Roadwarrior

by Nick Molloy

  I have been asked several times by women how much I would charge, for ‘a night of passion’. They invariably don’t mean it. In fact, they expect that since they have shown an interest, I will follow through and offer it for free. Some have been visibly offended by my response of ‘make me an offer’. For the record, I have been paid to fuck a woman once in the last three years. I could have probably received well over 100 similar fees if I was willing to oblige the male of the species and some of the offers have been from very wealthy men. One could certainly exploit this situation if one was so inclined. It is hardly a well kept secret that certain strippers have ‘sugar daddies’. One, the Purple Maverick has allegedly earned very well from this lifestyle.

  Stripping itself however, will categorically not make a man rich. On average, in today’s market, a busy male stripper can expect to work 200-300 times a year. Sometimes he can expect to perform 10 shows in a week, on others the diary will be empty, like his pockets. The typical show pays approximately £100. Minus his expenses, this hardly makes a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

  However, it is not only women that make this inflated earnings assumption. Most men also assume that strippers do pretty well for themselves. The logic is understandable. Few people have the necessary gumption and confidence to undress themselves completely whilst a room full of strangers gawp at their actions; scrutinizing all their flaws with no remorse or sympathy. One would think that because the supply of people willing to do this is low and the demand to witness sex and nakedness is pretty high strippers could command a decent price. If the law of supply and demand was the only factor here, the price would probably be considerably higher than it is. However, several outside factors impinge on this.

  For the record the average male strip show pays around £100-£110. Some pay as low as £80. When the location is remote and there is a lot of travel involved it may pay £200. However, these instances are rare. Many people have had the wool pulled over their proverbial eyes when booking strippers for the first time. Stripper man senses their vulnerability and will fleece them for as much money as possible. The punter invariably finds out that they have been had and never books again. This also happens a lot with troupe shows where the booker will often pay £1000 for what is essentially a traditional ladies night when £500 would have sufficed. The booker loses money and also doesn’t book again. The greed and short-sightedness of many within the industry is stunting any potential growth.

  Furthermore, there is the problem of the ‘wannabees’. Whilst I think this is one of the best ‘jobs’ in the world I wouldn’t do it for nothing. I may be an exhibitionist, but my sexual kicks still involve vaginas. There is not the case however, with all strippers. In order to secure a ‘job’ strippers will undercut one another, sometimes to a ridiculous amount. If a show on a ladies night is available certain well known strippers will half their fee to secure their position on the show. There is, after all, a heightened chance of minge benefits and the adulation from the female audience, in terms of decibels, far outweighs that of the gay audience. This feeds the monstrous ego and dampens the self esteem demons. Bookers know this and exploit the weaknesses. The reduction in fee is never passed onto the client. It’s simply redistributed into the pockets of the booker.

  There is also the problem of the ’20 quid weekend granddads’. Although they would never be booked on a proper show, these guys go out and perform strippergrams for petrol money whilst the booker takes a further £40. Their reward is no doubt based on attention and the potential for a blow job. All of this does little for the genuine strippers. Their work has been stolen by impostors and the clients don’t book again because they were unimpressed by the balding, middle aged flabby bloke that turned up (despite the promises of a bronzed Adonis).

  The frustration mounts from the stripper’s point of view when many a booker will start an auction. Funnily enough, this is nearly always instigated by women. When male bookers phone they usually ask only whether you are available on the date in question at the appropriate time. If you are they invariably book you. When women contact me however, a circus act often begins. They telephone every stripper, booker and agent on the internet searching for the best price. They spend a grand on phone calls and manage to save themselves £40 by booking the granddad. I have had them call up after the event sometimes saying they will book me next time. Conversely, I have turned up for others where I have been booked via an agent and the customer had actually called me directly for a quote. Despite my quote being £25-30 cheaper they actually went for the sanctity of the agent. Then of course, they tried to avoid paying the extra by using the argument that they had contacted me direct. My sympathy in these situations is always slim to none and slim has usually left town.

  I am often confronted by those that band around the claim that stripping is ‘well paid for 15 minutes work’. I must confess to finding this statement slightly galling. If one were to pro-rata the rate upwards to £400/hour that would be very good – especially if we actually earned that. However, we don’t earn anywhere near that. The actually hourly rate is nearer that of manual labourer but with no guarantee of stable work. Everybody seems to conveniently forget that the stripper may have just driven 150 miles for four hours in appalling traffic to arrive at the show. He will have the same amount of miles to get home (albeit in slightly better conditions). The stripper’s car does not run on air and he will have to put petrol in the car in order to make it go. Also, given that he is a Road Warrior, his metal chariot takes considerably more strain than the average commuter’s. Therefore, his chariot maintenance bill is higher than most. Furthermore, I for one did not get my body by sitting around watching TV whilst eating packets of crisps continually. My ‘day’ job is based in the gym or on the track. Many hours each week go into this. Moreover, my appetite is that of a professional athlete. That is, high. I eat plenty due to my higher than average level of calorific expenditure. My other ‘day’ job is spent on the telephone and the computer actively chasing bookings and fielding queries. These hours add up.

  In total given both my day and nighttime working activities my hourly rate would be closer to £10/hour before the deduction of expenses. From his pot of gold the stripper must also deduct other costs : the costume purchases, professional music production, baby oil, replacement of stolen costume items, publicity photos, gym membership, agent fees and maybe bed and breakfast. If you still think it’s well paid I’ll be seeing you on the circuit sometime soon.

  There is some debate about the decline of male stripping on the straight scene. The general consensus is that the first real wave arrived with the advent of the Chippendales in the late 80s (although they weren’t really strippers as they kept their knickers on) and received another boost in the mid 90s with the film The Full Monty. This heralded the arrival of many new strippers and a surge in the demand for Ladies nights. Ironically, the film led to a decline in the amount of work available for the then established strippers due to the influx of newcomers outweighing the increase in demand.

  Today many of the relics from twenty years ago are still plying their trade. When I perform in the gay clubs a frequent jibe is often directed at certain strippers in their 40s and how they have let themselves go. All of the strippers from that ‘golden era’ tell me that it just isn’t as good as it was back in the day. Fees are down and demand is less

  Even the gay scene is in decline. Many venues that used to have strippers have ceased to do so and have now changed their entertainment formats. About fifteen years ago there were apparently 28 gay venues inside the M25 that had a regular stripper, now that figure is just three. The venues argue that strippers were just attracting a band of hard-core regulars who never bought enough drinks. Some have griped about a lack of new faces. Others simply say that stripping is old hat and that it is not in fashion anymore. If that is the case it will no doubt see a revival some day in the form of a retro movement. Some gay venues will always have strippers thanks to the whim of the owner
/manager. Typically, these venues will also only receive visits from strippers that please the booker.

  Personally, I have often found it easier to play the gay scene, simply because you tend to be looked after better. Because the gay venues are used to receiving strippers, they have somewhere for you to get changed, they offer you a drink and although a gay crowd are frequently very expectant they are usually very appreciative and rarely malicious. This applies also to the majority of the female audience, but there is usually a far from silent minority who find it amusing to heckle. Such behaviour has to be expected by any performer, where it becomes more annoying is when people try and invade your dressing room while you are changing or steal your costume as a memento of the evening. This rarely happens at the gay venues, but frequently does so on ladies nights. I have lost count, for example, of the numbers of pairs of underwear and Sailor’s hats that I have had stolen.

  The internet can probably account for a large proportion of the decline of stripping. When strippers first became popular over 20 years ago there was no internet. Hard core porn wasn’t available in this country and had to be illegally imported. Nudity was rare and a privilege. Men in swimming trunks were risqué. Naked men swinging their bits around on stage was outrageous. The viewing of such copious amounts of penile tissue was unusual and desirable. Times have changed. Now hard-core porn is available from every sex shop. Hard core images are available instantaneously on your computer at the behest of a search engine. Male strippers are no longer risqué, trendy, different or even sexy/sexual.

  One of the stripping relics once relayed to me the story of how things used to be : He would arrive at the venue and park up in the reserved parking space. The doorman would greet him with a smile and a handshake. The doorman would invariably offer to carry his bag for him. He would then be led through the parting throngs with people pointing, staring or slapping him on the back. He would invariably have a pleasant area to change in often with a special room set aside for performers or in the personal headquarters of the landlord. How the times have changed.

  Although I considered the source of the story a little dubious it is a tale that has been repeated too many times by others not to have validity. Strippers were in big demand and could work almost every night if they wanted to at that time. As a result of the increased demand they were given much more of the star treatment. Their groupies were higher in number and more intense in attitude. I list some of these former ‘groupies’ as friends now. They talk of a time when strippers were revered and looked upon with genuine respect. They lament frequently on their demise.

  Nowadays a stripper arrives at a venue and will first have to scout around for a safe parking space. Spare change may be necessary to pay for the parking bay. The doorman will often meet you with a ‘where do you think you’re going with that box’ look. After eyeing you up and down suspiciously (with smatterings of additional jealousy) you will be allowed entry. If you are lucky somebody may come out to meet you and guide you to the changing area. If not, you will have to stumble around asking for directions. Jealousy override seems to have kicked in with the majority of people as they deliberately shun you and shrug their shoulders at your request for assistance. Finally, somebody from the venue will realize that you aren’t going to find the secret changing area without assistance and will come out and guide you to the disabled toilets.

  Local government is also contributing to the decline. Some gay venues have been denied licenses to allow strippers to perform. This is despite numerous female lap dancing clubs being under the jurisdiction of the same local authorities. No doubt some over officious pratt with a small penis, working for the local council vetoed such occasions. Unfortunately, few people have my maverick qualities. Whenever a show has been cancelled due to over zealous local authority anal retentiveness, I have offered to take the said local authority to court on the grounds of discrimination. Most people don’t fight the system, even when it is wrong. As yet, nobody has taken me up on the offer.

  Girls have always viewed male strippers in a slightly comedic light, whereas gay men have viewed them through a more sexual lens. For girls, that comedy has become slightly ‘old hat’ and gay men can now find that sexual outlet elsewhere. There exists a hard core audience that appreciate the cabaret of the stripping art. Even they are disappearing.

  As traditional big strip shows have declined there has been a slight upturn in the hiring of strippers for private parties. Strippers do provide an excellent opportunity to embarrass the birthday girl or hen before her marriage. Nearly all these private events seem to be booked for women. Very few are booked for gay men.

  It is well known on the gay scene about the practice of tying off. This is the trick that strippers use to give the illusion of being extremely well endowed. The process involves firstly obtaining an erection before tying an elastic band (or other material such as bias binding) around the base of the penis. This prevents the blood flowing out of the penis. The result is that the old man goes limp but retains about 80% of its erect size, thereby impressing a naïve audience. Of course, the illusion is further enhanced if the stripper is already well endowed (and some most definitely are). A number of times I have been approached by punters (mainly women or gay venue virgins) asking if I exceed 10 inches when fully erect. Alternatively, cries of ‘look it’s Mr Big Dick will reverberate around the room. All I can say is ‘if only’. Some strippers are obscenely large but the art of tying off certainly allows Mr. Average to join the party. In fact, the majority of strippers fall into the average category. I haven’t seen too many that are below average (one or two).

  When I tell people that I am male stripper, one thing men often say is that they couldn’t do that because they are not large enough downstairs. They obviously don’t know about tying off, but, it is a fallacy to assume that the only thing a stripper needs is a big dick. Various things go into the mix : a good costume, decent music, an athletic physique, props, youth, dance moves, an innovative routine, a big dick; all are factors that contribute to a popular stripper. Obviously, the more of those qualities a stripper possesses, the better the act. Height is another factor, many strippers wear platform shoes on stage. For white strippers, their skin tone is another. Once one punter complained that I was ‘too white’. As a result white strippers tend to either invest in sunbeds or fake tans to darken their skin.

  In essence, the main four qualities that makes a male stripper are probably : big cock, a good physique, handsome face and a good act. Each probably accounts for roughly a quarter of the total package. The best strippers will score highly in all four areas. Some don’t score at all and shouldn’t be allowed. Others score well in one category and this carries him through poor scores in the others. I have known some strippers trade purely on their looks which excuses their non-existent routine and average equipment. Others are nothing to look at until they drop their trousers. Others still are pure cabaret. On the gay scene a big cock and a ‘dirty’ act will always usurp a good looker. On hen nights a good looker will usually make up for a lack of inches.

  The term ‘road warrior’ often springs to mind with male strippers. It is not uncommon to make a round trip in excess of 300 miles to reach a venue and get home again. If travelling further than that, it has to be worthwhile. Either a premium is charged or there needs to be more than one show in the evening or succession of evenings. For example, I frequently travel to the North of England and spend a week in the region, performing each night, before returning to North London at the end of the week. I do something similar in Wales/South West England. I average about 40,000 miles per year travelling with the job (not including air miles). Of course other strippers may have a different spin on the story. Black Rod recently told me he is so busy he never travels out of London. Arson, apparently never travels more than 5 miles from his house anymore. Such is his popularity he can apparently buck the national trend of decline and have the punters come to him. At the other extreme, one stripper told me that he was so b
usy he covered 104,000 stripping miles one year. Eat your heart out professional truckers (and call me a cynic again) !

  Contrary to what is sometimes assumed by a large proportion of women, all strippers are not gay or bisexual. Where this myth gets its origins from I do not know. There definitely exists an arrogance on the gay scene that there is no such thing as a straight man. The running joke is : what is the difference between a gay man and a straight man ? Answer ten pints of lager. This is just representative of an unbelievable arrogance that borders on the obscene running throughout a disappointingly large proportion of the gay community. I often wonder why an oppressed minority can sometimes be so grossly prejudicial.