Beautiful to Me.

by G. V. Steitz

  “Turns out, when I came back, we reunited our friendship, and he confessed that I was the one who convinced him he was gay.” She said, making me jerk my head up at her grinning face. She shrugged her shoulders. Craig’s boy friend is John. They live near Ava and me, and she thinks of both of them as her Uncle’s. They are noth her GodFathers.” Ivy tells me.

  I am in shock. “What?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She nodded.

  Craig was the one who bought the tickets for us three to come see you today. When I hugged him good bye before leaving with you, he ah…” Ivy began laughing. “He begged me to make sure I told you he was gay because he thought you might of broken something when you first shook his hand.” She kept laughing.

  I couldn’t help but laugh at her confession as well. I finally relaxed a bit after our few minute laughter died down.

  “So if, you don’t mind me asking… Is ah… Is Ava’s dad in the picture?” I worried she might have a relationship with who ever the lucky bastard was.

  Ivy, looked down at her mug. Her lips twitching back and forth, worrying to say something I thought.

  “No after he and I made love, I never told him. Actually I didn’t know for a few months after I had left him. I had only been back to Texas a short while. I wasn’t ready to really get involved with anyone after what happened with us.” Ivy shrugged her shoulder explaining more than she needed to, although I was relieved that the guy wasn’t in their lives.

  “So after I found out I was pregnant with Ava, I never got involved again with anyone. My priority had became taking care of the only person I loved more than you. I didn’t really have time to play around, nor did I really want to. Ava was a complete surprise and an unexpected gift I will never regret having.” She defiantly admitted without any waiver.

  “I can completely understand Ivy. I admire your strength to have gone through all of that. You should have at the very least made the bastard pay child support. I imagine it had not been easy for you.” I told her, feeling bad she had gone through that alone.

  Ivy stared at me with determination. “I never would of done that. I didn’t want his money Dominic. Besides, he was off busy making a life for himself. I wasn’t about to stand in his way, weighing him down with a child he didn’t plan on having with me. I might have been selfish in keeping her away from her father, but I will say I did it with the best intentions.” She firmly stated.

  “I understand. You have every right to make that call. I just feel bad you probably dealt with a great deal without much help is all. Maybe it is for the best her father isn’t in the picture. Did you love him? I mean is there any chance of you and him getting back together?” I asked. Not sure why I am asking. I don’t have a claim on Ivy. I don’t have a right to ask her this I am sure. Still, I can’t help but be interested in what my chances are of getting involved with a woman I still loved but loved someone else.

  I loved him more than my own life. Especially for giving me Ava. I actually always hoped I would get back together with him. He is a pretty well known man. I have kept tabs on his life since giving birth to his daughter.” Ivy continued. “Before Ava was able to talk or even understand what I was actually saying, I always told her from the day she was born that it was my fault her daddy wasn’t with us. That he had a very important job. And when his job was done, he would come back to us and love his daughter more than anything in the whole world.” Ivy said and began to cry. I felt terrible I said anything.

  “Ivy, I am so sorry. I… I had no right to say anything or ask you about him. I realize you moved on. I didn’t mean to upset you. Please forgive me.” I said sincerely, as I rubbed the back of my neck. I felt defeated.

  Ivy, wiped her face, chuckling. “I haven’t cried so much since I was pregnant with Ava being all hormonal. I am sorry.” Ivy pleaded.

  “Please.” I reached over and took her hand in mine, trying to comfort her and assuring her of my genuine sympathy for intruding on her personal life. “I am sorry for upsetting you. I have to say, the guys a lucky bastard if he is smart enough to come back to you. I hope he does. For both of your sakes. I hope it works out for you Ivy. I’m just sorry I… I don’t know. I should of looked for you even though you didn’t want me to. I lost you to another lucky man, and I wish I had just followed my gut.” I barely was able to say to her.

  “I don’t know if he would ever forgive me though. I would imagine he would be happy to hear he has a daughter, but if he in fact was, who’s to say he would forgive me for not telling him. I was the one who let him down. Not the other way around. I regret that. But I will never regret Ivy.” She said. “Do you think we can get out of here? I can catch a cab or call Craig if you need to get home or whatever. I don’t live far from here.”

  I looked at her like she just turned into a giraffe in front of me. “No, I can take you home. I am not that big of an asshole.” I pulled out his wallet, and flagged over the waitress. Giving her another hundred dollar bill, knowing how bad the economy is and how slow this place was tonight, I felt bad for the poor woman. She actually didn’t want to accept it. I leaned over and kissed her cheek. “If you didn’t need it, you wouldn’t be working here sweet heart. Please, I can afford it.” I said to her and I thought it was cute how I made a woman in her mid fifties blush.

  I walked Ivy back to the car, and got her safely situated before driving off to get her home to her beautiful daughter.

  Ivy was quiet for a little bit. I didn’t want to over step my boundaries any further. But I needed to ask one time, before giving up all hope. We pulled up to her little home. It was really sweet looking.

  “What would you say if I were so bold to ask if I could see you again? I mean I know you are waiting for Ava’s father an all, but I would love to see you again.” I prayed silently waiting for a good response.

  “I would say, if you like you can come in and we could order a pizza.” She said and made me smile immediately.

  “I would love that.” I told her as I jumped out of the car, running around to collect her and talk some more. I felt like my missing half was back in place, and I wanted to just hold on to that for a little while longer.

  We went into her house. Craig was there, waiting for her with a bag of frozen peas on his hand. I chuckled.

  “Craig, I am sorry about that hand shake. I didn’t mean to go all caveman.” I said trying to not laugh at his concern for me to know his status with Ivy and Ava.

  Craig laughed it off. But said he would shake my hand another time. I waited for Ivy to show Craig out, and looked around her modest home. Very clean and sort of sparse. I am sure she just didn’t have the extra income to splurge on much. I really admired her strength and determination to take on full responsibility for her daughter.

  I sat on the couch and thought about our conversation.

  I was a bit taken back for her to had fallen in love with someone so quickly after getting back to Texas after she left me. I wondered if she was maybe not as serious about me as I once was with her. It probably didn’t matter any longer. Too much time had passed now.

  Still, I couldn’t understand how she could of came back here, met someone, slept with him, and then after finding out she was pregnant, never having been with another. I mean shit, he must have been the real love of her life. I mean, sure, I had sex after her and I ended. I had some short relationships over the years. Nothing serious. The only face I ever seen when I was with a woman was Ivy’s so I was the pathetic one apparently. I would like to know who this lucky famous guy is though. And what made him so special compared to me. I thought what her and I shared was once in a lifetime.

  Ivy came walking back from walking Craig out to his car. She came up to me smiling. She said she needed to go check on Ava. She would be right back.

  “Of, course, please take your time. I am not in any rush as long as you are ok with me being here.” I said.

  Ivy smiled. “I am definitely good with you being here. Just give me a few more minutes.”
She said before rushing off to see Ava.

  After a couple minutes I became curious. I bet Ivy was a wonderful mother to Ava. I quietly got up and walked over to where she went to check on her daughter and I noticed Ava’s night light was on and Ivy was sitting on her bed, talking softly to sleepy Ava.

  Ava suddenly spotted me spying on the two of them.

  “Mommy can your special friend tell me a story?” She asked as Ava pointed to me at the door.

  “Ava baby, I am sure Mr. Cavalier could tell you a story another time. He needs to leave soon.” Ivy whispered kissing Ava’s little forehead.

  I walked into her little bubble gum pink room.

  “I don’t mind telling you a story.” I offered. “As long as your Mommy says it’s ok.”

  “Sure. That would be sweet. She loves princess stories. There are a ton of books over here.” Ivy pointed out as I walked over to the two of them.

  Ivy crawled up to snuggle next to Ava, and I looked down at the two of the most beautiful faces I ever seen.

  “Do you like my room Mr. Caverelly?” Ava asked, not able to say my name, making me laugh.

  “I love your room. It’s very… pink.” I stated. I must of sounded like I was teasing her because Ava burst out laughing like it was the funniest thing she ever heard. Ava melted my heart.

  “Silly, it is PINK. It’s my favorite color.” She told me.

  “I can definitely tell. Very good choice. Ok, so what story do you want to hear?” I asked, looking over at her books.

  “Tell me your own princess story please.” Ava asked so sweetly.

  “Ok, let’s see… May I sit down here?” I asked motioning to the edge of her bed where her Mommy moved from to cuddle up with her daughter.

  Ava nodded very enthusiastically. I laughed at her perfect little bright face.

  Ok, once upon a time there was a princess who came to this far away land. She moved there from another fairy princess place. She went to her new school for the very first time…” I said as I looked over at Ivy, and seen her smiling at me and back to Ava as her daughter looked up at her mom. “The new princess was skipping to school and she lost her balance and went tumbling down to the ground loosing all of her school work. The Prince that went to school there, watched her the entire time she skipped into his site and couldn’t take his eyes away from her. She was the most prettiest princess he ever seen. The Prince had to meet her. So when she tumble down, he rushed right over to meet her and he knew he would never want to be far from her ever again. The Prince wanted to marry her one day and become King and Queen of the land and have lots of baby princess’s and prince’s. One day the princess had to move, and the prince was so sad she left him. But he knew one day he would find her again because they were meant to be together forever.” I stopped. Ava and Ivy both staring at me like they wanted to hear more.

  “Well?” Ava asked, looking confused.

  “Well what sweetie?” I asked, making Ava giggle, which was one of the best sounds I had ever heard.

  “Did the prince find the princess and marry her?” She flat out asked.

  “Ah.. You are one smart cookie.” I told her and she giggled again.

  “He did find her, but I think she really found him. And he told himself he would do anything he could to win her back. They became friends again and when I find out if they ever marry, I will let you know.” I told her.

  “Thank you for telling me the story.” Ava whispered.

  I winked at her. “Anytime Princess.” I said, tickling her foot listening to her laugh and squeal happy innocent sounds that every little child should have.

  “Ok, I will hopefully see you again soon Ava. Sweet dreams.” I told her.

  ‘Thank you, sweet dreams to you.”

  God, Ava was the cutest little angel I had ever seen.

  A few minutes later Ivy came out, rolling her eyes. “I’m sorry. Ava lives in fairy princess land.” She said as she looked in her kitchen drawer for the pizza place menu.

  “Ok, so you still like supreme?” She asks and I loved that she remember.

  “Only way to go.” I said smiling.

  Ivy ordered the pizza, and we opened a bottle of merlot and sat on the couch and talked some more.

  The pizza came and our conversation went deeper again.

  “Can I ask you another personal question? You don’t have to answer or anything if it’s too personal.” I said quickly.

  “Ok, shoot.” Ivy replied.

  “You seem really in love with Ava’s father. You still wanting him and never having been with another man since him. What makes him so special? I mean, here you came back to Texas and quickly got together with a man, slept with him and still hold this torch for him. Besides not wanting anything from him for the sake of his child, you take on everything yourself. I kind of thought we had something really special. Maybe it was just in my head. Or one sided. I just find it surprising that this man meant so much to you so quickly and right after leaving me. So I guess I am wondering was the feeling mutual between us, or did I just fall in love with someone who ended up rushing into another man’s arms and not having meant anything at all to you?” I think I asked her what I was thinking. I was babbling so much I actually forgot how to word things.

  Ivy studied me a few moments before answering. She took another sip of her wine and put it down. Taking my glass of wine, and placed it one the coffee table next to hers. She picked up my hand and squeezed it, trying to give me the impression she was trying to comfort me, I think.

  “You were very important to me Dominic. I never forgot about you. Not once. Let me show you something.” She got up and opened a cabinet on her TV counsel.

  She pulled out this really large book looking like some sort of journal or photo album. She cautiously handed it to me and quickly sat down quickly picking up her wine, taking a large sip. “Open it.” She whispered.

  My mouth dropped when I opened it. My entire life from high school on was documented in this book. Newspaper clippings, pictures, articles on my Ohio State scholarship. Pictures of me on the Football team. High school prom article from the paper. Me standing with Lena. I shook my head at that wasted time. My draft, everything. Everything from the time she left to today practically.

  “I don’t understand. I thought Ava’s father was father is who you love and still hope to be back with him? Why bother with all of this about me if he is the one you are waiting for?” I felt hurt. What is she just torturing me? Trying to get me back for Lena?

  “You always have been important to me Dominic.” Ivy said quietly.

  “Really? So how long were you back here before you got pregnant?” I asked her.

  Ivy placed her emptied wine glass down on the coffee table again and looked up at me, so sadly. I felt bad for her. But I felt really hurt as well.

  “Well? Tell me to leave Ivy, and I will. Or please fill me in here on how you can jump from me to someone else so quickly and loved him more.” I asked a bit more tersely.

  “Dominic, I was only here a month when I found out I was pregnant.” She admitted.

  I really was shocked. I mean how could she not care at all about us?

  “Wow. I guess I really didn’t mean anything.” I said, not realizing how bad that sounded. “I’m sorry. That was rude.”

  I looked up and seen Ivy crying again. I stood up and paced back and forth. “I should go.” I said. This wasn’t a good idea.

  “I was pregnant five weeks when I found out I was pregnant.” Ivy told me.

  “Wait, Ivy, that doesn’t make… I mean if you were only here a month… I mean how could you have…” I was slowly putting the pieces together and I seen Ivy shaking like a leaf. I think I was having a stroke. I stopped breathing, and grabbed my chest. “What?” I whispered.

  “Ivy… What?” I whispered again. I took two large steps, standing right in front of Ivy, and pulled her up to stand nose to nose with me.

  “Is Ava my daughter? Are you telling me you were pregna
nt with Ava before leaving me?” I panicked asking her.

  Ivy nodded. Wiping her face quickly. “I didn’t know until I was here a month. I didn’t want to chance your future. I dropped out of high school to have Ava. I went back after she was born and got my GED. After that I went to junior college nights and got my associates degree in business. I know it isn’t much compared to your degree but.”

  “Wait a minute Ivy. Are you saying, you made all of those sacrifices for me? To have given up your dreams because you didn’t want to burden me?”

  “I…If I told you, you wouldn’t of gone to College. And if you didn’t go to college you wouldn’t of made your dreams come true. I couldn’t risk the chance of loosing you later on after you came to resent me, thinking maybe I got pregnant on purpose or something. I…I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

  “You waited all this time in the hopes we would get back together?” I asked breathing like I ran a 10K marathon.

  “Please, please don’t take her away from me. Please Dominic.” Ivy begged me.

  I dropped Ivy’s arms and fell back down on the couch. I thought I might actually pass out.

  Ivy rushed over to the same cabinet and pulled out another book. This one was pink. She handed it to me and the front had printed in large lettering in the middle.

  Ava Michelle Kane

  May 5, 2008

  7lbs, 10oz.

  17 inches long.

  I opened it up and It was Ivy, showing off her pregnant belly. Smiling for the picture as she cradled her belly, holding my child inside of her. I ran my fingers across the picture. The next page had Ava in the delivery room with her mom. The next picture was the very first time the doctors handed Ava to her, still having the umbilical cord attached to Ava, covered in white mucus I think and lots of blood. Ava’s first clean picture, her foot prints, and fingers.

  All of her birthdays, everything.

  I looked up at Ivy, crying, pacing back and forth.

  “Are you going to try keeping her from me still?” I asked sharply.

  “No, it’s your choice if you want to be a part of her life or not.” She whispered.