Disconnected

by J. Cafesin

  Etheridge came bounding out the front door seconds before Lee emerged. Face jumped out of the Civic and ran over to greet her and they happily engaged in chase. I felt myself seethe inside, considered putting my dog back in the car and shutting the hatchback, but what was the point. Bitch lived in the moment, and she'd never get why I was still mad.

  Lee stood next to me and watched the dogs. "You okay?"

  I gave him a vague smile and shrugged. "I'm really sorry my dog wrecked your sister's house. They must hate me."

  "They don't hate you. And this isn't your fault, Ray. Etheridge probably went outside and Face wanted to join her so she tried to get out. And it's no big deal." It was hard to see his expression in the dim, ambient glow from the Christmas lights strung around the roof line of the house. "I'll cover the damages. Whatever it costs, I'll pay it gladly."

  "Thanks, but I'll take care of it." I sat in the back of my Civic and watched Face suddenly abandon Etheridge and track something along the treeline. "She's my stupid dog. So what if she just damned me to copy writing for the next five months."

  Lee laughed. "Then let me take care of it. I can afford it."

  Technically, so could I, probably more than him since I didn't owe anything, to anyone— ever. My father ingrained in me that maintaining good credit was part of my social responsibility, and moral obligation to live up to my contractual agreements. I'd spent my adult life struggling to live debt free, often denying myself frivolities, like meals during lean times. I had maybe three grand in the bank, more than enough to cover the damages, but it would cut a big chunk out of all I had to my name. I sighed audibly. "I'm just so sick of living on the edge of broke."

  Lee stared at me. "Not to worry, my dear. I'm right here, and I'll take care of you."

  True or not, right then his words comforted.

  "I'm staying at a motel tonight. My sister's house isn't exactly as advertised. Kind of surprised me too." He flashed an arch of his brow. "Froze my ass off last night, which is probably why I'm sick. I woke up from a nap yesterday afternoon with a spider on my eye. Freaked me out." He shuddered. "I just called a place about five miles up the road and reserved a room. I'm gonna stay there. If you decide to stay, you can crash here or at the motel with me. No pressure. I'm not hitting on you. Whatever you want to do is fine with me."

  I couldn't just leave now, take off with their place a wreck from my dog. “Let's just get an assessment of the damage right now, see what needs to be done.” I whistled for Face to come. She came inside with us and ate Etheridge's kibble as we finished tidying up the best we could. By then, it was after 6:00.

  “We can go into town tomorrow and find replacements for the carpet and blinds,” Colleen said as she pulled the phone book from the shelf while Arleen got leftovers from this morning and loaded the table with them, then distributed plates and silverware.

  “And we have some leftover paint for the windows and door,” Arleen said, looking at me. “We can start on it after dinner, or in the morning.”

  I'd planned to leave after breakfast this morning. Now I was obliged to stay at least another full day, possibly a couple to resolve the mess my dog had created. I felt like crying. Lee napped intermittently on the couch while Arleen and I sanded and painted the clawed areas. Coleen cleaned up our dinner dishes then made a list of the stores we'd need to visit tomorrow. It was almost 10:00 by the time we finished.

  “That Tylenol didn't bring down your fever as much as I'd like,” Colleen said to her brother after feeling his forehead. “How do you feel?”

  “Like shit,” Lee said. “My muscles are killing me. I really need to go lay down, Col.” Lee stood, then put his hands on his knees, and his head down like he was trying not to pass out.

  “You shouldn't be driving like this, Lee,” Arleen said. “Especially at night, with the winding roads around here.”

  “And you shouldn't be alone tonight, either,” Colleen chimed in. “You need someone to look after you. Stay here! You're staying here tonight, right, Rachel?”

  Lee straightened and looked at me, pleading, I think. His eyes were red rimmed and puffy. His cheeks were crimson, his full lips ruby red. He looked completely spent, like he had no energy left to argue with his sister and Arleen.

  "I'll stay with Lee tonight." I offered, looking at Lee. "I can follow him to the motel and stay with him the night, make sure he's OK."

  Lee's grin spread slowly with his realization of my offer. "That works for me."

  "Me too." Colleen said.

  "Me three." Arlene added and flashed Colleen a quick smile.

  I wasn't quite sure it worked for me, afraid of the implications of sharing a motel room, but at that point all I could do was hope he understood my gesture was limited to administering aid.

  After giving Lee a spoonful of NyQuil, Colleen handed me a half full bottle of Vicodin with instructions to give him two before bed, then released her brother to my care. I followed Lee's Mercedes on the dark, single lane road, lecturing Face on where we fell in the pantheon of human economics the entire ten minute drive to the motel.

  It appeared out of nowhere, light pierced the night around a sharp curve. A string of multicolored Christmas lights capped a nondescript, single story stucco structure with ten or so rooms set in a clearing in the middle of the forest. I followed Lee onto the gravel lot and parked next to him in front of the wooden walkway along the red doors of motel rooms.

  "I need to let Face run around before locking her in the car all night," I said to Lee as he went to check-in.

  "Okay," he said as he disappeared into the registration area.

  Face moved at a quick, frenetic pace along the edge of a dark grove of huge trees. An icy breeze crackled the branches and I jumped at every sound straining to see into the forest, half expecting someone to come out wielding a knife. A few minutes later Lee came out of the lobby dangling a key and moved along the walkway.

  "I'll meet you inside in a bit," I said, still waiting on Face to pick her spot.

  "She can come in." Lee stood at the red door to room number 9 and inserted the key.

  "No, she can't."

  He laughed. "Whatever." He opened the door. "I'd stay out here with you but I'd really like to get inside if you don't mind. I'm fucking freezing."

  "Go! I'll be fine." I meant it—and didn't, scared to be out there at night, alone. The place was right out of the movie Psycho.

  "I'll leave it unlocked. See ya in a few." Lee disappeared inside.

  I called Face to come and a few tense moments passed before the dog came out of the grove and glided into the open hatchback. She turned back to nuzzle for strokes and I scratched behind her big ears and along her back to her tail before telling her to lay down. She curled in her sleeping bag and I considered yelling at her once more, but there really was no point. The dog got that I was pissed but had long since forgotten why, kind of like most guys I've dated who vaguely remember the fight but can't recall what it was about.

  Lee was asleep on the king size bed when I got inside.

  Redwood panels lined the walls from the floor to the cream colored ceiling. A large color TV sat atop a long, low six-drawer knotty pine dresser against the wall opposite the bed. The room was cozy, and well insulated. It was warm in there.

  I nixed the idea of TV as not to disturb Lee, washed up instead, then put on sweats and a t-shirt, turned off the lights and crawled in bed beside him.

  Lee mumbled something, bringing me back from dozing. Then he said my name in a panic, then said it again. "Rachel! Watch out!"

  I sat up and stared down at him. He was dreaming, talking in his sleep. He tossed a bit, and I heard my name again amidst more mumbling. I shuddered, creeped out. I called to him, even touched him but he did not wake, though he did settle into silence. I lay back down next to him, stared at the textured ceiling wondering what Lee was dreaming as I drifted off.

  -

  Chapter 16

  The phone rang loud and brassy, waking me.
I hustled off the bed and ran to answer it on the endtable on Lee's side. He woke, startled, but managed to pick up the phone before I got it.

  "Yeah." He spoke hoarsely then coughed, sat up and cleared his throat while he listened. "Better. Thanks. And don't worry about it. I'm usually up before now." He coughed again, then leaned back against the wood headboard and ran his free hand through his hair pulling it out of his eyes as he listened.

  Feeling silly standing there, I went back to my side of the bed and crawled in then clicked on the TV. Local morning news was on the weather report.

  "Give us half an hour." Lee spoke into the phone. "I want to shower. I sweat my guts out last night but I think the fever may have broken." He listened again, and I felt him watching me as Colleen's voice squeaked through the receiver, though I couldn't hear what she was saying. "I don't know. We can talk about it when we get there. See you in a few." Lee hung up, got off the bed and gave me a quick smile as he passed in front of me on his way to the bathroom, still fully clothed in jeans and his white, long sleeve shirt. "I'll be fifteen minutes, and we're out of here." He shut the bathroom door and I heard the shower go on.

  Apparently there were no worries of him hitting on me. I felt relieved, even honored by his casual, androgynous demeanor. I dressed in jeans and my big gray knit sweater over my t-shirt, brought my duffel bag out to my car and let Face out for her morning pee. It was after 9:00, but the air was still cold and damp with tooley fog clinging to the ground and weaving through the trees. I tucked my hands in my jeans pockets and bounced up and down to get warm as I followed my dog along the edge of the forest. Lee came out of the room ten minutes later. I followed him to his sister's so Face wouldn't mess up his car with her muddy paws, was the excuse I gave, but I planned to leave directly after purchasing the items that needed replacing.

  Both women were in the small kitchen cooking when we came in. Lee and I helped set the table. We indulged in a leisurely breakfast of homemade waffles, topped with fresh strawberries and whipped cream. After cleaning up, the four of us piled into Arlene's Land Rover taking the same positions as yesterday, and drove to Grant's Pass. We left Face in the garage with Ethridge's bean bag bed. Colleen lit a joint and we passed it around. Fifteen minutes later Arlene pulled into the True Value Hardware store parking lot.

  We found no match for their existing ten year old carpet. After perusing several other stores with no success, it was decided the only alternative was to replace it entirely. At the new mammoth Home Depot warehouse, the size of which I'd not seen before, Colleen and Arlene agreed on a gray shag, and scheduled installers for the following week. With the carpet, the blinds and the string of Christmas lights, I dropped over eight hundred bucks before noon. I was verging on tears when we left the mega store. I really had to get out of there and back to work.

  Lee took us to lunch at Debby's Diner. According to her name tag, Debby was serving us. Pixie hair cut and painted eyes, maybe in her late 20s-early 30s, tall and heavy, dressed in a classic mid-calf skirt and a tight pink cashmere sweater revealing the bulge at her waistline. Upon my inquiry, she confessed she didn't own the place. She'd taken the uniform and name tag of the last waitress years back, and her name was really Barbara Anne.

  "Most everyone calls me Betty though." She set our teas, coffees and waters on the table of our booth. "A nickname for Betty Crocker, since I love to cook. Don't do much of it here, though, which is fine by me since I have five teenage boys and a hungry man at home and I'm cooking there all the time." She giggled like a schoolgirl.

  "Five teenage boys?" Colleen was aghast. "You have them when you were like 15?"

  "Had my first at 17. Beat my older sister, Charlotte, by four days." Debbie, or Betty, took her order pad from her skirt pocket and a pencil from behind her ear. "Now, what can I get for ya?"

  After taking our orders the waitress strode away, head high, bounce in her step. I watched her placed our order on the metal turnstile and give a friendly smile to the cook in the kitchen as Colleen audibly scoffed.

  "So many locals around here get married in or right out of high school and never leave. The women are like chattel, to serve the men, and pump out babies and don't get to college and never have careers so they're totally dependent and don't know any other way exists." Colleen spoke softly across the table.

  "Small town mentality." Arlene added, her voice hushed. "Pisses me off. I was born and raised here, with all the Christian doctrine and stereotypical bullshit. I didn't buy into it. And I'm flat out angry at women who do."

  I was too— thought women who propagated antiquated traditions unwittingly oppressed all women. But again, a part of me was torn, knowing having kids would limit my career pursuits if I wanted to actually be there to raise them. Sitting next to Lee watching Debby/Barbara/Betty, I felt a distinct yet growing envy. Our waitress buzzed about, and even overweight moved with grace, as if comfortable in her body as she poured coffee in front of a patron at the counter then topped it with cream and smiled before turning to the kitchen counter and gathering several lunch platters to deliver to other customers. Her stride was confident, her smiles welcoming, and given often. The woman seemed...happy, satisfied, on solid ground. And I still longed for what our oppressed waitress seemingly already possessed.

  The conversation flowed on while Lee and his sister indulged in their cheese burgers and Arlene and I ate our salads. Colleen mentioned an impending storm, and suggested we all go cross-country skiing for the afternoon. I'd planned to leave on New Year's Day, then today after shopping, but the restricted area that both women touted of crystalline babbling brooks and aqua-marine lakes hidden in redwood laden mountains accessible only to Forest Service employees sounded too spectacular to miss.

  I'd never been any good at skiing. Lee stayed by my side, even when I lagged behind, helping me up and brushing the snow off of me more times than I care to count. It was his first time cross-country skiing too, but he took to it a lot quicker than I did. He was encouraging and supportive when I got frustrated from falling. "Come on, get up. You can do it. I know you can," was his mantra to me all afternoon.

  It snowed the entire time we were up in the Coastal Range limiting the photo opps without sunlight exaggerating depth of field. Stunning area though, with several small lakes surrounded by giant Redwoods and lush pines. We lit a huge fire on the bank of one of the lakes, under a Redwood canopy that kept the snow at bay, and we huddled around it for half hour or so while indulging in the pastries Lee had bought at the bakery next to the ski rental place. We watched the snow fall gently on the lake and spoke just above whispers as not to disrupt the silence. It started to get windy and colder, so we put the fire out, put our skis back on, and made our way back down the mountain.

  We stopped for dinner at a small, country inn in the middle of the woods. The restaurant was a converted log cabin, complete with a huge fireplace. The hard rain hitting the wood porch outside sounded like a symphony. When the check came, Lee insisted on paying for everyone. Colleen sparked a joint on the way back to their house but Lee declined. His cheeks were crimson again, though he didn't look as bad as last night.

  Well past 9:00, it was a bad idea to be traveling on wet roads for the twelve hour drive home through the night. I agreed to stay at the motel with Lee and leave early in the morning to head back to L.A. I took the dog's sleeping bag out of my Civic and told Face to come as I joined Lee in the motel room. He was rifling through his backpack, pulling out clean clothes when I came in.

  "I'm beat. Being sick really took it out of me. I think the fever's coming back a bit. I'm gonna take a quick shower and go to bed. Hope you don't mind."

  "No problem." I laid the sleeping bag by the dresser and Face curled onto it. "I'm really tired, too. Skiing, well, getting up from falling all day was exhausting." I flashed him a quasi grin.

  He smiled back as he went into the bathroom and shut the door. I sat on the bed and flipped on the local news. Fifteen minutes later Lee crossed in from of the TV in
a dark flannel shirt and boxer shorts and got into bed beside me.

  "How ya feeling?" I clicked off the TV.

  "Better. Thanks. Shower felt great."

  "I'm next." I got up and collected clean clothes from my backpack.

  "It's been a nice couple of days." He watched me. "I'm really glad you met me up here, Ray. It's a lot of fun hanging together again."

  "For me, too. Thanks for inviting me."

  "My pleasure. Glad you came.” He yawned. “Love to share some recent epiphanies, but I'm really tired. Let's talk in the morning. Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “Goodnight." He rolled onto his side, away from me.

  "Goodnight, Lee." I went into the bathroom and showered. When I came back in the room Lee was asleep.

  I crawled into bed next to him. Too keyed up to sleep, I rolled onto my side and stared at him. He was on his back, his head tilted slightly towards me. He looked beautiful in sleep, his full red lips slightly parted, his hair falling over his forehead, mingling with his long dark lashes and framing his baby face. I imagined him waking, seeing me watching him, then reaching up and kissing me, softly at first, then with passion.

  My desired surprised me. The last couple of days with him had been spectacular adventures. We were connected again, like before our falling out. I really loved being with Lee, more than most anyone before him. And I had the sudden urge to slap him upside the head right then for not being the grown up I wanted, and knew I needed.

  ---

  Early morning I was outside in a gentle rain letting Face pick her spot. I was putting our stuff in my car when Lee came out to join me.