Beautiful Pain

by J. M. Walker

  “Yes.” Her eyes twinkled. “I need to spend the night with you. After last time…” She shivered.

  “Yeah.” I rose to my feet, pulling her with me.

  We didn’t say anything on the drive back to my apartment. The air was heavy and thick, almost suffocating. I glanced over at Mae every so often. Her hand was curled in mine. Her dark eyes had a faraway look in them. A small freckle on the side of her cheek moved when she clenched her jaw. My lips tingled, needing to kiss it. I needed to kiss every inch of her. Destroy her body until she couldn’t take any more. Erase her nightmares with thoughts of me. Possess every bit of her until she was broken and make her mine.

  But she couldn’t be mine.

  Not now.

  And probably not ever.

  (Mae)

  The drive back to Matteo’s was quiet and intense. I could feel him looking at me every so often. So many words were on my tongue. What I had been wanting to say for weeks. To talk about my past. To open up to the first person showing interest in me but wanted nothing in return except for my happiness. The short time I had known Matteo had opened up new feelings inside of me. New emotions I had never experienced. They gripped my heart in a vice like grip, squeezing to the point of painful. Every time he walked into the room, my chest tightened, my blood roaring through my veins. Desire unfurled deep in the pit of my being. The feral female inside of me ready and waiting to come out and play.

  “We’re here, beautiful girl.” Matteo opened the driver door and slipped around my side of the vehicle.

  When he pulled me out of the SUV, I lost my footing and fell into his arms.

  His hand slid down the length of my back, cupping my rear in a firm grip while his other cupped my nape.

  I could feel him. Every single inch. He was pressed up against me in the most delicious way.

  Matteo backed me up until I hit the side of his vehicle and lifted me in his arms.

  I gasped. Knowing I should look around us to make sure we were in fact alone, I found I couldn’t. I was focused on the man holding me. Captivated by his dark stare holding me in a trance. The only light surrounding us was from the street lights but the way his vehicle was parked, we were covered by the shadow of the building.

  My heart sped up, knowing what was to come but after what happened on the cliff, I needed some control. Even a little. Just for a moment. I needed to show Matteo that as much as I wanted to submit to him in every way possible, I also had to regain the control I lost so long ago.

  Struggling out of his grip, I turned, pushing back against him.

  A soft growl escaped his lips. Placing his hands on the window, he caged me in. His hot breath scorched my neck, his soft lips trailing light kisses down the shell of my ear. With a gentle touch, he brushed his fingers through my hair before tugging my head back.

  “Are you trying to tease me, little girl?” he asked, his voice husky with desire.

  My hips moved in circles, rubbing my ass against the growing erection in his pants. “No.”

  “You’re lying.” His hold on my hair tightened, pulling my head back even more. “Do you know what I do to liars?”

  “Spank them.” I swallowed hard, the muscles in my throat burning from the stretched force.

  “Is that what you want me to do to you?”

  “Yes,” I panted. “Always.”

  “You want me to fuck you right here? When we’re outside and anyone can walk by at any moment? You want your screams to fill everyone’s ears?”

  “Yes. God, yes.” I didn’t care where we were at this point. My body vibrated for him. A drop of sweat slid down the length of my back. The warm air mixed with the sexual tension erupting around us.

  Matteo ground into me, inching his free hand under my skirt. “Why should I give you what you want when you lied to me? I don’t reward little girls who defy me.” His fingers wrapped around my throat, pulling me back against his chest.

  “I’m sorry, Sir.” I licked my dry lips. “Please.”

  He kicked my feet apart, spreading my legs. A zipper lowered, sending a tingle of desire racing down my spine. Rough hands lifted my skirt to my hips. “Are you ready for me, little girl?”

  I nodded, bracing myself against the side of the vehicle.

  Matteo brushed his finger between my legs, inching my panties to the side. “I’m going to fuck you. Right here. Hard and rough. If anyone walks by, they will see you getting the shit fucked out of you. Do you understand me?”

  “Yes,” I breathed.

  “They will see you trembling and quaking from the deep thrusts of my cock. Think they’ll be jealous, Marketa?” he purred, sinking his teeth into the side of my neck.

  I whimpered out a cry. “Oh yes.”

  He grunted, lifted me higher and lowered me down the length of his cock.

  I gasped, my body stretching to meet the size of him. He was huge and every time I was with him, I could never get used to the thickness deep inside of me. I felt full. All I could feel was him. Wrapped in me.

  “Is this what you wanted?” Matteo asked, forcing the pleasure to leave my body in waves.

  “Yes,” I cried out, pushing back against him as hard as I could.

  “Fuck, Marketa. That’s it. Show me what you want. Grind that cunt against my cock.” He groaned. “Harder.”

  Using the side of the vehicle for leverage, I did as he said. “Oh Matteo. Oh God.”

  “Harder.” He pinned me against the SUV, holding me tight while our lower bodies remained connected. “I can feel your juices coating my dick, beautiful girl.”

  “You feel so good,” I moaned.

  His breathing picked up, soft sounds of ecstasy leaving him. He took what he wanted and I gave it in return. “Shit.” He released me, taking a step back. “Kneel.”

  I complied, doing as I was told and knelt on the hard ground.

  “Open that pretty mouth of yours, Mae.”

  My lips parted, my tongue tingling for a taste of him.

  Matteo inched his way into my mouth, thrusting hard, bringing tears to my eyes. The taste of our mixed arousal wafted into my senses, heightening the pleasure building between my legs. Knowing I was giving him the pleasure he craved, satisfied me. Although my body ached from the lack of release, it turned me on when I made him come. If only I could…

  “Do not touch yourself,” he growled.

  I whimpered, pulling my hand away that had been slowly inching between my thighs.

  His eyes were dark, taking on a possessive air as he pumped between my swollen lips. His dick lengthened, pulsing hard. My name left his lips on a snarl, his release flowing down my throat like a wave of bliss. “Fuck me.”

  I swallowed his essence, tasting every last morsel.

  Matteo righted his pants and pulled me to my feet.

  My body burned, begging for the release I knew only he could provide. “Matteo,” I whispered.

  A wicked glint flashed in his eyes. “Remember when I asked you if you were teasing me and you said no?”

  I nodded.

  “Orgasm denial is not fun, is it, beautiful girl?”

  My eyes snapped to his. “No. It’s not.”

  “Next time,” he kissed my mouth. “You’ll think twice about lying to me, won’t you?”

  Mae

  I woke up sometime during the night, to Matteo sleeping soundlessly beside me. I had noticed his breathing never deepened, his body always remaining stiff and rigid.

  After we had driven back to his place and our moment outside, we had gone to bed early. But he still never allowed me the orgasm I craved. The release my body so desperately wanted. Being denied an orgasm didn’t sound as bad as it was. I understood. I didn’t like it. But I got why he did it. Although it was a small lie, I should always be honest with him. Even if it was something as small as whether I was teasing him or not.

  His back rose and fell, the jagged pink scars stretching out over his taut skin. His muscles flexed and twitched every time he breathed and I
found myself wanting to hurt the people who harmed him. Every time he stared at his reflection in the mirror, it was a reminder of what had happened to him. Like my tattoo.

  With a shaky hand, I grazed it down the center of his back, pushing the blankets lower. He was so damn beautiful. Like a caged lion, ready to pounce at any moment for being locked up for too many years.

  I kissed his shoulder, trailing light pecks over his upper back. Wanting to erase the nightmares that came along with his scars, I licked and sucked every line. Every bump. Every single scar that marred his tanned skin.

  Inching a hand between his legs, I cupped the heavy sac beneath.

  His breath hitched, a deep growl rumbling from his chest. His head turned to me, his chocolate brown eyes dark with arousal.

  In a quick move, Matteo pulled me under him, kneeling between my spread thighs. Something flashed in his gaze.

  My heart sped up, no longer seeing the sadistic man but the vulnerable side of him I knew he didn’t show often. I tilted my head, waiting for him to kiss me. Giving him some sort of control.

  A moment of hesitation fluttered through him before he slid his tongue into my mouth. No words were said. No dirty talk. No begging. The only sounds were of our breathing.

  As he inched his way into my body, I realized this was the first and maybe the only time I would get him like this. Stripped bare. Completely revealed to me. Making love in a way that was gentle and pure. No toys. No domination. Just skin against skin. Body against body.

  Matteo released my mouth, leaning his head into the crook of my neck. He linked our fingers, squeezing them as his hips sped up.

  My thighs burned, my heels digging into his rear, pulling him against me as far as my body would allow. I wanted him inside me. Under my skin. Deep in my soul. I wanted him to take over my being, erasing all of my nightmares and replace them with him. Only him.

  “Marketa,” he breathed against my neck. His hand squeezed mine, his big body shaking.

  That familiar tingle, the one I had come to know, spread from my toes before exploding into mind-blowing bliss. I cried out, trembling beneath him, digging my fingers into his back. Not being allowed an orgasm the night before intensified this moment. I lifted my hips, meeting him thrust for thrust, trying so hard to mold our bodies as once. Spots danced in my vision. As many times as he had given me the orgasms I so desired, this, this moment right here was perfect. My favorite. No pain. No whips. No leather. Just him and I, connecting as one.

  His thrusts hardened, pushing into me, once, twice, three times before he pulsed inside of me.

  I sighed, wrapping my arm around him and kissed his shoulder.

  His hips stopped, but he didn’t release me.

  We laid like that for a while. Him on top of me. His body connected with mine. My heart jumped, a lump forming in my throat. “Matteo?”

  He lifted his head, looking down at me. His strong jaw clenched. He brushed my hair off of my forehead before cupping my cheek.

  I didn’t like the look of vulnerability he was giving me. Eyes dark. Body rigid. The only thing that relaxed him was when I kissed him.

  He sighed against my mouth, lifting me in his arms. Tugging my head back, he deepened the kiss.

  I could feel him growing inside of me, hardening under my touch. My body squeezed him, gripping him like he was my lifeline. No longer was the vulnerable Matteo but the Dominant Sadist I had come to know. Taking me hard, he showed me for the next hour exactly how dominant he could be.

  Waking up alone, I shivered at the loss of Matteo’s warm body beside me. My muscles ached, twitching with my movements as I rose from the bed. Something had shifted between us when he had made love to me. Whether it be our feelings for each other growing or the fact we didn’t use a condom, I wasn’t sure. We hadn’t used a condom before but this time, it was different. I didn’t know how. I couldn’t explain it but I knew what I felt for him was growing as each day past.

  Rising from the bed, I pulled on Matteo’s white dress shirt and buttoned it up. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I headed out into the hall and made my way to the kitchen. The aroma of coffee wafted into my nostrils, making my mouth water.

  I poured myself a much-needed cup of the wondrous caffeine and headed back into the living room. Bookshelves lined the one wall. Topics ranging from psychology to non-fiction. A running theme of fantasy and science fiction plus classics adorned the shelves. I was impressed. Matteo had every genre known to man, even some romance books.

  “Good morning, beautiful girl.”

  I jumped, the coffee sloshing over the side of the cup.

  Matteo chuckled, cleaning up the mess on the floor.

  I laughed and joined him on the couch. My heart felt light, whole, while we sat there in silence enjoying each other’s company.

  “I’m sorry about last night,” he said softly a couple minutes later.

  “Sorry for what?” I asked, placing my feet in his lap.

  His hands cupped my feet, massaging gently. “Orgasm denial is not something I like doing.”

  “Well…you made up for it this morning,” I said, trying to lighten the mood.

  He shrugged, the muscle in his jaw ticking. “If it was anyone else, I wouldn’t care so much but you…” His gaze met mine. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “Matteo, I want—”

  “No,” he massaged the back of his neck. “I mean I don’t want to abuse you. Or I don’t want you to feel abused. Shit.” He buried his hands in his hair. “Please use your safeword if you need to. You always have control. I don’t want to scare you but I don’t like being lied to.”

  “I know you would never abuse me, Matteo,” I said gently, pulling from his embrace. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. “I’ve consented to everything we’ve done. And I’ll consent to everything we do in the future.”

  “Please promise me you will use your safeword. No matter what. Promise me.”

  “I promise.” But I didn’t like the sound of the desperation in his voice. “What happened?”

  “You having a hard time laughing and smiling bothers me. I find the need to rip apart whoever hurt you in the past. I need to destroy them. I want…I want to kill them for what they did to you.” Matteo said all the while staring straight ahead, looking off into the distance.

  His confession surprised me. The attack was so long ago and I tried so hard to forget. But those eyes, the feel of the rough hands on my body, the grunts of pleasure and screams of pain…I would never forget. No matter how many times I tried, my past would always remain with me. My demons. My nightmares. They were the ultimate Sadist. Destroying my sanity piece by piece. If only Matteo knew what he was getting himself into. If he did, I was sure he wouldn’t want me anymore.

  Matteo

  Never once in my life had I made love to a woman. My father had taught me at a young age that women were holes to fuck. Nothing more. Nothing less. After my mother died, even though it was when I was born, I learned fast that my father would never love again. Losing his wife destroyed him. I had heard from people who knew him at a time when he was happy, that he was never a womanizer. He fell in love with my mother. Worshiped the ground she walked on. Gave her everything and more. When she died due to complications during her labor, my father became power hungry. He closed off his heart, never trusting and loving again. He treated me like one of his associates. Refusing to give me the love a child deserved. I knew he loved me in his own way but never once did he show it. The only time I felt remotely close to him was when he taught me about women. How to please them. How to give them everything they craved. He used them to his advantage, not caring in the least if they got off.

  But I was different. I craved pain at such a young age but I needed to administer it more. And I learned the hard way just how sadistic those desires went.

  Mae was curled up on her side, her head in my lap, her breathing deep and even while she slept. If only I could sleep. I would go to bed, close m
y eyes, fall into a place where I had no control and then the nightmares started. Whips. Chains. Agonizing pain. Even though it was years ago, I could still feel, smell, see, everything that had happened.

  I couldn’t help but wonder what it was like to sleep. To fall into that deep REM where you woke with the satisfied and well-rested feeling.

  Letting out a heavy sigh, I brushed a hand down Mae’s cheek. “So beautiful,” I whispered.

  She stirred, looking up at me and stifled a yawn. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

  “It’s quite alright.” I smiled.

  Mae sat up and stretched, before turning back to me. “Are you okay?”

  I searched her face, a tingle of unease gripping my spine. Was I okay? Would I ever be okay again? I was a fucking psychologist. I listened to people speak. Diagnosed them with whatever condition they had. But I had no fucking idea how to deal with my own issues. “Yeah.”

  Her brows narrowed. “Do I get to deny you an orgasm for lying to me?”

  My dick jumped. Holy fucking hell. “No,” I ground out.

  She nodded. “Didn’t think so.” She rung her hands in her lap, chewing her bottom lip. “Are we okay?”

  “Of course.” Weren’t we?

  “I know we have to talk about…I …I want to reassure you that I’m not upset with you over last night.”

  “It still wasn’t right. I’m a Sadist but I don’t get off on punishing you. It probably bothers me more than it bothers you.” Through my years of experience, I had heard that happening between other Dom’s and subs. Most subs were understanding, taking whatever their Dom’s had to give them. But it was the Dom’s who got hurt in the end.

  “I understand why you did it.” She shrugged. “I like it when you punish me,” she whispered, her cheeks reddening.

  The corners of my mouth twitched. “Oh I know, little girl.” I cupped her knee, inching my hand up under the shirt she was wearing. “If I could wrap myself in your heat permanently, I would.”