When It All Goes Still

by Allison Mullinax

  “You two deserve each other,” I say, walking out into the backyard to blow out the tiki lights.

  Florence Carter walks past me, and I grab her forearm, getting her attention. “Mary-Beth is in labor. I thought you should know.” She roughly shakes my hand loose.

  “My daughter chose to marry into this family.” She’s unable to hide the snootiness from her voice. “I’m sure Andrew has everything under control. I’ve been busy with the engagement party if you haven’t noticed. She can call me if I’m needed,” she says, while hopping on her broom and flying off into the night. I would like to say that I’m surprised, but I’m not.

  I’m watching from the front porch swing as the rows of cars and trucks begin pulling out of the fields and driveway, and I feel relieved this night is over. Even though I don’t think I’ve helped to shut down the rumor mill.

  “Jo!” I hear Andrew call frantically from inside. I’m on my feet within seconds and in the house just in time to see him helping MB down the steps, her black maternity pants looking completely soaked. “Jesus Christ. Her water broke,” he hollers, as if it’s the first time a woman has ever been in labor.

  “Calm down. It’s fine. Jo, maybe you should drive.” Mary-Beth rolls her eyes at him.

  I’m grabbing my keys off the kitchen counter when I hear MB’s voice. “Ummm, Jo?” I run back out into the foyer to see what she needs. Andrew and MB are staring out into the front yard. Turning my head, through the screen door, stands Traveler. His strikingly handsome face is looking at mine. I can’t move, the buzzing is so strong it seems to have momentarily stopped me in my tracks.

  “Traveler, great timing. Go grab the hospital bags off the bed, third bedroom on the left. And the car seat! And my wallet!” Andrew shouts at him from the bottom of the stairwell. Traveler peels his eyes from mine and opens the door. And as if he knows, he brushes his fingertips across my back as he heads upstairs, causing the humming to completely cease. “Watch for the water on the floor!” Andrew hysterically calls before walking out the front door with MB.

  I look up the stairs and watch him disappear into the hallway, and then turn and watch my brother and his wife walking to the police car to go bring my nephew into the world. Peace envelopes my body like a blanket fresh out of the dryer.

  Within seconds he’s flying down the stairs with everything Andrew asked him to get. He hits the bottom step, and my feet take off toward him. He drops everything as I jump onto him, wrapping my legs around his waist. He holds me tightly; his strong arms engulf my body. His hand is wrapped around the back of my neck. He pulls my face back and kisses me so deeply, with so much passion, that I know I’ll never be able to breathe a day without it again. “I’m so sorry, I missed you so much,” he says against my lips, still kissing me.

  Andrew lays on the horn, breaking our spell. Traveler places me back on the floor, and I help him gather all the bags and baby gear. “I have to go to the hospital, MB—my nephew,” I stammer, trying to explain.

  “Then I’m going too,” he responds without question, while we walk out the door and head to my Jeep. As we pass by the police car backing out, the lights already flashing, Andrew rolls down the window. “Meet us there.” Traveler tosses Andrew’s wallet through the window seconds before he spins out of the driveway, leaving a trail of dust floating in the air.

  “MB is going to kill him.” My cheeks hurt from smiling as we put the bags and car seat in the back of the Jeep.

  “Johanna,” he calls my name, and it sends chills running down my back. “I didn’t mean to put you in danger. I didn’t mean to come here.” His eyes scan the forest around the house, as if someone might see him.

  “Well, I’m not sorry.” He can try and make me feel otherwise, but he will fail.

  “I tried to stay away.” He brushes his hands lightly against my face, until they find their way to the back of my head. He grabs a handful of my hair, gently wrapping it around his fist. He pulls my head back, tilting my face up to look at him. Kissing the base of my neck, he works his way up my jawline, nibbling up to my mouth. He sucks my bottom lip between his teeth, softly biting me, and then begins kissing me in a way that causes my entire weight to lean against the Jeep for support.

  He pulls back, staring into my eyes. “I have the ability to travel across centuries of time. I can bend the atmosphere to my will. But what I can’t do, what capability completely escapes me, is the one that would allow me to be without you.” He looks at my face in complete bewilderment.

  “Then please don’t try so hard to stay away.” My words come out breathless and pleading.

  He closes his eyes, as if he’s trying to maintain control. “We need to get to the hospital.” Walking me to the driver’s side, he opens the door for me to get in. I watch him while he jogs casually to the passenger side.

  “Johanna, a lot has happened. There’s so much I need to tell you,” he says, placing his hand over my bare thigh. I try to concentrate on driving. “I need something from you that I have no business asking.” He looks at me as I pull the car in front of the hospital and park.

  “Anything.” And I mean it more sincerely than I’ve ever meant anything.

  “Will you go with me tomorrow to meet my mother?” he asks, and I stare back at him, my heart dropping into the pit of my stomach.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Traveler

  I can see the confusion flash across her face even before her words give it away. I know she is wondering, much like I did, how meeting my mother would even be a possibility considering she’s supposed to be dead. But I’ve decided that not only do I need her in the physical state, but I also need Johanna there for my mental well-being. I’m not as focused when she is away from me. My judgment is foggy, and no matter how hard I try to keep her off my mind, I can’t do it. Having Johanna with me when I see Jaqueline Romanoso, for the first time, makes sense to my head and my heart.

  “I know that’s probably a fucked-up thing for you to be hearing right now, considering I’m supposed to be an orphan. I’m still processing it as well. I said I had a lot to tell you.” The inside of my mouth tastes of copper as my front teeth pull at loose skin along my cheek.

  She shakes her head, trying to understand. “Your mother is alive? Traveler…that’s—” she starts to say, while placing her hand on my face.

  “It’s not a glamorous story. Trust me. But I need you there.”

  “Yes, of course I’ll go with you.” Her thumbs stroke my temple, and I kiss the palm of her hand down to her wrist.

  “Come on, let’s go inside.” I can see the anticipation in her eyes concerning her family as we unload Andrew and Mary-Beth’s hospital bags from the back of the Jeep.

  “I can’t believe he’s almost here.” She’s beaming, and I can’t help but mimic her. “I can’t believe you’re here either.” She gives me a sideways glance, tugging at my hand.

  “It was an accident. Arden was sending me to the location where I’m supposed to meet my mother tomorrow, and I ended up on your mountain.” Pointing behind her to the hills, I let my eyes linger there, looking for any sign of trouble.

  “Did Arden do that?”

  “No…we did that,” I say, motioning between the two of us. “I watched him enter in the coordinates. I was supposed to manifest in Tennessee.” I look around the parking lot, aware of why I shouldn’t be here in the first place. “Let’s go inside, okay? We can talk more about all of this later.” I place my hand on her lower back and lead her inside the Women and Children’s entrance. She’s practically skipping through the doors.

  “Labor and Delivery waiting room?” she asks the lady at the desk. I think of the woman behind the counter on the other side of this very hospital, not all that long ago. I try to conjure up a clear image of her from my memory, but I can’t recollect anything other than the nostalgic feeling she gave me when I saw her face. It makes sense to me now, why Arden sent me here. And why he was so eager to make sure nothing went astray during my shif
ting assignment. Only, in his eyes it did. I look at Johanna making her way to the elevators, and I know that she wasn’t an accident or folly in my assignment. The connection I share with her is by nothing other than grand design.

  In the elevator, I find myself unable to keep my hands off her. What was only a week apart, feels like years. I push her against the wall and kiss her earlobe, letting her know how much I have missed her. “You’re a witch. That’s why you brought me back here. You’ve cast your spell on me.” I smile against her lips as my hands wander down her sides.

  “Against your will, obviously.” She teases my mouth with her tongue.

  The elevator doors ding to life, and we step out into the dim waiting room, empty except for another nurse at a desk, thankful for the few moments alone with her that I can steal. I pick a chair under a cream-colored lamp in the corner of the room while she asks the nurse for an update. She’s drumming her fingers on the counter top as the nurse speaks to her, and I can see the anxious anticipation all over her face. She makes her way toward me, and I can’t help but stare at the way her legs look in the dress she’s wearing.

  “Oh my God, the nurse said that MB came in dilated to a seven, and it’s going very fast.” She is bouncing up and down, and her eyes are glued to the entryway of the waiting room. I place my hand over her thigh to keep her legs from hopping. “Andrew told the nurse to keep me in the know. I’m really happy you are here with me.” She looks briefly at me, then back to the door.

  “Johanna,” I say her name, getting her attention. “She’s okay. MB, Andrew, it’s okay…relax, baby.” I kiss the inside of her wrist.

  Her face seems to soften as she’s looking at me, her eyes taking on a dreamy quality. “You rescued me tonight. Everything is going so wrong. Tonight was awful, and then I saw the message you sent to MB, and then you were on the front porch. Then everything, all the bad, all the rumors and the worry…it all slipped away.” Her shoes tap against the floor as her feet resume their nervous bouncing.

  My forehead creases with concern. “I’ve been talking about what I need from you. I had no idea things were bad here. What rumors?”

  She looks back to the door and then to me. “It’s just this small town. Everyone needs a good story, and something to gossip about to the person sitting next to them.” She looks down at her lap. “Me passing out at the football game in front of the town, after coming out of the woods so late at night, started the whole thing. Then Katie seeing you at my front door, while I was half-dressed, gave her ammunition. Andrew went looking for me the night I was with you, and people heard all about that, too. My behavior is different—because I’m different after you. I’ll never be the same,” she admits, finally looking me in the eye. I pull her face into mine, kissing her soft lips. I feel like I’m ravenous when I’m not tasting her.

  “I’m sorry. Actually, fuck it, that’s not true. I hate that things are so bad here because of me, but I’m not sorry for this,” I confess, leaning my forehead against hers. Even breathing while being next to her is easier.

  “Ms. Martin?” the nurse calls from across the room. Johanna stands quickly and practically runs to the counter. She turns to me and waves before jogging back over.

  “The nurse said she’s pushing now, and he should be here any minute. I can’t believe it. She had to have been in labor all day to be progressing this quickly. She’s superhuman,” Johanna says in admiration of her sister-in-law.

  “Where is the rest of her family?” I remember that most people aren’t alone in the world, and there should be more family members waiting for the good news.

  “I don’t know. Probably out devouring the souls of innocent children. I let MB’s mom know what was happening at the party, but it didn’t seem to faze her.” She rolls her eyes and leans her head against my shoulder.

  “Traveler,” she says my name, and it instantly makes warmth circulate through my body. I wrap my arm around her.

  “Hmmm?”

  “I don’t want to lose what we have.” She grips the back of my shirt with her hands.

  “Me either.” My lips find her temple.

  “What do we do?” Her question comes out in a soft whisper.

  After long pause, I answer with honesty, “I don’t know.”

  ****

  I’m standing awkwardly in the corner of the hospital room, and I can’t take my eyes off Johanna. She has her nephew cradled in her arms, and she is studying every inch of his face. Happiness is radiating off everyone in the room, and while I feel out of place, I am pleased to witness it.

  Andrew walks over beside me and clears his throat. “Ummm, thank you, Traveler, for helping earlier,” he says, extending his hand out to me. This time his grip is less firm, his handshake is more respectful. We both stare at the other side of the room. “So, that happened fast.” He chuckles to himself.

  “I don’t have any experience in this department, but Johanna said the labor was going very quickly.”

  “No—I mean yes, the delivery was quick, but I meant Johanna. She’s falling for you,” he reveals, looking at me. I peer over at Johanna on the other side of the room, sitting on the end of MB’s bed, talking and smiling at her. “I could grill you on the importance of not hurting my sister, flash my state-issued weapon around, and bark about respect and manners…but I don’t need to do that, right?” The question is rhetorical and delivered with a half-smile. “The truth is, my sister likes to be strong for everyone else, even when she’s completely falling apart. If she’s broken, she keeps it hidden well. She’s been through entirely too much. After Mom and Dad, and then that son of a bitch Max, I was really worried she would close herself off from everyone. And she did for a long time. But then, the way she looked at you tonight, when she saw you on the porch…that was the look of my sister getting put back together.” Andrew takes a long pause, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Jesus, I’m an emotional jackass tonight.” He laughs, kicking the toe of his shoe in the air.

  “I love her. I’ve never loved a single person before. Not a soul,” I confess to Andrew and myself at the same time.

  “Yeah, I know. Seriously, don’t fuck it up, though. I’ve never tampered with evidence at a crime scene in order to close a case, but for those three people over there,” he says, pointing to his family, “there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do.”

  “Understood.” I laugh, even though I know he’s dead serious.

  “Now stop standing in the corner like a chump and go see how cute my kid is.” He gives me a light pat on the shoulder.

  Johanna looks up at me, her lips twitching as I walk over to her. “James Andrew Martin III,” she says, wiggling her nose against his.

  “Trey,” Mary-Beth chimes in, “as in the third.”

  “Trey, it’s a pleasure.” I stick my pinky finger in his grip and give his hand a tiny shake.

  Johanna hands MB the little bundle of blankets and baby as she stands and stretches her arms above her head. Trey makes a little squeak, and the room gives off a collective, “Awww.”

  “I think I’m going to head out and give you guys some family time. I’ll get the party mess all cleaned up at home. I’m going to let you three settle in tomorrow. Traveler and I are taking a little day trip to Tennessee, but I will be back in a day or so for Auntie Jo snuggle time.” Her eyes linger on the baby’s pink cheeks.

  “Be careful,” Andrew says, hugging his sister. “Traveler, thanks again.” I give him a reassuring nod before we walk out of the room.

  “He’s so little, and cute, and perfect,” she squeals as we make our way to her Jeep. I can’t help but smile at her. “MB and Andrew are going to be amazing parents.” Suddenly, she stops mid-stride in the parking lot and jerks around to look at me. Her eyes are wide, and she clamps a hand over her mouth.

  “Johanna, what is it?” I ask her, immediately on high alert. I pull her to me and start looking around the parking lot. “What do you see?” With her tucked under my arm, I take off toward the car.


  “No, no, I didn’t see anything, Traveler. That’s not it.” She buries her face in her hands. “I’m so insensitive.” Her voice is muffled through her fingers.

  “Huh? I don’t understand.”

  “I drag you to the hospital to watch my nephew be born, force you into the room to stare at MB holding her newborn child, and then boast about what amazing parents they are going to be. I’m awful. I never stopped to consider how seeing any of that would make you feel considering…” She uncovers her face, looking at me apologetically.

  “I was hardly forced,” I say, raising my eyebrow at her. “And honestly, I was elated to be here with you. Anywhere with you.” I pull her arms around my waist. “It never crossed my mind to be upset.”

  “I want to know about your mother.”

  “Let’s get back to your place, and then we can relax and talk. It’s a long story.” I open the car door, hoping she won’t push it. I don’t want to ruin this night for her. She climbs in, and I can’t help but stare at the muscles in her strong thighs. I’m guessing it’s from being a runner. Once she is in her seat, I lean in through the driver’s side door and run my hand up her thigh, pressing my mouth to her neck. Her breathing grows heavy and a soft “Mmm” escapes her lips. I pull away, give her a peck on the lips, and walk around to the passenger side.

  “What is her name?” she asks me as we cruise along the downtown street close to her home.

  “Jaqueline Romanoso. She and Arden were very close. He knew her.” I look out the window up at the stars, spotting the Andromeda constellation.

  “Is Arden your father?” she asks carefully, peeking at me quickly before returning her attention to the road.

  “No. I wondered that myself for a moment, but no. They were friends. Best friends. And he helped her in a moment of need. From what I can tell of my mother’s photograph, she was very light-skinned, beautiful. It wouldn’t make sense for Arden to be my father,” I answer, holding up my caramel-skinned arm as evidence. “I don’t know my father’s name. That is an answer I hope to gain from her tomorrow.” Gravel crunches under the tires when we pull into her driveway.