When It All Goes Still

by Allison Mullinax

  “Wanna know how you go out?” he asks, stepping back. I can see the sweat already forming on his forehead. “I came in here for another professional round of interrogation, and you became violently aggressive. Had to protect myself.” He lays another blow to my side. His blue eyes are feral and manic.

  “I can’t stop thinking about that name either. Johanna. So pretty. I bet she’s a knockout, huh?” he says, digging his thumb into my broken collarbone with one hand, and landing a punch to my gut with the other. I yell out, but he covers my mouth with his hand. I pull at the handcuffs, and I sense the blood pouring down my arms. “I’m going to find her. Hell, I might not even kill her. I might just have some fun with her.” All I can see is a blinding light filling my pupils, and I’m fighting the death I can feel coming, to save her. The entire room is so bright, even closing my eyes doesn’t offer relief.

  And then as quickly as he was standing in front of me face-to-face, he’s vanished. There’s a loud thunk on the floor and then hands on my face. But instead of feeling rough and callous, they are soft and gentle. “Son? Look at me,” I hear my mother beg. I crack open my eyes, and Jaqueline is standing in the prison cell. She frees my hands, and I fall onto the floor. My body finally surrendering. “No…Traveler. You’re okay.” Her voice is far off and distant, like a vacuum has sucked away all the sound.

  She pulls me to my feet, my entire weight leaning on her as she props me on the wall. “We are getting out of here. Hold onto me.” I see Vlad lying on the floor, blood flowing from the back of his head. He’s confused and looking at the two of us, trying to get to his feet. My hands fall limply to my side. The air easily leaves my lungs but is struggling to return. Vlad is on his feet, he stumbles backward a couple of steps before regaining his balance. And the last thing I see through the brilliant blue light is Vlad’s outstretched hands, reaching for my mother.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Johanna

  The Great Outdoors is dark and empty. Closing the wide wooden front doors behind me, I lock them back into place. I enter the alarm code securing me into the building. The store doesn’t open for another hour, but I need time to collect myself. It won’t be long before I’m standing in front of customers and employees who are so sure I’m about to crack at the seams at any given moment. It’s true. Just not why they think.

  Where is he? Is he Okay? My imagination is in constant overdrive coming up with terrifying scenarios and answers to those questions. They haunt me. The thing is, I already feel it underneath my skin. Whatever is happening to him and wherever it is, I can tell it isn’t good.

  I throw my bag and keys onto my desk and prop my head in my hands, breathing in my nose and out my mouth. I open the filing drawer on the right side of my desk and pull out two employee records. Lance, my warehouse worker, called last night to let me know he would no longer be needing employment at The Great Outdoors. As the Sunday youth minister at the Baptist church, his departure comes as no surprise with all the rumors swirling around town about me. The talk is relentless. I can’t even pump gas without seeing people watching me, waiting to see what I’ll do next.

  And then there is the one that hurt the most, Gina. She sent me a text yesterday, asking if we could have a meeting before the store opened. I shake my head and lay it down on my desk. I can’t believe how quickly everything around me is unraveling. When Traveler is here, it doesn’t matter. It’s when he’s missing for days that I start to notice the mess my social life is in.

  I get it, though. I don’t sleep, so the bags under my eyes are dark and sunken. My mind never stops thinking of him, and I’m always searching for the clues that he’s near. My diet consists of coffee and a pack of crackers here and there. I look as terrible as I feel, and I know people are talking about that, too. My encounter with Katie at the superstore, and her spilling her dirty laundry in front of the whole town that night, didn’t help. I lean back in my chair and stare at the ceiling.

  I hear the front doors open, and the alarm system sounds its warning. I pause, wait, and listen a moment before I hear someone punching in the code. Gina. “I’m in my office,” I call out to her, and I hear her feather-light footsteps walking toward the back of the store.

  “Hey, Jo.” Her childlike face contorts when she looks at me. “Is the baby keeping you up, you look like hell.” She shoves a frothy-topped coffee in my direction. Her long dark hair is pulled up on top of her head, and her usual work attire has been replaced with a business-casual suit.

  “Thanks,” I say, sipping the creamy liquid. “Shockingly no, this is all my doing.” I point to my face. She sits in the chair across from me and takes a yellow-clasped folder out of her purse and plops it in front of me. It makes a whacking sound on my desk that causes me to startle. “What’s this?” I ask, raising my eyebrow.

  “That’s the reason you’re going to make me a part-owner of this store.” Her smile is as wide as her brown eyes.

  I choke back my coffee and grab at the pile of thin brown napkins on my desk, patting the corners of my mouth. “Partner?” I’m taken completely off guard.

  “Yep.” She leans back in her chair and crosses her legs.

  “I thought you were quitting?” I pinch the bridge of my nose.

  “What? No. I love this place. But—look.” She gestures toward the folder.

  Opening it, I pull out a small stack of papers. It’s an excel sheet of our profits. “I know our numbers, Gina.” My forehead creases in confusion.

  “Look at the next page.”

  I remove the paper clip and start shifting through the pages one by one. My eyes widen. “Is this accurate?” I ask, utterly shocked.

  “Unfortunately, yes. And normally, you would have noticed this before me. Ever since this mess with rumors, Katie and Max, and…everything,” she says, making a grand gesture with her hands, “we’ve been losing business. We barely broke even this month. This is bad.”

  I close my eyes.

  “But Jo, I can fix it.” She taps the desk, gaining my attention. “I graduated with a degree in business management, while on scholarship in track and field. You know, you worked around my schedule for two years.” We both smile remembering all the times she and I would sit in this office, working out management schedules each month over coffee. “If anyone can get an outdoor shop back on track it’s me.” She squares her shoulders, and I’m trying not to take offense. “And do you know why I chose business management? It’s because of you. This place means everything to me. What you created here, it’s amazing.” She croons in admiration. “Look, I don’t believe for a minute that anything these asshats are saying is true. Not a single bit of it. But it isn’t letting up. And this store is suffering for it. Employees and customers are walking away.” I can detect the genuine concern laced in her voice. Gina loves this store as much as I do, she’s been with me since day one.

  “What are you suggesting?” I ask.

  “Make me your partner. Let my face be the one people associate with this place for a while. Let me get it back on track while you take a break and focus on whatever else. Anything else. I don’t want to see everything you worked for go down the drain. Let me help.” She leans forward, placing both palms on the desk.

  “Gina…” I start to say, but my voice trails off. I don’t know.

  “Just think about it, okay?” she asks, and I give her a smile and nod in return. She stands and starts to walk out the door.

  “Gina,” I call out, and she turns her head. I take a deep breath. “Yes,” I answer her, and her face breaks into a wide grin.

  “Oh my God. Really?” She screeches and runs around the desk to throw her arms around me.

  “Absolutely. It should have happened a long time ago. You run this store as much as I do. And, I think you’re right. I think I need to take some time away. But Gina…this is my store. And while I do need the help, and I do need a business partner, I also need to maintain the control over it,” I say, and her grin never breaks.

 
; “I couldn’t ask for more,” she replies, and nothing inside of me says this decision isn’t the right one. I know it is. And I know The Great Outdoors couldn’t be in better hands.

  “I’ll call Dwight Gullker and have him give some insight and draw up the paperwork. He handled all the legalities of the store when I built it. It shouldn’t take long.” I feel like a massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Gina practically skips out of my office and across the hall to hers.

  “When do I get to start my break, Partner?” I shout across the room.

  “Whenever you so please, Partner,” she yells back, and I can hear the excitement in her voice. “I’m going to open up, and then we can go over some new items I’ve been looking at for inventory. There are some innovative products that I really think will get people back in this shop.” She’s still talking as she walks down the hallway to the front of the store.

  I place Gina’s folder back into the desk drawer and look around the room. Starting this store was the most important thing in my life years ago. I needed it to move on and to breathe. It was something to look forward to and something to keep my mind focused on in the midst of losing my parents. And now, I’m happy to share my dream with Gina.

  The rest of the day goes by in a blur. I listen from my office as Gina coaxes Lance into staying. It doesn’t bother me in the least bit when she mentions herself taking over for a while, and how that played a key part in his decision to stay. I feel the tethers that bind me to this place not necessarily unraveling but beginning to loosen.

  The attorney is working on the paperwork, and by the end of the week I will have a totally competent and reliable partner to help me run my business.

  I gather my things and let Gina know I’m leaving. I give her a hug as a silent thank you, and she hugs me back, trying to relay the same message.

  The evening air is void of humidity, and the breeze makes the weather feel almost pleasant. A feeling not typically found in the final summer days of the South. I get in my Jeep, and as I’m backing out of the parking lot, I see it. The unmistakable flash of blue so incredibly brilliant, that it causes me to shield my eyes from the mountain. It lasts less than a second, and anyone else who saw it would mistake it for the sun’s reflection off the windshield. But I know better.

  I tear out of the parking lot and through downtown, not wanting to waste a second to get to him. I listen for the low-level hum to sound in my head, but it never comes. Chills skirt down my arms, and I know it’s a warning. I slow my vehicle to the side of the road, just in front of Poncho’s. I wait for the buzzing. Nothing. I tap my fingers against the steering wheel, unsure of what my next move should be. Anytime Traveler is near, the buzzing is relentless and always present until that first contact, until his skin is finally touching mine, atoms transferring between us. I close my eyes and wait for the tell that he has come back. I hear nothing but the sound of car engines and pedestrians walking down the sidewalk. Checking my cell phone, I come up empty-handed.

  I know what I saw. Someone has shifted to our place. A place that only he and I know exists. It has to be him. And if it’s not, then something unfathomable must have happened. Either way, I need to know.

  I pull out of Poncho’s and make my way toward home. If it isn’t Traveler, then someone needs to know where I am.

  MB is sitting on the porch with Trey cradled in her arms, taking advantage of the unseasonably comfortable afternoon. “Hey, Auntie Jo,” she calls to me, smiling. Jogging up the steps, I waste no time making my way to her. I lean down and kiss Trey’s forehead, and even through a baby coma, he wrinkles his little head at my lips. “How was work?”

  “Interesting, to say the least. But I think things are going to be getting better.” I smile reassuringly.

  “I sure hope so.” She sways the porch swing back and forth.

  “Listen. I’m going to head out for a while. I need to clear my head,” I divulge, and Mary-Beth seems to understand.

  “I told you it would be different with a baby around.” She laughs, and it sends a wave of comfort into my heart.

  “No, no. It isn’t Trey. Truthfully, him and you guys are about the only thing around this place worth being here for.”

  MB looks up at me and tilts her head, contemplating something. “Jo, you know it’s okay to move on, right? Losing Jim and Susan sort of bound us here for a while. It held us in place, unable to move and unable to go forward. I was so blessed to have them, you and Andrew. And now we have Trey. We are all moving on, Jo. But you, you don’t have to keep holding on to that loss. They would want you to be free. To be happy. To move on and live. No matter where that takes you.” Tears gloss over her eyes.

  “How do you do that, MB?” I ask, wiping my cheek. “How do you always know exactly what to say to me?” I lean down and hug her.

  “Because I’m awesome.” She gives a small giggle, and she doesn’t know how true it is. “Now get.” She kicks her foot at me, smiling.

  Grinning back at her, I pick up the pace, making my way across the porch. I pass Andrew, who was standing on the other side of the screen door the whole time. He grabs my arm. “She’s right, Jo.” I look at his face, then throw my arms around his neck, and pull him close.

  “Thank you,” I whisper, before I let him go and take the stairs two at a time.

  I walk in my room, unsure of what I’m looking for. I don’t even know why I’m in here, or what I’m doing. I stop in front of the mirror and stare at my reflection. Whoever is up on that mountain is waiting for me. They are here for a reason. If it’s trouble, I don’t want it finding me at this house. I don’t want to put my family in any danger.

  I get on my hands and knees and reach underneath my bed, pulling out my mom’s old suitcase. The hint of grapefruit emanates off it. I throw clothes inside as quick as I can get my hands on them before snapping the brass clamps in place and pulling it behind me down the stairs.

  MB and Andrew stare at me from the porch swing. I’m breathing heavily and looking a bit wild. “I think I need to get out of here for a while. Gina is taking care of the store.” I drop the suitcase and walk over to Trey. Lifting him from MB’s arms, I pull him close to my face. “I love you.” I breathe in his scent of diaper cream and baby powder. “I have my cell. If anyone asks, tell them I’m on vacation, on another trail run out west, just whatever. I’ll actually let you know where I am when I figure it out myself.” I say it quickly, without any waver in my voice.

  “Jo. Promise me you’re okay?” Andrew chews at his cheek, and his face is doused in concern.

  “I’m okay, I promise. I just need…to be free.” I wink at MB, and she beams back at me. I hand Trey over to Andrew and yell back as I’m heading to the Jeep, “I’ll call soon. I love you guys!” I throw my suitcase into the back. I wave as I back out of the driveway. My home…my parents’ home, is in the rearview mirror, and whatever awaits me is on the mountain ahead.

  ****

  I pull the Jeep to the side of the road and silence the engine. I’m breathing heavily, and I’m suddenly aware that whoever is in those woods could very well be here to kill me. Getting out of the driver’s side, I close the door as gently as possible. If I can make my way quietly up the trail, unheard, then maybe I can see who is here before they have a chance to see me. If needed, I can make my way back to the Jeep and leave town for a while. Traveler will find me. The thought of him makes my chest ache.

  The woods are eerily quiet, and every tree branch that snaps under my shoe seems to echo off the mountainside. I’m crouching low and keeping out of the line of sight. I can faintly see the light where the tree line ends, and I kneel down to crawl the remainder of the way.

  Pushing back a low-lying tree branch, my breath freezes in my lungs. Jaqueline is kneeling with her head hanging low. I rise up, and the rustling of the leaves underneath my weight causes her to quickly stand, panicked. “Jaqueline, it’s me. How did you find me?” I walk slowly toward her. I notice the bright crimson blood streake
d across her torso, dripping from her hair, and dried on her hands. She looks down at them and then back to me, shaking her head. Her cheeks are dampened and smeared with more blood.

  “I didn’t find you…he did,” she confesses, taking a side step. Traveler is lying on his back, unmoving. My entire body begins to shake, and my feet feel like they are made of concrete. I’m trying to run to him, but it feels like I’m jogging through mud. I’m aware of a scream, but I don’t know if it’s mine or hers.

  I fall to my knees in front of him. Every facial feature is covered in blood, swollen and bruised. His body is lying at an odd angle, and his chest is lacking the rise and fall signaling that he is breathing. “Traveler! No!” I grab his face and yell. “What happened to him?” I cry out to Jaqueline who is standing behind me.

  “Vlad was holding him prisoner. Torturing him. I got there too late. I’m too late. He’s dead.” She’s still looking wide-eyed at the blood coating her hands. “I tried…I couldn’t get him to breathe—I tried.” She bends at the waist and vomits into the dirt.

  My eyes are glazing over and spilling with tears. I run my hands through his hair and cradle his head in my arms. “Don’t leave me. Please. You promised me you wouldn’t leave me. We do this together, remember?”

  “Johanna.” I feel Jaqueline’s hands on my shoulders, trying to pull me back. I violently jerk away from her and lean my forehead onto his. The blood oozing from his wounds is seeping through my fingertips, staining the grass beneath him.

  I graze my nose against his. “Please don’t do this. I love you.” Leaning down, I place a kiss against his cold lips, holding my mouth to his.

  And it begins…

  The hum that sings to life whenever he is near.