The Heart of the Lost Star (Tales of the High Court Book 3)

by Megan Derr

  "Oh, I'm sure it's hate," Jader said with a bright laugh. "I was a troublemaker from the day I washed up on the beach. My mother sends me letters sometimes, when she can find the time to have someone write them for her. I generally get letters twenty pages long four to six times a year. I feel bad for the people who sit there and write and write and write while she rambles, though I love the letters. Most of my family still doesn't understand why I wanted to come here, and why I'm doing something as stupid as leading an army." He shrugged, smiled softly. "But they're my family. They put up with me."

  Kamir was envious, so envious it hurt for a moment. "They sound like a good family to have." He finished off the rose-colored wine and tried the dark violet one. He hated it exactly as much as he'd expected, a hate that had gotten him sighs of disappointment and sneering, tittering giggles from his family and the other courtiers.

  Jader grinned and reached out, took the dark wine from it and swapped it with his own rose. "No point in wasting a good Coresta on making you miserable."

  "That does seem a shame." Kamir wanted to kiss him. Strip him and bed him and keep him. He was kind and friendly and so easy about everything, like it really didn't matter that Kamir hated Coresta wine. Why couldn't his parents be like that? His siblings? Sometimes he understood why his parents were so unforgiving. It was his siblings who'd always left him the most baffled and hurt. When they were little they'd gotten along, at least reasonably well. But as they got older, his siblings turned more and more into his parents, and the only two people who had once stood with him, played with him and shared sweets and toys, had turned into strangers. Kamir had never understood it, and the one time he'd tried to ask, his sister had said only that they'd grown up while he had not, and she didn't have time to waste on a perpetual child. Sometimes he wondered if maybe he wasn't the only one his parents had broken. Mostly he tried not to think about it at all. "Thank you."

  Please, please let Jader be as wonderful as he seemed. Let Kamir not be making yet another stupid mistake. Why could he be so confident about his clocks and watches, so capable of buying houses and making budgets and other such tasks, but he couldn't go out for a simple dinner with a handsome man without his mind turning against him?

  "This is my favorite wine, so don't think I'm being gracious or anything." Jader winked and bit into an olive.

  He was doing nothing to curb Kamir's need to kiss him.

  Jader finished the olive and chased it with a sip of wine, then murmured, "If you keep looking at me like that, we're not going to make it all the way through our meal and this is the first time I've enjoyed going to dinner for months."

  He made flirting seem so easy, but every time Kamir tried, he felt hopelessly awkward and silly. "You are the one who keeps provoking the way I look at you, so if you want me to stop, you must cease encouraging it."

  Oh, awkward and silly or not, that got him a look that burned. Maybe he wasn't awful at flirting after all. "Sound reasoning, but I enjoy the looks too much to make them stop, so I suppose I'll simply have to suffer." Jader popped a grape in his mouth.

  Kamir looked away before he did something unseemly. The whole evening felt like a dream, and the last thing he wanted to do was hurry it along. He reached out and took a piece of bread, catching a stray drop of oil before it hit the table and licking it from his finger before eating the bread. He glanced up—and swallowed. "Now you need to stop with those sorts of looks."

  "I believe you have only yourself to blame," Jader replied, and finished his wine.

  Another half hour or so passed before they'd finished the first course. Servers whisked it all away and set down the second course: a fragrant, spicy soup that made Kamir's eyes water just smelling it. There was nothing better than spicy food.

  From the way he devoured it, Jader seemed to agree, which just made Kamir happier. His family was of mixed opinions, and Theoren had despised spicy food. His children couldn't handle it yet, save in incremental amounts, but Chara at least was already showing signs of tending toward it as he got older.

  "So I'm certain you get this question all the time, but tell me why an Islander decided to be High Commander of the Imperial Army."

  Oh, he did love when he got that pleased look, like he'd done something unexpected and especially good. "Most ask how I managed to get it, not why I wanted it. Shemal and I share a restlessness that most Islanders look down on, which is hilarious given that the rest of the world thinks all Islanders are aimless and incapable of staying in one place. There aren't many good options for Islanders on the Mainland; most jobs would have had me as stuck in place as the Islands. That left three options: join a merchant company, join the army, or take up piracy or some other form of criminal activity. His Grace fell into pirating. I decided on the general army because they're moderately kinder and more fair to Islanders than the mercenary bands. I was fortunate to fall under the command of someone supportive of Islanders, who stood up for me even when my comrades and other officers gave me trouble. That eventually led me to a posting that brought me to the attention of Lesto, who offered me the very last job I ever expected." He winked. "And here I am."

  "And here you are," Kamir echoed, desperately trying to rein himself in before he fell further into a pit of trouble he'd probably never climb out of. "Thank you again for spending time chatting with my children, by the way. They love Velina, and all her stories of home. Sometimes I worry I'll wake up to find a note informing me they've run away to dive for pearls and swim with fish." He laughed a bit sourly. "Not the worst reason to run away."

  "I would imagine that if they wanted to visit the Islands, they'd be very insistent on taking along their much adored father. As close a friend as Velina clearly is, I'm sure you'll visit eventually."

  Kamir laughed more genuinely then. "I would be completely out of my depth, but I'm certain Chiri and Chara would love it. Especially since a certain commander said he would teach them how to dive."

  "I would gladly do so," Jader said. "I miss diving and swimming. But you'll probably go to the Islands long before I find any sort of free time. I was lucky enough to manage this." He took another sip of wine. "If you do travel to the Islands, definitely go in the early summer. That's when the Festival of Children takes place. That was one of the hardest things to get used to in Harken, the way children are not all about everywhere, nearly running amuck, eating and sleeping wherever they happen to be at the time. I barely see children around the palace, and only in certain parts of the city on the rare occasion I'm there. You don't see a lot of elders, either. I understand the cultural differences better now, but somedays it's still baffling." Jader traced the rim of his glass with one finger. "Midsummer is a good time to go as well. That's when we have the Celebration of Mothers. All mothers are treated with respect, so you'd welcome you."

  "I'm not a mother though," Kamir replied, head tilting.

  Jader sipped more wine then leaned back in his seat. "Mother is a much more complicated term in Islander, since it's always mothers who are in charge. But where on the Mainland the word is linked to gender, on the Islands it's not. You are a mother in a sense that you're a child-bearer and a caretaker and the head of your household." He smiled. "If you were an Islander, I also think you would be in charge of your clan. It would suit you. I hope I am explaining well. It can be difficult, when Mainlanders think of the words in such a different way than us. They can be hard to translate. Here, you're a father, but back home, if an Islander called you a father instead of a mother, it would be highly insulting—the same leve of insulting as misgendering someone the way Triumvirate and some Bentan citizens are always doing."

  "I think I understand," Kamir said, heart trip-trapping. "That's… I can see it would be quite the honor, and I am honored." If Jader got any sweeter or more endearing, Kamir was going to lose all ability to resist acting stupid or getting more hopelessly enamored of him than he already was.

  Thankfully, conversation then shifted to Harken festivals, especially a smaller,
local one taking place in a few months that always left most of the city drunk for three days and hungover for six. Kamir didn't even really know what it was for, past ostensibly celebrating the anniversary of some victory over a place that didn't even exist anymore. Mostly it just seemed to be an excuse for half the palace to go slumming.

  By the time they got to the last course, as delicious as the food was, they were barely paying it attention anymore. As the servers took away the last of the dishes, Jader rose and offered a hand. "Shall we?"

  "We haven't paid."

  Jader waved his other hand in the air. "I arranged and paid for everything ahead of time." When Kamir frowned, he added, "Please, you are the one indulging me. The least I can do is pay for my brattiness."

  The man was a fool if he thought he was being bratty. Kamir had four relatives and two children who could teach him all the myriad meanings of that word. But he only nodded slightly and finally took Jader's hand—and drew a sharp breath as Jader reeled him in close and brushed the barest kiss across his mouth.

  "Shall we go enjoy the rest of our night?" Jader asked softly.

  Kamir's damned nerves took that moment to come rushing back, but he stubbornly ignored them and nodded. "Lead the way."

  Jader held fast to his hand the whole time, which did nothing to ease the ache in Kamir's chest or the nerves fluttering through. Theoren had never held his hand. He'd been more than happy to get his hands on Kamir when they were alone—or rather, happy to have Kamir touch him—but in public he'd always kept slightly apart. Looking back, it was just one of many warning signs.

  He had expected Jader to be much more discreet and quiet, but instead it was like Jader didn't know how to carry out a discreet affair—or simply did not care about discretion… Which, now he was thinking properly, made sense. He was an Islander through and through, and they were not nearly so strict and ridiculous about such matters.

  So this really was an affair, a single night of fun, no matter how much it felt like a courtship. He hadn't realized just how much he'd stupidly let himself hope until, as usual, reality came crashing back down on his head.

  Still, an assignation was what he'd expected from the evening to begin with. There was no reason not to continue on as he'd meant all along. Probably for the better, too, given the upheaval in his life at present.

  He touched his jacket where he could feel the small flask tucked into a hidden pocket. He'd been drinking astiri tea from the moment Jader has asked him to dinner, but he'd brought some with him as well, cold and stale but still effective. As much as he would love to have more children someday, he would prefer to control the matter.

  And he could only imagine how displeased Jader would be—and how eager Kamir's family would be to manipulate the situation.

  They didn't travel far, just out a back door and across a covered walkway framed on either side with rose-covered trellises, into a building that smelled of roses and honeysuckle and lingering traces of expensive perfumes.

  Still holding fast to his hand, Jader led him up a short flight of stairs and down the hall to a purple-painted door. Unlocking it with a key he pulled from his jacket, he pushed the door open and dragged Kamir inside. The door closed and locked with soft, muted clicks, and was followed by the rattle-clink of Jader dropping the key on the nearby bureau.

  "What is this place?" Kamir asked, but almost lost interest in the answer as Jader undid the silver buttons on his short black jacket, baring a clinging, shimmery white shirt that almost faded into his skin. Kamir had always felt small, but even he had more meat on his bones than the tall, spindly Jader. Though he still had no doubt that Jader had all the strength and skill required for his position.

  Jader reached back and undid the clasps on the shirt, pulled it off and cast it to the floor with his jacket. He removed his earrings and shoes, then prowled toward Kamir. "A place I've used before for such things, though not in a long time and never with such anticipation. It's called the House of Endless Color."

  "I see," Kamir replied right before Jader swept him up and kissed him. Oh, yes, there was more strength in that bony body than he'd remembered. But he hadn't forgotten even a little bit how nice it felt to press up against Jader and wrap arms around him like that would somehow keep Jader close to him forever.

  Jader tasted like the coffee and brandy they'd finished their meal with, warm and heady, his hands almost hot as he pushed Kamir to the bed and somehow slipped hands beneath all the layers of his clothes. Kamir whined when the hands withdrew but consoled himself by spanning his own hands along Jader's chest, dazzled by the colorful spray of flowers inked across it. "These are beautiful."

  "Hibiscus, the flower of the Islands."

  "This must have hurt. And taken hours."

  "Yes. Days, actually. But I'm vain and like pretty things, especially pretty things on me," Jader said with a grin. "Though right now the only pretty I care about is you." He made swift work of the buttons of Kamir's jacket and shirt, lifting him up just long enough to strip the clothes completely off and cast them aside. He knelt and removed Kamir's shoes, then his stockings and breeches. Kamir sat up, but forgot what he'd meant to say or do as Jader kissed the top of his foot, then his calf before standing and once more capturing his mouth for a long, deep kiss that left Kamir hungry and aching.

  "I like these," Jader murmured against his mouth, nibbling playfully along his jaw and neck as he cupped Kamir through the fine silk panties he'd chosen to wear. His fingers rubbed and teased and pressed at the damp silk.

  Kamir smiled and did some kissing of his own, nerves fading a bit more at the hard to miss the interest pressing against him. He spread his legs wider, curved his hands around and down, pushing beneath the fabric of Jader's clingy black drawers to cup his ass.

  That move was certainly approved of, if the sharp, biting kiss was anything to go by.

  Jader drew back and shifted them properly onto the bed, then discarded the last of their clothes, his fingers dancing lightly over Kamir's bared chest, eyes burning as the nipples firmed under his touch. He bent his head, mouth hovering. "May I?"

  "Do, please," Kamir said hoarsely, hand skimming along whatever of Jader's body he could reached, lingering on his ass again, though he almost forgot what he was doing as Jader proved to possess skill and enthusiasm when it came to chests.

  The last time Kamir had let someone that close to him, the idiot had been overeager and selfish, and reminded him far too much of Theoren in that regard—and Pantheon, it had taken Kamir far too long to realize he was not the problem in the bedroom. By that point, he'd figured out Theoren was the source of a lot of problems.

  Jader shifted, which meant his ass was now out of reach, but Kamir's thoughts spun away as Jader slowly worked his way down Kamir's body, kissing softly in one spot, teeth nipping in another, tongue returning to drag over the marks before he resumed his downward trail.

  He wrapped his arms around Kamir's thighs, paused to look up with hot, hungry eyes that made Kamir shiver—and then he lowered his head and put his lips and tongue where no one had ever bothered to before. Kamir pressed the back of his hand to his mouth to cut off the surprised, needy wail that wanted out.

  But the shuddering was beyond his control, and eventually the noises got the better of him too, as Jader sucked and rubbed at his clit before pushing his tongue inside Kamir's wet heat. Kamir clung to the sheets with one hand, fingers running over Jader's too-short hair a couple of times before he gave up and simply held fast to the bedding with both hands, panting and gasping and finally moaning Jader's name as a climax shuddered through him.

  Jader rose up and sat back on his heels, and Kamir shuddered and shivered again to see him sweaty and disheveled, lips swollen, his chin and throat wet from his efforts. Kamir got his limbs working again and rose to his own knees, reaching up with one hand to draw Jader into a kiss, the other sliding down to wrap around his cock.

  He moaned at tasting himself in Jader's mouth, shivered at the calloused
hands that ran over his body before Jader loosely wrapped arms around him. Kamir drew back slightly. "What would you like from me?"

  "Anything," Jader said, even as his hips moved to work his cock in Kamir's fist.

  Kamir swallowed. Oh, to have days enough for every thought in his head. He nibbled on Jader's lips. "I can't decide if I want to suck you or be fucked more."

  Jader moaned, cock twitching in Kamir's fingers. "Both would be magnificent, but I think I'm slightly more inclined to fuck you."

  "Then do it," Kamir whispered, refusing to let his nervousness return. He knew what it was like to be fucked by a selfish husband, an impatient stranger, and by one bold woman passing the time while they waited in a travel station. He wanted to know what it was like to be fucked by someone he cared about, and who at least cared enough to see to Kamir's pleasure as much as his own. Someone who was in it for the mutual pleasure and fun.

  Pushing him back gently on the bedding, Jader kissed him again, then pressed another to the space between his breasts, which seemed somehow more intimate than some of the other things he'd done. No, it felt affectionate, and that was infinitely worse because Kamir knew it wasn't, he just wished.

  Fingers teased and pressed gently, but Jader's enthusiasm and need had rekindled his own. "I think your mouth more than did the job of getting me ready, Commander. Let's see what else you can do."

  That got him one of those sharp, bitey kisses, then Jader was drawing back and lining up his cock. Kamir moaned, head falling back as Jader worked himself in slowly—too slowly. Kamir might not have always enjoyed the process, but he knew the process. Kamir rolled his hips, taking Jader deeper, almost giddy at the noises that earned him. He drew Jader in close, kissed him wet and messy, and clung to those thin but strong shoulders as Jader finally began to fuck him.

  He thought it would be over in moments, but instead Jader kept up a steady, deep and driving pace, mouth moving Kamir's skin, lingering to suck at his throat and lap the mark with his tongue. Only when Kamir screamed and came a second time did Jader draw back and pound into him with a last few thrusts before sinking in deep and clinging tightly to Kamir as he came.