Secrets or Surrender

by Mary Tribbey

  Chapter 23

  She continued working each day at the auto parts store and coming home to her empty apartment each night. She left her phone unplugged and forced herself to work on writing the article. “Once I’ve turned this article over to Dave, I will have no reason to see him or talk to him again. I don’t know how I can stop wanting to be with him. How can I stop loving him and wanting him? I have to stop, or I will not survive. He just wants me, but he loves someone else,” she decided.

  At work, she was careful to not answer the phone. He called two times the next day and left messages for Joan to call. She didn’t return his calls. Each day he called and left messages. She kept her promise to herself and did not call him back.

  During the second week, while Dave was in San Francisco at his next football game, Joan finished writing the article. She read it through several times trying to decide if it was good enough to give to him. She knew she was not an objective reporter, and she needed to get a second opinion.

  On Saturday morning, she called Cindy and asked if she could come over and talk to her for a while. When she got to the house, both boys were in their beds taking a nap. When Cindy opened the door, she escorted Joan in to the family room. She gave her a long hug.

  “Are you all right, Joan? We’ve been trying to reach you. Dave is nearly frantic worrying about you. He’s been ranting and raving like a madman. What happened between you? All we know is you two had some kind of disagreement, and you won’t talk to him or see him. Are you okay?” Cindy asked.

  “I don’t know how I am. I’m very confused and upset. I came over to ask for your help on the article. I have it finished, but I need to get someone else’s opinion before I deliver it to Dave. I know I am not objective, especially when it comes to Dave. Would you read it and let me know what you think? I need someone to honestly tell me what is good and bad about it. What needs to be added, corrected, deleted or changed? I used to have a great revision partner, but she’s happily married in Texas, and I need an honest opinion right now! Please just read it and tell me honestly what you think about it,” Joan begged.

  “I’d be glad to do it. I’m not very objective when it comes to Dave either, but I’ll read it and give you my honest opinion. What do you want me to check?” Cindy asked.

  “First, does it make sense? Does it explain who Dave really is? I think the facts are all accurate, but is it written so that others can see him and appreciate him the way we do?”

  Joan handed the article to Cindy. Cindy tucked her feet underneath her and began reading. She read it through carefully; then she began again at the beginning and re-read it. When she finished reading it and looked up at Joan, there were tears in her eyes.

  “Joan, this is so beautiful! You totally captured the real Dave Allen. You told me things I didn’t know about him. I completely understood it, and I think anyone who reads it will understand who he is and why he has been so successful. It gives a lot of information, but it is more than just facts. It tells who he really is and why he has done so well. I loved the parts about his relationship with his teammates. The quotation about his linemen filled my heart with joy. When did he say this? ‘I may be the quarterback, but without my offensive linemen, I would not be able to accomplish anything. They protect me, support me, and give me the time to complete my passes. Without our outstanding pass receivers, no one would even know my name. I am just one member of this team, but all of the great players I work with are the real reason for my success!’”

  “Dave’s said that more than once to me, but I wrote it down when he was talking to Coach Thompson in Florida. He really cares about each one of the players. One thing I’ve learned about Dave is he really cares about people, all kinds of people. “

  “There is one thing that is obvious to me. You’re in love with Dave, and I know he’s in love with you!” Cindy said.

  “Is it that obvious? I do love him with all my heart. I love him so much it hurts to be away from him,” Joan confessed.

  “Then why are you not talking to him? Why have you pulled away?” Cindy asked.

  “I really do love him, but he’s in love with another woman. He told me that he was in love with a woman, a woman he loves and wants to marry, but she’s involved with another man. He’s grateful to me, and I know he likes me and wants me, but his heart belongs to someone else. I can’t stay around him feeling the way I do and knowing he loves someone else. I decided once this article was done, I am going to have to move again. He is too close, and I am not strong enough to continue seeing him. Next week, I’m giving notice at my job. I’m not sure where I am going from here, but I know I have to leave soon.”

  “Please, Joan, don’t do anything that sudden. You must have misunderstood. I know Dave very well, and he’s never mentioned any other woman. If Dave was pining for some woman, Lyle would know it. He’s never even hinted Dave was involved with anyone. Ask him about it,” Cindy urged.

  “Cindy, It really doesn’t matter. Things would never work between us anyway. I’d rather leave with his respect than to stay and have him find out about my past and end up ashamed of me. I couldn’t stand seeing disgust or condemnation in his eyes,” Joan moaned.

  “Please, don’t run away. Talk to Lyle. He knows Dave better than anyone. Don’t give up on all you’ve worked for here in Los Angeles. Don’t move. Keep in touch with me. I promise I won’t tell Dave where you are. Is there anything you want me to tell Dave when I see him? Is there any way I can help you?” Cindy asked.

  “Just tell him that I’ll always remember him and thank him for trusting me to do this article. The article is his now to do with as he pleases. I am giving up all my rights to it. Any money it earns, he can keep or give it to his favorite charity. It’s ironic, but thanks to the advance he gave me for the article, I’ll have enough money to move and get a small apartment somewhere,” Joan said finally. “Come to think of it, Cindy, please don’t tell Dave anything, not even about my leaving. I need to see him one last time, give him the article, and say goodbye.”

  “I want to keep in contact with you. I really hoped we would be friends forever. Is there any way I can contact you? I promise I won’t tell Dave where you are,” Cindy asked.

  “I will miss you and Lyle and your boys so much. I hate saying goodbye to you. When I get settled, I will let you know where I am. Just keep it a secret from Dave,” Joan said as she walked away from Cindy and got into her car.

  On Monday, after giving notice at her job, Joan began sorting out and cleaning her apartment, getting ready for the move. She didn’t have much, but she decided to get rid of as much as possible so moving would be easier. She bundled up some clothing, dishes, books, and other household decorations, and took them to the Salvation Army store. She called and gave 30 day notice to the apartment manager. She returned library books, cancelled the satellite TV service, and the utilities to be turned off the following Friday.

  “Even if it costs me an extra half month’s rent, I’m going to leave in the middle of the month. That gives me plenty of time to get the rest packed and for me to get out of town. Of course, first I have to figure out where I’m going. Maybe I can find a smaller city without an NFL team,” she thought bleakly.

  The next week crawled by. Having given her notice at work, Cindy was busy training her replacement. She asked her replacement to say that Joan had quit and didn’t leave any forwarding information, when, or if, Dave called. He called on Wednesday, and, with Joan sitting next to her, she delivered Joan’s message. She repeated it again and then hung up.

  “That guy sounded really upset. You should talk to him,” she said.

  “I know. I’ll talk to him before I leave, but I want to wait a few days before I see him,” Joan said. “I just don’t want him showing up here at work and causing a scene.”

  On Sunday morning, Joan called Cindy and said, “I want to come to see you and the game
and feel like part of the team again, but I’m afraid I might run into Dave. I’m nearly all packed up and should be leaving in a day or two. I will always remember you and Lyle and the boys. You welcomed me and made me feel so happy. I’m going to miss you so much. I still haven’t given the article to Dave, but I will do that before I leave. I feel like I’m leaving half of my heart here. After I’m gone, you can tell Dave anything I’ve shared with you, if you want to. By then, I’ll be gone. One day, I will call you and Lyle, after I’m settled in my new location, and after Dave is married to the other woman. I’m sure when he gets married, it will be in all the papers. I wish you, Lyle, Dave, and all the team the best of everything good. I love you all,” Joan said before hanging up.

  Since her TV service was disconnected, she decided to listen to the game on the radio. She could picture the scene as the announcers talked before the game. Closing her eyes, she almost smelled the popcorn and hot dogs being sold in the stands. She imagined Cindy sitting in the box. Joan wondered if Davey was with her or if she was sitting alone. Not remaining friends with Cindy was another reason Joan felt so sad about moving.

  According the sportscasters, Dave was not starting the game that day, because his shoulder was still sore. He had been practicing a little, and they expected he would come in and run some plays, depending on how the game was going and how his shoulder was feeling. Joan could imagine him pacing up and down the sidelines, shouting encouragement to his teammates while feeling frustrated to be out of the action. The Raiders were famous for being a rough, hard hitting team. They were rated one of the best defensive teams in the league. The announcers said that the Rams would probably struggle offensively since Dave was not starting.

  The first quarter proved the announcers had been right. The Raiders had stopped the Rams on the first four drives. Luckily, the Rams were able to keep the Raiders from getting into the end zone on two of their drive. The third drive ended with a field goal and the fourth was a touchdown after they intercepted a pass thrown by the replacement quarterback. The quarter ended Rams 0, Raiders 10.

  The second quarter started like the first. The Raiders were playing outstanding defensive football. When the Rams had managed to get to the Raiders 36 yard line, the Ram’s coach called a timeout. Dave put on his helmet and went in for a series of plays. The first play was a run down the middle for a five yard gain. The second was a sweep around the left end of the line for a first down. On the next play, Dave dropped back for a pass. He looked for an open receiver downfield, but they were all covered. He waited and decided to pass to a receiver on the right sideline. When he raised his arm to pass, he was blindsided by a Raider defender who had fought his way through the line. Dave was caught off guard when the defender tackled him. He landed heavily on Dave’s body crushing his right shoulder into the ground.

  When Joan heard the announcer describe his fall, Joan screamed. “No, please God, don’t let him be injured again.”

  The sportscasters reported that Dave was still down on the field and that the coach and trainers were at his side. They signaled for a stretcher to be brought out. After a few minutes, he was carried off the field and taken into the dressing room. It seemed like an hour before the sportscasters reported that Dave had been taken to the hospital. No one knew the extent of his injuries yet, but he was in severe pain.

  Joan sat by the radio praying that they would give a report on his condition, but it wasn’t until late in the last quarter that they announced that he had gone straight into the hospital operating room for emergency surgery on his shoulder.

  Joan was frantic for news. She tried calling Cindy’s cell phone number, but it kept going straight to her message box. Every half hour, she tried calling again. She paced nervously while waiting to hear how he was doing. When the game ended, the Raiders had beaten the Rams, but no one had news about Dave. It was nearly 5 pm when Joan finally got through to Cindy. She and Lyle were at the hospital. Cindy had turned her telephone off because of the hospital’s rules. She had gone outside to get some fresh air and was checking her messages when Joan called her again. Joan was nearly frantic when Cindy finally answered her cell phone. Joan’s hands were shaking and her voice quavered with nervousness.

  “Cindy, how is Dave?” she asked anxiously. “I was listening to the game and heard he was hurt. How is he doing? Did he have surgery? Tell me whatever you know, please,” Joan begged.

  “Slow down, Joan. I can only answer one question at a time. We don’t really know much yet. He re-injured his shoulder, only this time, it’s a lot worse. He has a torn his cartilage, broken his collar bone, and there are some bone fragments that need to be removed. I think that’s what the doctor told us. Dave’s in severe pain. He’s worried and hurting. You could see it in his eyes. He is frustrated, angry, and scared. The doctors said there was a chance he may never get full use of his shoulder again after such a severe injury. You could see the spark go out of his eyes after that. He was rushed into surgery, but they haven’t finished the operation yet. I’ve never seen him look so upset about anything, except the way he’s been since you stopped talking to him. He asked about you today. It broke my heart to tell him I didn’t know where you were or how to contact you. He told me you had quit your job and had not returned his calls. He’s a broken man now. First, he’s lost you, and now he may have lost his ability to play football again,” Cindy sobbed.

  “Please call me as soon as you hear anything about him, Cindy. Here is my cell phone number 555-600-1515. I’ll be waiting to hear from you,” Joan said.

  “What he needs right now is you, Joan. Please think about coming to see him after he is out of surgery. I know it would mean the world to him,” Cindy urged her. “He has lost the will to fight and is really depressed. I know hearing from you would really help him. He needs all the friends he has to rally around him.”

  “I’m not sure if a call from me would hurt him or help him, the way things are between us right now. Maybe the other woman will realize she loves him and will rush to his side. Please call me when you find out anything. I’ll be praying for him. Thanks,” Joan said.

  Just before noon the next day, Joan’s cell phone rang. When she answered it, she heard Cindy’s voice on the line.

  “Joan, I don’t have complete information yet, but he survived the surgery. He’s out of the recovery room and is in Room 217. He is still under heavy sedation, but he’s awake and talking. Well, actually, he is able to talk, but he has pretty well shut down. He talked briefly to Lyle, but mostly he just stares at the hospital wall. It’s like he’s given up. He’s down and defeated. I’ve never seen him like this before. I’m really worried about him,” Cindy reported.

  “Oh, Cindy, I’m so sorry to hear that. He can’t just give up. Football means so much to him. Maybe if we give him a little time, he’ll be back to his normal self,” Joan said.

  “Do you really believe that?” Cindy asked. “I thought you really knew and loved Dave. This is the worst he’s ever been. He’s been hit too hard by life right now. He’s lost too much. I hope you are right, but I don’t believe he is going to get better unless he gets some hope back. That’s what he needs right now: hope, encouragement, and love,” Cindy declared.

  “Please call me when you learn more.” Joan said. “I wish there was more that I can do, but. with things the way they are between us now, I don’t know what else to do.”

  “If you really care about him, why don’t you come down and talk to him yourself? You’re the only one he wants or needs to see or talk to right now. What are you going to do about it? That’s what a friend would do!” she snapped angrily.

  “I don’t know. I’ll talk to you later,” Joan answered miserably.