Forever and Always

by Beverley Hollowed

  “So you are a teacher” he said finally, changing the subject to something that might be a little safer.

  “Yeah have just finished my second year” she replied, her face lit up. He could see this was something she loved and it made her happy. “I will have junior infants when I go back in September. I can’t wait. I love them when they are so small. They are so much fun/But I won’t lie, I am looking forward to a few weeks off”.

  “I am glad you are happy” he said honestly.

  “Thanks Sam” She smiled. “I am happy”.

  Melanie fidgeted nervously as she stared at her hands. She needed to tell Sam something and she wasn’t quite sure how she was going to say what she need to. She took a deep breath and swallowed. “Sam there is something else I need to tell you”.

  “You can tell me anything you want to, you know that” he reached over and softly squeezed her hand.

  “Sweetheart” a voice from behind them made them both jump. Melanie quickly pulled her hand away. Sam turned around in time to see Simon, a doctor he knew well from around the hospital. He was walking towards them with a big smile on his face. When he reached their table he bent down and kissed Melanie. Sam felt like he had been kicked in the guts. “What are you doing here?”

  “I was minding Calum and he fell” she explained quickly and instantly looked uncomfortable. “I bumped into Sam, Sam and I are old friends”.

  Her words felt like a dagger through his heart. Old friends? Is that all they were?

  “I didn’t realize you knew Coop” Simon said pulling up a chair next to Melanie and casually draping his arm around the back of her chair. Absentmindedly he stroked her back with the tips of his fingers.

  Sam felt his stomach turned as he watched Simon touch Melanie. He pulled his hands from the table down on to his lap and he fisted his hands to try and control his excessive reaction to what was happening in front of him. His eyes met Melanie’s and he was confused by what he found. They looked sad and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She could no longer look Sam in the face. She quickly turned away and looked at the man who was sitting at her side.

  “Sam and I met a long time ago when I spent the summer with Maggie” Melanie explained. “His house was next door to the beach house Maggie and I were staying in”.

  “Wow” Simon said seemingly unaware of the strained atmosphere between Melanie and Sam. “It really is a small world”. Melanie smiled but didn’t respond.

  “Hey you should come to dinner sometime soon” Simon said suddenly. Melanie could feel the blood drain from her face. “Mel makes the best lasagne in the world”.

  Sam raised his eyebrows and smiled. The memory of him teaching her to make lasagne filled his mind.

  “Does she now” Sam said and gave Melanie a knowing smile.

  “Best I have ever tasted” Simon added. “You definitely have to taste it”.

  Melanie stared at Sam pleadingly, hoping he would politely turn the invitation down.

  “I would love to come to dinner” Sam said with a smile and stared at Melanie. He knew he should have said no but something stopped him. Then he couldn’t resist. “I am free this Friday”.

  “Sounds great” Simon replied happily and he squeezed Melanie’s hand and that was when Sam noticed the ring. How had he not noticed it before now?

  “You’re getting married” he said without thinking. He stared at Melanie in sheer disbelief.

  “Yeah” Simon replied and smiled with pure delight. “In just under three weeks’ time. Hey you should come to the wedding”. Melanie wanted to scream. This was like a car crash in slow motion.

  “I would love to” Sam replied and smiled brightly.

  What the hell was he doing? Melanie stood up abruptly and grabbed her hand bag.

  “I really have to be going I am late for an appointment” she announced as both men looked at her in surprise at her sudden movement.

  “Ok sweetheart” Simon said as he stood and kissed her softly on the lips. “I will see you this evening”.

  Suddenly Sam was on his feet too. He held out his hand to her and when she took it he lend forward and kissed her softly on the cheek.

  “It’s lovely to see you again Melanie” he breathed softly into her ear. His touch was so familiar and warm it sent shockwaves through her entire body.

  “You too Sam” she replied and pulled away. Then without another word or a backward glance she left.

  Chapter 14“He did what!” Lucy screamed so loudly down the phone she nearly deafened Melanie.

  “He told Simon he would love to come” Melanie replied. She had just told Lucy everything that had happened after she had left her at the hospital. Well almost everything. She had decided against telling her what had happened in the closet instead telling her he had waited for her outside and asked her to go for a coffee.

  “What the hell is he playing at” Lucy replied. “Doesn’t he realise he missed his chance?”

  “Lucy if he turns up at the wedding my Mom is going to freak out” Melanie exclaimed. “She still blames him for what happened”.

  “I know she does” Lucy replied. “But in fairness what happened the night of your 18th Birthday might have happened no matter when you got pregnant. It wasn’t anyone’s fault”.

  “I know Lucy” Melanie replied sadly. “It took me a long time to accept what happened me but I have. But I have never blamed Sam. Not that it really matters anymore. I am marrying Simon and he knows I can’t have kids and he is fine with that”.

  “You found a good one there Mel” Lucy said and smiled. “Does he know about Sam? I mean obviously he doesn’t know who Sam is or he would have never invited him to your wedding. That would be just too weird. But you told him the reason you can’t have kids didn’t you”.

  “Not really” Melanie admitted. “I just told him I needed an operation a long time ago and that as a result I couldn’t have children. I told him it was a painful time in my life and I had no desire to discuss it. He just accepted what I said and never really questioned me further”.

  “Wow I always assumed he knew everything” Lucy replied. “So he really has no idea who Sam is then”.

  “Lucy can you and James come to dinner on Friday night” Melanie asked her friend. “The thought of a night with my ex and my future husband doesn’t exactly sound very appealing. At least if you and James were there it would be a bit more bearable”.

  “Yeah I will get my Mom to take Calum” Lucy replied. “Are you going to tell Katie?”

  “I will when she gets back” Melanie replied. “Thank God she picked these two weeks to be sent to New York with work. Hopefully I will have this mess sorted before she gets back. The last thing I need is her arriving at the hospital and freaking out at him”.

  “Yeah that’s true; the only person that hates Sam more than your Mom is Katie. Why I really don’t know” Lucy replied. “And I probably won’t mention it to James either. I love him more than anything but he has very loose lips when he drinks and he would probably let something slip to Simon”.

  “God that would really be a disaster” Melanie sighed. “This is such a nightmare”.

  Melanie had barely got off the phone from Lucy when her front door buzzer sounded. She picked up the handset next to the front door.

  She wasn’t surprised when she heard Simon on the other end.

  “I am sorry Mel” he said. “I forgot my keys again”.

  “Shocking” Melanie replied sarcastically. She pressed the button and buzzed him into the apartment and left her door on the latch. Simon was forever forgetting his keys. He often had to travel all the way to Melanie’s apartment to get her key just so he could get into his apartment.

  “Hey. “He said cheerfully as he walked through the door two minutes later. He walked straight over to her and kissed her softly on the lips but for some unexplained reason Melanie felt uncomfortable with him doing this simple act. The memory of Sam kissing her earlier came rushing back into her mind. The fami
liarity she felt at his touch had surprised her. Kissing Simon didn’t feel like it did with Sam. It almost felt wrong.

  “Get a grip” she mentally chastised herself. “This is Simon, you love Simon. Sam is history”.

  “Hey are you ok” Simon asked as he felt her body tense in his arms.

  “Yeah” she replied forcing herself to give him a bright smile she didn’t quite feel. “It’s just been a long stressful day, what with Calum’s accident and all”.

  “Oh my poor girl” he said and pulled her to him and hugged her tightly. “Did you ring Lucy, how is Calum this evening?”

  “He is fine, think I was more shaken about it than he was” Melanie replied. “Oh I asked Lucy and James to join us for dinner on Friday too. Seems the least I could do after I broke her baby”.

  “I think it would take a lot more than a bump on the head to break Calum” Simon laughed. “He is a tough little kid, very cute but tough. Sometimes he amazes me”.

  His words surprised Melanie and filled her with a sudden wave of inadequacy. Something she hadn’t felt in a long time.

  “Does it bother you I can’t have your child Simon” Melanie asked, sounding calmer than she actually felt. She stepped back from his hold so she could see his face clearly.

  “Of course it doesn’t bother me” Simon replied surprised by Melanie’s uncertainty. “Mel I love you. Yes it would have been great to have a house full of kids with you but I love you more than anything else in this world. I am marrying you because I love you not because I want a baby making machine. Beside this way I will never have to share you with anyone. I get you all to myself for the rest of our lives”.

  Melanie smiled and hugged him but for the first time his reassurance didn’t ease her uncertainties. She thought about the next fifty years of just her and Simon and not for the first time this thought unsettled her.

  She quickly pushed her thoughts out on her head and headed into her kitchen to make something to eat for her and Simon.

  Later they were sitting side by side on the sofa. Simon was watching the news. Melanie hated the news and it irritated her that Simon always insisted on watching it even when there was something else Melanie really wanted to watch instead.

  “It’s important to keep up with current affairs” He would always lecture her. So now when he put on the news, she would pick up her Kindle and get lost in whatever book she was currently reading. She loved romantic fiction and this was something Simon could never understand. He thought for someone as bright as her and especially given the fact she was a teacher, she should be reading factual books and biographical novels, expanding her knowledge instead of wasting her time filling her head with unrealistic romantic rubbish that would never be of any use to her students. He would constantly moan about the rows of romantic books lining her shelves. That’s why Melanie went out on bought a Kindle. Now she wouldn’t be adding to her collection anymore and she could read whatever she wanted without a disapproving looks from Simon.

  “Simon I teach 5 year olds” she told him once, “They don’t care about the trouble in the Middle East, or which politician is claiming too many expenses. They care about Disney princesses or Ben 10. I like the books I read. They give me hope”.

  “Hope?” he asked.

  “Hope that maybe sometimes the girl gets to spend the rest of her life with the someone she truly loves” she replied.

  “Sometimes I think you’re the Disney Princess” he laughed loudly. “Dreaming of your happy ever after”. She didn’t reply, his remark had made Melanie feel stupid. She hated when he laughed at her. But she decided she was not going to let him see it bother here at all. She just turned back to her book and lost herself in the pages once again

  But as she sat beside him tonight she stared blankly at her Kindle. She must have read the same page about ten times before she gave up and just pretended to read it. Her head was such a mess. As much as she didn’t want to think about Sam, she just couldn’t seem to get him out of her head. “Why was he here?” she wondered. “And what was he thinking of accepting an invitation to dinner and worse still, their wedding.

  “Sam is a nice guy” Simon said suddenly. The mention of his name made Melanie’s heart almost jump into her mouth. “How well did you know him back then”.

  “Just a bit” she lied. “As I said his folks owned the house next door to the one Maggie and I were staying in. I used to see him on the beach. Maggie invited him over for dinner a few times. Nothing major really”.

  “How come you ended up having coffee with him today” Simon asked casually as he flicked on the Sky guide on the TV and selected the movie section.

  Melanie shifted uncomfortably in her seat unsure of where this conversation was going. Her heart raced faster in her chest and she tried to think of how to answer his question.

  “Well he was the one who treated Calum” Melanie replied nervously. “Then when I was leaving I bumped into him and I was still a little upset over what happened to Calum so Sam offer to take me for a coffee”.

  “Poor baby” he said pulling her into his arms. “You should have called me. I would have been there for you”.

  “I know you would have Simon” She replied and smiled gratefully. She knew he would have dropped everything to be there for her. “But I don’t like to bother you at work”.

  “I was a little surprised to find you having coffee in the hospital” he said sounding a little bit disappointed. “I have been asking you to drop by the hospital since we first met”.

  “Simon you know I don’t like hospitals” Melanie said pulling from his embrace and sitting up straight in and locking him with her eyes. “I break out in a cold sweat just at the thought of going into one of those places. But today Calum was hurt and I just had to man up and face my fears”.

  “I know sweetheart” he sighed taking her by the hand. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I am just being silly and possessive. Don’t mind me”.

  “You didn’t upset me Simon” She sighed and smiled at him. “It’s just been a long day”.

  “Well how about we have an early night” he says and raises his eyebrow in hope. He picked up the remote control and switched off the TV. Melanie’s heart sank a little. That was the last thing she wanted.

  Simon suddenly stood up and pulled Melanie to her feet. Then taking her by the hand he quickly led her to the bedroom and closed the door behind them.

  ********************

  “Simon I am sorry” Melanie said as Simon got up off the bed and pulled his boxer shorts on quickly. He seemed unable to make eye contact with her.

  “It’s fine” he replied abruptly as he stomped towards the bathroom. Melanie sat up in the bed and pulled her knees up under her chin and sighed. What the hell was wrong with her? She loved Simon why was she pushing him away.

  “Simon” she called as she slipped out of the bed and pulled on her bathrobe. She followed him to the bathroom and softly tapped on the door. When she got no reply she slowly pushed opened the door and peeked inside. Simon was sitting on the edge of the bath. His blonde hair tossed and he warm chocolate eyes filled with sadness. He looked up at her as she tentatively walked over to him and sat down next to him on the edge of the bath and rested her head on his shoulder.

  “I’m sorry” she whispered.

  “Melanie if you didn’t feel like doing anything you could have just said” he said and breathed out sharply and his whole body seemed to slump.

  “I know” she replied.

  “I just don’t understand why you just suddenly freaked out” he said looking at her in confusion.

  When he had led her to the bedroom he quickly pulled off his clothes and then began to strip her. Kissing her and slowly moving her towards the bed as he removed her clothes. Finally when they reached the bed he slowly lowered her to the bed. But as soon as she hit the bed she could feel her heart begin to race and her breathing became shallow and difficult.

  At first Simon mistook her reaction as excitement
but then when he climbed over her and as he started kissing her neck she began to hyperventilate. She suddenly pushed him off her and sprang up in the bed gasping for air. She quickly reached for her bedside locker and pulled opened the draw and reached for the paper bag she kept inside her drawer just in case. She quickly brought it to her mouth and began to breathe trying to focus on her breathing and slowing her heart rate.

  It had been years since she had a panic attack but she all ways kept her faithful paper bag in her night stand just to be on the safe side.

  She began having panic attacks the night she saw the photo of Sam and the bleached blonde Barbie on the internet. She had managed to compose herself after her friends had left enough before her Mom had returned home. When her Mom asked her how her day had been she smiled and said it was fine, she had spent the day studying. She decided not to tell Sarah about her visit from Katie and Lucy. But Sarah noticed she was even quieter the usual through dinner. But she didn’t push her.

  Melanie said she was tired and went to bed early. Sarah was just about to head to bed when she heard a strange sound coming from Melanie’s room. She opened the door and found Melanie sitting up in her bed gasping for air and that’s how they started.

  For about three months her panic attacks were a night occurrence. Then one night she didn’t have one. And then it went a few nights without one. It had been almost three year since she had her last one.

  At first Simon had looked at her in shock not really sure what was happening. But then when he realised she was having a panic attack he quickly sprang into action and began talking to her in calm voice telling her to breath and he tenderly rubbed her back.

  But instead of helping her she found his touch and his voice was making her worse. She quickly pushed him away and turned her back on him. And she knew as he quickly moved to the far side of the bed she had hurt him.

  “Simon” she said as she lifted her head from his shoulders and looked him in the face. “I don’t know why I had an attack. It’s been a long time since I last had one. I think with what happened today and the stress of the wedding I think it just all caught up with me. But it was nothing to do with you I promise you”.