Becoming A Butterfly

by Mia Castile

  Pleased, she nodded. “I do.”

  “So I was thinking about tomorrow,” I continued. “We need to figure out a way to send whatever is going on with you and Chase to the next level.”

  “What’s going on with Chase and me?” she asked, confused but curious. My face began to get hot.

  “You guys were flirting the other day. Tasha back me up.” She didn’t; she only stared at me, equally confused.

  “When did we flirt?” Her eyes darted to the right as she genuinely tried to remember.

  “At lunch, when you were giving me a hard time about leading Henry on,” I said, trying to jog her memory.

  “He wasn’t flirting with me.” She scowled at me.

  “He was.”

  “No, he was just being nice to me; that’s not flirting. We seriously need to get you a boyfriend.” Now my face was full on red.

  “He doesn’t do that with me, so I assumed he was flirting—you were flirting too; do you like him?” I asked, the confused one now.

  “He doesn’t do that with you because he enjoys your reactions; anyone can tell. And I definitely don’t like him like that. He’s blackmailing me, too. I’m not sure if I like him like anything. Which, I don’t understand why all of a sudden you’re worried about his happiness.” Jade stared at me hard

  “He’s different. I don’t know. I understand him I guess is all.” I picked up the empty wrappers and took them to the kitchen to throw them away. “Tomorrow we’re done with that. He told me he’d keep his mouth shut.” Jade and Tasha adjusted on the couch so they could still see me, my attempt at diversion completely faltered. I returned and filled them in on my conversations, feeling that we were rebuilding the threads that had begun to unravel over the past few weeks.

  Chapter 19

  Saturday morning, Tasha’s dad picked her up early, and Jade and I packed for the day. We packed a carry-on size suitcase of all the necessities I would need and made sure we had all of her extra lenses and batteries. I was in a comfy sweat suit and wore my glasses with my hair pulled up in a messy bun on the top of my head; of course, my hair was already trying to escape. Chase pulled up, and Jade and I carried our things from the front porch. He got out and unlocked the trunk immediately to begin to making room. Then he stood at the back of his car with me, neither of us saying anything. His eyes held mine in a truth serum gaze.

  “Are we ready?” Jade asked, snapping him out of his trance.

  “Yeah,” he said as he took the bags from me. I climbed into the back seat—not giving that option to Jade. They got into the front, and we were on our way. Jade and Chase bantered about the radio station. I think they were still flirting, but I had a feeling Jade would deny it. I stared out the window, watching the scenery. I suddenly felt tired. I leaned my head against the cool glass. This was the final task I owed him, and a small part of me feared that he would abandon me. That terrified me. I looked forward, and our eyes met in the rearview mirror. The emotions flashed so fast I almost missed them. He felt the same way about me.

  “So where are we going to meet the band?”

  “Evan’s house, Lacey can change there.” I was nervous. I never did well in crowds, especially crowds of hip scene kids who ate nerds for breakfast. I took deep breaths and closed my eyes.

  We arrived two hours later. I trailed Chase and Jade, dragging my suitcase behind me. A boy with a shaved Mohawk that stood six inches off his head answered the door.

  “E, my man!” Chase cried as he grabbed his hand and did a chest bump hug, back clap thing.

  “Who is this?” Evan asked. As he surveyed Jade, she gave him a flirty smile. OH, that was how she flirted, completely, blatantly obviously. OK, I get it now.

  “This is Jade, our photographer. This,” he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me in front of him, “is Lacey, or Farrah, as we all know and love her.” He draped his arm around my shoulder, but my nerves didn’t subside. Evan led us into his house and showed me to the bathroom, but when we passed the living room, I saw three other guys lounging. One had blond, streaked hair with jagged bangs. He wore black skinny pants, and a black sleeveless shirt, and he had chains looping from his belt-loops. The other two looked like they could have been Chase’s brothers, same messy hair, same uniform—ripped jeans and T-shirts although theirs had colors and graphics on them. Chase put his hand on the small of my back and pointed with his other.

  “Alvin, Simon, and Theodore,” he said pointing to each one. They waved.

  “No way,” I said, turning to face him with eyes the sizes of saucers.

  “No,” he smiled. “AJ, Stain, and Thax.” I nodded, embarrassed for believing him. I went to the bathroom and changed into a short, thin, cream dress with small navy flowers. I smiled, knowing Chase would be pleased that I picked the dress he’d chosen for me. I put in the contacts, did my makeup, and put the wig on. I’d transformed myself again. I tied a scarlet scarf around my wrist and put the dangly bracelets on the other. Finally, I put on a lavender, cap-sleeved shrug that wrapped around me and tied it into a bow, giving me an empire waistline. I slipped my feet into ballet slippers and exited the bathroom. The hum of conversation in the living room stilled as everyone turned to look at me.

  “Wow, she really looks like another person,” Evan said without thinking. Then he looked apologetic at Chase, who scowled.

  “Are we ready?” Chase stood and wiped his hands on the front of his pants. Jade smiled at me and rose too.

  “Yep,” she said.

  We caravanned to the town center. Then Jade took out her equipment, her stand, and her camera bag. She began snapping pictures as Evan carried her stuff. We went to the fountain at the center of town.

  “OK, guys, sit there, and just act casual,” Jade said, evaluating the scene, sun, and finally her camera. I stood behind her as the guys sat in a line. She walked around them snapping photos. She got down on the ground to take a picture of their Cons all lined in a row. She took a picture of Evan putting Thax in a headlock, then of AJ falling into the fountain, and Chase walking along the rim like it was a balance beam. She shoved me toward them and I sat down between Chase and Evan. I put on her big round sunglasses and smiled cheesily. She laughed, and I relaxed more and took them off.

  “Just act natural,” she said, more to me than anyone else. So I looked over to the left and then back at her and gave her a real smile as I felt Chase’s arm go around my waist. I leaned into him a little, and he chuckled.

  Then we went to a park and played on the swings. The guys slid down the slides as Jade and I laughed at them. We walked down a trail through the woods as Jade snapped pictures in front of us. She got a picture of Chase and Evan walking down the path while we held hands. Finally, the sun had disappeared behind the horizon, and Jade said she thought she had plenty of pictures. We went back to the cars, and I was ready to go home.

  “Are you going to Harrison’s party with us?” Stain asked Chase as he leaned against his car.

  “We’ve got a long drive,” Chase said with his eye on me.

  “It’s going to be good,” Stain taunted. “Emily will probably be there.” I adjusted on my feet uncomfortably and searched for Jade, suddenly desperate not to be a part of this conversation. Chase didn’t say anything as Jade came around the car and dropped Evan’s hand. I realized we had to stay—for her.

  “We can at least make an appearance,” I said. Stain grinned with satisfaction, and Jade glowed.

  “Whatever,” Chase said as he stood up straight, got his keys from his front pocket, and circled the car.

  Jade backed away from us toward Evan and threw up her thumb as she said, “I’m going to ride with—” I waved her off and went to sit in the back seat, but A.J. was already sliding in, so I got into the front seat. I rode in silence as A.J. and Chase conversed over the band plans. Now that they had their site, music, and soon their pictures, they could launch on iTunes within the week.

  “Lacey and I will launch it this week.” Chase gave me a lops
ided grin.

  “I’ll even get some sparkling grape juice so we can celebrate,” I joked.

  “Maybe we can all come up and do it together,” A.J. offered.

  We arrived at a bungalow within a few short minutes, meeting the rest of the band just outside the stoop. You could hear voices and music, but it wasn’t the rager that I had imagined Chase attended. I was surprised that he had such a strong knit of friends, and I thought it was really cool. Only a handful of kids were standing around talking with red cups in their hands when we entered. They all watched us, though, and I was super self-conscious. This was when I would trip, fall, or show my panties in most situations. Chase put his calloused hand gently at my elbow to guide me through the obstacles and steer me toward the kitchen. He nodded hi to people who talked to him as we passed. Jade had disappeared. He got me a soda, and I stood, (while he leaned) against the counter and looked around. There were more kids in here, but he seemed to be searching for someone.

  “Come on,” he said as he put his hand at the small of my back and guided me once more toward a door. He opened it, and we walked down the stairs to the basement. Jade was in the corner talking with Evan, her camera still hanging around her neck, while other kids stood around.

  “Is there someone in particular that we are looking for?” I asked, tucking the corners of my mouth in to keep from smiling.

  “No,” he said protested.

  “Emily?” I asked. I could feel my eye twitching as I tried to contain myself.

  “No,” he answered shortly.

  “Do you love her? And want to marry her? And have lots of babies?” I sang like Sandra Bullock from Miss Congeniality, giggling and unable to keep the gleam out of my eyes. At first I thought he was mad, but then he grabbed me at the waist, lifted me like I was a piece of paper, and threw me over his shoulder as he laughed. I squealed and cackled throwing a snort in for good measure.

  “You’re in for it now,” he roared as he flipped me over the couch and I bounced to the floor. I jumped up and ran around the couch, kids moving out of my way as I bumped into tables to make my escape. He was on my heels as I stomped up the stairs—still laughing—and flew out the back door. I was rounding the corner of the house when he reached me and grabbed my arm. He pulled me backward, and I slammed into the siding of the house. He lost his balance and fell against me. I was out of breath and laughing. He steadied himself by placing his hands on either side of my head. His smile, laughter, and breathing matched mine, and his eyes danced. I’d never seen him like this; I loved seeing him like this.

  “I give, I give,” I breathed, as tears streamed down my face. His smiling face hovered close to mine, and his laughing expression softened; he gently traced the tear line that slid down my cheek. Then his eyes got that distant look. It was always that damn distance, that wall he put up to keep me out.

  “Why are you like this?” he whispered, leaning in closer to me.

  “Like what?” I asked, searching his eyes, his lips so close I could feel his breath on mine.

  “Like, how you are?” My skin goose bumped as I felt his jeans pressed against my legs. I suddenly noticed everything about him all at once. The little flat place on the bridge of his nose from when it must have been broken once, the golden flecks that were only in his right eye, his smooth skin, another scar above his eyebrow, the fact that seconds ago he was relaxed, but now every muscle in his body was tense and coiled, causing his defined muscles to line his shirt. Static generated off his skin and made mine hum. My heart pounded as I realized I might let him kiss me if he tried.

  “How am I?” I whispered, barely able to catch a decent breath as I put my hands against the siding to steady myself. He slowly leaned away from me and stepped backward, jaw set, lips pursed, before he turned and walked away. “How am I?” I called after him. A couple of kids walked past me and looked at me strangely as I tried to collect myself, but he was gone, and I was confused.

  Jade found me thirty minutes later sitting on the steps of the back porch, zoning out. Nothing in my life made sense anymore, and I didn’t know how to fix it. Sure I had my plan, but as time passed, I was losing my confidence in it.

  “Chase is ready to go home.” She sat beside me and surveyed my expression. I didn’t say anything. “What happened between you two? One minute you’re laughing together, and the next you’re MIA and he’s snapping at everyone.” I just looked at her. “Something DID happen, didn’t it?” I stood and walked around the house to the car, leaving her with her questions.

  Chapter 20

  I decided to have a mindless, useless day before I would be returning to school and rounding out my weekend. I put on my skimpy black bikini, the bikini that gave me the fewest, thinnest tan lines, but the one that I would NEVER let anyone see me in. I tried not to think about the awkwardly silent drive home the night before. I tried not to think about the last thing Chase said to me, and though he dropped Jade off first, he still didn’t speak to me until he pulled up in front of my house, and then his only words were, “I’ll see you Monday.” His jaw was set, eyes steely forward. I only nodded and got my things. I spent the warm seventy-eight degree Sunday SPF’ed up and lying by the pool. My parents were scarce, and Lana was watching a That Seventies Show marathon on TeenNick in the great room. I tried to get her to join me, but she piled up under a blanket on the couch. I was worried about her; she hadn’t talked to me anymore since the day we’d skipped school. I just added it to the growing list of things I couldn’t fix right now but needed to address soon.

  “She still hasn’t called you?” I heard a voice that sounded like Byron from over the privacy fence that divided mine from Henry’s back yard.

  “No, I’m afraid she found out and is mad at me now,” Henry said.

  “I don’t even know what you were thinking. Dude seriously, Lacey-Bracey?” Groaning internally, I buried my face in the lounge cushion.

  “Don’t call her that!”

  “Something’s wrong with you.”

  “I’m just confused is all. Why can’t we be friends?”

  “Because she’s a loser. Just because the past few weeks she finally looks normal, doesn’t mean that she is. Farrah is Hot, and popular, and if you blow it with her, you’re a bigger dumbass than I tell everyone you already are.”

  “I deserve to be happy,” Henry said defiantly.

  “With Farrah,” Byron countered.

  “So what are you saying, really?”

  “I wasn’t clear? You hook up with Lacey, no friends. I won’t be seen with someone who associates with that.” I faced the fence wishing I had x-ray vision to go along the telepathy I lacked.

  “Whatever, ma—.” Then I heard someone clear his throat—from behind me—it wasn’t a member of my family either; it was Chase. Henry stopped talking mid-sentence and everything stilled. I cringed for three obvious reasons. 1. Henry must have heard Chase and knew someone was in my back yard. I imagined him and Byron suddenly communicating using military hand gestures and a form of sign language. 2. Chase was standing over my backside with me in this swimsuit. 3. It was only a matter of minutes before Henry realized I’d been here the whole time. I wanted to disappear under my lounger, under the deck, under the ground, and come up in China. I turned my face to Chase, remaining on my stomach. I’d rather he see my back than my front.

  “I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I brought you a coffee.” He had two coffees in his hands. He looked preppy casual in his khaki cargo shorts, and white tank, with sunglasses on his head. He set the coffee on the table and sat in another lounger sideways, still facing me.

  “We’re doing a lot of that lately, aren’t we?” I said calmly. He nodded. I heard a door slide open and closed next door. Chase did too because a smirk spread across his face.