Burdened Souls: Can Love Save a Burdened Soul? (The Burned Souls Series Book 1)

by Jessi McPherson

  I laid there indulging in his love and my mind wandered to tonight. I worried that it wouldn’t go as planned. I didn’t want to freak out and ruin everything.

  “What time do we need to start getting ready?” he asked, stroking my hair.

  “Um, probably soon. The limo will be here at four thirty to get us.”

  “Well, why don’t we take advantage of his rather large tub and take a bath?”

  “I like that idea.”

  He wasted no time scooping me up and walking back toward the house.

  “Why do you look upset?” he asked while rubbing my shoulders.

  “I’m not upset,” I lied. “I’m just thinking. And before you ask, nope, not gonna tell.”

  “More secrets?”

  “Good secrets. I promise.”

  He continued to run his hands along my back. His soothing touch is exactly what I needed to make up my mind. I had nothing to fear with him.

  “I love you,” I whispered, leaning back against him.

  “And I love you,” he said and kissed my neck. “More than you know. Come on, let’s get you dried off before your stylist get here.”

  I hadn’t realized I signed up for a team of wardrobe people when I asked to go, but it felt nice. I rather liked being pampered, and watching Dillon get dressed a few feet away made it that much better. Cameron showed up at four thirty exactly with the limo.

  “Wow,” Cameron said as we walked out. “Had I known you would look this gorgeous, I would have brought you myself.”

  I felt Dillon stiffen beside me. “Watch it James.”

  “Now, now, play nice or I’ll stay home,” I said, kissing Cameron’s cheek. “Thank you.”

  “Don’t worry, Shade. I know she’s yours, and you’re one lucky SOB,” He smiled looking down at me.

  “Yes I am.”

  The red carpet was packed with celebrities. I tried my best not to be starstruck. Cameras flashed, and people were being pulled along.

  “Cameron, who’s your date?” I heard a reporter ask. He smiled, pulling both Dillon and I in for a picture. “This is my childhood best friend, Josilyn Michaels, and her fiancé, Dillon Shade.” More pictures where snapped.

  “Going solo tonight? That’s not like you,” another reporter chimed in.

  “Yeah, maybe I’m turning over a new leaf.” He moved us along. “Sorry about that,” he said, ushering us into the theatre. “I have to take a few more pictures and do a few interviews. There’s an open bar over there, and Delilah will show you where our seats are.” He pointed over and she waved.

  Dillon pulled me close. “You look ravishing. Are you sure we have to stay?”

  “Yes we do but don’t worry, straight home after this. No after-parties, I promise,” I teased and kissed his cheek.

  ***

  “I actually have to give you credit, Cameron,” Dillon said, getting in the limo. “That was a good movie. Thank you for letting us tag along.”

  “Awe, thanks man. I’m glad I could help. Plus, I didn’t have a date and figured what the hell. Stir things up.”

  “What do you mean stir things up?”

  “I have never not had a date to something like this. Now the Pap will be all over trying to figure out the scoop. Couldn’t hurt the movie at all.”

  “Well, thank you. It was a great movie. Could have used a couple nude scenes, but I digress,” I said, smiling.

  Cameron laughed and Dillon groaned.

  “I think I have had my fill,” Dillon said, pulling me close. “Shirtless was enough for me. Although your costar was hot.”

  I smacked his arm.

  “What? She was, and she kept her clothes on.”

  I guess I couldn’t argue with that.

  “I’ll be back in the morning to get you guys. Don’t have too much fun,” he joked as we pulled up to his house.

  My hands shook as I stood at the sink trying to finalize my plan.

  “Why do you look like someone trying to figure out the secrets of the universe?” Dillon asked, sliding his arms around my waist.

  “Not the universe,” I confessed. “Just me. How about some wine and the hot tub before bed?”

  “I like that idea,” he said, slowly moving his hands to my shoulders. “But first we need to take this dress off.”

  I could not stop smiling as his lips caressed my shoulder and then down my arm. His fingers tingled against my back as he slid the zipper down. It was like he read my mind and knew what I had planned.

  “Have I told you today how beautiful you are?” he whispered.

  “Yes,” I said breathlessly. My skin tingled with anticipation.

  “Well, I’ll say it again. You are so beautiful, and I am a very lucky man.”

  He smacked my butt as the dress fell to the floor.

  I screeched and jumped. “Ow! Not nice. Now let’s get in the hot tub.”

  He was already in the water when I made it downstairs. I had my plan laid out so I slowly walked over and straddled him.

  “Yep one lucky man,” he groaned and laced his hands around my waist.

  I dipped my head and slowly kissed his neck. I was afraid to speak so I just kissed him. His hands stroked my back as I continued to kiss him. Slowly, I slid my hand into his trunks and wrapped my fingers around his large shaft. I could see the confusion on his face as I continued to move my hand.

  “What?” he asked, but I quieted him with a kiss.

  “Shh.”

  I stroked him slowly as he kissed my neck. I could feel the desire between us grow. His nimble fingers made quick work of my top, and his mouth quickly began teasing my nipples. Before I could change my mind, I moved myself over him, but he stopped me.

  “Are you sure?” His hands gripped my waist tightly.

  I only nodded.

  “Josilyn, tell me it’s what you want, because I can wait.”

  I knew it was but I was still afraid to speak. Afraid it would break the moment and my brain would kick back in. As it was, my little goddess was tussled up and waiting. I leaned in close to his ear.

  “More than you know.”

  It’s all he needed. He carefully lowered me onto his throbbing shaft, taking his time to allow me to adjust. I was ready to come and we hadn’t even begun.

  “You feel so good,” he whispered, kissing me softly.

  It was a sweet mix of pain and pleasure. He gradually quickened his pace and my orgasm exploded. He didn’t stop, but he held me close as I rode it out. This was exactly what I needed. I pulled back slightly and pushed down harder. I knew what I needed but Dillon was hesitant.

  “Slow down, love,” he said, pulling me close again. “Let’s work up to that.”

  “I need it,” I said as a tear rolled down my face.

  He stopped. “Love, you don’t need that. Just look at me.”

  I couldn’t explain it. Suddenly I wanted him hard and quick. I think he knew I was punishing myself, but even I didn’t know what for. I had done it. I had overcome whatever Wade had done to me and as Dillon held me and pulsed slowly inside me I knew. He loved me and would never hurt me. He had saved my soul. I kissed him hard and let him take over. He found his release just as another orgasm ravaged my body.

  He picked me up and carried me to bed.

  “I don’t even have words to describe how amazing you are,” he whispered, trailing kissed down my body. “I’m going to enjoy exploring every inch of this body every day.”

  He reached the apex of my thighs and with a single slick of his tongue, brought my whole body alive. I couldn’t contain the noises that escaped me as he stroked me with his tongue. The fire built slowly this time as he came to rest above me.

  “Again?” he asked.

  I moved him to my entrance and held on as he entered me. I gasped but held tight. He paused, waiting for my body to adjust. He started to move again, pushing harder and harder. I held tight to his broad shoulders, as the force of my orgasm ripped through me. I screamed his name as he found his ow
n release and whispered, “Oh, Josilyn.”

  We laid there holding each other and basking in the glow of our love.

  “That was more than I expected for a birthday present,” he joked.

  “I don’t think I could ever top that.” I giggled.

  “Yeah well, we have the rest of our lives for you to try.” His eyes were soft as he looked down at me.

  “Yes I do.”

  We made love two more times before sleep claimed us.

  I ran so fast but he caught me quickly. I couldn’t get free as he punched and hit me. Before the knife came down, I woke with a start, realizing I was alone in bed and forgot where I was.

  I freaked out and screamed for Dillon. He rushed back into the room and jumped in bed.

  “I’m here,” he said, pulling me to him.

  I couldn’t contain my tears.

  “It was a dream, love,” he whispered, stroking my hair. “It’s over, I’m here.”

  “I just thought I had gotten over it,” I cried. “But he always finds a way back in.”

  “Josilyn, I would fight your dreams away if I could. Maybe it’s time we talk to someone,” he suggested.

  “I’ve tried therapy, and I’m not taking any more pills,” I growled.

  “Love, you had therapy before me. Maybe now, together, we can find ways to make it easier. Let’s just try.”

  “I guess we can try.”

  “Now come, let’s get cleaned up. Cameron will be here shortly and I’d like a few more minutes alone with my beautiful fiancé.”

  Chapter 14

  “So, you, really did it?” Caleb settled down on the couch.

  “Yep,” I beamed “It was perfect. He was perfect.”

  “Well it’s about damn time,” he joked.

  “He wants me to try therapy again.”

  “What did you say?”

  “I told him I would. I haven’t had one in a while, but I should talk to someone about them. I also need to tell him about some other stuff.”

  “What other stuff? You said you guys talked everything out finally.”

  “We did, I just didn’t tell him a couple things,” I choked on the words and cradled my stomach.

  “Oh honey, I thought you told him. Did you guys use protection last night?”

  I shook my head no.

  “Would you like me to talk to him? I think that is still going to be hard for you.”

  “No I should. I didn’t think I’d ever be ready and then it did happen. What if he gets upset that I was still holding back?”

  “Baby girl, he wants to marry you. I think you’re past that. When’s he coming over?”

  “Not till late. He told me not to wait up, but I think I will talk to him tonight.”

  Caleb and I snuggled on the couch and watched a few movies. It was just what I needed to calm my nerves. I had to work the next day, so I went to bed around midnight, although sleep eluded me for another hour as I tossed and turned trying to figure out how to tell Dillon.

  ***

  Warm arms encircled my waist and hugged me close. His tender lips caressed my neck leaving fire in their wake.

  “I was going to let you sleep because you look so damn gorgeous,” he whispered. “But I really wanted a goodnight kiss.”

  “Well you can wake me up like this whenever you want,” I said, rolling over to face him. “Plus I kind of wanted to talk to you.”

  “Did you now?” he asked curiously.

  I ran a finger down his cheek trying to gain the courage.

  “About last night.”

  “OK.”

  I struggled, fumbling with the bed sheet. “We didn’t use protection. So… I thought… Um…” I felt the hot tears on my cheeks as I looked up at him. I knew he could see the pain in my eyes.

  “You don’t have to tell me. I figured that out on my own, love,” he said, pulling me closer still.

  My unwanted tears ran freely leaving hot streaks down my face.

  “I should have told you,” I confessed, “I just never thought it would ever happen. I’m sorry.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry for. This isn’t your fault.”

  “He took everything from me. I think he knew that. Deep down I think he thought I would die. He did worse by taking any chance at more children for me.”

  “Don’t blame yourself. Please, love. And look, you have me now. I told you already, I promise to show you every day just how you are loved. I will do my very best to keep your nightmares and pain at bay.” He kissed my cheeks tenderly.

  He held me till sleep found me again, and he kept me safe. The next morning, he was still there, wrapped tightly around me as if shielding me from the world. I moved slightly to see his beautiful face. This man that loved me unconditionally had opened my eyes and promised me the world. It became my new mission to be worthy of love and devotion. I needed to fix myself. I needed closure on the biggest obstacle in my life. I slid out of bed and grabbed my phone. Quickly, I walked to the kitchen, found my lawyer’s number, and dialed.

  “Josilyn, my dear, I was going to call you later today.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Collier. I want to move forward with the divorce. I understand his conditions. Can you make the arrangements?”

  “I can, dear. Are you sure? I am working with a judge as we speak and yes it will take more time, but we can get it done.”

  “No, I want it done sooner. I will be in town tomorrow evening. Please call me if you cannot make the arrangements that soon.”

  “I will call you back shortly.”

  Caleb was sitting at the island when I turned around.

  “He’s not going to like this.”

  “That is why I’m not going to tell him until after. I need this over and done. I am tired of living in fear and this will help. I want to marry Dillon and I don’t want to wait.”

  “What are you going to tell him?”

  “Tell me what?” Dillon questioned, walking into the kitchen.

  I could only hope he didn’t hear the whole conversation.

  “I have to go to Iowa. My lawyer has some paperwork that has to be filed quickly.”

  He gave me a skeptical look. “Why don’t I go with you?”

  This would take some finesse. I smiled and wrapped my arms around his waist. “I would love that.” I kissed his cheek.

  Caleb’s confused look made me smile.

  “I have to leave in the morning. Do you think you can take off? When are the insurance people coming?”

  Realization dawned in Caleb’s eyes. “You’re leaving tomorrow?”

  The expression on my face fell, my eyes appearing sad. “Yes, the sooner his documents are filed the sooner he can move things along. If you can’t go, I’ll understand.”

  “I wish I could, love, but I’m meeting people this week to get the reconstruction going. How long will you be gone?”

  “I have to call Marcus, but no more than a couple of days.”

  “Well I guess I better spend the rest of the morning with you then.” He lifted my chin and tenderly kissed my lips. “I only have one class in thirty minutes, then I’m all yours.”

  “I’ll be here waiting.”

  “You just played your future husband like a fiddle,” Caleb joked after Dillon left.

  “Don’t you dare tell him why I am going. It’s hard enough thinking about it.” I cringed.

  “That’s why I think he should go. You need him by your side for this. Wade just wants to mess with your head.”

  “I have to go alone. You know that. It’s what he demanded. When I get back I plan on marrying that man. I plan to spend the rest of my life happily married to him.”

  It was a long drive ahead, but thankfully I had my last day and night with Dillon playing in my head. Marcus thankfully let me have the time off. I told him a few things and that my lawyer needed me there. I smiled thinking of how gentle Dillon was with me throughout the day. We stayed in bed and made love up until I had to leave for work. He took
his time working over every inch of my body.

  “I want to explore and remember every inch of you. I want to be able to close my eyes at night these next few days and see you clearly lying beside me.”

  After work was a different story. There was a strange air about us as we held each other. I knew what I wanted. I wanted to be fucked so hard and long I would feel him for days to come. That’s what he gave me. There wasn’t pain just hard sex filling my soul and spilling over. He was marking me and I welcomed it. My body still ached just thinking of him inside me. The slight feeling sent trembles across me. I pulled over into a gas station parking lot about halfway through my drive, and took a break to text Dillon.

  “You busy?”

  “I always have time for you, love. Are you texting while driving?”

  I quickly dialed his number instead.

  “No I pulled over for a quick rest. I miss you already.”

  “I miss you too. Thankfully I have a stark reminder on my shoulder.”

  “Yeah, I did that. You’ll be pleased to know any type of friction causes my body to ache for you.”

  “I am glad to hear it. I can’t wait to satiate that ache as soon as you’re home and in my arms.”

  “I’m counting down the hours already. I love you, Dillon.”

  “I love you more, Josilyn. Please drive carefully.”

  “I will. I’ll call you once I’m checked into the hotel. Bye.”

  “Bye, love.”

  I felt horrible and loved all at the same time. I bought a few things inside the gas station and filled up the tank. These last eight hours were going to be tiresome, but I didn’t want to stop until I was there.

  ***

  I pulled into the parking lot a little after midnight and quickly checked in.

  “I’m here.”

  My phone only rang once. “Hey.”

  “Hey, how was the rest of your drive?”

  “Long, hard, and lonely.”

  “I like the long and hard. I wish I could help with the lonely. How’s that ache treating you?”

  “Poorly. I wish you were here.”

  “Close your eyes,” he whispered.

  “Oh, no we aren’t doing this,” I protested.

  “Josilyn, close our eyes,” he said, more demanding this time. I knew he couldn’t see me but I obliged.