When It All Goes Still

by Allison Mullinax

  “And then whatever lowlife scum you have coming in and out of your house assaulted my fiancé!” she yells, and the customers in the store stop and stare. “I can’t believe you had the nerve to tell Rick it was Max’s fault. But then again, I’ve always heard substance abuse changes people.” She taps her fingernails against the glass bottle of wine in my cart.

  “Screw you, Katie.” I back my cart out of the line. Before I can get past her, she grabs hold of the cart and holds it in place.

  She lowers her voice, “The whole town sees what’s happening here, Jo. Why don’t you just leave? Your parents are dead. Max is mine. You don’t have anyone here for you.” Her words are like weapons, aiming for a reaction. But I won’t give her the satisfaction.

  “He’s all yours, Katie. Besides, he reminded me Friday night…he’s just not that great of a kisser.” I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and throw her a wink, before finding another checkout aisle to go down.

  “Bitch,” I hear her call out. But I keep walking. Past everyone looking at me, past the people whispering and pointing, straight to the cashier, and then out the door.

  I pull into the driveway, trying to talk myself into calming down. I grab the diapers and the other bags and walk into the house. Andrew meets me at the door with a finger over his mouth, trying to keep me quiet. And then he wraps his arms around me and gives me an uncharacteristic hug. I stand there awkwardly, with bags in my hands, waiting for him to let go.

  He pulls back, and I can’t help but laugh. “Tough day?” I whisper, as he follows me into the kitchen.

  “Jesus Christ, my son is already trying to kill me.” He braces himself on the kitchen island. I grab the diapers and hold them up in the air. “Thanks, saved me a trip.”

  “You almost got called out there anyway, because I was this close to killing Katie Carter on aisle five.” I pull my finger and thumb an inch apart. “I think I have to get out of this town before the lynch mob starts marching down the street with pitch forks and torches.” I roll my eyes.

  “That’s it. I’m not going to let them do this to you.”

  “It’s fine,” I say, waving it off. “Where’s Trey?”

  Mary-Beth walks into the kitchen bouncing on her toes and taking big steps, Trey is on her shoulder wrapped in a blanket. “I’ve been doing this for the past hour. It’s the only thing that makes him happy right now. He’s almost out,” she says, clearly tired. Her hair is messily pulled up, and she looks exhausted.

  “Can I try?” I ask, and MB practically shoves him into my arms.

  “Yes! Please!” She takes a seat.

  I cradle him in my arms and begin bouncing, mimicking what MB was doing. His lids are heavy, and I watch as he falls asleep to the rhythmic movements. “He’s so perfect.” I look up at them. They sleepily gaze at one another, and my heart feels like it’s going to explode. Seeing my brother and MB this happy is everything.

  “What did I hear you saying about Katie?” MB asks.

  I walk into the living room and sit in the recliner chair that our dad used to read his morning paper in. No one really sits here anymore but being in this chair with Trey feels right. Andrew throws himself back on the couch, and MB lays down, resting her head in his lap.

  “Spill it,” MB demands.

  I tell them about Max coming on to me, about Traveler holding him against the wall, and Rick the next morning. I tell them about Katie and the rumors. About my employees leaving. And as I speak, I start to realize that I just don’t care. That strangely enough, the whole world could be against me, and trying to take me down, and it all seems so trivial. I have a love that defies all logic, and I’m holding my nephew in my arms. What does anything else matter?

  “Where is Traveler, anyway?” Andrew asks. “I would like to personally thank him for kicking Max’s ass. Been wanting to do that for a while myself.” MB nods her head in agreement.

  “He will be back soon.” I close my eyes and think how I can’t wait for that moment to be here, and terrified of the danger it brings.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Traveler

  It feels different. The shifting is taking longer, and it’s as if the universe is holding me in place. As if the gravity that encompasses the heavens is using its invisible hands to keep me suspended in time, a barrier between where I’m supposed to go and where I’ve been. It’s too late to turn back, and I’m having to fight through to get into my chamber. Whatever bond I hold with the laws of nature, it seems to be sending me a warning.

  As I eventually manifest in my chamber, I’m aware of the blinding light behind my eyelids. Unlike the usual blue-shaded light, this is harsh and florescent. The shifting room isn’t empty, and it’s completely illuminated. Before I open my eyes, I know that I’m not alone. Arden wouldn’t have turned on the lights to draw unwanted attention. This is someone else.

  I open my eyes and instantly detect a shock of electricity reverberating through my limbs. It paralyzes me completely. I don’t have time to process anything before I’m pulled from my chamber by several sets of hands, and slammed belly-first onto the ground. Someone is digging their hands into the side my face, grinding it into the cold concrete floor. Once again, I feel the searing burn against my side, as electricity radiates through my brain. The bones holding my cheek in place give way to the floor and collapse into my head. A raspy groan fills the air of the room, mixed with the erratic clicks of a taser gun, and I realize it’s mine.

  “He’s out of the chamber and can no longer shift. Let him up!” I hear Arden pleading with someone. “You have him, that’s enough. You’re killing him!” And in response, another round of force enters my side as someone’s boot connects with my rib cage. My eyes roll back into my head, and I’m fighting to maintain consciousness, not sure if I really want to.

  I’m kicked onto my back, and a rough hand grabs the side of my face. Unbearable pain blankets my head, and I’m thrashing my legs trying to find escape. My attempt to open my eyes and see what is happening results in blinding pain and I can only faintly peer out of my left side. The last thing I see, before the oblivion of unconsciousness, is Vlad’s fist cracking down on my already broken face.

  ****

  I’m faintly brought to life by the feeling of my skin being ripped back from my knee caps, as someone drags me across rocks and stone. The smell of cool mildewed air and blood fills my nostrils. I try to open my mouth and call out, but my tongue is coated with a metallic taste that causes the bile to rise from my stomach. There is a loud clanking of metal doors, and then I’m dropped onto a wet floor, my body going entirely limp. The doors slide shut, echoing off the mountain walls.

  “I always knew I would get you behind these prison doors, you pathetic fuck.” I hear Vlad chuckle. “I just didn’t know it would be on death row.” The amusement in his voice makes my hairs stand on end, or maybe it’s the electric volts from his taser gun still coursing through my body. “Traveler, you sack of shit, are under arrest for attempted murder. Not to mention all this other shit we found you doing.”

  I can’t make any sense of what he is saying. I’m able to crack my eye open, but I can’t force any air out of my chest to aid me in speaking. My lips are glued together with dried blood, and my nose is swollen shut. My body jerks violently at the need for air. “Open the damn door,” Vlad says to someone, maybe a guard. It’s more in frustration at the effort than with concern for me. I watch him walk over to my body and pry my mouth open with his fingers, leaving fresh wounds along my lips. The air stings my raw skin. “There.” He wipes my blood onto his pants. “I would prefer you suffer a bit longer before dying.” He laughs.

  “Who?” I ask, but it comes out unrecognizable and muddled.

  Vlad stops at the cell door and cranes his neck to peek back at me. “Sephia, and if she dies in the hospital, the charges will be for murder.” A slight smile toys with his lips.

  I’m immediately trying to stand, to protest, to do anything I can to stop what’s h
appening, but my broken body is preventing me from doing anything but writhe on the floor. What the fuck has he done to Sephia?

  “Oh, and Traveler, you can either confess to where you’ve been, or I retrace your steps and comb through every detail of your assignments until I find out. Either that, or I can persuade Arden to divulge what he knows.” He cracks his knuckles as a warning before disappearing down the prison hallway.

  ****

  “Traveler?” I hear a familiar voice swimming under water. I feel pressure on my face, a pulling under my skin that I can’t place. “Can you hear me?” he asks, and I recognize Dr. Malloid’s boisterous tone. I reach out my hand and grab blindly at his arm. “Okay, okay.” He pats at my hand. “I’m not sure these wounds were worth you putting up the fight. It would have been wise to just let them arrest you instead of trying to assault Vlad,” he says, more so trying to clue me in on something than to reprimand me. “Try breathing slowly through your mouth while I stitch you up.” And with his words I place the pulling sensation with the sutures mending my torn skin back together. I can’t feel any pain, only an uncomfortable tug.

  “I gave you a shot of morphine, but keep that between you and I, okay?” I try to respond, but my throat feels raw and dry. I reach my hand up to touch my face, and he quickly bats my arm back down. “You really don’t want to touch that. You have a fractured zygomatic bone, your cheek, and your jaw was entirely dislocated. I had to maneuver it in place by hand. I suspect you have fractured ribs as well.” Malloid makes a tsking sound with his tongue. “I don’t think your nose is broken, but it appears to have taken a blow. You also have a lot of sutures along both your knees. I’m not skilled in the technique of taking a suspect down, but I can’t imagine it would ever require this much brutality.” His voice is almost a whisper. “Even if Vlad was doing it to avenge, Sephia.” He looks at me pointedly, and I shake my head back and forth, sending a bright flash of light pulsating through my brain. Even the slightest movement feels like death.

  “No.” It comes out as a wispy breath of air.

  Malloid only looks at me. He isn’t accusing me, but he isn’t acquitting me either. He’s decidedly unsure of what he thinks. “No,” I say again, looking at his face, only being able to see him through a slightly cracked eye. “Sephia?” I ask him.

  “I can’t talk to you about it. But it’s not good.” He has worked with her for many years, and I know he admires her. I shut my eyes, feeling the undercurrent of morphine taking me down.

  ****

  I’m awoken to a firm grip pulling my head up by my hair. The pounding between my temples is instantaneous, and I’m nauseous. The room spins, causing what little liquid still resting in my stomach to sputter from my mouth as I hit the floor. I’m lying on my side, coughing and gagging at the stomach acid on my lips, when I hear his laugh behind me. “You’re more of a pussy than I thought,” Vlad says from the dark corner of my cell. My right eye is still completely swollen and the other only allows me to see hints of light when cracked open. I can’t place him in the room.

  “Let’s chat about where you were all weekend.” His voice is eerily calm. My brain feels like it’s going to implode between my ears.

  “You know you like to mumble when you’re unconscious and drugged out of your mind? Who’s Johanna?” he asks in a matter-of-fact voice. My heart rate spikes, and I can feel the effects of it coursing through my veins. “She sounds like someone I would like to get to know.” The sound of his voice reaches me on the floor. “Up close and personal.” I can feel him smiling. The growl that comes out of my mouth is animalistic, and if my body wasn’t betraying me, I would kill him where he’s standing. “You know I’ll find her, don’t you? It’s only a matter of time before I know exactly what it is you’ve been doing. Clever of you to remove your chip. Just not enough.”

  “Fuck…you,” rasps from my throat as I try sitting up.

  Vlad laughs in response and brings his foot down on my knee for good measure. I grimace and watch as the blood from my busted sutures stains my jeans. I suck in air between my teeth, refusing to let this asshole see the pain in my eyes.

  “Let’s hope that when I do find her, she doesn’t put up a fight like our feisty redhead, Sephia.” The smirk on his face sends a rush of adrenaline through my body.

  “What…did you…do?” I’m seething and clawing at the floor to get to my feet.

  “Me? I’m not the one bleeding to death in a prison cell for attempted murder. That would be you.” He slaps at my face, my stiches catching on a hangnail. “By my recollection, you went into a jealous rage in the cafeteria the other morning. Several witnesses saw you confronting us both. After that, you and Sephia, weren’t seen for quite some time. That is until I discovered her lying in the woods behind the courtyard, badly beaten, and drawing what would have been her last breath if it weren’t for me,” he scolds, grinning at me the entire time.

  “Fucking…asshole,” I cough out the words, falling headfirst back onto the ground. “The thing is, Traveler, people just don’t see it that way. Torrin saw you a couple of weeks ago, with a busted fist, you were asking around the courtyard that night for Sephia, and then everyone saw the bruises on her face she was trying to hide. It just kinda adds up.” Vlad tilts his head and bites at his thumbnail. He spits the fingernail at me, and it lands on my torn shirt. “Even Eero says you’ve been on edge.” He crouches down beside me, and I refuse to recoil from his proximity, knowing it’s what he wants.

  “I’m guessing: you removed your chip, taught sweet little Sephia a lesson for picking me over you, then skipped town for a while to cover your tracks. Couldn’t have made up a better story myself.” He stands up, walking toward the cell door.

  “Sephia…won’t…let you.”

  “Oh, I’m pretty sure Sephia will say whatever she’s told to say. Speaking of, I’d better get back to playing the role of concerned boyfriend. Don’t want her waking up without me there.” He winks before locking the door. I can hear him whistling down the hallway.

  ****

  I hear the echo of footsteps hastily shuffling against the stone floor. I’m lying on the thin mattress slatted against the wall. The cell is dank and dim, and I don’t know how long I’ve been in here. The footsteps stop at the entrance of the holding room, and I can hear someone taking a deep breath. I must really look like shit.

  “Let me in. Now.” Arden’s stern voice commands, and then the lock slides out of place. I’m trying to rise, but my body is weak, broken, and I feel helpless.

  I sense his warm hands against the back of my neck, guiding me gently upright. “Drink this. Slowly,” he instructs me, and I feel a bottle touch my lips. At first, my hoarse throat rejects the cool liquid, forcing me to cough, but Arden continues to prompt me until half the bottle is consumed. “Now, take these. Malloid says it will help prevent infection. The other is for pain. I don’t have much time. Vlad will be back soon.” I swallow the pills and finish off the water.

  “He…knows.” My voice still sounds weak, but it’s more than a whisper.

  “Yes. But nothing too revealing.” He attempts to comfort me. He fails.

  “Johanna?” I ask, opening one eye to see him sitting on the edge of the rock bench my mattress is placed on.

  Arden closes his eyes and looks down. “As far as I am aware she is safe. They do not know where you have been shifting to. I feigned ignorance and shock at the revelation of you shifting without permission. So far, that has worked to keep me in the loop, but only at a distance.”

  “Sephia?” I ask.

  “She is alive but in a coma. Malloid is unsure if she will ever regain consciousness. I should have interfered sooner.” Regret oozes from his mouth.

  “You were trying to keep m-me…safe.” Nothing about what Vlad has done is his fault.

  “Your mother?” Arden asks me.

  And it’s at the mention of Jaqueline, that something works its way to the front of my memory. Something that is desperate to be remem
bered. I nod my head yes, letting him see the meeting went well as far as being covert goes.

  “She knows…about Johanna. I love her,” I confess. He nods his head showing he understands and places his hand on my shoulder.

  “I can’t fathom how right now, but I’m going to get you out of here,” Arden promises me, and I can’t help but notice the hopeless desperation in his voice. “I have to go before Vlad sees me here. It works to our advantage that he thinks I’ve been in the dark concerning your indiscretions.”

  And like a light bulb sparking to life, I know exactly what I need to do. Before Arden leaves the room and the cell clicks behind him, I call out, “Tell Jaqueline.” Arden turns back to look at me confused, before the guard comes to lock the door. Whatever is left unsaid will have to remain that way for now.

  ****

  I’ve grown to recognize the sound of Vlad’s boots pummeling down the hallway. There is a certain determination about the way he stomps through the prison, that causes the anger in me to rise before I even see his face between the bars of my cell door. I stand to my feet. Even if my body is still destroyed, I’m determined to get my hands on him. He slides the cell open and slams the metal closed, not wasting any time to walk over to me and aim a taser directly into my chest. It fires into my skin and through my body, bringing me to my knees. He takes advantage of my paralysis and puts his boot to my collarbone. I hear the snap, like a branch separating from a tree. “Guess what?” He claps his hands together. “I’m not feeling quite as patient as I usually am.” His fist connects with my mouth, snapping my head back and enclosing me in darkness.

  When I come to, I instantly realize I’m handcuffed to the rock wall. I can feel the metal digging into the fragile bones of my wrist, and I know with one wrong move they will break. Vlad is staring at me, and there is an evilness to his glare that I’ve never seen before.

  “Turns out Sephia’s going to live. So! That means you die.” He takes a running go and plows his fist directly into my stomach. My vision darkens, and I’m on the edge of passing out. “The way I figure, she’s way more likely to keep her pretty little mouth shut if you’re already dead. No use in her feeling guilty over a corpse.” He grunts, connecting his foot with my kidney. My mouth opens, but all that comes out is a wisp of hot air.