Close to Home

by Carolyne Aarsen

  She didn’t like the emphasis on the, as well.

  “I have it written down,” Dodie said in her own defense.

  Jace held her gaze as if trying to figure out what happened to the girl who used to remember everything. The girl who used to be depended on to be told something once and be able to remember every detail a few months later.

  That girl is gone, she wanted to tell him again. I no longer want to be that girl who was so determined to be everything to everybody.

  A quick knock on the door gave her a start. Sheila poked her head into the room, her eyes flitting from Dodie to Jace. “I’m getting a coffee. Anyone want one?”

  They both shook their heads and Sheila gave a tight nod. “Okay, I’ll be back in a bit,” she said, disappointment lacing her voice.

  “What are we going to discuss at the meeting?” Dodie asked after Sheila left, thankful that she hadn’t interrupted them any sooner.

  “I got a call from the fundraiser chairman. The speaker we had booked for the fundraiser officially canceled.”

  Dodie clutched the quilt she had been refolding. “That’s terrible news.”

  “I know. We’re working on some of our backup speakers, but that’s not looking too good, either. Do you think Helen might be convinced to do a longer set?”

  Dodie shrugged. “Might be worth asking. She seemed open to the whole idea in the first place.”

  Jace smiled. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

  He glanced out the window beside the door of the office, then stole a quick kiss.

  Dodie’s heart fluttered double time at the casualness of his touch.

  He’s kissed you before, she chastised herself. But this felt different. Time had moved them to this tentative place.

  And what are you going to do when he talks about going back to the city?

  Dodie banished the questions that had the potential to ruin her good mood. She and Jace were together right now…and that was enough, she reminded herself. The future could wait.

  She shot a quick look Jace’s way as she carefully labeled the quilt. “You don’t seem very upset about what’s happening with the fundraiser.”

  “I am, but I never thought we needed a speaker, especially once Helen got on board. The evening was full enough. If Helen is willing to expand her set list, I think people would sooner hear her than a speaker.” He leaned back against the table, his eyes snapping with suppressed enthusiasm. “The other reason I’m not too upset is that I got a call from Carson just before you came here. He’s offered me a huge case.”

  She frowned as a sense of unease feathered through her. “But what about your work here?”

  Jace frowned. “This was always just a temporary stay. You knew that.”

  She did, but ever since their time at the lookout point, she had harbored the faint hope that he might consider it to be more permanent.

  He’s never going to stay.

  Janie’s words were like a premonition now.

  Jace caught her by the hands and smiled. “You were thinking I would stay, weren’t you?”

  Dodie gave him a negligent shrug. “Yeah. Just a bit.”

  “But you know that me working for Carson has always been the plan. From the first time we dated.”

  Dodie didn’t reply. She didn’t want to get into a fight over this. Not when things were just starting to gel between them.

  “Tell me about the case,” she said instead, moving to safer territory.

  Jace grinned with barely suppressed excitement. “Remember the news story a couple of weeks back? The one with the high-profile businessman?”

  “The oil guy?” Dodie struggled to keep her composure. She remembered seeing the case on television. Remembered seeing that Carson was going to defend him, though she was sketchy on the details.

  Her hands trembled as she smoothed them over the quilt.

  “Carson wants me on the team as cocounsel.”

  Dodie swallowed, as a shadow edged into her mind.

  “There is only one problem. He wants me to come back to Edmonton right after the fundraiser.”

  Dodie struggled to marshal her thoughts, not sure which one to process first.

  Jace working on a case with Carson. Jace moving to the city much sooner.

  “I know it’s sudden, and it’s sooner than I had thought, but this is such a huge chance for me. Carson has already found someone to replace me here so I’m free to go as soon as possible.” Jace squeezed her hands a bit harder as his eyes lit up. “I owe Carson so much, and this is a chance to repay him and advance my career.”

  “I think that your debt to Carson has been long paid,” Dodie snapped, struggling to maintain her composure as memories battered her crumbling defenses. “What’s the guy been charged with, anyway?”

  Jace sighed. “Carson is convinced the guy is innocent, but he’s been charged with rape—”

  Jace’s mouth kept moving, but Dodie heard nothing past the roaring in her ears. Then the room spun around and she clutched Jace’s hands to keep her balance.

  Only one word resounded in her mind.

  No.

  “Dodie. Are you okay?” Jace eased her back into a chair. “You look white as a sheet. What’s wrong?” He held her hands even more tightly, his frown showing his concern.

  “You’re helping Carson MacGregor defend a rapist?”

  “Alleged, Dodie. You know yourself that a man is innocent until proven guilty.”

  “You can’t do this.”

  “What are you saying?” he asked.

  “You have to call him back. Tell him you can’t do this. It’s impossible. You can’t work with Carson like that.” Dodie clamped her lips together, ice slipping through her veins.

  “What’s going on, Dodie? What are you talking about?”

  She couldn’t breathe anymore.

  She closed her eyes, dredging up the anger that had sustained her so many times during the past six years.

  Since her own rape.

  “Is this about me going back to Edmonton? You knew that was going to happen. I thought you were okay with that.” He paused for a long moment and then locked eyes with her. “I thought you might consider moving back with me. You had talked about going back to finish your counseling courses—”

  Dodie’s heart pounded while Jace spoke. She laid the quilt down with deliberate movements as she tried to plan her next move.

  Jace was so obviously proud that he’d gotten on this case.

  She slowly chose her next words. “If you take this case, then I can’t be with you.”

  “What? You can’t be serious. This is what criminal law is all about. You know that.”

  Dodie was surprised she could keep her voice so steady even as the blood rushed through her head, making everything inside of her a whirling mass of fear. She swallowed as she walked toward the door on unsteady feet.

  But Jace stood in front of her and he wasn’t moving. “You would really walk away from me because of this case?”

  “Please, let me get out of here.”

  Jace dragged his hand over his face, as if trying to arrange his thoughts. And while he was distracted, Dodie yanked the door open, intent on only one thing. Escape. She couldn’t breathe.

  I just need to get away, she told herself. To think. To recoup.

  “Dodie. Come back here,” Jace called out from behind her. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

  I’m such a fool, she thought. I knew Jace worked for Carson. How in the world did I think I could keep our worlds separate?

  “Just leave me alone, Jace. I need to be alone.”

  She burst out of Jace’s office and into the street. The sun still shone, she thought with a measure of surprise as she strode down the sidewalk. She didn’t even glance back to see if Jace was following her. She had one focus.

  Get home. Get safe.

  “Where is Dodie?” Helen asked on Friday as she held the door open to let Jace into the warmth of her home.

  Jace wa
nted to cover for Dodie’s absence and make up some excuse. But the reality was he had been doing a slow burn for the past couple of days.

  He had stayed away from Janie’s coffee shop yesterday. There was no way he was going to look like he was chasing her down.

  And then, this evening at the hall, when the chairman of the fundraiser called the meeting to order and Dodie still hadn’t shown up, Jace had gotten really angry.

  She hadn’t been bluffing. She was staying away from him over a case that had the potential to change his career. To get him everything he wanted even sooner than he had expected.

  “I was looking forward to seeing her again,” Helen said, her voice full of regret as they walked to the living room. “She’s an interesting person.”

  Jace pulled his thoughts to the present. “Dodie goes her own way,” he said, unable to keep the resentful tone out of his voice.

  He felt like he was dealing with a myriad of emotions. Anger that he’d been shut out of her life again and confusion as to why.

  She knew he was going back to Edmonton. Knew that his goal was to work his way up in Carson’s law firm. Why was she so upset that he was following through on this? Did she think he was going to stay around in Riverbend, stuck in the same town his parents had been? The town that didn’t hold many good memories for him?

  But even as he formulated the thought, he remembered some of the comments people had made about his father. How respected he was in the community. How, in spite of his disability, he was involved in many functions and events.

  He didn’t remember any of that. All he could remember was the lack of money. His mother’s dissatisfaction.

  Helen sank down into her chair, leaning back, her arms wrapped around her midsection. “Paul said she was a bit of a free spirit.”

  Free spirit is maybe putting it more kindly than I would have, Jace thought, as he sat down across from Helen. But then, he had known Dodie as someone who could be depended on. Someone who stuck things out until the end.

  He glanced around the room. “Paul isn’t here, either?”

  “He’s out feeding the chickens and goats and getting inspiration for the next song he wants to write. He’ll join us soon.”

  Jace pulled a notebook out of the briefcase he had brought with him and leaned back in his chair. “Paul said you wanted to go over the set list for the fundraiser.”

  Helen cocked her head to one side, her hair falling away from her face, revealing the lines around her mouth, the fan of wrinkles bracketing her eyes. “I take it you don’t want to talk about Dodie anymore.”

  Jace wasn’t sure how to respond to this direct comment so he simply shook his head. “Preferably not.”

  “I’m being forward because I sensed, the last time you two were here, that something was going on between you. In fact, I was quite sure you were dating, but Paul said it wasn’t so.”

  Jace wasn’t sure what to do with this direction of the conversation. Wasn’t sure how much to say, but his frustration had worn away his usual guard. “Dodie and I had dated at one time,” he admitted. “But that was many years ago.”

  “What happened?”

  Jace blew out his breath as he tapped his pen on the notebook. Then he looked up at Helen. “I don’t know. She never told me.”

  Helen rocked back and forth in her chair, her eyes focused in the distance. “Have you asked?”

  “Many times.” He pressed his lips together. His emotions were getting the better of him.

  “How long were you two dating?”

  “It started in high school. We went to prom together.”

  “High school sweethearts,” Helen said with a gentle smile. “What came after high school?”

  “College, then law school. We grew more and more serious. In fact, I had been saving up for an engagement ring.”

  “Why did you break up?”

  Jace leaned back and crossed his arms, his mind sifting back in time. “We didn’t. We’d been working together for the man I’m working for now. We were doing a summer internship at Carson’s law office. One night she was working late and the next day, when we were supposed to meet each other, she didn’t show.” Jace stopped there. Helen didn’t need a complete rundown of his and Dodie’s love life. Or lack thereof.

  “And…” Helen prompted.

  Jace held her steady gaze and shook his head. “Why do you care?”

  Helen’s eyes slipped away as she looked past him, but Jace sensed she was looking beyond this space and time.

  “Because I see in her eyes a deep and aching pain. A pain that I know all too well.”

  Her words gave him a chill and for a moment, he couldn’t say anything.

  “Why do you say that?”

  Helen waited a moment then turned to him. “I don’t want to presume to sound as if I know more than you do about someone you know better than me.” She let a faint smile tease her lips. “But when I talked to her, after you and Paul left, I got a strong sense that she and I have traveled the same path.”

  “How can you say that? Her parents were well off. She had everything. A good life, faith. She never had to scrimp and scrape like you did. Like I did.”

  “Like you did…?” she prompted.

  “My parents never had a lot of money. We were always scrambling to pay even the smallest bills. My sister and I have been hungry, and I’ve faced ridicule because of the place I lived, my secondhand clothes.” He stopped, surprised at what he was telling this woman, a virtual stranger.

  “‘My first shoes were worn by you first…’” Helen smiled as she quoted a line from one of the songs she wrote. “I know what you’re talking about. Public humiliation, especially in front of your peers, is a difficult thing to face.” A shadow crossed her face. “But Dodie’s pain comes from a far deeper place. A place that can’t be fixed in spite of how well off you’ve perceived her family to be.”

  “But where is this place? What caused this pain? She won’t tell me anything. All I know is that all those years ago she suddenly left town, left me.” Jace leaned forward. “Now she’s doing it again. She’s shutting me out and not telling me why. She’s not answering her phone, not calling me.”

  Helen sat back, watching him. Jace held her gaze, as if hoping for some words of wisdom from her. Anything that would help him to get through to Dodie.

  “You still care for her, don’t you?”

  Jace sighed, shaking his head, as if ashamed of his own stupidity. “Yes. Fool that I am…still do.”

  “Not a fool, Jace. Never a fool for caring for somebody. Because I think she cares for you, too. She just doesn’t know what to do with it.”

  “How do you know all this?”

  “Like I said, I sensed a kindred spirit when I talked to her. A kindred sorrow. And I know that the way Paul got to me was to keep caring. To put away his own pride and let his affection wear away my resistance and mistrust of men.” Helen stopped, then gave him a careful smile. “I could go on and on, but I’m guessing you are a man with other things on his mind, so let’s talk about the other reason you came here.”

  She leaned back in her chair. “I’ll need to make a trip to the venue and do a sound check. I like to have my ducks in a row before I perform….”

  Jace was thankful for the switch of topics, but Helen had given him much to think about.

  Later, he thought, putting the information aside. He couldn’t assimilate it all now. He had to think about this later.

  “We’ve had a problem with our speaker,” Jace said, handing her a temporary agenda. “We’re not sure how we’re going to fill that space, and the only way this will affect you is that you might be singing sooner in the program.”

  Helen skimmed over the program. “You’ll actually have quite a full evening with the live and silent auctions and me singing, so it might not be so bad not to have the speaker.” She tapped her finger on her cheek, as if thinking. “If you want, I could add a few more songs. I know something that had always gone over
well in my concerts was when I explained, to the audience, how some of the songs came about.”

  Jace hardly dared to believe she would be willing to do that. To him, it was enough that she was singing. Now this?

  “If you don’t mind—”

  “I wouldn’t offer if I minded. I’m glad to help out. This is a good cause and I’m now part of the community.” She gave him a wistful smile. “I haven’t been a part of community for a long time and I think it’s important to help where you can.”

  “So you think community is important.”

  She looked him in the eye. “Very important. You and Dodie are very fortunate to have been born and raised here. To have history and continuity. And I’m very thankful Paul brought me here. To this town.” She glanced at the clock and got up. “Paul will be in soon. Would you like to stay and have some tea with us?”

  Jace nodded and, as Helen bustled about the kitchen, he thought of her comments.

  He had spent a lot of time and energy trying to get away from the very place she seemed quite content to settle in. The first time he’d been here, he focused on his work, on moving on. He had virtually no social life.

  Now, thanks to being involved in the fundraiser, he’d seen parts of his parents’ lives through other people’s eyes and from a different vantage point. They were well respected in spite of their lack of money. They were involved in the town and people remembered them.

  He thought about Dodie’s veiled comments about him being ashamed of the community he was born and raised in. It wasn’t the community—it was his parents.

  And it turned out he had nothing to be ashamed of.

  He glanced over at Helen, thinking once again what she said.

  Dodie was a kindred spirit and they shared a kindred sorrow.

  But what sorrow could that be?

  He did know one thing, though. This time he wasn’t going to try to phone her. He was going to go to her apartment and confront her.

  And he wasn’t going to leave until he got answers to all his questions.

  Chapter Ten