Beautiful Pain

by J. M. Walker

  “You being there for each other will help you get through this.” Nika kissed my forehead. “In time.”

  I hoped so.

  “You love him.”

  I met her gaze. “More than anything. As soon as I told him, this…this feeling…this love grew. It was so fast. I can physically feel his love for me. Is that weird?”

  “God, no.” Nika smiled, giving me another hug before rising from my bed. “Whatever love you feel for him is not weird. You fell hard and I’m so proud of you for that.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, wiping the tears from under my eyes.

  “I mean, these emotions I see in your eyes. I’ve never seen anything like them in you before.”

  “I’ve never been in love before,” I said, my voice small.

  “I know but I’ve never even seen you happy. Like ever. I know you love Cello and I because I can feel it in my heart.”

  “I do.” And I appreciated everything they had done for me.

  “I know but Matteo…he unleashed something in you and I am going to thank him for it.”

  I laughed, fresh tears welling in my eyes. “He is pretty amazing.” I let out a sigh. “If I only had you, Cello, my father and Matteo in my life, I would be the happiest person on earth.”

  “I am pretty irresistible.” Nika blew me a kiss, fluffing her curly hair.

  I smiled, shaking my head.

  “We need to have a girl’s night. Some of the ladies from work want to get together. You interested?”

  “Um…sure.” I was socially awkward but since being with Matteo, maybe I would be fine.

  “It’ll be fun,” she promised. “Trust me. We were thinking maybe getting together in a couple of weeks.”

  “Okay.” I could do this. It would be fine. Nothing would go wrong. If only I could convince myself of that.

  “Was Cello okay with you taking the weekend off?” Matteo asked, taking my bag from my hands. He placed it on the couch before heading into the kitchen.

  “Yes,” I said, following him. “He’s pretty good that way. As long as you don’t take advantage of him.

  “Please thank him for me.” Matteo started rummaging through the cupboards, pulling out bowls, ingredients, pots and pans. Pretty much everything he needed to make a meal.

  “I will,” I said, watching him. “What are we doing tonight?”

  “We are going to cook our dinner, maybe have a bath, have some wine.” He winked at me. “Maybe more.”

  “More. I always want more.” I walked up to him, wrapping my arms around his waist.

  “I know.” Matteo pinched my chin, stealing a toe curling kiss. “My greedy pet always wants more.”

  My cheeks heated. “Is that bad?”

  “Never. As long as you only want more from me and no one else.”

  “You are all that I want. And,” I cupped him over his pants, giving him a light squeeze. “You are all that I need,” I purred, licking my lips.

  He chuckled, grabbing my hand and kissed my knuckles. “You are too much.”

  I smiled, heading to the counter to make a salad.

  “Just for that, I want you to strip.”

  My heart jumped at the deep firm tone of his command. “You…what?”

  “I want you to strip. And if you keep hesitating, your punishment will only be longer.”

  I swallowed hard, a flush of excitement washing over me. Pulling off my clothes, I removed every last piece of clothing until I was standing naked in the kitchen.

  Matteo scratched his chin, a small grin spreading on his handsome face. “Perfect.”

  “You want me cooking naked? Isn’t that a little dangerous?” I asked, folding my clothes and placed them on the dining room chair.

  “No. I want you to make the salad. I’ll cook.” Matteo brushed the backs of his knuckles down the center of my chest. “And I want you naked whenever you are here.”

  “Why?”

  “Because clothing is a barrier. I want to strip you of them piece by piece until nothing is left and help you build them back up.” Kissing my forehead, he took a deep breath. “Do you trust me?”

  “Of course.” I searched his face, wondering why he would even think to ask me that.

  “How about now? Without the barrier of clothes protecting you.”

  “I trust you more now. You can do anything you want to me. You can spank me. Bend me over and…”

  Matteo smirked, releasing me. “You don’t have to be naked for me to bend you over and fuck you. But that’s not the reason I want you naked. I’m trying to break down your walls. I am determined. And I will succeed.”

  Oh I knew that. It was working. Because I was also determined to break down his. One brick at a time.

  We started making dinner, working in a comfortable silence. Matteo made pasta, I made the salad and by the time we were done, my stomach was rumbling.

  “Hungry?” he asked, hooking an arm around my waist and leaned his chin on my shoulder. He handed me a glass of red wine, brushing his other hand over my lower belly.

  “I am.” An unexpected thought hit me. Baby.

  It was way too soon for that. I was careful in taking my birth control but the idea of having Matteo’s baby made my heart beat soar.

  Clearing my throat, I stepped out of his embrace.

  “What was that?” he asked, wrapping his fingers around my arm.

  My back stiffened. “What do you mean?”

  “It got weird all of a sudden. Why?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Damn him and his knowledge of the human psyche. I shoved out of his grip, taking a sip of wine when a sharp pinch landed on the cheek of my rear. I let out a yelp, spinning on my heel.

  “How about we try that again and do not lie to me this time.”

  “Matteo, honest. It’s nothing.”

  His face hardened. “I’m going to give you one last chance.”

  There was no way I could tell him that I was daydreaming about having his baby. We had enough shit to deal with. I didn’t want to scare him off. I would take the punishment first. “Nothing was weird,” I reassured him. Taking my glass of wine, I headed out to the dining room table when I was shoved from behind. The wine glass was pulled from my hand, before it shattered to the floor.

  “I gave you a chance to tell me what changed,” Matteo growled in my ear, his big body towering over me. He slammed the glass on the table beside my head, the liquid sloshing over the sides.

  “Nothing changed,” I whimpered.

  He kicked my feet apart, roughly pushing his knees between my spread thighs. A zipper lowered, the sound vibrating over my bones.

  “Is that so? The only thing I asked is for you to not lie to me.” Matteo slammed into my unprepared body. The ripping pain seared through me, burning into a pleasure so intense, a fast release hit me to the core.

  I cried out, shaking through the delicious orgasm. The pain, so agonizingly beautiful forced an inhuman sound to leave my lips.

  “Fuck, Marketa. You like that don’t you?” he ground out between hard thrusts. “No matter how dry your pussy is, it craves my cock, becoming instantly wet. Did you like that pain?”

  “Yes,” I whispered, my body restrained against the table.

  “My pain will not harm you in any way. Remember that,” he said, his voice gentle. “You have a safeword.”

  “I’m fine, my love.” I pushed back against him.

  “Good girl.” Matteo brushed a hand down my spine. Grabbing both of my wrists with one hand, he held them behind my back. “Next time I ask you something, don’t lie to me.”

  “I’m sorry. I wasn’t ready,” I confessed.

  “Tell me that and I’ll back off.” He kissed my cheek. “I’ll always be here for you when you’re ready to talk. Just don’t lie to me.”

  “I promise.”

  “Now, ready for your punishment?”

  “Oh God.”

  “Oh, my beautiful pet.” He chuckled. “
There’s no point praying. Even God can’t save you now.”

  Mae

  I woke the next morning to the sweet scent of pastries and the wonderful aroma of coffee. Rubbing the grit out of my eyes, I found Matteo dressed and holding a tray of cups and a bag of something that smelled absolutely delicious.

  The sun streamed into the room through the curtains, casting an unearthly glow around Matteo. He wore beige pants and a light blue button-up dress shirt. The colors contrasted nicely against his tanned skin. The sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, the veins protruding in his forearms making my mouth water. They proved just how strong he was but gentle at the same time with the way he held me. A tiny smirk spread on his face, catching me checking him out.

  A warmth spread up my neck.

  “How did you sleep?” he asked, a teasing lilt to his voice. He sat on the bed beside me, handing me the yummy sustenance that I needed to become somewhat human.

  “Dreamlessly.”

  “Good.” He kissed me hard on the mouth, staring intently into my eyes. “Are you okay?”

  “If you are referring to what we did all night, then yes, I am fine. I am more than okay.” Matteo had used me hard, not letting me eat until he made me come at least several times. Then he fed me, gave me water to keep me hydrated and did it all over again. It was wonderful. As much as I didn’t like pissing him off, I craved his true sadistic side because it was the only time I saw the real him. It pleased me to know that I was slowly breaking him down.

  “I didn’t mean to be so rough,” he admitted, taking a sip of his coffee.

  “You didn’t?” I teased.

  His eyes snapped to mine. “I’m not always sadistic. I do enjoy making love to you slow and sweet every now and again.”

  “But?”

  “It makes me feel vulnerable.”

  My heart jumped. “I know,” I said, curling against him.

  “You do?” He raised an eyebrow.

  “I can see it in your eyes. I don’t like it. That’s why I prefer you rough,” I shrugged. “I love you. I love everything about you. Your sweet side. Your rough side. Everything.”

  His jaw ticked, his body stiffening.

  “Matteo,” I said, placing my hand on his arm.

  “Let’s eat. I have the day planned for us.”

  “Oh. Okay.” I wanted to talk more but I didn’t want him to build up his walls again.

  Matteo was possessive in the way he had handled me, reminding me over and over again that he loved me. But as we sat there, side by side, eating and enjoying our breakfast, I couldn’t help but wonder, if our love would be enough.

  (Matteo)

  “We’re going to the marina?” Mae squealed. “I haven’t been in forever. Nika doesn’t like going because it smells like fish. Oh thank you, Matteo.”

  I chuckled at Mae’s excitement. It made me extremely happy seeing her smile and giggle like a little girl. Even though I wasn’t forty yet, some days I woke up feeling like I was eighty years old. Mae made me feel young. She was vibrant. Carefree.

  She had difficulty with her emotions, but she embraced every day to its fullest. She inspired me. And every day I fell more and more in love with her.

  “Matteo?” Mae slipped her hand in mine as we walked side by side. “What’s wrong?”

  I smiled down at her and kissed her head. “Nothing at all, sweet girl.”

  Nothing. At. All.

  “Okay.” She sighed. “What are we doing first?”

  I winked, pulling her against me and kissed the hell out of her. Slipping my tongue into her mouth, I slid my hand down the length of her back. Grinding my hips into hers, I heard some whistles nearby but that only made me kiss her harder. I needed to remind her that no matter what happened, no matter what was going on in my head, I loved her. And I wasn’t scared to show anyone just how much.

  Mae moaned into my mouth, pushing her tongue against mine.

  My dick lengthened and before we got in trouble for public indecency, I released her.

  “What was that for?” she breathed, swaying towards me.

  “That,” I rubbed my thumb over her kiss-swollen lips. “Was to show anyone around here who you belong to.”

  She laughed. “Well, my love, even if they didn’t know, you are the only one I am looking at.”

  “Hmm…” Cupping her nape, I brushed my nose along the length of her neck. “It makes me hard knowing you belong to me.”

  She shivered. “It makes me wet, every time you speak.”

  Fuck. Me. I cleared my throat, pulling away and discretely adjusted my pants.

  “Well,” She rubbed the back of her neck. “That was intense.”

  “It was.” It always was.

  “But it’s what I love about you. You make me feel like I’m the only person who matters.”

  “You are,” I said, a little too harshly. “You are all I need.”

  She nodded slowly. “Okay.”

  Something flashed behind her eyes but quickly disappeared. I would have asked her what that was about but a group of street performers walked by. They yelled and cheered, dancing and putting on a show.

  We headed down to the edge overlooking the water.

  “I love the scent of fresh air,” Mae said, leaning against the railing.

  “Me too.” I stood beside her, taking a deep breath. Reveling in the scent swirling around us, I leaned my head back, the sun warming my skin. I had been coming to the marina since I moved here. Meeting all different walks of life, I embraced the culture. People milling about, getting to the places they needed to go. Working. Socializing. Parents taking their children to get cotton candy or balloon animals. Teenage girls going shopping in the tents that held vintage clothing. Tables of food lined the cobblestone walkway inviting passerby’s to join in on the fun.

  “Want to know what we’re doing today?” I asked, wrapping an arm around Mae’s shoulders.

  “Yes, please.” Her eyes shone, twinkling with excitement.

  “We are going to walk around, have lunch and shop for a new dress for you.”

  “A new dress? For what?”

  “I’m taking you to my favorite restaurant. It’s a little hole in the wall owned by a Mexican family.”

  “Oh I love Mexican…”

  “Mexican what?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “Food.”

  “And?”

  “And…” she tapped her chin. “That’s the only thing. Well and the country. Although I’ve never been but the pictures I’ve seen sure are beautiful.”

  I tugged her against me, snarling against her neck. “Tell me.”

  She giggled. “And you of course.” She peered up at me through her thick beautiful lashes. “Always you.”

  My heart thumped, my stomach flipping at her words. “Good answer.”

  Mae pushed out of my hold, walking a couple of steps away from me. “I can reassure you that you never have to worry. Because all of this,” she made a point of running her hands down the front of her body, gyrating her hips for added effect. “Loves all of you.”

  A growl escaped me, desire for the woman standing only a few feet away seared its way into my blood. I closed the distance between us, igniting a squeal to leave her mouth but I caught her before she had a chance at even attempting to run.

  She fell into a fit of laughter, pushing and struggling out of my grip. Her ass rubbed against my crotch, stopping her from trying to get out of my hold.

  Matteo – 1

  Mae – 0

  “Can you feel that?” I asked, sliding my hand down the side of her body, my fingers stopping at her hip. They dug into her flesh, holding her still.

  “Yes,” she breathed, licking her lips.

  “Good.” I pushed against her again, letting her know exactly what effect she had on my body.

  “Matteo,” she said with a breathless moan.

  Kissing her neck, I released her, whistling as I walked away.

  “Seriously?” she grumb
led, stomping beside me.

  “What? You don’t want me to fuck you here in public do you?”

  Her eyes widened. “Well, no…”

  “Because if that’s what you want, I can take you to a safer place where it’s allowed,” I suggested, ignoring her. I knew she wasn’t into public humiliation but I needed to always remind her that she was in control. I would do anything to please her. To make sure that she was aware that she could tell me her kink and if I didn’t know what to do, I would make damn sure I would find out.

  “No. I don’t want that,” she said quickly. A little too quickly for my liking. “I don’t want to be spread out for everyone to see. I don’t want them to hear my screams. I…I…”

  “Hey,” I cupped her face, kissing her softly on the mouth. “Breath, beautiful girl. That won’t happen. I promise. What we do is between us. I promise you that, Marketa. But I also promise you that I will make sure you are happy. And I’m willing to try anything once.”

  “No. Please not that.” She shook her head.

  “Hard limit?” I asked gently.

  “Yes.” She nodded. “Too much of a trigger. Please don’t make me. Not again.”

  Shit. I tilted her head, forcing her to look at me. “Never. I promise.”

  Her chin quivered but she let out a soft sigh. “Please don’t hurt me like they did.”

  Bile rose to my throat at the desperation in her voice. “You have my fucking word. Everything we do is because you consent. Before. During. After. Every single day. Even when we aren’t together, remember you have consent over everything you do. We both have trust issues, we both have doubts, but please don’t doubt my love for you.”

  “Then don’t doubt mine,” she pleaded, cupping my hands and kissed my palms.

  “I promise to work on it,” I muttered, knowing full well that was going to be hard.

  “We will work on it together.”

  God, I loved her. “Definitely.”

  A heavy cloud had settled over us in our attempt at having a little sunshine in our lives.