Give Me Wings

by Joy Redmond

“I was just talkin' to Carnikko. That’s her name. I heard the name when I was in the Philippines, and I said if I ever had me a little girl, that’s what I’d call her,” he stated firmly, as if the subject wasn’t open for debate.

  “Say it again,” Rachel said.

  Teddy sounded it out, “Car-nik-o.”

  “Carnikko,” Rachel repeated softly. “It’s a pretty name. I like it. God has blessed us with a boy and a girl, and I’m the happiest mother in the world.”

  “Yeah, our family is complete,” Teddy said with a sigh. “We’re lucky to have a son and a daughter. There ain’t no need for no more.”

  “You’re right,” Rachel said. “Now you can go to sleep. You can get Doctor Clay in the morning—and Mother, too.”

  “I’ll get Doc tomorrow, but I ain’t goin' after your holy roller, bible thumpin' mother,” Teddy replied harshly.

  “Teddy, I need her here!” Rachel said sternly.

  Teddy rolled over and pulled the covers around him. He glanced at the wind-up clock, which read 5:15, and whispered, “She musta been born about four-thirty. I’ll tell Doc Clay tomorrow so he can put it on the birth certificate.”

  Chapter Six

  At 7 o’clock, Teddy awoke to see Rachel holding little Carnikko to her breast. When Rachel saw that he was awake, she said, “She has my chestnut brown hair, but she’s got your curls!”

  “She sure does,” Teddy replied as he sat up and stroked his daughter’s hair. “I’ll go make a pot of coffee and then I’ll fetch Doc Clay.”

  The floor was cold as an ice slab on his bare feet as Teddy slipped on his clothes, shoes, and socks. He hurried into the front room and stoked the fire. Blowing his warm breath on his hands, he headed for the kitchen. He needed coffee, black and strong. By 8:00, he left the house.

  He tried the car again, but it still wouldn’t start. “Reckon I’ll hoof it,” he said, and kicked the car door as he stepped out. His first stop was the liquor store, three blocks away. Then he hurried across town, cutting down alleys and across backyards, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his pea coat, his head tucked against the cold wind. The only time he took his right hand out of his pocket was to tip the pint to his lips a few times. The whiskey warmed his insides and he was feeling good by the time he reached Doctor Clay’s home and office. He tapped on the door.

  Doctor Clay opened the door and said, “Come on in out of the cold, Teddy. Is Rachel ready to have the baby?”

  Teddy stomped the snow off his shoes, then stepped into the house, saying, “Nah, I done delivered the baby myself.” Noticing Doctor Clay’s look of surprise, he added, “But I do need ya to come over and check Rachel and the baby.”

  “Fine, I’ll get my bag,” said Doctor Clay. “I see you had to walk over here, so we’ll take my car. It’s blue-cold out there.”

  When Doctor Clay left the room, Teddy looked around. The fireplace was ablaze and the room was warm and cozy. Through a door to his right, he could see a big kitchen with an electric range and a refrigerator. Guess the doc don’t need a wood burning stove or an icebox. What I wouldn’t give for a place that was warm as toast from the minute I woke up.

  As he waited for Doc Clay, an image of the thing he had thrown into the stove flashed into his mind. Should he tell Doc about it? He decided not to. Doc probably wouldn’t believe him anyway.

  A few moments later, Doctor Clay came back into the room, carrying his black medical bag. “I’m ready. Let’s go,” he said, opening the door.

  Teddy tucked his head against the frigid wind as he waited for Doctor Clay to open the garage door. Inside, he smiled at the sight of Doc’s brand new Packard. Teddy was looking forward to the ride, since he’d never been in such a fine car before.

  As Doctor Clay adjusted the rearview mirror, Teddy said, “Nice ride ya got here, Doc. Sure beats the hell out of a Model T.”

  Doctor Clay seemed to be offended by the liquor smell on Teddy’s breath and he didn’t respond to the compliment. He fired up the Packard and backed out of the garage.

  At the house, Doctor Clay examined Rachel. “No tearing. That’s good,” he said, as he poured antiseptic over her bottom. Then he examined the baby. “Her color is good and so are her reflexes.” Then he squeezed a drop of silver nitrate into each of the baby’s eyes. “Teddy, go out to my car and bring me the scale? It’s in the backseat.”

  Although Teddy bristled at having someone issue him orders, he turned and hurried out to the car. On the way, he took a swig from the pint in his coat pocket, then grabbed the scale and walked back inside.

  Doctor Clay placed the baby on the scale and announced, “Looks like five pounds and about eight ounces. She’s tiny, but she seems to be healthy. Rachel, feed her every two hours. She needs the colostrum. That’ll hold her until your milk comes down.” He turned and handed the tiny mite back to Rachel. “She’s a pretty little thing with all that hair.”

  “We think so,” Rachel answered with a smile.

  “Are ya sure she’s okay?” Teddy asked. “She’s so tiny.”

  “She’ll be fine,” Doctor Clay replied as he began slipping into his black overcoat. “Bring them both to my office in a week.”

  “Er, Doc,” Teddy said sheepishly. “I—I ain’t got no money to pay ya today—but I’ll get ya paid off as soon as I can.”

  “I understand,” Doctor Clay replied, stepping past Teddy on his way to the door. “We’ll worry about that later.”

  ***

  Lula awoke from a dream, and nudged her husband. “Wake up, Eldon. Rachel had the baby. God showed me in a dream like he always does when one of my children need me.” She rubbed her temples with her forefingers. “The dream zipped through my head and I think I saw two babies, but one wasn’t complete. I’m not sure I got that right. Anyway, after you get the cows milked, hitch the mules to the wagon. We’ve got to make it to Bon Harbor.”

  “I believe you. I’ve never known you to be wrong about dreams. But what about two babies? Do you mean we’ve got twin grandchildren?”

  “That’s the part I’m not sure about. I saw two babies, but only one was crying and lying in Rachel’s arms. I’m confused.”

  “You’ll soon find out,” Eldon said, as he slipped out of bed, then pulled on his trousers and shirt over his long johns.He went into the living room where his old work shoes were sitting beside the coal-burning stove. He put on his socks, shoes, grabbed his heavy coat from a nail on the wall behind the stove, then headed to the barn.

  Soon, Eldon had the cows milked and the mules hitched to the wagon. Lula had her bag packed, and they climbed aboard, and Eldon slapped the reins. “Giddy up, go!”

  The twenty miles into Bon Harbor seemed endless. Most of the roads they traveled were narrow, gravel roads. After they reached the main road, it was smooth-going on pavement.

  When they arrived at the shanty, Lula climbed from the wagon and told Eldon to come for her in two weeks.

  “Tell Rachel thanks for making us grandparents. Tell her I’ll see the babies when I come to get you.”

  “Will do. Now get on. You’ve got your work to do and I’ve got mine cut out for me.”

  Lula marched across the front yard like a woman on a mission. She didn’t bother to knock, she just opened the door and walked inside, which took Teddy by surprise. He sprang out of the wingback chair, his eyes blazing.

  Lula waved her hand through the air. “Keep your seat,” she said, and didn’t break stride as she crossed the front room, entered the bedroom and dropped her bag on the floor, making a hard thump that sounded as if it had made a hole in the old planks.

  Teddy gritted his teeth. There ain’t enough whiskey in this town that’ll give me the courage to put up with her big ass, he thought. Just as he was about to grab his pea coat he heard Don shaking the crib rails and crying. Let Lula get 'im, he thought, then he heard Lula say, “Let Grandma unwrap, then I’ll take you.” Don stopped crying.

  Then he heard Rachel say, “Mother, how did you know I neede
d you?”

  “God showed me what was happening in a dream, like He always does when one of my daughters need me. I’ll hold Don for a few minutes then I want to hold that baby. She’s latched onto your breast like she’s starving.”

  “She wants to nurse continually. I don’t think the colostrum is getting her stomach full.”

  “She’ll be fine. Just let her nurse as often as he wants. I know it drains you, but that’s what I’m here for. I’ll take care of you.”

  Teddy gritted his teeth as he heard Lula gushing over his daughter, then he froze in his tracks when Lula continued her conversation.

  “Rachel, in my dream I saw two babies. Now it was kind of fuzzy, but I’m sure there was another baby, but it didn’t look like this one. So, is this the only baby you had?”

  “Yes. I just had one.” Rachel paused for a long moment. “But if you saw two, it doesn’t make sense. I’ve never known you to be wrong.”

  “I don’t know how to explain it except what I told you. I know there was two, but—”

  Before Lula finished her sentence, Rachel’s voice pierced Teddy’s ears as she yelled, “Teddy. Get in here!”

  Teddy walked into the room, squared his shoulders as if he was ready to spar with Lula if she didn’t shut up. His voice was as soft and tender as he could muster through his anger as he said, “Rachel, I wanted to spare ya the pain of knowing the whole truth, but yer big mouth mother had to lay all the hurt on ya. It wasn’t another baby. It was a thing. It was dead. I throwed it in the potbelly stove. I done what I thought was right for yer sake.”

  Lula propped Don on one hip, placed her hand on her other hip and with venom in her voice she said, “You’re a hell-bound heathen! It started out as a baby. It didn’t finish growing and it wasn’t complete, but it wasn’t a thing and it deserved a Christian burial!”

  “It was a thing and it wasn’t real. I’m the one who saw it. I was tryin' to spare Rachel. And you can go to hell!” Teddy retorted. He ran out of the bedroom, grabbed his pea coat, and hurried out the front door, slamming it behind him.

  He stood on the sidewalk for a few seconds, wanting to go back inside and slam Lula’s head into the potbelly stove. Ain’t no way in hell I’m goin' back in that house till that ol’ witch leaves. She didn’t have to hurt Rachel like that. All she did was heap pain and anguish on ꞌer own daughter that I was tryinꞌ to save ꞌer from. And she’s the Christian and I’m the heathen? He seethed, spat on the ground and willed his anger to leave before he ended up in jail. His palms itched to strangle the life out of Lula.

  I reckon I can go spend a few days with Addie. Rachel will be in a huff, but by the time I get back she’ll get over it. She always does, he thought as he stuck his hands into his pea coat pockets, tucked his head against the wind, and headed up the street, shivering from cold and rage.

  Soon, Teddy was headed toward Addie’s front door. I hope you’re horny. I sure am. It’s been a long time, and it’s gonna be whole lot longer afore I get any poontang from Rachel. A man’s got needs.

  Chapter Seven

  1944-Carnikko

  A month before Carnikko turned two, Rachel gave birth to her third child, Lee. When Rachel was busy, Carnikko would bend over the bassinet and talk to him as if she thought he could understand just as well as a grownup. She still talked with a bit of gibberish, but most of her sentences were comprehensible, and Lee’s eyes followed the movement of her lips as though he did understand every word.

  Every Saturday, Teddy spent half the day and half of his paycheck at his favorite watering hole. Carnikko moped around until he came home, then she was in his lap, jabbering and using hand gestures and facial expressions like he did when he told her his tall tales.

  On Sundays, Rachel readied herself and the children for service at First Church of God, five blocks away. Teddy referred to it as the First Self-Righteous Church of Holy Rollers, and claimed both the churchgoers and the preacher were full of gawddang horse-shit.

  As Rachel was nearing the house after church one Sunday, all three children in tow, Carnikko broke free from her hand and ran ahead. She threw open the door, raced into the front room, then ran to Daddy.

  He lifted her onto his lap. “How was Sunday school, Punkin?”

  Fanning away the smoke from Teddy’s cigarette, Carnikko said, “It was gal-dan- horth-thit!”

  Teddy threw back his head and roared with laughter. Then he pulled his daughter close and said, “You got that right, Punkin!”

  A few seconds later, Rachel was at Carnikko’s side, wagging her finger and warning sternly, “If I ever hear you say that again, young lady, I’ll wash your mouth out with lye soap!”

  Carnikko looked up at Mama, then back at Daddy. Daddy was laughing, but Mama was mad. It didn’t make sense.

  As the next few years passed, Carnikko learned not to repeat Daddy’s words in front of Mama, but when she was alone with Daddy, she repeated everything he said.

  Don was six, Carnikko was going on four, Lee was almost two and another baby was on the way. Teddy was in a testy mood as he stood by an open bedroom window hoping to catch a breeze. Carnikko walked into the bedroom and wrapped her arms around his leg, resting her head against his faded denim jeans as he lamented. “The house is like a sauna, flies buzzinꞌ around my head, and the noise from the street gives me a headache.”

  Carnikko looked into his eyes and said, “Wuv ya, Daddy”

  “I love ya too, Punkin,” he said wearily, rubbing the back of his neck. “This house is about to fall down around our heads. It’s enough to drive a man to drink—even more than I already do. What am I gonna do?”

  Carnikko clung to Daddy’s leg until he picked her up, held her in the crook of his left arm, and pointed to the neighbor’s house with his right hand. “See that sumbitch next door, Punkin? I could spit outta this window and hit him right on top of his bald head.”

  Carnikko could see the man through his side window sitting on a sofa, his feet propped on a coffee table. “Go ahead, Daddy. Spit on the sumbitch!”

  Teddy laughed and shifted his daughter to the other arm. Then he stuck his finger through a small hole in the screen and ripped upward and sideways until nothing was left of the screen but small pieces of mesh around the frame. “There! Now every gawddang fly in Bon Harbor can come in,” he said.

  Carnikko laughed and reached up to hug Daddy’s neck, almost causing him to lose his grip around her waist. He kissed her cheek and said, “We’ve gotta move outta here, Punkin. I can’t even sleep at night. There’s cars runnin' up and down the street, neighbors yellin', and those damn alley cats howlin' all night. We need to move to the country where all we’ll hear is frogs croakin' and mosquitoes fartin'.” He bounced her in rhythm and sang, “Croak, fart, croak, fart.”

  Carnikko laughed and joined in. “Croak, fart, croak, fart.”

  Two months later, Daddy moved the family ten miles out of Bon Harbor and into a house about three miles out of the small community of Canoe Cove. The house had electricity, but no running water. It was a three-room shotgun shack, sitting atop a steep hill. Even though there were only three rooms, they were bigger and held more beds and other furniture than their house in town.

  Being an excellent carpenter, Grandpa Winston had made Mama a new cupboard, a double bed frame, and a toy chest for the boys. He delivered it all the day before they moved in. Uncle Carl, borrowed a co-worker’s truck and helped with the move, and Aunt Lou gave Mama and Daddy a box spring mattress set as a housewarming gift.

  Daddy and Uncle Carl stopped by Mammaw and Pappaw’s house, and picked up a twin rollaway for Carnikko. It was the first bed she’d have all to herself since she had surrendered the crib to Lee, who still slept in it, even though he had outgrown it. She and Don had shared a pallet on the floor in the front room in Bon Harbor. Now, Don, Lee, and Carnikko all had nice beds, since Grandma Winston had sent an old mattress and box springs for the boy’s double bed.

  Carnikko was fascinated with the swing
that hung on the right end of the front porch, and she swung happily as Daddy and Uncle Carl unloaded the truck. After the furniture was all unloaded and Uncle Carl had left, Daddy joined her on the swing for a few minutes while he took a break.

  She looked at her daddy’s face. She knew that if he had a faraway look in his eyes and he was humming, it was okay to have a conversation. She smiled. He was humming softly.

  “How come this is called a shotgun house?” she asked, gently tugging on Daddy’s sleeve.

  “Well, it’s just an old sayin',” Daddy replied. “The house was built in a straight row, and the way I understand it, the idea was that you could stand in the front door, fire a shotgun, and the bullet could go straight through the house and out the back door without hittin' anything. Silly, huh?”

  As Daddy pulled Carnikko onto his lap, she said, “Yeah, it is kinda silly.” Then she jumped down, reached for his hand, and said, “Come on, Daddy. I wanna walk around.”

  Daddy smiled and took her hand, and together they walked across the rickety porch and down the three lopsided steps. He pointed toward the right side of the front yard and said, “See them trees, Punkin? That one’s a poplar, and those two are sycamores. Pointing to the left, he added. “Over there’s an elm, the best kinda tree for shade in the summer. The leaves are changin' colors because it’s October. Soon they’ll all fall, and then you and yer brothers can bury each other in a big pile.”

  “When they gonna fall?” Carnikko asked.

  “They’ll all be on the ground by the end of the month. Then when November comes, they’ll be covered with snow,” Daddy said. “I hate winter and snow with a passion—but come November the fourteenth, you’re gonna be four years old.”

  Daddy led Carnikko around the house, and when they reached the backyard, he said, “See that big tree? It’s a weepin' willow, and the way those branches are droopin', it does look like it’s about to cry, if ya ask me.”

  The backyard contained three small buildings, and when they reached the first one, Daddy opened the door and said, “This here is the coalhouse, Punkin. Russell-Wilson Coal Company will come out in a few weeks and fill ꞌer up.” He shut the door and continued the tour, showing her the woodshed and the chicken house. Behind the chicken house was the outhouse.