Fighting Envy

by Jennifer Miller

  “Me too. Come on, let’s get home.”

  We all climb into the truck, Ty in the back next to Lily. Ty asks Rowan how work at the diner is going, and she asks him the details of how and why he was able to get out of jail a little earlier than sentenced. He asks if she’s got everything she needs for Lily as well as if she’s making ends meet okay. She seems a little embarrassed he’s asking this in front of me, but she quickly lets go and answers him, “Everything is fine. Our next-door neighbor, Audrey, helped me out a lot when I was struggling at first. She’s been great and I’m a lot better now.”

  Knowing Audrey helped Rowan, through things that I bought, makes me feel happy. I feel as if I helped contribute to her getting better, even if she doesn’t know it. I’m never going to tell her either. It doesn’t matter. I’m just happy I could be there in some way.

  Once we get home, Ty carries Lily’s car seat inside and Rowan goes immediately to the kitchen. While Ty takes Lily out of the seat, I follow her. “Hey,” I say softly getting her attention, “do you want me to leave so you and Ty can have some time alone?”

  She frowns, “No. I’d like you to stay. I mean, unless you want to go. I don’t know if you need to get back to the gym.”

  “Nope,” I quickly answer. “I just didn’t want to be rude.”

  “I want you here.”

  I nod, “Good.”

  “Tyson, I have stuff for lunch meat sandwiches for now, but I got steaks and potatoes to make for dinner. Sound okay?”

  Ty’s comes into the kitchen with Lily on his hip. He looks like a pro holding her and Lily looks perfectly content. “That’s fine with me.”

  “Can I help?” I ask Rowan, but she shakes her head at me. Ty shrugs his shoulders and the two of us make our way into the living room and turn the TV on to the sports channel to get updated on the latest games and sporting news. We’re discussing the latest coach firing when Rowan calls us to the table. She takes Lily from Ty and buckles her into her highchair, then places Lily next to her at the table so she can feed her and eat at the same time. We make small talk in between eating, but mostly watch Lily and laugh as she spits out the carrots Lily’s feeding her. Then, Ty asks a question that makes Rowan freeze.

  “Alright, I’m done waiting. I want to know. What the hell happened to Jason?”

  “Tyson… I really don’t think that now…”

  “No!” Rowan and I startle when Ty slams his fist on the table. Even Lily looks at him wide-eyed. “I want to know now, Rowan. No more putting me off. Tell me what the hell happened.”

  “Dude, calm down. Don’t yell at her,” I demand.

  Ty looks chagrined, “Sorry,” he mumbles.

  “I just don’t want to upset you when you just got home.”

  Ty just stares at her and she finally sighs. I’m sure she’s wishing she had sent me on my way now. Crossing my arms over my chest, I sit back in my chair and wait for her to explain too. I’m not about to act like I don’t want to know the answer to this myself. Her eyes meet mine and I hold her stare steadily hoping that I convey that not only do I want to know the answer, but that she can talk in front of me as well.

  I can tell the exact moment that she chooses to finally let go and talk about what happened. Her body deflates and it’s almost as if shame covers her face and it instantly makes my back straighten and my fists clench. Anyone that can make her feel this way deserves to have their ass kicked in my opinion. Ty and I quickly exchange a glance and the fact that we are thinking the same exact thing is apparent. Staying silent, we wait for Rowan to begin.

  “My water broke in the middle of the night. I had been staying at Jason’s place that night so I woke him up. At first he didn’t believe my water had broken,” Ty makes a noise that sounds like disgust. I don’t say anything or move an inch, my eyes fastened on Rowan’s face. She continues to feed Lily and doesn’t make eye contact with either of us. “When I finally got him out of the house-“

  “What do you mean when you ‘finally got him out’? What took so long?” Ty asks.

  She tucks her hair behind her ear in a nervous gesture before answering, “He got in the shower first and took his time getting dressed.” She glances at Tyson after she answers, but he doesn’t respond, his jaw ticking the only indication of his feelings.

  “We pulled up to the hospital and he let me out at the emergency room entrance which I thought was strange. I told him where the maternity entrance was and that we should go there. In fact, I’d told him like a month before my water broke that I had my bag packed, my pre-registration papers submitted and everything ready to go. All we’d have to do is check in at registration when the time came, and we’d be set. But he wouldn’t listen.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “Well, he just told me to get out at the emergency room entrance because he was going to park the car in the covered parking spot. I was irritated but just figured he wanted to park out of the sun while we spent a couple days in the hospital.”

  “So, he told you he was going to park the car, and then what?” Ty asks.

  “Why?” she asks.

  “No, Rowan. Don’t even try that shit on me. I’m not playing the why game with you. It’s an insult. Don’t you dare suggest I have a selfish motive for asking you these questions.”

  She sighs in defeat, looks at Ty, and what I see in her eyes makes my gut clench. It’s sadness combined with an acceptance that breaks my heart. A part of her isn’t surprised that he did this to her, and that fact makes me want to both shake some sense into her, and get her alone to cherish her until she believes how amazing of a woman she is. “Fine. What did he do, Tyson? He didn’t come back. He didn’t fucking come back.”

  “What do you mean he didn’t come back?” Ty asks disbelieving.

  “I mean, he told me he was going to park the car and three hours later I was still sitting in the emergency room by myself realizing that he abandoned me. Me and Lily both.”

  Ty stands abruptly knocking over his chair, “Three fucking hours, Rowan? You sat waiting for him for three hours?”

  Rowan’s face still holds the look that’s threatening to break my heart and I look angrily at Ty. “Sit down and lower your voice. You’re scaring Lily, and Rowan doesn’t need your anger.”

  “Doesn’t need my anger? Then who’s going to be angry for her? You? Rowan? Jason needs to be taught a lesson. Who does he think he is leaving my sister in labor like that? Abandoning his daughter! He has responsibilities! I’m going to find him and make him live up to them.”

  “You will do no such thing, Tyson James Martin.” Rowan is standing now too and the look of fury on her face shouldn’t turn me the hell on, but it does. She looks fucking glorious. Her hands on her hips, head and shoulders back, body language full of confidence and eyes full of fire. She’s amazing. “This isn’t your problem. This isn’t something I need or want you to straighten out or deal with. If Jason doesn’t want Lily, then it’s his loss. I will not force him to have responsibility and ownership in something he clearly doesn’t want. She is better off without him. I am better off without him. And he is missing out. As much as I may have wanted a normal family, it isn’t in the cards for us. So screw him. I’m done.”

  Her words are like a strike against my face. For all her brave words, a part of her feels that she deserves this. I know it’s because of the shit her mom fed her, but there’s also a part of her that still aches for him anyway. I don’t think that it’s Jason exactly that she’s wishing for, but the idea of what he represented – the promise of normal that she so wants. The fairytale of the mother and father that created the child, raising it together and living happily ever after. How do I get her to understand that a family comes in many shapes and forms? That normal is a matter of perspective? In that moment, I envy Jason. I envy his history with Rowan. I envy the fact that he’s Lily’s father. Hell, I just envy the fact that he created a baby with this amazing woman and that I didn’t get here first. I hate that they
will always have a connection because of Lily, no matter where he is. But, all I can do is fight the pull that he has on her and stake my own claim.

  Ty sits back down and runs his hands through his hair, “Did he give any indication that something like this might happen?” Rowan looks down and doesn’t answer. “I’m not making excuses for him, do not misunderstand, I’m just wondering if this came completely out of nowhere, or if you weren’t surprised because there’s more to the story?”

  Rowan stays quiet so long that I can’t help but reach over and take her hand. She looks up at me and I smile encouragingly. “You know that he was never happy about the pregnancy.” Ty nods his head. “I think he may have been cheating on me,” she blurts.

  “What?” I ask in surprise at the same time Tyson says the same thing.

  “There were just some weird things that happened that made me suspicious. Whispering on the phone. Hang up calls. Spaces of time when he would be unavailable to meet or even talk. I found a receipt for a necklace I never received. Just weird things like that. No proof, but just an instinctual feeling. I honestly kept ignoring it figuring I had enough to worry about with getting through the pregnancy.”

  “I’m sorry, Row. I don’t mean to lose my temper and act like an ass. I just hate thinking about you going through that and being left alone like that.”

  “You know what, Tyson? I wasn’t alone. I met Jax.” She looks at me and smiles making my heart beat faster at the look she’s giving me. “As much as I absolutely hate what Jason did. I can’t help but feel grateful for it too, which is weird and honestly a feeling I’m still trying to work through, but it brought me Jax. How can I be truly mad when I’ve so clearly won in the long run?”

  I don’t give a shit that her brother is there. I get up out of my seat, and pull her up from hers. Taking her in my arms, I kiss her soundly on the lips. In that moment, I realize I’m already half way to winning the fight. “I’m glad that you can see the wonderful thing that came out of something that hurt you so much. I hate that this happened to you too, but hell if I’m not thankful as well since it brought me to you.” I kiss her again and start to lose myself until I hear Ty laugh.

  “So, it’s like that is it?” he asks.

  I turn to him with Rowan still in my arms, “Yep. It’s like that. I figured the whole me being along for the ride today made it obvious.”

  Ty nods and smiles, “I was hoping, but wanted to see more evidence before I assumed. I approve.”

  “Well that’s good but truth is Ty, if you didn’t, I wouldn’t care. I’m not going anywhere.” I state.

  Rowan smiles so huge that I lean forward and plant a kiss on her cheek as if that was the period at the end of my statement. Ty just laughs, “Yeah, I definitely approve then.”

  The rest of last night was filled with catching up with Tyson. He asked Jax questions about the gym, Jax’s recent fight and the upcoming fight nights. Not surprisingly Tyson is anxious to get back into training. When I asked him why he never told me about it, he told me he was nervous about how I would feel about fighting as a competitive sport. He got a kick from finding out that I not only attended Jax’s fight, but that I loved it. Moreover, he was surprised that I think fighting would be therapeutic for him. I promised him that when it was his turn in the cage, I would be there as well cheering him on as one of this biggest fans.

  It was a nice evening and it feels so good to have him home. I really missed him. Having him home drives away the emptiness I felt with him gone. It’s not the same emptiness that Jax fills with his presence; it’s the kind that can only be filled by my twin.

  Ty wanted to take some time to get settled and to go look for a new job. His previous job as a mechanic is gone; he knew it would be. They told him if he was sent to jail they couldn’t hold it. He’s hoping to find another shop that’s hiring. He loves fixing cars, and one day wants to buy a ’67 Mustang and fix it up. Jax asked if he could take Lily and I to the park to give Tyson some space and I readily agreed. Dressed in cut off shorts, a tank and flip-flops, I was sure to dress Lily in a cool sundress and to smother our skin with sunblock. It’s a necessity in Arizona. There are so many more sunny days than cloudy ones and even the cloudy ones can’t be trusted.

  “Before we go to the park, I need to stop by the gym really quick. I need to make sure new stock of our supplements that came in is correct. They screwed up the last order. I could ask one of the guys, but it would be faster if I did it myself.”

  “It’s no problem. I feel bad because I feel like I’ve kept you from the gym a lot lately.”

  “If it was a big deal, I’d be there. One of the guys is almost always there and so it’s not a big deal for them to keep an eye on things. Other than that, the front desk staff is well trained and the place pretty much runs itself. Most of what needs done is accounts payable, order management, membership stuff, and machine repair when needed. Most of that can be done on my laptop, so no more worrying.”

  I nod my head and take him at his word. When we get to the gym, I prop Lily on my hip and head inside, following Jax. “You can come in my office with me if you want.” I’m just about to do that when I spot Cole and change my mind. “Actually, do you have a pad of paper and pen I can borrow? I see Cole and I want to remind him to send me his bio for his social media page. He’s the only one that hasn’t responded to the email I sent the other day. Maybe I can get some of the other information I need from him now.”

  “Yeah sure.” He hands me a paper and a pen from his desk and surprises me when he takes Lily from me. “Hi sweet girl, wanna play in your bouncer while I go through an order? Do you?” His baby talk is adorable.

  “Are you sure you want to keep her in here? I can bring her and her bouncer with me.”

  “She’s fine.” He kisses me on my cheek and walks to her seat to buckle her in. He keeps smiling and talking to her the whole time and my heart lurches. I love him. I am in love with this man. The thought hits me like a freight train, but it makes complete sense. He has completely taken over my heart and clearly that of my daughters given the way she’s taken to him. She greets him with squeals when he comes over and reaches for him to hold her. Standing there with the realization that I’m in love makes me immobile.

  Jax turns around and a puzzled look crosses his face when he sees me still standing there. “Are you okay?”

  I blink several times, “What? Oh. Yes.” I hold up the paper and pen, “Thank you…for these. So I can write. And talk to Cole. Yeah.” I walk away feeling my cheeks flush at how stupid I sound. Love has made me stupid. Wonderful.

  Walking up to Cole I try to shake my realization from my mind so I can focus on what I need to get from him, “Hey, Cole.”

  He’s punching the hanging bag in front of him and has sweat pouring down his face. He lowers his hands and turns to me with a smile, “Hi, Rowan. How are you? Came in with Jax, huh?”

  “Yeah, he just had to check on a shipment I guess. I saw you over here and I’m sorry to interrupt your work out, but I want to ask you about your social media information. I never received the basic information I asked for like your hometown, birthday, favorite bands, movies you like and all that. I also don’t have your bio. I’m wondering if you still want my help? And if so, I thought maybe I can get some of your information now.” I poise my pen over the paper showing him I’m ready for any information he wants to share.

  “Oh, yeah, um about that….”

  “He doesn’t need your help,” a sharp voice behind me barks making me spin around. Jerry Stone, Jax’s dad, is standing there with his arms crossed over his chest giving me a nasty look.

  “I’m sorry?”

  “Yeah you should be. Haven’t you ever heard of professionalism? Begging Cole to hire you when he already has a coach and manager is pathetic. Is that the method you always use to get your clients?”

  My mouth drops open in disbelief. It takes a moment for the fog to clear my mind in order for me to comprehend what he just sai
d to me. “I didn’t beg Cole to let me help him. I offered to help since I’m familiar with social media and he doesn’t have any accounts yet.”

  “Don’t you worry about what he has, or doesn’t have. It isn’t your place. I know what you’re doing!”

  “Um,” I stare at him in complete loss. I have no clue what he’s thinking. “I’m trying to help the guys build their social media presence. That’s all. If that’s what you’re suggesting, then you would be correct.”

  “Don’t even try it, little girl. You’re hoping to get close to Cole so you can find out information to take back to Jax. It isn’t going to work.”

  I laugh. He’s got to be joking. “What the hell kind of information would I get to bring back to Jax? That makes no sense. Cole’s birthday? A bio that Jax is likely already familiar with? You’re delusional.”

  “You know, it’s only a matter of time before Jax gets the shit storm that he deserves. With any luck it will start with Cole kicking his ass and putting that self-righteous prick in his place. Followed by this gym tanking. You may want to consider backing out now while you can. You’re a pretty girl, I’m sure you can find another man easily.”

  I see red. Nothing he’s saying makes a lick of sense, and calling Jax names just pisses me off. “Who the hell do you think you are? This is Jax’s gym and as far as I can tell he’s doing you a courtesy by letting you in here. Don’t you dare stand here and disrespect him to me. You’re a piece of shit for a father. You know, I actually felt bad for Jax because he doesn’t have you in his life. But now? Now, I’m just happy he’s gotten a disease like you out of his life. Jax is an amazing man and you don’t deserve to have him in your life. It’s only a matter of time before Cole comes to his senses as well.” I spare Cole a brief glance and he makes eye contact with me briefly. I see a flash of regret flicker across his face before he looks down again.

  Unfortunately, shifting my focus makes me unaware of Jerry moving closer to me until he grips my arm tightly. “Let go of me.”