The Naive Bumblebee

by Holly Smith

  “Now repeat those words about out there.”

  “I feel good out there. I feel loved, appreciated and happy. I am free to be myself and I have a choice about everything.” Nelise felt a sudden change of feeling ripple through her body although she wasn’t sure what it was. Is that possible in the real world?

  I doubt it, she answered herself.

  “When ‘do’ you feel good out there, Nelise?” MG persisted.

  “I feel good out there after I’ve spent time in Garden. When I stay away, my out there doesn’t feel so good anymore.”

  “What do you conclude from that?”

  “When I visit Garden, I feel good out there more of the time,” Nelise admitted.

  “So is Garden real?” MG asked.

  “I guess it is, to me anyway.”

  “Would you also conclude that out there could be as wonderful as Garden?”

  “Ha! I wonder about that.”

  “Nelise, your world out there enables you to enjoy the loveliness of Garden; and Garden gives you the opportunity to experience whatever you want without limits, so if you enjoy something, you can bring it into your ‘out there’ world, as you say. One could not exist without the other. When you understand that, you can enjoy both arenas and the combination of experiences will cause a new world sphere to evolve for you.”

  “What do you mean, ‘for me?’ Am I by myself in my own world?” Nelise asked, anxiously imagining being lost alone in outer space.

  “No, you are never alone because you always have Garden to go to wherever you are. When you have desirable experiences in Garden, you begin shifting to a sphere where you can relive those same experiences in the so-called ‘out there’ world. It is the same for everyone,” MG said more animatedly than Nelise had ever seen.

  “I’m not aware of traveling to any other worlds, MG. Every day I wake up, I see the same ol’ one,” Nelise said matter-of-factly.

  “Although you are all constantly shifting through spheres, Nelise, it is incremental in your idea of time. It is like the setting of a stage where the curtain doesn’t open until the stage setting for the next scene is complete although it has been constantly changing bit by bit. The creation of a new sphere and shifting into it is gradual so people’s minds have time to adjust to the changes. That is why you sleep. With every mental shift in someone’s thought, there are ripples of change flowing out across everything in the universe. Multiply that by a number you can’t imagine, within a universe the size of which you can’t imagine, and you can understand why sleep is necessary for all beings,” MG explained.

  “MG, I hear what you’re saying but I’m telling you that I wake up and see the same people, places, and things. Get it?” Nelise said.

  “Are you sure? What about the times you’ve suddenly noticed a new structure going up and cannot recall what was previously there? What about that person appearing at your place of employment, your church, or your neighborhood that you haven’t seen before although you find out they’ve been there for some time. Others have moved out or moved on and you one day realize you have no idea what happened to them. You notice an empty lot where a familiar shop once was, yet you cannot remember when it disappeared. There are so many changes occurring around you that you cannot possibly keep up with them and yet, when you relax and focus on your own life’s journey, you will understand that you are in harmony with all of it. And there are always people around you on the same wavelength as you. Of course, that wavelength may be based on a good idea or a not so good idea which is an important reason for visiting Garden. All in all, there can be no disharmony anywhere or all would cease to exist. Does that make sense to you?” MG asked.

  “Oh no, wait a minute here. If I asked around, I would find out from others all the particulars about those people and buildings,” Nelise said haughtily.

  “Yes, in the sphere you are then in, but not in the one you just left.”

  “Well, there are a lot of people in the world that aren’t in harmony. How can that be if what you are saying is true?” Nelise asked, thinking, I got you on this one, MG!

  “Everyone and everything is in harmony in all spheres, whether you’re consciously aware of it or not. The whole process has been choreographed such as not to disturb the equilibrium of all life, Nelise. Don’t try to figure it out. It’s all good.”

  Nelise felt goosebumps rise on her skin. She wasn’t sure she was comfortable with MG’s presentation of life or not, as much as she thought she understood it. She looked at MG quizzically.

  “One way to think about it, Nelise, is to think of blowing bubbles. What happens? Individual bubbles of various sizes are formed and float away. Some are enmeshed with one or more bubbles for a time. Eventually they all pop and disappear, yet if you keep blowing, more are forming and floating. Now think of those bubbles as spheres in the universe with people on them and slow down time. Since everything is constantly changing, people are constantly shifting through spheres like bubbles. You don’t notice because the changes are subtle and much seems to remain the same. When all have left a sphere, it dissipates like the bubble. Does that make sense?”

  Nelise’s thought pattern was challenged. The more MG talked, the more questions she had.

  “MG, if that is so, why must we die? Why can’t we simply let go of the current body and move on to the next sphere?”

  “Contrary to popular opinion, that is what you do. You leave one body idea when you are ready for a new one and it dissipates like the bubble. Because of certain beliefs, some keep their attention on it which makes it seem to stay longer than it does; that is just illusion. People have come to fear letting go of the old version of their body; and yet, one could simply shift into a new body idea like you do in Garden. Eventually, as you shift through spheres, it will happen in just that way as you increase your understanding of the universe. By then, people will no longer become so deeply ensconced in any particular version of themselves and the flowing motion forward will be freer and more enjoyable, much like sliding into a lake of cool, refreshing water.”

  “I will have to think on that, MG. I’m not sure I can get my head around it,” Nelise said, feeling as if her mind was a search engine running too fast.

  “Nelise, let all that go. For now, do you accept that Garden is real?” MG asked.

  “Yes, I do.”

  “OK. Look at Nelise in the mirror again. What do you want to say to her now?”

  “I’m sorry, Nelise, for everything you have suffered. I will take you to Garden every day to be with Esleen and feel love, and experience the things you want to. I want you to feel free, loved, and happy always.”

  Nelise sighed deeply and looked at MG. “Is that what you mean?”

  “Why ask me? How do you feel?”

  Nelise smiled and closed her eyes. “I’m looking for the Garden.”

  “Hi, Nelise; I’m happy to see you,” Esleen said as they stood outside the body shop.

  Nelise smiled, walked in, and returned happily with her best body expression.

  “Very nice,” Esleen said appreciatively. Where to today?”

  “Let’s go to the park and sit on a bench for a bit. I’ve got some thinking to do, OK?”

  “Of course, dear.”

  They found a bench in the park and sat facing a small pond. Gentle breezes played with Nelise’s hair. Something Esleen had often said came to her attention.

  “Esleen?”

  “Yes?”

  “You often say this is my Garden. What do you mean by that? You are here with me and other people too. Doesn’t that mean it is yours and theirs too?”

  “No, this is completely your Garden and they are your guests. Since I am your guide, I am here as long as you need me to be.”

  Nelise looked at Esleen with an expression of panic at the possibility of never seeing her again. “I need you to be here forever, Esleen!”

  “And I can be,” Esleen said, “yet there may come a time when you will no longer need me, Nelise, an
d that will be OK. Know that.”

  Nelise refused to entertain such an idea for even a second.

  “If these are my guests, why don’t I know them?”

  “You would know them if you had a conversation with them, but for now, it’s not necessary to worry about that. Everything will become clear in time. Is there anything special that you want to do now?”

  “Yes, I want to go for a boat ride and I’ll do the rowing,” Nelise said, deciding to get her mind off such serious conversations. Esleen was there with her and she trusted her; that’s all she cared about at the moment.

  “I look forward to it,” Esleen said, bringing them to a serene lake of crystal blue water. The bright sunlight offered them a view of the soft, sandy bottom with its little plants and fishes.

  Nelise rowed from one side of the lake to the other, listening to the oars dipping gently in and out of the water as the rocking boat created small ripples on the lake’s surface. I love having the lake all to myself with Esleen; it’s too bad Mother couldn’t have enjoyed this with me, she thought. When they reached the shore, Nelise pushed the boat up onto the sand, spread a blanket and promptly laid on it with childlike delight. Esleen sat down beside her and serenely gazed at the water as Nelise dozed off.

  Chapter 7

  It was morning when Nelise opened her eyes. She did not remember getting into bed. She saw it was time to get up for work and went to the kitchen for some orange juice, dropped a piece of bread into the toaster and glanced at the calendar. Saturday! Immediately delighted, she threw the bread away. No need to eat now, it was ice cream and Loyle day! She rushed to her closet and picked out one of her favorite dresses and matching shoes. She paid more attention to dressing on Saturdays lately and this time, she let her hair fall around her shoulders and applied a light pink lipstick. Garden’s ideas have been good for me, she acknowledged as she left her apartment.

  Reaching the card shop, she realized nobody had crossed her path on the way; no weird looks and no insulting comments came from anyone. After perusing the card aisle, there were no enticing cards either. That’s interesting, Nelise thought. I guess there’s a first time for everything. She sauntered over to the ice cream parlor and looked over the menu on the wall. Moments later, Loyle came through the office door.

  “Nelise! How are you? Shall I get you the usual?”

  “Hi, Loyle. I’m well, and you?”

  “I’m good, good,” he said, standing over the ice cream bins waiting for her order.

  “I think I’ll have a dish of vanilla ice cream today, thanks.”

  “That’s it? No sundae?”

  “No, not today,” Nelise said, feeling a twinge of annoyance.

  “What’s going on with you? You have been getting sundaes every Saturday for what, over a year, right?” Loyle asked, placing the dish of ice cream before her and bringing her the usual cup of coffee.

  “I guess so. Hmmm, I didn’t realize you were tracking my ice cream intake,” Nelise said.

  “I wasn’t! I didn’t mean anything by it Nelise, it’s just that . . . ,” Loyle started to say and trailed off into embarrassed silence.

  “I know, Loyle; don’t feel bad. I’m flattered that someone noticed my comings and goings at all,” she said quickly, laughing to maintain their usual rapport.

  “Yeah?” Loyle smiled with relief. “What have you been up to? You seem different today . . . , in a good way that is,” he added with a nervous laugh.

  “How so?” Nelise asked, slowly eating her ice cream so Loyle could dote on her longer. I should have ordered a sundae! This is the most personal Loyle has ever been with me.

  “Oh, a little more relaxed; I’m not sure exactly, just different. And you’re wearing your hair down. That’s the first time I’ve ever seen how long it is! What’s going on here?” he asked, leaning on the counter nearer to her with a certain inquisitive smile. “Is there someone special you want to tell me about?”

  Nelise laughed out loud. If only you knew the truth, my dear Loyle!

  “Thank you for saying that, Loyle. You made my day,” she said, jubilantly getting up to leave. “How much shall I tip you today?”

  “I don’t want any tip. I’d rather know the particulars of what’s going on behind those twinkly eyes of yours. How about dining with me some evening and filling me in?”

  Nelise felt her face flush and giggled nervously as she breezed out the door before he could say anything more. She felt exhilarated the whole time she was running her errands. As she walked by a couple of teenaged girls, she heard them make some sort of lowly comments but she did not flinch nor care. Loyle had shown more interest in her than ever before and she felt as if she were walking on clouds the rest of the day.

  With Loyle’s additional attention still in mind, Nelise came into work cheerfully Monday morning.

  Her joy was short-lived though, as she stood by the elevator and watched the rest of the staff come in. They had met for breakfast as they often did on Mondays before work and nobody had called her this time, not even Petal. She didn’t mind too much since she always had the feeling that everyone watched to see what she ordered and how much of her food she would eat anyway. Then there were the “post-breakfast” comments that came her way. It was not all that enjoyable, yet she liked being privy to the latest gossip about the upper echelon.

  “Hi, Nelise; sorry you couldn’t make it to breakfast this morning. It’s probably better that you didn’t go anyway,” Petal said.

  “Oh? Why?” Not that I really care, Petal, but I know you’ll tell me anyway, she thought dryly.

  “There were some loud people at the table next to us who were rude to the waitress. Of course you know that took over the conversation at our table and ruined our chances of hearing the latest news because some of us couldn’t mind our own business,” Petal said, rolling her eyes. “I know you know who I’m talking about.”

  “I’m glad I wasn’t there. Yeah, I’m sure I do,” Nelise snickered. Chad was always talking about others and sticking his nose where it didn’t belong. Nelise wondered if it was because he had no family of his own around him. The only close relatives he had lived a couple of towns over. His parents were working overseas and his sister worked out of state. The poor guy couldn’t up and leave his good paying job, so he stayed alone. I can’t believe I’m thinking about this callous guy! I can’t even imagine why I felt like I was missing out on something by not going to breakfast with them all this time!

  “Anyway, how was your weekend?” Petal continued.

  “It was pretty good for a change.”

  “Oh? Did you do something special?” Petal asked. “You do seem a little more perky than usual for a Monday morning.”

  “Nothing spectacular; I suppose it’s because I did some things that I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. How was yours?”

  “Oh, the usual; shopping and lunch with my mom, then I took my nieces to the movies Saturday night and slept late Sunday morning. By the time laundry was done and I got off the computer, the weekend was over. They’re never long enough, you know? I’ll see you in the lunchroom,” she finished, hurrying off to her cubicle.

  I find it interesting that two people noticed a difference in me, and I do feel better but other than that, nothing has changed. Is it because I no longer spend mornings looking at myself in the mirror berating myself? Nelise couldn’t stop thinking about Garden and Esleen even when she was busy. She always felt good there; that is, when she managed to stay there for a time. She was gradually getting better at it which lifted her self-esteem greatly; Loyle’s increased attention had been an added gift.

  That evening, Nelise rushed home, made a quick supper of avocado, lettuce and shrimp salad with a roll while listening to her favorite music, then readied her clothes for the next day and sat in her chair.

  “I’m looking for the Garden,” she announced.

  “Hi, Nelise. Body shop?”

  “Yes, please.”

  When Nelise stepp
ed out of the body shop, she looked quite different. She was slender, yet this time she wore long, dangling earrings, a sky blue short-sleeved blouse covered with sparkling blue gems on the front, and a knee-length navy blue skirt with the same blue gemstones running down the front towards the hem like shooting stars. Her hair was braided with blue ribbons intertwined.

  “My, that’s quite a change for you, Nelise; you look sparkly all over!” Esleen commented as she whisked Nelise onto Main Street. As they walked, people greeted them with friendly comments and smiles. “You must be feeling sparkly on the inside too; people are responding to it.”

  “Yes, I am. I had a wonderful weekend and things are beginning to look up for me!”

  “That’s not surprising at all. So what do you want to do during this visit?”

  Nelise stopped and thought a moment. “I want to go biking through the country.”

  “Let’s go,” said Esleen as they spontaneously appeared before a bike shop with a change of clothes. “I’ll wait here while you get your bike.”

  “What about you? Don’t you need a bike?”

  “Whatever you get, I will have,” Esleen reminded her and smiled.

  “Ahhh, yes, I remember.” After a few minutes, Nelise returned with her bike and saw that Esleen also had one just like it. These types of occurrences did not seem out of the ordinary in Garden so she had never noticed before.

  “You lead,” said Esleen.

  Off Nelise flew, riding speedily over hills, around curves, and past a couple of old farms. She rode onto a dirt road, past a field of clover and then rode through woods dotted with wildflowers and leafy trees. Cows on the wayside were chewing peacefully as she recalled riding her old bike through the woods as a child. She always felt free and happy like she did now. When they reached the end of the ride at the cobblestones on Main Street, Nelise felt exhilarated.

  As they walked their bikes back to the bike shop and after returning hers, Nelise noticed Esleen’s was gone also and smiled.