Becoming A Butterfly

by Mia Castile

  “You were eavesdropping. Lacey, Lacey, when will you learn your lesson?” I frowned, and he gestured to my coffee. “Anyway, that’s why I came over, to offer a peace offering. It’s been awhile since I’ve just been friends with a girl, so it’s taking some getting used to.” He looked down at his vans.

  “Thanks for the apology and coffee, but in MY defense, I was out here first laying out.”

  “When are you guys opening your pool? I’m dying to go swimming.” He looked up toward the second floor of Henry’s house; then he looked at me again.

  “Memorial Day weekend. You know you can come over whenever,” I said putting my face down. I didn’t want to know what that was about. I heard him shuffle around before settling in, leaning back, and propping his feet up.

  “You’re getting pink.” I held out my arm and looked at the back of it; he was right. I’d been in this position twenty minutes before Henry and Byron had come out. I needed to turn. I adjusted myself to make sure Chase didn’t see my boobs before I took a deep breath and turned over. As I did I caught a glimpse of Henry and Byron in a second story window peeking out at us. Gawd, boys were so stupid! I looked at Chase. He had taken off his tank top and had his glasses down over his eyes. I grabbed my lotion and tossed it at him. It surprised him by landing on his stomach, and he jumped. I couldn’t help laughing. He applied his lotion and offered to help me when I started applying it to myself. I declined his offer.

  My favorite place to study in free period is the library. I was going over my history flashcards when Henry sat down across from me. I didn’t look up immediately, but I felt his eyes on me. When I finished my fact, I looked up at him. He was leaning across the table at me conspiratorially. Either he wanted something, or he was about to share a secret with me. I raised my eyebrow, and smiled, trying to tell him to share his information.

  “You’re not going to believe what I just heard.” My interest piqued, I only looked at him. “Get this. Bryce just told me,” he grimaced, “that Chase and Farrah used to date in Columbus. You don’t believe that, do you?” All the color drained from my face.

  “No, I definitely don’t believe that.”

  “That’s weird though, right, considering everything?” Feeling really bad that I had forgotten to address the whole almost kiss, I had sent Henry an email telling him that I, as Farrah, understood that sometimes things happen, and that I, as Lacey, had promised me (yes, I’m confused too) that it meant nothing. He still explained his side and apologized profusely, but I assured him we were OK.

  “Yeah, I guess. I’ll ask her about it, but he’s NOT her type. I promise, Henry, she only likes you,” I said encouragingly.

  “Why don’t you just ask Chase? I mean, you should know who you’re involved with.” His eyes lingered on mine.

  “Yeah, I could,” I said, knowing I didn’t need to. “Wait, what?”

  “Huh?”

  “You said I should know who I’m involved with?”

  “Yeah, since you guys are dating, or whatever.”

  “We’re not dating!” I shrieked, earning a “shhh” from the media specialist.

  “Talking, whatever, you guys are together.” Henry waved his hand like it didn’t matter.

  “Chase isn’t my type or Farrah’s. We’re just friends.” Now he rolled his eyes at me.

  “OK,” he said, disbelieving.

  “I’ll talk to them and get to the bottom of it for you,” I said, frustrated.

  “You’re a good friend, Lacey.” He was oblivious to my tone. I simply nodded and went back to my work. He opened his book and began to study.

  When I made it home and logged into Farrah’s Status Quo account, I found Farrah was tagged in a new album. Sure enough, there on Cates Ashes’ band page were the pictures Jade had taken of the band. They were good, and she had actually made them look interesting. Then there were a few she had snuck of Chase and me as Farrah—one with his arm draped around me on the fountain at the town square, one where he was looking at me but I was looking away, and finally one from when he picked me up and threw me on the couch. In the last one, our expressions were relaxed, and we were laughing and enjoying ourselves. “What did you do, Jade?” I whispered. I printed them out, grabbed my keys, and ran down the stairs. I got into my car and drove over to his dad’s garage. With every mile, my anger grew. I was sure Jade had only sent him those pictures. He had posted them, and by tagging me, he broadcasted to everyone who saw my page that we had been together at some point in our past. I walked in through the raised garage door and stood by the car he was hiding under. I didn’t say anything; I just tapped my foot and waited for him to crawl out from under it.

  “Hand me that wrench?” So he knew I was there. For a second I contemplated making him get it himself, but I decided against it and squatted to hand him the wrench. He scooted out and grabbed it with his blackened hand, his eyes on me hard for a moment before he went back to what he had been doing.

  “What brings you to this neck of the woods?” he asked in that old movie language of his.

  “These.” I reached into my shoulder bag and produced the photos. He slid out from under the car again and sat up. He surveyed me again, slowly, with his dirt-streaked face, which made him look older than me by ages and made me self-conscious. “What?” I demanded, as I towered over him.

  “Did you see them?” he asked excitedly as he smeared his hands on a rag from his jumpsuit, took the pictures, and smiled. When he got to the one of me looking away, he held it up to me. “This is going to be our album cover.”

  “Not likely,” I said as I snatched it away from him.

  “Why not?”

  “Are you telling people that we used to date?” I asked, ignoring his question.

  “No.” He leaned against the car. Even sitting down the boy could lean.

  “Good. Henry was worried,” I sighed, relaxing a bit as I slid down beside him. He breathed through his nose flaring his nostrils.

  “I did tell Byron that I used to date Farrah though. He was interested in learning how we broke up.”

  “But you just said—”

  “I said I didn’t tell people I used to date you. Come on, add a little more intrigue to Farrah. Now she has this past lover, and he goes to the same school as the boy she likes.”

  “You were NEVER Farrah’s lover,” I insisted.

  “You say tomato, I say to-ma-toe.”

  “Repeat after me: ‘we were never lovers,’” I growled.

  “Fine. We were never lovers, but we did round second.”

  “Shut-up!” Knowing he was teasing me now, I shoved him. He laughed and took the pictures from me.

  “These are really good though, right?” he asked studying them seriously. I leaned in to look at them again.

  “Yeah, who knew I was photogenic?” I laughed.

  “Who knew?” He met my eyes, but quickly returned to the pictures.

  “So,” I began slowly. “The album cover? Really?” He was still staring at the picture of us.

  “Really.”

  Chapter 21

  Nervous energy saturated Chase and me on Tuesday. His band mates had decided to come up that evening to have an impromptu launch party. I tried to focus on teachers and school work to ensure that the day would progress at a sensible speed. That would be logical, but instead I found my toes tapping impatiently while I thumped my pencil against my desk in every class and annoyed everyone around me.

  Let’s skip the rest of today, I’m useless, he texted me in history class. I shook my head unconsciously.

  Three more classes. It will make freedom even sweeter.

  Jade and Tasha are coming, right?

  Yeah, can I bring Lana too? I’d felt like a bad sister since Sunday, so I was going to drag her with me kicking and screaming if I had to. I doubted that I would have to, especially if Chase were there. I looked over at him sitting across the room from me. He looked good in a tan. Did I just admit that? I blushed and looked away.
/>   Bring Lana. She seemed down Sunday.

  Cool.

  The bell rang and we went to gym together, laughing and joking the whole way. When the day was finally over, my friends and I went to my house to find my sister. She was lying on the couch again watching re-runs.

  Standing over her, I ordered, “Get up, go get changed.”

  “Why?” she asked, not taking her eyes off the TV.

  “We’re going to Chase’s house.”

  “Why?” she asked again, but this time her interest was piqued.

  “You’re going to meet the band, and we’re celebrating their launch on iTunes.” She didn’t respond and just rose slowly, and ascended to her room. She emerged ten minutes later in jeans and an over-the-head hoodie that looked like it was my dad’s ten years ago. I didn’t want to make her feel bad, but I honestly expected something cute, something that said “Lana,” but this wasn’t it. Jade and Tasha led the way out the front door, and I grabbed Lana’s sleeve.

  “Are you OK?” I whispered.

  “Yeah,” she said, pulling away from me. I didn’t believe her, but short of pulling the hoodie over her head to check her skin, I was at a loss for what to do. I let go of her and trailed my friends. I expected just to see Chase’s car when I pulled into his personal drive, but there were two vehicles there—the beat-up van and a Nissan Sentra. I parked behind Chase’s car, and we went into his basement without knocking. We heard the roar of chatter coming from his room. I led the way, and we found the guys all over the place, in chairs, lounging on his bed, and on the floor.

  “We’re loading.” Evan smiled directly at Jade as he announced their progress.

  “Congratulations, guys.” Jade smiled at him.

  “Did you see the digital book Stain put together with the pictures you took?” A.J interjected as he motioned Chase to show it. He did. The first image was the one he said was going to be the cover. A scripted font in an oval across the top read, “Bittersweet Disaster” and “Cate’s Ashes.” He clicked to the next image of the band walking down the trail in the woods, and it had acknowledgements. “Read them,” A.J. added, as we squinted to see what it said. Chase cut his eyes to him but began to read.

  “First and foremost, we would like to thank God for our talents. Second, we’d like to honor Mike Livingston for letting us bang on our drums into the long nights to record this LP. There are a few people without whom this wouldn’t be possible: Jade Simpson photography for spending the day with us and making us look better than we really do, Lacey Baxter, the girl in the cool glasses with madd mixing skills and coding genius, for our website. Without all of you, we’d call the garage home with no intent to move out. Thank you–Chase, A.j., Thax, Evan, Stain,.” He didn’t turn around, and I blushed. The next image was of the five of them standing in a V-formation with the fountain off-center from them. Jade had made the sky a bright blue that looked unnatural, and totally cool. The songs were listed with the lyrics in order by three columns. The next image was of Chase throwing me over the couch, with more lyrics. The final image was a black and white of Evan driving his van; Jade must have taken that on the way to that party. I was amazed at how professional it looked.

  “How did you do that?” Lana asked from behind everyone, her eyes wide.

  “I got skills,” Stain said proudly. “I had the lyrics and everything ready; we were just waiting on the photos.” Evan rose and went to the kitchenette.

  “That is really cool,” Lana added. Stain smiled at her. Evan called our attention to the kitchenette. There he had poured wine and what looked like some sparkling grape juice into a stack of red cups. I opted for the grape juice since I was driving for obvious reasons and because I had never drunk before. Lana joined me while Jade and Tasha and the rest of the guys took wine, except for Chase. After a few hours of celebrating, the wine was going to everyone’s heads. They laughed and joked, hanging on each other. Evan convinced Jade, Tasha, Lana, and me to join the rest of the band and record the sunshine song with them, leaving Chase to watch the songs upload. After a few takes and the realization that I’d never have a recording career, I wandered out of the recording studio. No one noticed at all. I found Chase standing at the edge of his patio watching the sun chase the horizon. I snuck up behind him and crossed my arms.

  “No wine for you tonight?” I asked, surveying his bottled coffee.

  “I’m an alcoholic, two years sober.” He didn’t turn toward me.

  “Wow, so you were an alcoholic when you were like . . .,” I said, doing math in my head,

  “Too young to be an alcoholic,” he finished for me.

  “What happened?” I sat on the loveseat of an elegant patio couch set. He looked at me and took a deep breath.

  “After my parents split up, my mom went over the deep end. She didn’t really care what I did, and she spent so much time wasted and out of it, she didn’t notice things like her missing cigarettes, liquor, or coke,” he said, avoiding my eye contact. I had no idea that he had used drugs before. “My dad found out after about six months and threw us both into rehab. I stayed a few months longer than she did, and when I came out, she was dating Ted the chiropractor. He’s not been very good for much, but she’s stayed clean since then.” He looked into my questioning eyes. “I have too. I don’t ever want to be that person again.” He sat beside me, and I put my hand on his. He looked like he wanted to say something. I wanted to say something, but my mind didn’t seem to work. I couldn’t find the words, so I sat there holding his hand. If nothing else, I hoped he understood that I wasn’t going to abandon his friendship. Everyone makes mistakes, and I knew enough about him to know he was stronger than any addiction. Lana appeared in the doorway with Jade scowling right behind her.

  “Chase, do you want me to get you another drink?” Lana smiled hopefully at him, clearing the doorway and allowing everyone to filter outside to us.

  “I’m OK, Short Stuff.” He let go of my hand, grabbed her around the waist, and pulled her down in his lap. She let out a deep, contented breath. He hugged her and let her stand again. A.J. and Thax started a fire in the outdoor fireplace while we sat around just watching the night take over the sky as the yellow and orange ambers crackled. Everyone seemed to sober up and my curfew approached, so I took my friends home. Jade sat silently in the backseat glaring at me with her arms crossed. I didn’t even want to know what I had done to piss her off now, but it was exhausting to worry about it. Lana and I crashed in my double bed after we changed into pajamas, falling fast asleep until my alarm woke us up the next morning.

  Chapter 22

  I was officially living a double life. Over the next few days I found myself toggling between my Google app texting Henry as Farrah and my regular phone as Lacey. Apparently Byron’s warning hadn’t influenced him, or maybe they had come to some sort of compromise. I didn’t want to ask because the elephant between us was that I heard their conversation on Sunday. My happiness was lived only on the inside. Jade and Tasha were playing their distance game that had seemed to become the new normal. I missed them and wanted to force them to talk to me. I had a feeling that it would be the same conversation over and over. I felt guilty for the relief that simmered because school would be over soon, and I wouldn’t have to see them every single day. The weight their distance bore down on me made it hard to breathe sometimes when I thought about dealing with it, dealing with Jade.

  “There’s a dress code at Stacey’s party.” Derrick Chandler sidled up beside me as I made my way to the lunch room on Thursday.

  “Really, what is that?” I asked, keeping a vigilant eye for any of my friends. At this point I would consider Byron a friend if it meant escaping Derrick.