Damned

by Bec Botefuhr

  I can hear my screams, but it sounds more like they are coming from somebody else's mouth. I don’t feel like I am in my world anymore; I am just floating, fading. I fall to my knees, grief tearing through me like liquid poison. Jack pulls me into his arms, soothing me with words I can’t even understand or make out. No, please god no, not my Jax. Oh god, please. It is the last thing I remember pleading, before I pass out.

  SIX MONTHS LATER.

  “It’s the best place for you Jade, everybody is looking here and soon it will be known to your parents that you are within reach.” Jack says gently.

  I am laying on my bed, staring out at the window as I do most days. I haven't done much since Jax died, nothing more than scream and sob; then I fell into a silent depression and would sleep for days on end. I found out I was pregnant two months after Jax left. I am now five months along; it’s the only thing that has kept me from taking my own life. Jack has stayed by my side; the crew has come and gone, but I want nothing to do with any of it. I just want to curl up and take the screaming pain from my chest.

  “What’s the point?” I whisper.

  “He is your father.”

  I peer over at Jack; he is staring at me with hopeful eyes. Jack wants me to go back after I was seen on the island and reports were made. I know my parents will search for me here within days. My father is my only escape.

  “It’s up to you Jade, you go with him, or you stay and get taken home. Which will it be?”

  “I don’t care.”

  “JADE ENOUGH. You need to make this god damned choice for your child, if you don’t, I will.”

  I blink at Jack’s outburst. Fine. “I will go.”

  “Good, we fly out tonight.”

  “What?” I tremble.

  “Your father is expecting us. This is the right thing.”

  “I don’t know whats right for me Jack and sometimes…. I don’t care.”

  Jack finally softens and strokes my cheek with the back of his hand. He has been my rock, and he has helped me through six months of darkness. I know I still have so much further to go; I can’t ever imagine my life without Jax and therefore really cannot see how I will get through it.

  “Will you trust me, this is the best choice for you Jade.”

  “I trust you.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Jack?”

  “MMMM?”

  “Is Mack ok with me coming?”

  “God of course he is, you know he has been trying to ring for months.”

  “I know.”

  “Trust me Jade, I know what I am doing.”

  I hope to god he is right.

  CHAPTER 19

  We leave the next morning, and I say a long, sad farewell to Carol. Even through her own devastation, she has been by my side. We blend tears as we part, something we have become familiar with. When Jack and I are in the sky, I peer out the window and down at the ocean. Part of me wants to believe Jax is still alive; it is almost as though I can feel him. I know that can’t be right though; Rusty said he went down.

  I scream most nights and wake up in a cold sweat. I don’t eat often. I don’t go outdoors. I just sleep. I have faded so quickly it is alarming. I have lost weight; the only time I eat is for my baby and he or she takes all the nutrients. I feel awful; I want so desperately to love the child inside of me, but I just can’t find the heart for anything anymore.

  We arrive at my fathers castle…mansion…I don’t know. It is huge. It is made of sandstone and surrounded by lush green fields. He obviously is not lacking in money. I gaze at my surrounds as Jack takes my hand and leads me towards the huge house. There are only a few tree’s scattered about the large fields. One side is surrounded in white picket fences and inside I can see horses.

  The other side has open fields and coming in closer to the house, large beautiful gardens. The house looks massive; I can’t even begin to imagine how many rooms it holds. When we walk through the front door, we are greeted by a lovely blonde woman in her late thirties. She is wearing a pale blue dress and a white apron.

  “Jack, how delightful to see you.” She smiles, hugging Jack.

  “Miss Sandy, lovely to see you again. Where is Mack?”

  “He is in the main dining area. Oh, my…is this Jade?”

  I am peering around the room but at the mention of my name I meet the woman's eyes. She looks sympathetically at me and narrows her pretty blue eyes.

  “Yes, this is Jade.”

  “Oh goodness, she is a spitting image of Mack. Shall I call him?”

  “No, we will find him. Thank you Sandy.”

  We walk into a large dining room, which is more like an open dancing hall. Big statues line the walls along the left side and to the right; tables are decked out with fancy table cloths and seating. The middle is obviously a large dancefloor. At the front of the hall, is a large king like chair that Mack is sitting in, chatting to a few men. When he sees us enter, he stands. Emotion racks me, oh Mack.

  “Oh baby girl.” He whispers when he gets close enough. I leap into his arms. Desperate for love, for comfort.

  “Daddy.”

  “Shhh, I will take care of you. Don’t you worry.”

  “It all hurts.”

  “I know angel.”

  “I want him back.” I wail.

  “I know.”

  “She is struggling heavily Mack, I hope to god this is the right thing for her.”

  “It is the best thing for her. We are what she needs.”

  I breathe in my fathers scent and cling to him desperately. He is the only comfort I have felt for six months. I hope to god Mack is what I need because I have run out of options.

  ONE YEAR LATER

  “Jade, we need you to come and meet somebody.” Jack says, touching my arm.

  I peer out the window of my room; the sun is shining, the sky is a light blue. It has been nearly two years since Jax’s death and even though I am recovering; I have days where I don’t know how to cope. My daughter saved me, when she was born I knew she was what I needed to pull me from my dark place. With her dark black curls and green eyes, she is the image of Jax. She is a gorgeous child with gorgeous light that surrounds her; I know he would be proud. I turn to glance at Jack, without him I would have died; there is no doubt about it. When he brought me to Mack, I was hesitant, but it was the best move. Mack is good to me; he takes care of me and Lilly.

  “Who is here?” I ask, snapping out of my thoughts and gazing at Jack, who is leaning against my bed frame with his arms folded. He is stunning, without fail.

  “Your father will explain it all, come on.”

  “Ok.”

  “Where’s LJ?” He asks, using his nickname for Lilly.

  “She’s with Anya, out in the garden.”

  “Come on, it will not take long, and we can go and see her.”

  I smile, my smile since the day Jax died has never reached my eyes, but I try…try to forget him. I can’t let go, I don’t seem to be able to accept he is dead. He is my soul mate, my life, and it stops me from being able to move on. Jack takes my hand, and we make our way to the main dining area. My father is standing beside another man; upon closer glance, I realize he is quite stunning. Not in the way Jack or my father are, but in an unusual fascinating way. He has short blonde hair, large brown eyes and golden skin. He looks like a god, what with his long, white dress type outfit; with golden bands tied around his waist. He is not short, in fact, he is rather tall and lean.

  “So this is the little possum that is causing all the uproar.” He says in a thick accent that I can’t put my finger on. It is the kind of accent that sends Goosebumps creeping over a girl’s skin, the type that makes her want to hear that voice being purred into her ears all day long. It is memorizing.

  “Yes, this is my daughter Jade.” My father smiles, grasping my hand and pulling me close. His power shoots up my arm, causing me to shiver and snap out of my lusty thoughts. I am surprised I am even having lusty thoughts, I hav
e not thought of anything since Jax.

  “And you are?” I ask, not affected by his rather rude introduction.

  “Jade, this is Poseidon.”

  I snort. “Like the god? How original.”

  The man curls his lip, in that same arrogant smile.

  “Not like the god sweetheart,” Jack whispers. “He IS the god.”

  I laugh a loud boisterous sound. “Really, and I am Athena.”

  “Not nearly pretty enough.” The Poseidon rip off muses.

  I shoot him a rotten glare. “Well, you are certainly not handsome enough to be a god.”

  He grins now, wipe and triumphant. “Ah but I am, quite stunning, with an accent you could hear all day long… well that is what your mind just told me anyway.”

  I slam my thoughts down instantly.

  “He can read my mind?” I whisper to Jack.

  “More or less.” Jack murmurs, tossing a glance towards Poseidon.

  “Magic.”

  “Love, believe it or not. This is the real god.”

  “Really? What happened, he decided to rise up from his group of affair loving mutants and join us?”

  “She has done her research on me, very interesting.” He draws out, with a grin.

  “Shut it.”

  “JADE,” My father yells, grasping my arm. “He is the Greek God; we raised him from his sleep a thousand years ago and he has been a loyal Allie since.”

  I roll my eyes. “You know, I heard you had like heaps of kids…like a bit of rough and tumble huh?”

  Poseidon throws his head back, and roars with laughter, when he looks back at me his brown eyes are twinkling with humor.

  “You are a feisty one, now aren’t you possum?”

  “Do I look like a small furry rodent to you?”

  He grins once more. “Furry? No. Rodent? Yes.”

  “Arrogant Jerk.”

  “Jade, Poseidon is a very good and loyal friend to me. Please watch your mouth.” My father calmly informs me.

  “What about his mouth?” I snap to my father angrily.

  My father shoots him a look but says nothing.

  “Very strong willed girl you have there, she will be of considerable use.”

  “Not in bed with you.”

  Amusement flickers across his gaze. “Don’t get all huffy my dear, your turn will come.”

  I snort. “I thought you were meant to be fat and hairy? That is what all the pictures show. Christ knows how so many women lusted over you enough for you to sprout a thousand kids, what with that tiny penis all the statues are sure to show so well.”

  My father doesn’t laugh, but I am sure I hear him choke back something that sounds a lot like a snort of humor. Jack grins.

  “I can show you the real thing, if you like? To correct that little mishap in your mind.”

  I grunt. “No thank you. I would like to sleep with bright images in my mind tonight.”

  “I am sure you will.”

  I roll my eyes and glance at my father. “Why is he here?”

  “He often visits. He is skilled with helping people overcome certain things.”

  “Like a dead lover.” I snap.

  “More or less. He is exceptionally good at what he does. He will be good for you to hang out with.”

  “Fine,” I sigh. “Whatever.”

  “We are having a welcome feast, will you join us baby girl?”

  Damn Mack and his baby girl line. Stupid man was far too sweet.

  “Do I get to shower first?” I mutter.

  Poseidon tosses me a flattering grin. “But of course, do you need help?”

  “Don’t flatter yourself, the best you can probably do for me is fart dust.”

  This time my father does laugh. “Ah, she has my spirit I see.”

  Poseidon glares at me and then his face relaxes. “I am old my dear, but not dead.”

  I snort before grasping Jack’s hand and pulling him off. “Let’s go before Captain whore-a-lot over excites himself. We wouldn’t want a case of premature dustulation.”

  Poseidon’s laugh follows us out of the room. I smile to myself, in an odd way; I know he and I will get along just fine.

  CHAPTER 20

  After soaking for a long, long time in the bath with Lilly, I dress her and we walk out to join the feast. I look around at the mixture of men and women seated at the long, feast filled dining table. My father sits at one end, Poseidon alongside of him. Two extremely attractive women sit beside him, rubbing his arms and stroking his legs. Whore, I shout out loudly in my mind. Poseidon turns and smiles at me, giving me an arrogant wink before turning back to his women.

  My father calls me over, ushering me to sit beside him. Lilly leaps onto his lap, and he smothers her in kisses, I cannot deny that my father adores her. I am grateful she has all these men who love her because…her father is not here to. The thought clenches my chest, but I promptly shove it back down to my core, where I keep all the memories of Jax locked. Tightly. The feast looks sensational, and I can hardly move by the time I am finished eating. I glance down at my short, glimmering black dress. I look like a bloated hooker. Poseidon snorts out a loud laugh, great he is listening in again. Go away tiny, stop invading me.

  “Tiny?” He says, aloud.

  Tiny penis, I think in my mind, grinning. He snorts before stroking the girl beside him. Jerk.

  “Jade, would you like a drink?” My father asks.

  “If it’s alcoholic yes.”

  My father looks at Lilly, who is running around on the floor, her dark curls bouncing behind her and I sigh.

  “Ok, soft drink is fine.” I am secretly grateful my father never let me turn into a raging alcoholic. I could have, easily.

  I watch Poseidon laughing with the girls beside him, often staring at me and winking. Silly man. I stand and walk over, stopping in front of him.

  “Excuse me, I would like to talk with the Greek whore… I mean god.”

  “Do you want me to take her down, my lord?” The girl beside him gasps.

  I snort; my lord…

  “I can take her down if I please.” He grins, leaning down to stare up my skirt. Perve!

  “You know, nothing up there you have not seen before I’m sure.”

  His grin widens wickedly. “I am sure. How can I help you tonight, little one?”

  I take note of his outfit. He is not wearing a shirt, which I had not noticed because his long white gown covers it. He is wearing white pants, which cling to him in a way no pants should. I tilt my head, staring down at his package and wondering if it truly is as small as the statue’s.

  “Are you looking at my package?”

  I shoot my head up, heat flares to my cheeks. “What? NO!”

  He laughs, taking my hands. “You were looking, I saw you.”

  I shake my head, turning away. “Dream on.”

  “Jade, can we have a word?” It is Jack.

  “Oh, hey Jack.”

  “Yes, best you take your little girl here. She is having a dandy time staring at my goods.”

  “I was not!” I protest as Jack drags me off.

  I sit with Jack a while, then he decides to announce to everyone that I have a magnificent singing voice.

  “Jack no, you do not understand. I haven’t sung… since…since.”

  “You can do it, nothing has changed.”

  “Jack….”

  “Come on sweetheart, please?”

  “No!” I cry, emotions roaring through me. “No, I don’t sing anymore. I won’t. He is gone now and…”

  I choke then; memories of Jax flit through my head, oh how much I miss him. I glance up, to meet Poseidon’s glance; I do not know why it is him I look at. He stares at me, with an expression I am not quite sure how to decipher. I clamp my eyes shut, don’t cry, don’t cry. Everything flurries around me, as if the world is spinning.

  “Excuse me.” I whisper, standing and rushing out the nearest door.

  I run down a few halls; final
ly I get outside. I hurry into the small garden with a comfortable wooden seat sitting beside a small pond. I sit down, breathing deeply to try and take away the feeling welling inside of me. Pain, so much pain. I feel a presence beside me, expecting it to be Jack I turn but it isn’t. Oddly enough, Poseidon sits beside me, staring into the darkness.

  “I… wanted to be alone.” I say, quietly.

  “Can I do something to you?” He asks, not looking at me.

  “If you want me to get my breasts out and jiggle you can think again.”

  He doesn’t grin but amusement washes over his expression. “Not that, give me your hand.”

  “Why?”

  “Stop arguing.” He snaps, grasping my hand before I can refuse more.

  Suddenly, warmth washes over me, splashing onto me like hot water. I gasp as I feel my mind spin, memories from my past spin around like a wild merry go round. I can see Jax, Bella, Bill, pirates, Jax and I fighting, making love.

  “S-S-Stop!” I cry.

  Poseidon holds my hand; his eyes closed, his expression blank. Finally, he lets it go and stares at me.

  “You have had a tough time.”

  “What did you just do?” I gasp.

  “Read your past like a book, saw your memories. You are madly in love with a man at the moment; it is so strong.”

  “You couldn’t have possibly seen that.”

  “Tall, dark, handsome, green eyes, tattoo’s… sound familiar?”

  I freeze, Jax. I suppose I am still in love with him. I always will be.

  “I don’t… understand.”

  “One of my many talents.” He shrugs.

  “You saw… Jax? Poseidon, he is dead.” I cry.

  He blinks then sighs.

  “You’re a troubled person, little princess girl.” He says, staring back out the pond. Something about Poseidon is hard, determined and unromantic and yet he makes me feel at ease in a way nobody else could. He doesn’t suck all over me or beg and plead; he doesn’t fall at my knees when I cry, he just lays it down the line; emotion detached.

  “Why are you out here?” I ask. “We all know you don’t like me.”

  He turns to me, his expression serious for the first time. “I don’t have many friends, as you probably know and not many people come along that spark my interest. You however do, and with time I could consider you someone I would like to have as a friend. You are like me in so many more ways than you know. You’re hard, strong and determined, you go for what you believe in and don’t back down, no matter what.”