.
ON CITY POLITICS
City Attorney:
You’re the mayor and supposed to protect the city from bad pension plan agreements.
But you have committed fraud in not protecting our citizens and our budget by allowing
a bad pension deal for the city. Someday your fraudulent ways will be exposed. I am
telling everyone I talk to at public meetings your fraud is ruining us! Your false and
misleading statements will be exposed!
Mayor:
I appreciate the city attorney’s concern about the city’s finances. We are in a hard situ-
ation and I share those concerns. Several auditors have looked into some poor pension
decisions that were made before my time, and none of them have reached the con-
clusion that they were fraudulent or criminal. So I hope you will join me, rather than
focusing on the past, to focus on the future .
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156 Part III: How to Stop High- Conflict Politicians
Rather than get defensive, the mayor has provided useful information
and remained respectful.
GENERAL BAD INTENT
High- conflict politician:
My opponent has only two interests: raising your taxes and breaking up your family.
She’ll deny this, though, because she’s a compulsive liar.
You:
My candidate has no interest in raising your taxes or breaking up your family. She has
made several efforts to support st
ruggling families, such as her ______ initiative. You
have been misinformed. She believes that the wealthy should pay their fair share of
taxes, which should ease the burden for middle class families, unlike the tax cuts of the
previous administration. Her opponent likes to make all- or- nothing statements like this
to grab your attention. Next time he makes a statement about my candidate, watch for
the all- or- nothing statements that provide no useful information .
BIFF Responses get easier and easier as you get familiar with each part:
they need to be brief, informative, friendly, and firm. They don’t engage with
the emotional side of the other person’s statement but focus on facts. When
they aren’t triggered into their emotions, most people are interested in facts
and will listen. This avoids the escalation of an emotional back- and- forth,
while actually educating people about real life. Information turns fantasy
crises into problems to solve and eliminates problems that don’t exist.
Conclusion
Responses that provide information rather than emotional retorts will defuse
an HCP or his follower’s upset energy and sometimes even makes others
more open to dealing with solving a problem. It’s also a way to simply end
an unproductive conversation, which you may need to do if you are deal-
ing with a riled- up Loyalist for an HCP—or the HCP himself or herself. For
lots of examples and a more detailed explanation, see my book: BIFF: Quick
Responses to High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Emails and
Social Media Meltdowns.
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13
BE AS ASSERTIVE AS
HCPs ARE AGGRESSIVE
Let’s start with what not to do. One common (and natural) response to
very aggressive behavior is to become passive—to defer to the aggressive
person. With an HCP, however, never respond with passivity. If you do, they
will trample you, humiliate you, attempt to destroy you, and call you weak.
They will never pause in their attacks, even for a moment. Some literally never
stop for as long as they live. As we have seen over and over again, with more
time and power, they always become more dangerously aggressive, not less.
Another common (and equally natural) response to an HCP’s over- the-