Throwaway

by Heather Huffman

  “I think you have a friend,” Gabe didn’t miss the interchange between Jessie and the black and tan fur ball.

  “His paws are bigger than his brain,” Jessie frowned and side-stepped the dog again.

  “Aw… how can you say that about him?” Gabe scooped the puppy into his arms, slipping into baby-speak as he and the animal looked imploringly at her. A mountain of skin fell over the puppy’s eyes and a bubble of laughter escaped before Jessie could catch it. “Ha! I knew you thought he was cute.”

  “Funny looking and cute are two different things. And please tell me you aren’t planning on talking like that to our child. You’ll stunt its growth.”

  “She’s a cold, hard woman,” Gabe told the puppy, which licked his nose in response.

  “I’m going to say goodbye to Milo,” Jessie shook her head, leaving him and the dog to their own devices.

  Jessie was beyond caring if she was being rude; she said a cursory goodbye to Elizabeth and a warm one to Milo before going to wait in the car for Gabe. The teenagers had long since dematerialized. She rolled down the window to shout Merry Christmas at Jay as he passed by. He grinned and blew her a kiss.

  “Your sister is certainly a warm and fuzzy kind of person,” Jessie observed as they pulled away from the tidy little house.

  “Yeah, she takes her position as matriarch pretty seriously.”

  “Can you assure her I have no designs on her place in the world?”

  Gabe simply grinned and Jessie let it drop. Although she secretly thought it might be fun to watch Elizabeth and Aleksander square off in a cage match.

  The bright spot for the visit was that it cured years of feeling as if she’d missed out on something special by not having family to celebrate with on Christmas day. She’d never realized how brutal the process was.

  She and Gabe took a short nap together before heading over to Tumbleweed Ranch for dinner. Jessie was actually looking forward to the third celebration of the day.

  The atmosphere in the Johnston household was entirely different than at Elizabeth’s. A fire crackled in the hearth and laughter spilled out, reaching their ears on the walkway outside.

  “Hey, there they are,” Milo called out from the living room as Ethan ushered them into his home.

  “Are you following us old man?” Jessie couldn’t help laughing at the change in his demeanor.

  “Only the party, my dear.”

  “Which, of course, is us,” Gabe countered.

  “Says the man who was napping 20 minutes ago,” Jessie teased.

  “I wasn’t the only one,” he reminded her as he sat a load of presents down under the tree before taking the stack from her hands as well.

  “Careful, I haven’t given you your gift yet. I could always return it.”

  “You could always give it to me now,” he gave her his most beseeching look.

  “Jessie, Gabe!” Hailey practically glowed as she greeted her guests. There were hugs all around before Jessie was swept into the kitchen by Hailey while the men stretched out in the living room.

  “How on earth did you put all of this together?” Jessie marveled as she helped Hailey set the meal out on the table.

  “I married a man who can cook.”

  “Ethan made this?”

  “Most of it. Before I married him, my idea of a hot breakfast was sticking a Pop Tart in the toaster.”

  “I knew I liked you,” Jessie smiled appreciatively. “How did you and Ethan meet?”

  “He hired me to be the barn manager before this was Tumbleweed Ranch. How about you and Gabe? How did you meet?”

  “You were the barn manager?” Jessie asked out of both a genuine curiosity and a desire to dodge the question.

  “Yeah. I had no real experience with horses, but the business sense Ethan was looking for. And I was desperate enough for a job down here that he could afford me. Are you avoiding my question?”

  “Little bit,” she admitted, before making a split-second decision that would change the course of their friendship for better or worse.

  Chapter Eighteen

  As much as Jessie was enjoying this happy little bubble she seemed to have landed in, the reality was that no one here, other than Gabe, truly knew her. While she was certain anonymity was keeping her alive, it also created the nagging fear that if these people knew her true self, they would reject her.

  “Gabe was supposed to arrest me to get to my pimp, but couldn’t quite bring himself to,” she found herself saying.

  To Hailey’s credit, she paused for only a beat before nodding her head as if Jessie’s statement contained nothing out of the ordinary.

  “He, Spence, had started working for the Bosnian mafia. I wound up being an informant. Kind of an odd beginning, I know.”

  “No, it’s very Romeo and Juliet… star-crossed lovers and what-not.”

  Jessie smiled at a memory. “That always was our song… Romeo and Juliet. A mutual friend sang it for us once and it kind of stuck.”

  “See? Not so unusual after all,” Hailey assured her before letting out a snort of a laugh. “What does Elizabeth think about that?’

  “Oh wow,” Jessie couldn’t help laughing, too. “She has no clue. I sincerely hope she never does.”

  “Can’t say that I blame you.”

  “Actually, you’re the first person I’ve told. Gabe even changed my last name. He’s worried about who would come looking for me if word got around where I was.”

  “You poor thing,” Hailey frowned.

  “Are you sure you never worked the streets?” Jessie studied her.

  “Why’s that?”

  “Most people wouldn’t be this nonchalant about the bomb I just dropped.”

  “True,” Hailey admitted. “I actually have not worked the streets. That’s probably the one job I didn’t do… although it would have been fun to see my family’s reaction if I had. I do tend to be a little unconventional by most people’s standards. And really, who am I to judge?”

  Jessie smiled; she found Hailey utterly refreshing.

  “Will it drive you crazy if I ask a thousand questions, though? I bet your life was fascinating.”

  “That’s not the word I would use, but questions don’t bother me. One condition, though.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Will you teach me to ride a horse? After our babies are born, I mean.”

  “Gladly,” Hailey beamed at her.

  “This world is so foreign to me. I want to be at ease—like Gabe.”

  “What about Gabe?” he poked his head into the kitchen as if on cue.

  “We were just talking about big, furry dorks.”

  “You sweet-talker, you,” he kissed the top of her head and swiped a dinner roll in one fluid motion.

  “Are you going to steal food or help?” Hailey arched an eyebrow and pointed to the ham. “The carving knife is in the cupboard by the sink.”

  “Ethan, your wife’s putting me to work,” Gabe protested loudly, obeying nonetheless.

  “Don’t look at me,” Ethan appeared in the doorway. “I was going to ask you to take a look at one of my geldings later. I need your two-cents.”

  “No such thing as a free meal these days,” Gabe teased.

  “Cool, food’s ready,” Aaron followed his nose into the kitchen. Unlike the teenagers in Gabe’s family, Hailey’s son seemed quite content in the company of adults. Jessie wondered if that was a product of being an only child.

  Dinner was fun, even if Jessie had no clue what they were talking about most of the time. She’d never met people so crazy about horses, and had never realized how little she knew on the subject.

  Eventually Gabe brought the conversation around to Honeybranch cave and Jessie’s plans for it, intentionally drawing her into the discourse. Ethan and Hailey excitedly started rattling off ideas for turning the place into a working ranch, drawing from their experience when deciding how to manage their own place. Jessie again found her head reeling and wondered if
she’d bitten off more than she could chew.

  Later, the men cleared the dishes while the women lingered at the table, chatting about their day thus far. Jessie was encouraged to learn that Hailey dreaded Christmas afternoons with Ethan’s family. It was good to know she wasn’t alone there.

  “His mom still hasn’t forgiven me for taking her baby away.”

  “How old was Ethan when you got married?”

  “Thirty-eight,” Hailey snickered. “Did you like your necklace?”

  “Very much,” Jessie smiled, her fingers moving to trace the pendant.

  “You know the blue topaz is a symbol of love and fidelity?”

  “It’s my birthstone.”

  “Yes, but Gabe was really excited about the double meaning there. He was like a kid at, well, Christmas.”

  Jessie found that knowledge comforting. He’d found a way to promise faithfulness without pushing her on the marriage issue. It was crazy how good he was.

  “He’s not a normal man, is he?”

  “Nope. He and Ethan are both too good to be true.”

  “Was it hard for you? Trusting Ethan, I mean.”

  “Really hard. I almost blew it with him,” Hailey admitted. “I was so sure he’d get sick of me and take off. I didn’t want to put Aaron and me through that again.”

  “What made you change your mind?”

  “My son. He’s always been smarter than me. He pointed out that there was 100% chance of being miserable if I didn’t give it a shot.”

  “Smart kid.”

  “I have no idea where he got it from,” Hailey shook her head.

  “Can Gabe go take a look at that horse with us now, Ethan?” Aaron finished loading the dishwasher and looked up expectantly.

  “I’ll go with you,” Jessie stood up, followed by Hailey. Gabe eyed them each, wary of their angelic expressions.

  Ethan turned on the flood lights on their way to the stables. From a distance, Jessie could see the horse pacing in the paddock. His movements were so fluid he seemed to float. Jessie was so intent on watching the horse, she nearly came out of her skin when something bumped her from behind.

  “Blue, stop that,” Hailey admonished the dog as he came along side them, tongue lolling out. “Sorry. He seems to really like you.”

  Gabe’s laughter rang out in the night, and Jessie just shook her head.

  “So… what do you think of him?” Jessie slid beside Gabe once they’d come to a stop along the fence line.

  “He’s amazing.”

  “Sorry he’s not wrapped.”

  “This is my gift?”

  Jessie nodded, trying to read the expression on his face.

  “It’s been a lot of years since I’ve had one of these.”

  “I can always help if you’ve forgotten how it’s done,” Ethan offered.

  “I think I can manage,” Gabe assured him dryly.

  “Do you like him?”

  “I’m in shock. He’s perfect… I thought you didn’t like four-legged creatures.”

  “You’re not planning on bringing him in my house, are you?”

  “No.”

  “Then we’re good.”

  After a few minutes of admiring the horse, everyone else wandered back to the house, leaving Gabe and Jessie alone.

  “Do you really like him?”

  “I really like him,” Gabe promised, pulling her into a hug. “But not nearly as much as I like you. Are you happy here, with me?”

  Jessie nodded, unsure if she could voice all of the feelings that tumbled around inside.

  “What aren’t you telling me?”

  “I’m scared.”

  “You don’t have anything to be afraid of.”

  “You can’t promise that,” she shook her head. “And I can’t shake the feeling that it’s not over.”

  “I won’t let anything happen to you,” he tipped her face up so he could look into her eyes.

  “You know something,” she studied his face closely. “You talked to someone in St. Louis. There’s something you aren’t telling me.”

  “I didn’t want to worry you on Christmas,” he hedged.

  “What?”

  “Let’s not do this now. Tomorrow.”

  “Not tomorrow,” Jessie pushed away from him, her eyes snapping with anger. “This is my life we’re talking about here. I thought you wanted to me my husband, not my next pimp.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Spence would have treated me like my wee little female brain was too weak to handle something. He would have decided what was best for me without my input. How is this different?”

  “Don’t compare me to him,” Gabe’s voice was low and hard.

  “Don’t keep things from me,” she countered, her own voice laced with steel.

  “What do you want to know? Three Bosnians have turned up in the river. It looks like someone is methodically killing everyone we were trying to arrest. Coleman was released on bail and disappeared the next day—they’re searching the rivers now.”

  “Vance,” Jessie paled.

  “Vance is fine,” he assured her.

  “No. It’s Vance, working from within to settle things his own way. You need to tell him I’m alive.”

  “If word gets out that you’re alive, Aleksander will find you.”

  “If it doesn’t, Vance is going to wind up in prison for the rest of his life and it’ll be my fault.”

  “Jessie, if he did this, it’s already too late. I can’t let him just walk away.”

  “But he did it for me,” she was so frustrated she wanted to stamp her foot.

  “Let’s walk away from the paddock, we’re upsetting the horse.”

  “So?” Jessie demanded, not particularly caring about the horse at the moment. “You would arrest Vance? Really?”

  “I don’t want to spook a wild horse, Jess. They have memories like elephants. And if Vance committed murder, then yes—I would arrest him.”

  “Do you know how to get a hold of him?” Jessie followed Gabe away from the fence, wrapping her arms around herself for warmth as they walked.

  “What makes you think I would tell you if I did?”

  “Because it’s my decision to make.”

  “The baby is half mine. If you’re going to get yourself killed, at least wait until the baby is born.”

  “Nice. Look, all I want to do is get word to Vance that I’m okay. He’s my friend, Gabe. He protected me; I owe the same to him.”

  “I don’t know how to reach him,” Gabe held his hands up in surrender.

  Jessie let the subject drop and the pair walked back to the house in silence. He was probably wishing he’d stayed single. She was figuring out how she could get all the way to St. Louis without him following her.

  If the distance between them was noticed, everyone was polite enough to not mention it. Her enjoyment of the evening was significantly dampened with so much weighing on her mind, and for the first time, she used the pregnancy as an excuse to head home early.

  She expected Gabe to head to his father’s house after dropping her off. Instead, he stretched out on her bed.

  “To what do I owe the honor?” she couldn’t keep the sarcasm from creeping into her voice.

  “I don’t trust you to stay put.”

  “So I’m under house arrest?”

  “Wouldn’t dream of it. But you do have a constant companion for the foreseeable future.”

  Jessie stood rooted to her spot, seething with rage and unsure what to do with it. She grabbed the closest thing to her hand and hurled it at him.

  “Have you lost your mind?” he flew out of the bed after the snowman figurine bounced off his thigh. She answered by pinging a ball of socks off his forehead.

  “You jerk. Maybe I don’t want to be protected. Maybe I like danger. You can’t just show up and say ‘Oh, I’m alive’ and make yourself my ruler. It doesn’t work that way.” She threw a shoe at him to emphasize her point.

  “Damn it J
essie, stop throwing things at me,” he caught the shoe and hurled it to the ground.

  “Maybe I like throwing things,” she chucked another shoe at him.

  “You drive me completely insane,” he batted the shoe away like a fly, closing the distance between them.

  “I’m tired of being bossed around. I’m sick to death of being babysat. I got along just fine without you so why don’t you go?”

  “Are you forgetting how you got here… who made sure you had a car and money and clothes?”

  “You owed me that much. You got me into this mess,” she glared at him, her face inches from his.

  “Oh I got you in to this? Really? Is that the story these days?”

  “I never would have agreed to be an informant if I hadn’t wanted to please you. I wouldn’t have seen what was happening. I’d be in my apartment with my friend completely oblivious to all of this.”

  “You’d be happier knowing Coleman still had those girls locked in his basement?”

  “That’s not fair,” she felt the fight draining out of her.

  “But it’s the truth.”

  “Yeah, well. The truth sucks… and it doesn’t give you the right to become my new lord and master,” she shook him off and stormed from the room. She couldn’t quite tell if she was mad at him or the situation, but he was an easier target. Besides, being angry with him would make it easier to do what was necessary to slip away.

  Nothing he’d said changed the fact that she had to find Vance; she had to try to convince him to leave St. Louis and never look back.

  Chapter Nineteen

  It was another two weeks before Jessie’s chance came. Gabe delivered her to work then headed to Ethan’s to start training his horse. The diner was busy, so she waited until after the breakfast rush to feign a dizzy spell. Milo insisted on driving her home before the lunch rush hit.

  Jessie felt a little guilty for lying to him, and for leaving him shorthanded during the afternoon. But she didn’t have much time to lose before Gabe discovered her missing, and she needed enough of a head start to find Vance, Harmony or Dan before Gabe dragged her kicking and screaming back to the Ozarks.

  She jotted a quick note that said simply “I’m okay” and tacked it to the refrigerator door before snagging the spare key to the Plymouth. Thankfully, she’d had the presence of mind to hide it in her makeup bag after his declaration that he would stop her from returning to St. Louis by any means necessary.