When It All Goes Still

by Allison Mullinax

  I open the doors to the courtyard, relieved to see only a few people lazing in the grass listening to music. There is a group of people to the far left, engrossed in conversation. It’s Torrin, Cerre, and Eero, along with a few others from our class. They are so involved in what they are talking about that no one seems to take notice of me as I make my way across the grass and into the Shifting Division.

  It’s seven forty-five when I enter the chamber room, and while I am early, I’m still surprised that Arden isn’t already here waiting for me or making preparations. I take a seat on the floor by my chamber so that anyone who happens to pass by wouldn’t be able to see me. Leaning my head back against the machine, I close my eyes, knowing it’s her face I’ll see behind my eyelids. I don’t know how to let go of it all, and I’m killing myself trying. It’s like she is part of me now and there is nothing I can do about it. Hearing footsteps enter the room, my eyes shoot open. Arden is standing in the doorway.

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you arrived. I intended to be. I ran into Vlad.” He gives me a curious look, anticipating my response.

  “Fuck him.”

  “Hmmm. He expressed concerns about your temperament, Traveler,” he warns in a tone that proved Vlad’s point. I’m immediately furious.

  “My temperament?” I’m on my feet in an instant. “Did you know he’s hitting Sephia? She told me as much. I saw her the night he about crushed her cheek bone in, Arden. So yes, I may have a temperament with Vlad, but it is justified.” My voice echoes off the walls.

  “Is she willing to accuse him of such?” he asks.

  “Look, I know what you’re getting at. Of course, not. He’s brainwashed her. But she isn’t safe, and when something happens to her, it isn’t going to be because I didn’t try.”

  “I understand. But you’re not the one that needs to bring it to light. You’re not in a position to be challenging Vlad, a high-ranking official in the Authority Division. The less attention you draw to yourself, the better.” Arden’s hard stare challenges me.

  “I don’t give a fuck about his position. He shouldn’t be in Authority, he’s a rapist and an abuser. I’ve now witnessed him doing both.” I kick the chair across the floor making blue sparks fly from my hands.

  “Enough,” Arden belts with a deep, stern tone, that he rarely uses. It does the trick and stops me in my tracks. “The pressure you are under is immense. The anger you feel,” he says, pulling his hand to his chest much like I do when I’m thinking of Johanna, “it too is magnificent. It seems like too much, and you feel like you’re going to implode. I understand. But I warn you, Traveler, to gain control over yourself and your emotions before you do irrevocable damage.” Closing my eyes, I breathe deeply through my nose. “You aren’t like the rest of us. Neither was your mother, Traveler. And if you don’t want to end up in solitude for the rest of your life, like she is, then you control yourself. My hope is that she will give you some answers. Some peace. And an idea of how to handle your capabilities without destroying yourself in the meantime.”

  I feel the tingling in my fingertips subside as I allow myself to calm. “He can’t get away with what he is doing,” I plead with Arden.

  “No, he can’t. And if what you say is true, then it won’t be hidden for much longer. Secrets such as those have a way of working their way from underground to daylight. I’ll see to it.” He assures me with a single nod.

  “I just hope it isn’t too late.” I warn him, hoping he understands that the situation is that serious.

  “It’s not only Sephia that has you feeling so hopeless.” He arches his eyebrow, daring me to lie again.

  “No. It’s not only that.” I reveal nothing but refuse to hide my pain concerning Johanna’s absence.

  He gives me a small nod, letting me know he understands, and that he won’t push it.

  I look at the clock which now reads eight fourteen p.m. We both realize it’s time to go forward with our plan. I’m anxious and ready.

  “Shall we?” He gestures toward my chamber. “The coordinates I’m entering into your chamber are on the outskirts of the Cherokee National Forest, in Tennessee. It should be secluded and predominantly void of people. Do not, under any circumstances, venture far. You’ll have the night to find comfort and shelter, and in the morning, you will do a more in-depth scouting of the area for Jaqueline’s arrival. Here.” He hands me a cell phone. “You can use that to communicate with her. She will be able to respond once you reach 2016.” He looks worried and concerned. “After all these years. After all this time.” He slowly shakes his head. It must be surreal for him to finally have everything out in the open.

  “Here goes nothing,” I say, climbing into my chamber while I watch him enter in the coordinates. A map of Tennessee comes into view on the screen, and he zooms in on the exact location along the border of the National Forest where he intends for me to arrive.

  “Be safe, Traveler. Be wise. Eleven p.m. Sunday night.”

  I give him a thumbs-up as a response. He shuts the lid on the chamber, and I feel the energy inside my body building. I close my eyes, and as always, she is there. Her lips whispering my name, beckoning me to her. I see the blue light behind my eyelids, only for a second, before I feel the elevation, and then the hard ground underneath my boots.

  My eyes remain closed. I breathe in the fresh night air, feeling the hint of a breeze on my face. And then I open my eyes. I look to my right and see the boulder where her dad proposed to her mother. I see the town and the lake stretched out below me. And it’s then that I realize, hundreds of years can stretch between the two of us, but not science nor reason…not even myself, can keep me from coming back to her. No matter how hard I’ve tried.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Johanna

  My backyard, the one that holds so many happy memories of my family and I, is now filled with people I’m growing to dislike more strongly by the minute. Katie has displayed herself, and her legion of followers, at a table front and center of all the attention. It is draped in a gaudy purple tablecloth that she declared is, “One of our wedding colors, jewel tones are very in this season,” as I stood within earshot, and proceeded to vomit in my mouth. She showed up an hour before the party, started ordering around the servers, and complaining about the flower arrangements. She’s barely spoken two words to MB, and for that simple fact I hope the BBQ shrimp hors d’oeuvres give her food poisoning.

  I wouldn’t still be here if it weren’t for Mary-Beth. She’s incredibly uncomfortable, and I’m worried it’s all too much for her to handle this late in her pregnancy. I’m standing alone in the kitchen, staying as far away from the crowd as possible, waiting for MB to direct me on where she needs me next. Only I haven’t seen her in about thirty minutes, and I’m wondering if I can sneak off to my room for cover.

  I hear someone clear their throat behind me and turn around to see Florence Carter. Her blonde hair is pinned up tight, and her expression is looking sour and drawn. “Yes?”

  “We need more servers here. I shouldn’t be running around doing these things at my own daughter’s engagement party. Where did the caterers place the extra serving utensils?” she asks indignantly. I don’t trust my mouth, so I point to the box placed on the island. “I’m surprised to see you here this evening.” She pretends to sort through the boxes on the counter.

  “Well, I do live here.”

  “Mmm. I would have assumed this would make you uncomfortable, and you would find some other activity to occupy yourself.” She’s trying to entice me into revealing some jealousy for Katie that simply doesn’t exist. Of course, in Florence Carter’s mind, everyone should long to be Katie. And as for me, I should still be wallowing in a pool of tears because Max chose her over me. At least that’s how she sees it.

  “I’m here to help Mary-Beth and my brother.” I continue to stare out the window at the crowd of people.

  “Mary-Beth isn’t due for another two weeks, and she isn’t helpless. Besides, we don�
��t want to have any more incidents now, do we?” Turning my head to look at her in disbelief, she doesn’t have the decency to hide her smirk.

  “Meaning?” I ask, forcing her to forgo her faux politeness.

  “I’ve just heard you’ve had a bit of trouble lately. I know it’s the anniversary of Jim and Susan’s death coming up, it was bound to become too much eventually.” She shakes her head in mock pity.

  “Florence, I am perfectly fine. You might choose to refrain from implying otherwise to the people in this town, as well.” I force myself to breathe through the feeling of wanting to go into a murderous rage.

  “Is that a threat, dear?” She laughs, and it’s probably the first time in her life that someone has challenged her.

  “Nope. Just some advice.” I grab the box off the island and brush past her to the back door. Andrew meets me on the other side and takes one of the boxes of silver serving spoons from me.

  “You okay?” he asks.

  “Your mother-in-law…” My fingers dig into the side of the box, the cardboard threatening to collapse under my grip.

  “Ugh. Jesus. She’s a piece of work. Try to steer clear of her like I do. I don’t know how Mary-Beth turned out to be so different than those two.” He cringes. “Have you seen MB?”

  I look around the backyard for her, and I spot Max standing awkwardly beside Katie with a beer in his hand. He notices me looking at him, and quickly averts his eyes. He has a small scratch just above his cheek, and I smirk with satisfaction. “No, actually I haven’t.”

  “I’m going to run upstairs and check if she’s there. I’ll be right back; can you place these on the table?” He shoves the box into my hand without waiting for an answer.

  I make my way across the lawn, when Katie suddenly shouts my name. It was loud enough for anyone standing near me to know that I would have heard her, so I’m unable to ignore it. Turning around, I give her a small wave as she motions for me to walk over. I don’t have the patience for her since her mother used it all up in my damn kitchen, but I oblige her anyway.

  “Hey Katie. Max,” I say, without looking at him. His nervousness is radiating off his skin.

  “How ya doin’, hun?” she starts, “Not plannin’ on passing out on us tonight, are ya?” She giggles.

  I let an uncomfortable amount of time pass without responding. “Have you seen MB?”

  “Everyone was fussing over her and the baby. So, she went inside. The attention can be on Max and me tonight.” She scoots into him and places her hand over his chest. Her ring finger is tapping up and down so that I’m sure to notice.

  “Right.” I’m unable to hide my displeasure with her.

  “Enough about her. No plans tonight, Jo? So nice of you to help the caterers out. It does seem a little short-staffed.” She glances at the box I’m carrying. I’m tempted to slap the glass of champagne out of her hand and onto her ugly expensive shoes, but I aim for another battleship.

  “You got something on your face there, buddy,” I say, seconds before I turn to glance at Max, who looks like he’s the one about to pass out this time.

  Katie’s smile falters. “I was helping Andrew trim some low-lying branches around the house earlier. Nasty twig caught me below the eye,” he responds, lacking the confidence in his voice from earlier.

  I plaster one of my best Katie-esque grins on my face and with the annoying twang that tints her accent I say, “Gotta watch yourself, hun,” before I walk away. Whatever lie he’s conjured up to give Katie, I couldn’t care less.

  Walking over to the table, I begin adjusting the spoons in a large tin bucket, my shaking hands causing the silverware to clack together. And then, I hear it. I freeze, completely motionless, eyes not blinking, waiting and listening. Was that my imagination?

  The handful of spoons and forks slips from my hands creating a loud clatter, and everyone around me is staring. I wait. And there it is again, the low distant hum inside my head. It’s barely audible, and I tilt my head and shut my eyes, drowning out the sound of everyone else. It’s there, the buzz of an otherworldly frequency that I haven’t heard in almost a week. And I know it’s him.

  Turning around to look at the guests, I scan each and every face, waiting to spot his. I can feel it in the air. The atmosphere is heavy with the weight of energy. I walk quickly to the center of the backyard and spin around, looking for him. “Jo, what are you doing?” Katie calls, from my right.

  “She’s completely lost it. She threatened me in the kitchen,” I hear Florence Carter’s shrill voice joining the crowd. I push past everyone, not caring; I have to find him.

  “Maybe she really is on drugs,” another voice whispers. Nothing else matters, though. I feel the invisible pull growing stronger by the second. Traveler is here…somewhere.

  I take off jogging across the backyard, ignoring the laughter and the chatter, and push open the back door into the kitchen. The hum is growing stronger, and I feel the dizziness settling into my brain. The only time I feel this off balance is when Traveler is near. I open the front door, and no one is there. A streak of silent lightning cracks across the sky. There is an obvious absence of thunder.

  Sprinting up the stairs, I swing open the door to my bedroom, so sure that I’ll find him sitting on the bed waiting for me. But he isn’t there. Panic grinds in my chest. Am I losing my mind? I hang my head with disappointment. I just gave Katie and half the town a reason to believe everything they’ve been hearing about me. I’m acting like a complete nut.

  I walk down the hallway to MB and Andrew’s room and knock on the door.

  “Who is it?” Andrew calls out.

  “Hey, it’s me.” I turn the knob and crack the door. “I wanted to check on MB.”

  Andrew has the overnight bag for the hospital on the bed, hastily adding a few items to it. “I think Mary-Beth is in labor,” he mutters with a deer-in-the-headlights expression.

  “Oh my God!” I hop up and down, clapping my hands.

  “Shhh! She doesn’t want anyone to know. She thinks her mother and her sister will be upset that the party is ruined. She’s trying to hold off until they leave…but I don’t know if she can.” He throws a pair of MB’s pink pajama pants into the bag.

  I walk over to the bathroom door and lightly tap, “Hey MB, you okay?”

  Opening the door, you would never know she was in labor. Her smooth blonde ponytail is perfectly secured behind her head, and her makeup is clean and fresh. “Yeah, it’s early labor. I have a few hours. Owww.” She puts her hand on her lower back. “I’m just gonna hang out up here for a bit. Can you hand me my phone, so I can call Dr. Rhodan and let her know what’s going on?” She grins, swaying back and forth.

  “Sure thing. I can’t believe this is happening!” I skip over to her nightstand and retrieve her cell, noticing she has an unread text message from earlier in the afternoon. Reading the first line, my heart begins to thump so loudly that I’m sure Andrew can hear it.

  —It’s Traveler. Tell Johanna I haven’t forgotten.—

  I clear the message before she has a chance to see it, and then hand her the phone. “Jo, I know this probably makes me the worst human on the planet. But can you keep an eye on things downstairs? The party should be winding down soon. I think I’m better off up here for now,” she says with an apologetic look.

  “Of course, I’ll do whatever you need me to.” Walking over to her, I give her a gentle hug.

  “As soon as the guests leave I think we should go, too,” Andrew says sternly, and I nod my head in agreement.

  ****

  Downstairs in the kitchen, the buzzing is all I can hear. It’s wrapped itself completely around me, and it echoes between my ears. The crowd is thinning out in the backyard, and I’m anxious for everyone to leave.

  I hear the front door open and close, and I dart into the foyer hoping to see anyone but the person standing in front of me. Max is dusting his hands off on his dark khaki pants, and he looks up at me seemingly at a loss for what to
say. “I, uh, took the trash out.”

  “Great.” Spinning on my heels, I turn and walk back to the kitchen.

  “Jo, hang on a sec.” I hear him following me, but I don’t dare turn around. “You aren’t going to say anything about what happened, are you?” He’s practically begging.

  I give him a look, letting him know how disgusting he truly sounds. “No. I won’t say anything. Besides, your bride and her mother want nothing more than to destroy any reputation I may have. It wouldn’t matter what I said,” I reply, knowing it’s true.

  “Yeah. I’m sorry about that.” His forehead creases, and for the moment I believe him.

  “Not sorry enough to stop her though, huh?” I fold my arms across my chest, waiting for him to deny it.

  “I really did mean what I said earlier,” he begins, but is interrupted by the back door opening and Katie walking in on the conversation.

  “Earlier?” Katie looks between the two of us. I can’t help but find enjoyment in the small amount of doubt she suddenly feels. It could only be a fraction of what I felt that night, seeing her and Max tangled together. “What did you mean earlier?” she asks again.

  And I watch his face suddenly transform from the man who was standing before me hours ago, begging for my attention, to the man he is with Katie Carter. “Uhh. Yeah. I was just telling Jo I was concerned for her well-being earlier today. In light of all the things that have happened recently,” he lies. The pleasure oozes back into Katie’s face, and I abruptly feel it’s beneath me to be standing here in the presence of either one of them. I stare him straight in the eyes, letting him know he may be fooling her but I know the truth.

  “Yes, I agree. We are all worried for you, Jo. Baby, I’m tired, let’s go.” She rises on her tiptoes, kissing him so inappropriately that even I’m embarrassed for them. I can’t help the laugh that comes out of my mouth.