Beautiful Pain

by J. M. Walker

  Her mouth parted. “I…um…”

  “You have no idea what you do to me, do you, Marketa?”

  She slowly shook her head.

  “I am like a kid who just discovered his first crush. My dick becomes hard every time I think of you. When I see you, it hurts. My chest aches. My body becomes alive with the need for you.” I pulled her into my arms, grazing my hands up her back. “I can’t help but want to touch you. Over and over again.” Leaning my head against her chest, I inhaled. The spicy scent of my cologne wafted into my nostrils. She smelled like me. My arousal. My cologne. My fucking body wash.

  “I want you to touch me. I…I need it.” She cupped my nape, running her fingers through my hair. “Whatever this is…Matteo, I don’t want it to stop. I want it to grow.”

  “Same here.” And for the first time in my life, I felt comfortable enough to talk to someone. “Mae, I was broken as a kid. Destroyed. Molded and shaped into what Morgan wanted. She hurt me at the hands of other men.”

  Mae’s breath hitched but she didn’t say anything.

  “I was raised by my dad in a brothel. We had women and men coming and going. But it was safe. Security was heavy because of who my dad was. But then Morgan slid into my life like a cobra. And I fell victim to her sharp bite.” My hands gripped Mae. I needed to focus on the now, not fall into myself and dive into my past. But thoughts, images, memories of my childhood poked at my mind and I couldn’t control the urge to let the nightmares consume me.

  “Did you…did you sleep with her when you saw her last?”

  “You already asked me that.”

  She looked away. “I’m sorry.”

  As much as it irritated the hell out of me that she second guessed what I said, I couldn’t stay mad for long. Because I knew that if the roles were reversed, I would be all over her, demanding that she never look at another man again. A possessive surge charged through me and I had to force it back before I lashed out over her exes she never talked about.

  “Did you want to sleep with her?”

  Ah. That was the real question, wasn’t it? “I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t want to. I did. That’s why I stayed away from you.” I was met by Mae’s warm gaze. “I was scared.” Fuck, I didn’t like the vulnerability in my voice.

  “Why didn’t you?” she asked, gripping my shirt tight in her hands.

  “Because I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

  “How did Morgan react to that?”

  I scoffed.

  “You are going to deny me over that little slut?” Morgan snapped, pursing her red lips.

  “Yes,” I answered, my voice small.

  “I know you want me. Your hard dick clearly shows it.”

  “I can’t. I refuse.” My body vibrated. She was comfortable. Something I had grown accustomed to. But now that I had been with Mae, Morgan would no longer satisfy these cravings I had.

  “I will have you again, little boy.” She rose to her feet, putting her hand over my head. “I’ll give you this one time only.” Her nails dug into my jaw. “I will be back for you. And for that little whore. Maybe I’ll take you both at the same time. How would you like that, Matteo? Think she would like being fucked by a woman?”

  I shook my head. “You wouldn’t.”

  “Oh, baby,” Morgan laughed. “I would and I will. If she’s the masochist you say she is, I will destroy her. I will break her mind and make it so she doesn’t want you anymore.”

  “Fuck you,” I bit out before I had a chance to stop myself. A hard slap landed against my cheek, only making me laugh.

  “Are you fucking laughing at me?” Morgan snapped, tilting my head. “I was going to be nice and leave you alone but not anymore. I will find you. I’m going to rip your soul apart. And your girl? I will own her. Two slaves.” She kissed me hard on the lips. “Delicious.”

  “Matteo.”

  Mae’s gentle voice brought me back to the present.

  “I’m assuming she didn’t like that you turned her down?” Mae asked, sliding off my lap.

  “No, not at all. But I don’t fucking care. You are mine and only mine. You understand me? Don’t let her get her claws into you.”

  Mae’s eyes widened. “What are you talking about? Does she want…what…”

  “It won’t be the last time that I see her. If you’re with me, please know that you’re mine.”

  “Okay,” Mae whispered, her eyes darting back and forth.

  I placed a soft peck on her lips. “Don’t be scared. She wants me. Not you.” No matter what Morgan said, I knew she was only trying to get under my skin. No matter how much I tried to deny it, it was fucking working.

  Me: Join me, beautiful girl.

  Mae: Are you texting me from the living room?

  Me: No, I’m texting you from the bathroom.

  Mae: What are you doing?

  Me: Taking a bath.

  Mae: Were you wanting something, Sir?

  Me: Always.

  The door opened, revealing a smiling Mae. Her dark hair was mussed, curls framing her face. Creases from the bed marked her body, her eyes hazy from sleep. “You do realize what time it is right?”

  I chuckled, placing my phone on the floor. “Come here.”

  She sighed, stepping into the bathtub and curled against me. “How did you sleep?”

  “I didn’t,” I mumbled, grabbing a washcloth.

  “Why don’t you take sleeping pills?” she asked, yawning.

  “Because they only make my nightmares worse.” I kissed her head, running the cloth up and down her arm.

  “Do you sleep ever?”

  “Sometimes. I’m used to it now though.”

  She nodded. “I don’t sleep often either. But since being with you, my nights are less scary. I don’t wake and jump at the shadows in the corner of the room. I don’t cower under the covers like a little girl, afraid the Boogey Man is going to jump out at me.” She turned to me. “You make me feel brave.”

  “I don’t know how to be in a normal relationship,” I confessed.

  “That’s okay.” She smiled. “Neither do I.”

  Matteo

  “Are you sure you want me here tonight?” Mae asked, smoothing her hands down the satin dress hugging her curves nicely.

  “Yes.” I kissed her neck, breathing in the scent of me on her skin and gripped her shoulders tight. “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “I don’t want to embarrass you.” She turned in my arms. “I’m assuming these business associates you’re having over are doctors?”

  “Not all of them.” I pinched her chin, placing a soft peck on her mouth. “And you could never embarrass me, Marketa.”

  “Does this look okay?” she asked, turning back towards the mirror. The black floor length dress fit her in all the right places. Not too revealing and definitely hiding the beauty laying beneath. Only I knew what she had hidden under the fabric. Her smooth skin. Her pale form that now smelled of me constantly.

  “It looks perfect.” I cleared my throat, holding back the urge to dive deep into her body.

  “Are you sure?” She kept smoothing her hands down the front of her, her teeth grazing over her bottom lip.

  “Marketa, if you keep doing that, I’m going to bend you over and show you exactly what I think,” I snapped out, shaking myself.

  Her eyes widened before going dark, her cheeks giving off a slight tinge of pink. She stepped into my embrace, running her hands down my chest. “Why don’t you show me then?”

  I breathed in the sweet desire of her words, backing her up until she hit the wall. Grabbing her hands, I pulled them above her head, holding her in place. “You want me?”

  “I want you hard. Full and throbbing inside of me.” She licked her bottom lip, arching against me.

  Hmm…little girl wanted to play. “What did I tell you?”

  “Not to wear any panties.”

  Brushing a finger down the center of her body, I hooked a hand at the back of her thi
gh, grinding my hips into hers. “Did you listen?”

  “Yes,” she breathed. “Always.”

  When I leaned down to kiss her, the phone rang. Story of my fucking life. I released her, placing a soft peck on her forehead.

  Mae whimpered, pouting. “What are you doing?”

  “My phone rang.”

  “No it didn’t,” she grabbed my hand. “Please.”

  “You didn’t hear it?” I asked her.

  “No. Just ignore it.”

  Sorry, sweet girl. I can’t.” I adjusted my pants, grumbling to myself about people not knowing when to leave me alone. I answered the phone much to Mae’s dismay. “Santos.”

  “Mmm…I love it when you sound all professional. Makes me so fucking wet.”

  My back stiffened. “How the hell did you get this number?”

  “Oh, little boy,” Morgan purred. “You think you can hide from me?”

  “Matteo?” Mae placed a hand gently on my arm, her brows narrowing.

  “You can’t keep doing this,” I told Morgan, pacing back and forth.

  “Yes I can,” she laughed. “Enjoy your dinner. Tell Marketa Dobry I said hi.” And with that, Morgan hung up.

  With the phone still to my ear, I slumped onto the couch, dropping my head in my hands. How the hell she got my number, was beyond me. Why couldn’t I get rid of her? I had been doing so well. Taking one step forward only to take a million back.

  “Matteo,” Mae said softly, wrapping her hand around my arm.

  I jumped under the contact. “Sorry,” I said when Mae stared at me wide eyed. “I’m sorry.”

  “Who was that?” she asked, linking our fingers.

  “Morgan,” I mumbled, relaxing under the touch.

  Mae scowled. “What did she want?”

  I had no fucking idea. “To mess with me. To drive me fucking insane.”

  “Is there anything I can do to help?” Mae asked, tentatively wrapping her arm around my shoulders.

  “Don’t leave me. No matter what happens. Promise me.” I didn’t like the desperation in my voice but I needed to know I had some sort of solace here. I needed to know that no matter what happened, Marketa would stand by me.

  “I promise but I don’t understand—”

  “You don’t need to.” I kissed her mouth. “Come.” I rose to my feet, pulling her with me and placed my phone in my jacket pocket. “Change of plans.”

  As we drove to the fancy Italian restaurant I had booked the reservation at, I couldn’t help but focus on Mae’s small hand in mine. She stared out at the city passing us by. After Morgan called me, I changed the dinner plans with my business associates and told them where to meet us. Not in the mood to cook or host, I called in a favor. It paid to have people of a high caliber as patients.

  “Dr. Santos,” the waiter greeted us. “Right this way. Your dinner party has only just arrived.”

  “Thank you.” I gave a curt nod, holding Mae’s hand tight in my own. As we made our way to the table, all I could focus on was Mae’s fingers in mine. Brett MacLean, a patient who I had come to know over the years, tried explaining to me how touching his wife made him feel normal. It made him feel sane and brought him out of the dark place he was in. I never understood what he had meant until now. Although, I knew Mae and I needed to talk, touching her helped. But I needed more. I needed to fully dominate and control her. I just didn’t know how.

  “I’m nervous,” Mae confessed as we headed to our table.

  “Don’t be. You’re beautiful. You’re mine. There’s no one here you have to impress,” I told her, giving her hand a tight squeeze. “Not even me.”

  “I don’t need to impress you?”

  “No,” I placed a soft peck on her lips. “Because you already have.”

  A soft sigh escaped her. “But these people are friends of yours. I don’t want to embarrass you.”

  I pulled her to a stop. “You could never embarrass me. If you don’t know by now, Mae, I don’t care what people think. I do what I want.”

  “I know but I want to make you happy,” she said softly, her cheeks reddening.

  Pinching her chin, I placed a small peck on her lips before leaning down to her ear. “You do make me happy. You make me the happiest I have ever been in my life.” The words were on my tongue to tell her more but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to scare her away but I refused to give anyone the chance to break me…again. It wasn’t fair to Marketa or myself but it was the only thing I had control of completely.

  (Mae)

  Something was off. I couldn’t place a finger on it but a bad feeling swam around in the pit of my belly. Matteo was rigid as we walked to the table to meet his associates. He kept glancing my way like he thought I would leave. If he didn’t have a tight grip on my hand, would I? No. I wanted whatever this was between us to blossom into something more. I found I needed him like air to breathe. When I wasn’t with him, I craved him. He was the sustenance I needed to survive.

  “Gentlemen,” Matteo said, moving behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders. “This is Marketa Dobry.” I almost wanted him to introduce me as his girlfriend but we hadn’t talked about that part of our relationship yet. Hoping it would grow into that, I only smiled.

  The men at the table said their hello’s and rose to their feet. I was surrounded by them. Suddenly I felt small. Memories from my past tried to force their way into my mind but I refused to let them take over.

  You’re safe, Marketa. You’re safe.

  I chanted those words over and over to myself, smiling sweetly as Matteo introduced me. Masking the anxiety I felt, I responded appropriately but I could feel Matteo watching me. He knew. Of course he did. He was a Sadist. Of all the Dominant men I had heard about, I found that Sadists knew their subs the most. Maybe because it had to do with pain, they had to dive deeper into the mind of a masochist for fear of ripping them apart.

  “How’s life been treating you, Matteo?” the one man asked, taking a sip of his wine.

  Matteo shifted beside me, holding my hand in his lap. “Busy.”

  The man nodded once. “I get that.” He smiled, his eyes warming. “So tell me, Marketa. With that beautiful accent of yours, where are you from?”

  I looked up at Matteo.

  He nodded once.

  “I was born in Czech Republic,” I said, meeting the man’s gaze.

  “Ah. Yes.” His smile grew, easing my racing nerves. “I thought there was a European accent there. How do you like America?”

  “It’s nice.” Not like I had a choice. It was my home. Had been for years. It was safe. But it was even better now that I had met Matteo.

  The man I had come to know as Dr. Shrouter, leaned his head back and laughed. It was full bellied like he was pulling it from his soul. “That’s one way of describing it,” he said, winking.

  I only smiled, my cheeks heating. Dr. Shrouter was nice, a breath of fresh air but I found myself antsy and wanting to go home. The hairs on the back of my neck tingled, the little voice inside of my head telling me to run.

  “Mae, are you alright?” Matteo asked, his voice low so only I could hear.

  With a shaky hand, I pushed a hair behind my ear and nodded. Bravery was not my strong suit and neither was lying.

  A shadow passed over Matteo’s face, no doubt thinking of ways to punish me later. Which was fine. I wouldn’t ruin his dinner just because I was getting this “feeling”.

  “How’s the wife, Dan?” Matteo asked, pouring me a glass of water.

  “She’s good.” Dr. Shrouter puffed out his chest. “She has to be since she’s married to me.”

  Matteo chuckled, shaking his head.

  “Tell me, Matteo,” the man sitting across from me, Andre Post, said. “You’re a prestigious psychologist but yet you’re living in that run-down loft? Why is that?”

  My head whipped around, catching the hard look in Matteo’s gaze.

  “Not this shit again,” Dan grumbled, motioning for the waiter.r />
  “What I do and where I live, Andre, is none of your damn business.” Matteo’s jaw clenched, his full lips pressing into a thin line.

  “It’s okay. I understand. It’s hard to buy a house when you have to bail your father out of jail all of the time.” Andre smirked, bringing his coffee cup up to his mouth.

  “Fuck you,” Matteo ground out through gritted teeth.

  “That’s it,” Dan snapped. “You’re a doctor. You’re supposed to be professional. Fucking act like it.”

  “I’m only saying the guy is amazing at what he does. He shouldn’t be paying for his father—”

  “Matteo,” I said gently. “Walk me to the bathroom?”

  He nodded once, pushing abruptly to his feet. “Excuse us.” He grabbed my hand, pulling me beside him and walked us to the back of the restaurant.

  “Matteo,” I said, trying to keep up with his fast pace. “Talk to me.”

  He stopped in his tracks, staring down at me. “Are you judging me?”

  “No,” I pressed a hand to my throat. “Why would I?”

  “Because I help my father. Because he’s a corrupt business man and I help him stay out of trouble. Because I have no problem lying for him.”

  “I…” Wrapping my arms around his waist, I squeezed him. “No. I don’t judge you.”

  His big body relaxed under my touch, his hand moving to the small of my back. “You don’t?”

  I laughed. I couldn’t help it. If only he knew who my father actually was and what he had done. “We need to talk.”

  “No.” He tilted my head back. “I know we need to talk. But right now, we need to go back to the table and I need to not let Andre win.”

  “Is he always like this?”

  “Yeah.” Matteo placed a soft peck on my forehead. “He is unfortunately. It’s a competition thing. Dan always tries to be the one salvaging things but I’ve had enough.”

  “You’re tired,” I finished for him. “I’m going to the bathroom. The sooner we head back, the sooner you can take me home.”

  A soft growl escaped his lips. “I like the sound of that.”

  My cheeks heated and I headed into the ladies room but not before I blew him a kiss.