Heart of Light

by Hawke Oakley

  “Hey, Screwdriver,” he said. His voice was cool and relaxed, the polar opposite of Ryan, who sometimes seemed like he was speaking a mile a minute.

  “Hey, Matty,” I said. I liked the nickname. It made me feel more like I belonged here. “How can I help?”

  He pushed the rim of his hat up slightly – just enough to look around the bar. That was the first time I’d seen his eye in its entirely. Not only that, but his hair was long and messy and got in his eyes too. I had no idea how he saw anything like that.

  “Can you do cup clean up?” he asked. He gestured over his shoulder. “Sink’s back there.”

  “Sure.”

  “Thanks.” He pointed gently over to a rack where used glasses had been returned. I took a few of them and placed them carefully in the sink before I began to wash them. I was a little disappointed to be doing dishes after the great time I had on stage with the lights, but I knew Matty probably didn’t want a novice messing up the drink orders – especially when he was such a genius at it.

  As I retrieved a few more glasses, I watched him get in the zone – just as Ryan had – while he worked. It amazed me how, even with hair and hat in the way, he could still move so efficiently. It was like watching a magician perform a trick you couldn’t understand. His hands flew over each other, and bottles seemed to suspend in midair. Juice and alcohol mixed together in swirling glasses. I was in awe.

  After he handed off the drinks of the customers, I asked, “How do you do that?”

  Matty shrugged. “Practice.” He flipped an empty glass in midair and caught it without looking. “You could do it too, I bet.”

  “No way,” I said. “I would go through a million glasses before I even got half as good as you.”

  The edge of his lip quirked. “You never know.”

  A new wave of customers showed up so we were too busy to chat for a while. I kept doing dishes until finally the rack was empty. Ryan had begun a new flurry of fast-paced songs, which slowed the pace down at the bar. Matty leaned across the counter.

  “Having fun?” he asked.

  I shrugged. “Yeah. It’s pretty fun, as far as doing dishes goes, I guess.”

  Matty absentmindedly fiddled with a glass. “I can tell bar keeping’s not your passion.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “I see the way you keep looking over to the stage,” he said. “I watched you while you were up there, too. You enjoyed it.”

  I smirked. “So you do have eyes under there.”

  He brought a finger up to his lips playfully. “Don’t tell anyone.”

  I laughed then sighed. “Yeah, it was pretty fun. More than doing dishes, anyway. No offense.”

  “None taken. But you would be a terrible bartender anyway,” he said.

  “How’s that?”

  Matty flipped the glass. “You take your screwdriver without the screw, remember?” His hand whipped towards the cup in midair and caught it. “We can’t have a bartender who only takes virgin drinks.”

  “I guess you’re right,” I said with a grin. “It looks like you can handle yourself pretty well on your own, though. I don’t think Isaac needs another barkeeper.”

  “Damn right.” He leaned over and took a container of orange juice from the fridge and poured it into the empty glass in his hand before giving it to me. “Here. Take a break.”

  “Thanks,” I said. I took a sip, not realizing how thirsty I’d gotten after shadowing three different job positions. I was exhausted even though I’d barely done anything. Would Isaac really want someone like me on the team? I sighed.

  “What’s up?” Matty asked. He was drinking something too, but I wasn’t well-versed enough in alcohol to know what it was.

  “Nothing, I’m just wondering if Isaac should really even hire me,” I mumbled. “I don’t have credentials, and I’m not big like Phoenix, and I’m not talented like you, or Ryan or Nico.”

  Matty watched me coolly.

  “Give Isaac a little more credit than that,” he said after a moment. I turned to him. “He’s a smart guy. He knows what he’s doing.”

  I averted my eyes. “I guess, yeah.”

  I thought Matty would leave me to my thoughts, but instead he leaned on the counter next to me. He didn’t look at me – his eyes were buried under the rim of his hat again – but instead he gazed out at the dance floor. When he spoke, his voice sounded distant and crisp at the same time.

  “It’s not about Isaac, is it?” he asked.

  Just like that he’d figured it out.

  “I – no,” I admitted.

  There was a pause before Matty spoke again. His voice was like a cool beacon in the vast white noise of the club. “Did you know when Ryan and I first met Isaac, we lived on the streets?”

  “What?” I exclaimed.

  His lip quirked up and he lowered his voice for dramatic effect. “It was a dark and stormy night…”

  But I was too stuck on lived on the streets to appreciate his humor. “What do you mean, Matty?”

  “Just that,” he said with a shrug. “It’s a long story, but we basically ended up at the club the same way you did – he found us just outside the back alley. He took us inside, made sure we were warm and fed.”

  My heart panged. I didn’t know there were people as kind as Isaac in the world.

  “Back then, there was another bartender who was doing a sloppy job. Isaac offered me a chance to train beside him, so I did.”

  “Where is he now?” I asked.

  Matty grimaced. “Had a fight one day. He got pissed at Isaac for letting a ‘bum take over his job.’ Told him to get rid of me.”

  I leaned in. “What happened?”

  “You mean you can’t tell?” His lip quirked up again in the hint of a smirk. “Isaac told him to hit the road.”

  My brows shot up. “Really?”

  “Why are you surprised?” Matty said. “Isaac’s like the poster child for hating bullies.”

  With a shudder, I recalled the night with Chad. Isaac wasted no time stepping in for my safety back then. Adrian wouldn’t have batted an eye, except that someone else was encroaching on his property. The contrast between the two of them was like night and day.

  “I guess you’re right,” I said.

  Matty nodded. “So don’t doubt the poor guy anymore. He’s doing his best to prove how much he likes you.”

  “Likes me?” I said, fumbling.

  When Matty didn’t react, I knew I had misunderstood. He obviously meant the regular like, not like like. I mentally kicked myself. My thoughts were sounding like those of a high school girl again.

  “Good evening.”

  Isaac’s voice made me jump but he didn’t seem to notice. He nodded to Matty and I. “How is everything? You’ve shadowed everyone, I presume?”

  “Yeah,” I said.

  “He was just finishing up with me,” Matty said. “He’s a hell of a dishwasher, I’ll give you that.”

  Isaac sighed, glancing at me and playfully crossed his arms. “Matty put you on dish duty, did he?”

  “Isaac, he couldn’t tell rum from vodka from his elbow,” Matty said. “I was doing our poor customers a favor.”

  I shrugged. “He’s right.”

  Isaac chuckled. “Well, then. Dishwashing aside, did you make a decision?”

  I bit my lip in thought before glancing over to the stage, where Ryan had set the lights to auto mode again.

  “Yeah,” I said. “I think I have.”

  Chapter Seven

  Isaac

  It was Seth’s official first day of work, and I’d never seen anyone look so nervous.

  “Are you sure this is okay?” he asked again, smoothing down his shirt. We’d picked up a few new shirts together, since all he had when he ran away were the clothes on his back. I made a mental note to go pick up the rest of his belongings at some point. But not now. Tonight was Seth’s night.

  “Yes, you look fine,” I reassured him. “I told you, i
t’s casual dress. Look at how Ryan dresses. He doesn’t put in half the effort you do.”

  Seth ran a hand through his hair, but the strands of messy blond hair fell instantly back into place. He grumbled. “These damn – ”

  “Here.”

  I leaned forward, took the loose strands and tucked them gently behind his ear. Only a few pieces that were too short to reach sprung back. But when I brushed his ear by accident, I felt him stiffen. “Sorry,” I said, retracting my hand. “Just thought you could use some help.”

  “No, it’s fine,” he mumbled. He ran his fingers over where I’d touched him, re-tucking the pieces nervously. A faint blush spread across his cheeks. It was so endearing. I had an urge to reach out and stroke his face, but quickly pushed it aside. Now was not the time or place for those sort of thoughts.

  Seth was my employee now, and boss-employee relationships were strictly off limits. I had to remember that.

  No matter how cute he looked standing in the doorway.

  I cleared my throat. “Shall we head off?”

  “Can’t believe you’re gonna be up there with him,” Nico said, arms crossed.

  Ryan and Seth were setting up the equipment – or rather, Seth and I were setting up the equipment while Ryan sat on the table, kicking his legs.

  Ryan barked a laugh. “Yeah, yeah, you go back and make your fancy foods, waiter boy.” He threw a bony arm around Seth’s neck. “Me and this guy here are gonna be the life of the party!”

  “Oof.” Seth squirmed out of Ryan’s grip and tossed Nico a sheepish glance. “Sorry.”

  But Nico was smiling. “Nah. Do what you love, dude. Besides, you can always come hang out with me on break.”

  “No breaks for celebs,” Ryan said, making a grand hand gesture. “We gotta be on point 24/7. Dig?”

  “Uh,” Seth said. “Right. Dig.”

  I sighed as I glanced down at Ryan’s turntables. “Well, you’re all set up here. Make sure you don’t work Seth too hard, you hear me?”

  Ryan rolled his eyes as he all but back flipped off the edge of the table. “Got it, boss man. I know he’s your favourite, anyway.”

  The atmosphere turned strangely tense and awkward, and Ryan was the only one who didn’t seem to notice.

  Nico’s shoe scuffed the floor. “I better get back to the kitchen. See ya, Seth.”

  “Later, Nico,” he called.

  I cleared my throat. “Well. Since you two don’t need me anymore, I’ll be off.”

  Just as I turned to leave, a hand grasped my forearm. I turned to find Seth gazing up at me with his big eyes. “Um, wait.”

  “Hm?”

  “I just – wanted to say thanks. For giving me the job, and – just, everything in general,” he said. “Thank you.”

  Despite knowing I had to keep my distance, I couldn’t help but pat him on the shoulder. That was a normal things bosses could do, right?

  “You’re welcome,” I said with a smile. “Now get out there and start the party.”

  His face lit up. “Okay!”

  As I watched Seth take his place next to Ryan, I felt happiness, no doubt about it. But something else also stirred within me – a heavy feeling inside my chest. An uncomfortable sensation of desire, of longing, of wanting something I couldn’t have – a feeling I wasn’t used to at all.

  I tried to ignore it. I wasn’t going to ruin what should have been a good night with one of my strange feelings.

  I sat down at the bar and sighed before Matty silently slid me a drink. “Thanks, Matty.”

  “No prob, boss.”

  The night wore on. As the crowds flowed in, the atmosphere picked up. Even though I wasn’t much of a dancer, watching people enjoy themselves on the dance floor gave me a sense of joy. I was proud of the club – my club. It was a place where people could come and have fun in a safe environment, without being judged.

  Matty was busy as usual, whipping up drinks for customers who leaned, sweaty and thirsty, on the counter; or wanted to get intoxicated. It was usually the latter.

  I had no administrative business tonight so all I did was watch. I took my usual spot at the bar and sipped on my cocktail with my eyes locked onto the stage. Ryan was once again “killing it” – his words, not mine – and Seth, to my pleasure, was getting into his job as well. His body twisted and moved along to the thudding bass as he controlled the lights. Beams of white-blue light shifted dramatically up and down while spots of hot sun-colored lights exploded against the stage backdrop. In the short time he’d been doing it, Seth had already discovered features and combinations I didn’t even know existed in our lighting equipment.

  “Don’t make it too obvious, boss,” Matty murmured with a knowing smirk. He slid me an iced water. While we were usually in sync, I barely grasped the glass this time. His comment had caught me off guard.

  “Pardon?”

  Matty only shrugged. “You and I both know what I’m talking about.”

  I crossed my arms. “I certainly don’t. Mind enlightening me?”

  “You two are both clueless,” he muttered, wiping a glass down.

  I was not clueless. I knew exactly what Matty was insinuating. The problem was, I wasn’t sure if I liked that he knew or not. I sighed. Out of all my friends here, Matty and Phoenix were the most mature, and the ones I felt most comfortable confiding in. But this… feeling wasn’t something I even understood myself yet. I didn’t want other people knowing about it just yet.

  “Please drop it. And don’t say anything,” I murmured. “I’m hoping it will go away on its own.”

  Matty stood in silence before finally giving me one slow nod. I knew he didn’t agree, but he would never turn his back on a promise to me, and I appreciated that about him dearly.

  I did a double take as something flickered in the corner of my eye. Chad. A cold chill ran down my spine as I turned to see the familiar figure worming his way through the crowd.

  Not just through the crowd, I realized – he was heading towards the stage.

  I abandoned my drink and bolted towards the side of the stage, where Seth was oblivious to the lurking threat. I forgot that, unlike Adrian, I hadn’t told Phoenix anything about not letting this man in. And what could I even have said? He was just a regular creep – I had no solid proof except my own gut feeling.

  Still, there was no way in hell I was going to let him near Seth again.

  I cut him off. He raised a brow and looked me up and down.

  “What?” Chad asked.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  “Chill, man,” Chad said, putting up his hands. “I’m just here for a good time. No need to freak out. Now do you mind? You’re standing a little close to me.”

  I backed off, but didn’t take my eye off of him. I didn’t trust him. At the same time, I didn’t want to seem like I was harassing him when he wasn’t technically doing anything wrong. I slinked out of the crowd to the side of the stage, where I could keep an eye on both Seth and Chad. But for the entirety of three songs, Chad did nothing except dance alongside the rest of the crowd.

  When there was a short lull in the music, I heard Seth telling Ryan he was going to go get a drink and I perked up. But before I could reach him, Chad was there, waiting.

  “Hey, Seth, remember me?” he said.

  I watched Seth’s body stiffen. “Yeah. Hi, Chad.”

  “I know you probably don’t want to talk to me, and that’s fine, but look,” Chad said. “I just wanted to say I was sorry about the other night.”

  “Oh.” Some of the tension eased from Seth’s shoulders. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

  Chad smiled. I noticed he was keeping a healthy distance from Seth this time, but something about the whole situation still made my skin prickle.

  “So, you volunteering on set now?” Chad asked.

  “Sort of,” Seth said. “Actually, I work here now. I manage the stage lights.”

  “That’s cool,” Chad said. But then he paused
. “Wait, you work here? At the club?”

  “Yeah.” Seth tilted his head. “Why?”

  Chad’s brows furrowed together. I felt the storm of unease churning in my stomach again. He was up to something. I just knew it.

  “Wasn’t that guy your boyfriend?” Chad asked, lowering his voice.

  “Isaac?” Seth said. I knew he didn’t want to get caught in a lie, so he played along. “Uh, yeah. He is.”

  Chad was making a face. “Uh. Doesn't he own this club? Doesn’t that make him your boss?”

  My eyes widened.

  “Yeah?” Seth said. “What’s wrong with that?”

  Chad crossed his arms. “Older boss dating his young new coworker? Don’t you find that a little weird?”

  A pang of horror ripped through me. He was doing this on purpose, to turn Seth against me. He hadn’t succeeded by winning Seth over the first time, so now he was trying to drive a wedge between us by making me look like a villain.

  But this time he had really crossed the line.

  I stepped forward to Seth’s side out from beside the stage. He looked up in surprise. “Isaac!”

  But Chad wasn’t surprised. He’d known I was there, listening, the entire time. In fact, he’d made sure of it.

  “Speak of the devil,” Chad muttered. I glared at him.

  “Is he bothering you, Seth?” I asked curtly.

  “No, it’s okay,” he said. “He and I were just talking.”

  “Yep.” Chad didn’t break eye contact with me. I wanted to wipe that nasty smile off his face. “Just talking.”

  “I see,” I ground out. I put my hand on Seth’s shoulder and squeezed slightly. I hoped it would properly convey my concern without me having to say it out loud. “Seth, why don't I get you some water?”

  “Oh, that’d be awesome,” he said. “Thanks, Isaac!”

  I begrudgingly left Seth alone with Chad, something I could never seen myself doing after the last encounter with him. At least, unlike last time, Seth didn't seem uncomfortable now.