When Dawn Breaks

by Melissa Toppen

  “And what way is that exactly?”

  “By telling you I’m sorry.” I let out a slow breath. “This is on me, all of it.”

  “It’s not just on you. She’s not innocent. I don’t know why you’re trying so damn hard to protect her. She’s the one who did me wrong. She was my best friend.”

  “Is,” I correct her.

  “What?” she questions, confused.

  “You said she was your best friend. She is.”

  “I don’t think that’s your place to say.” Her nostrils flare in anger.

  “I know you, Court. I know how much you love Bree and how much she loves you. You two will get past this, you have to.”

  “I don’t have to do anything.” Her voice shakes. “She made her choice. She chose to fuck my ex-boyfriend behind my back and lie to me about it. That is entirely on her.”

  “Look, I get that what we did was wrong, but really take a step back and look at the situation, Court. It’s been five years since we dated. Five years and we weren’t even that serious.”

  “It was serious for me,” she says weakly, unable to meet my gaze.

  “I care about you, Courtney. I’ve always cared about you. But you’re lying to yourself if you believe we were ever going anywhere. It was fun while it lasted, but that’s all it was. Maybe a part of you loved me once, but I don’t believe that part of you still exists.”

  “How do you know how I feel?”

  “It’s been five years. You’ve never once tried to reach out. Never once made an attempt to reconnect with me. And I’m supposed to believe that having dinner with me once after five years has somehow changed all that. I don’t think so.”

  “It doesn’t matter what you think. What Bree did is still wrong. She should’ve never kept this from me.” She swipes at a tear that falls down her cheek.

  “I agree. And she knows that too. We both should’ve been upfront with you; would’ve saved all of us a lot of pain and upset. But we can’t go back and change it now. All we can do is learn from it and move on. I want happiness for you. I want you to find someone one day who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. But I’m not that guy, Courtney. I never have been.”

  “Because of her,” she halfheartedly accuses. “When did you know? That you had feelings for her? When did you know?” she repeats when I don’t answer right away.

  “About halfway through senior year,” I admit.

  “That long? You stayed with me that long knowing you had feelings for my best friend?” The anger in her voice returns.

  “It wasn’t something that just happened out of the blue. I took notice of her then, started seeing her in a different light. It was months later before I realized how my feelings had morphed. Once I did, even knowing I couldn’t be with her, I broke things off with you. Because at the end of the day I knew it was the right thing to do.”

  “Did she know?”

  “No.” I shake my head. “She never had a clue.”

  “I feel so foolish.” She looks down at her feet. “Here I was carrying on about the future all the while you were pining after my best friend.”

  “You shouldn’t feel foolish. My feelings for her didn’t take away my feelings for you. I cared about you a lot, I still do. But…”

  “But you love her.”

  “So fucking much it hurts,” I admit, running a hand through my hair.

  “So what is it you want from me, Ant? Why are you really here?”

  “Bree broke things off with me the day after you left. Said she couldn’t be with me knowing how deeply our relationship had hurt you.”

  “So you thought you could fly all the way out here and convince me to what—call her and beg her to take you back?”

  “Of course not. But I was hoping that if you would give me a chance to explain. That if you could see how much I love her and her son, that maybe you could come to terms with us being together.”

  “You’re asking for my blessing?”

  “In a way, yeah, I guess I am.”

  “You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve, Anthony Treadway. Jesus Christ.” She throws her hands up in the air in frustration.

  “I know. And you can fucking hate me for the rest of your life, and I’ll accept that. But not Bree. She needs you. And I, well, I need her.”

  “So then what, you both walk away happy while I get shit on?”

  “We all end up happy in the long run.” I take a step toward her. “I know how much you love Bree. I know that you would do just about anything to see her happy. No matter what has happened, I can see it in your eyes that fact has not changed.”

  “And what, you think you can make her happy?”

  “I know I can.” I take another step until only two feet separate us.

  Courtney stares at me for a long moment, her eyes locked on mine, gauging me, trying to read me. It’s several long seconds before she finally lets out a breath and her posture relaxes.

  “You really do love her, don’t you?”

  “More than I could ever say with words.”

  “You know if you hurt her, I’ll rip off your balls personally.” For the first time since this conversation began the shadow of a smile plays on her lips.

  “I would expect nothing less,” I chuckle.

  “I don’t forgive you—either of you—but if you love her like you say you do, and I think you do, then who I am to stand in your way.”

  “And Bree?” I question, hope in my voice.

  “What happens with her and I will be between her and I. I can’t make any promises. Because no matter what happens next, you still hurt me. Both of you did. And I need to find a way to move on from that. But that will be on me. I don’t forgive you, Ant, not yet. But maybe if you can make her happy I can find a way to.”

  “Court.” I’m breathless by the time I finally answer the phone, nervous energy coursing through me.

  I hadn’t expected to hear from her, though I have yet to discover why I actually am.

  “Hey, Bree.” Her voice is soft, sad even, and it chips at my heart a little bit more.

  “Hey,” I reply, not really sure what to say.

  “I needed to call you,” she starts. “But now I’m not really sure why.”

  “I’m so sorry, Courtney,” I blurt, tears instantly stinging the back of my eyes. “I should’ve told you how I felt from the beginning. I should’ve been honest with you.”

  “Yes, you should have.” She sighs.

  “I love him.” I don’t mean to say it, but I also can’t deny how good it feels to say either.

  “I know you do. And he loves you, more than I think even you realize.” Her words do more than just shock me, and it takes me several moments to form a response.

  “You’ve talked to him?”

  “I have. And I guess that’s why I’m calling.” She pauses for a long moment. “I want you to follow your heart, Bree. I want you to be happy. If Ant makes you happy, then I want that for you.”

  “Court,” I start, but she cuts me off.

  “Just let me say this,” she continues when I don’t object. “What you did was wrong on so many levels. I never thought you’d lie to me, keep something like this from me, and to be honest, you kind of broke my heart. And not because you’re in love with Anthony, but because you kept it from me. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy. After everything you’ve been through, Bree, you deserve that. You deserve it more than anyone I’ve ever known. I wish you trusted in me enough to know I would’ve supported you had you just been upfront with me.”

  “I was scared,” I admit.

  “I get that. I do. But we’re supposed to be family, Bree. And family doesn’t lie to each other, and they don’t keep secrets of this magnitude.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m not okay with how this all played out. And to be honest, it’s probably going to take me a while to move past it, but I will. You just have to give me some time.”

  “Of course. Of course, I
will. I’ll do anything you need. Anything. You name it, I’ll do it. I’ll do anything to make this right. I love you so much, Court. You’re my sister, my best friend, one of the very things that make me, me. I’m not whole without you in my life.”

  “I know that. And I feel the same way. But I can’t just pretend like nothing happened. I can’t just pick back up where we left off and act like you didn’t hurt me, because you did.”

  “I know.” I swipe away the tears falling from my eyes and try to keep my voice steady.

  “Ant came to see me.” Her next statement sends me reeling in an entirely different direction.

  “What?”

  “I’m guessing by your reaction you haven’t spoken to him yet?”

  “He won’t return my calls,” I admit.

  “He showed up here yesterday, begged me to forgive you.”

  “He did?” I’m not sure how to feel about this. “Is that why you’re calling. Because he asked you to?”

  “No,” she states curtly. “But he did make me realize some things that I think I wasn’t quite ready to admit to myself.”

  “Which is?”

  “That I never really wanted Ant back. I’ve been going through some things here, and seeing Ant again just made me miss the girl I used to be.”

  “Anything you want to talk about.”

  “Not yet,” she continues. “He just reminded me of a simpler time, when he and I were together. How much fun we used to have. How easy it always was. I guess I just got caught up trying to run away from my life now. It doesn’t change how hurt I am by your actions, but it does make giving you my blessing much easier.”

  “Your blessing?” I question.

  “That’s why Ant came here,” she says. “Not just to apologize on behalf of both of you, but to ask for my blessing for you two to be together.”

  “He did what?” I croak, emotion welling in my chest.

  “He really loves you, Bree.”

  “He does?” I choke on my tears.

  “You know he does.” I can hear the smile in her voice. “You two take care of each other.”

  “And what about you?”

  “I’ll be okay. I just need some time to sort everything out.”

  “I’m gonna miss you so much.”

  “I’m going to miss you too. And that little man of mine.”

  “I’m so sorry for doing this to us.”

  “I know you are, Bree. I know you are.”

  “I love you, Courtney.”

  “I love you too, Bree. Now go get that man, make sure all of this wasn’t for nothing.” She chuckles lightly.

  “I will,” it’s all I manage to say before the line goes dead, and I’m left feeling like the ground has just split open and I’m not entirely certain that it won’t swallow me up where I stand.

  I’m so lost in thought that it takes me several beats to realize someone is knocking on the door. Mind swirling and stomach full of knots, I cross the room and pull open the door, the fog surrounding me not lifting until I meet a pair of blue-gray eyes and suddenly everything comes into perfect view.

  “Ant,” I hear myself saying but my voice feels a million miles away.

  “Hey.” He gives me a crooked grin, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans as he rocks back on his heels. “Can we talk?” he asks, seeming nervous which is completely out of character for the cocky confident man I know him to be.

  “Yeah.” I step back, allowing him to enter the apartment.

  When I close the door and turn, I’m surprised to see him standing directly in front of me.

  “Is Jack here?” He glances around the apartment.

  “He’s at school until three-twenty,” I say, glancing at the clock on the wall that shows it’s just before one.

  “That’s right.” He nods like he’s just remembering the day. “Why are you home?”

  “I took today and tomorrow off,” I admit, not bothering to tell him that I did so to try to track him down and fix the monumental mistake I made by walking away from him.

  “I see.” His gaze holds mine as several beats of silence pass between us. “I miss you, Bree. I’m so fucking lost without you.” The words rush past his lips and immediately send my heart galloping inside my chest.

  “I miss you too,” I admit, blinking past the tears that fill my eyes for the second time in less than ten minutes. “I’m so sorry, for everything. I never should’ve walked away from you. I was just so confused and scared. I didn’t know what else to do.”

  “Baby.” Ant has me in his arms in a matter of seconds, soothing me with his soft words. “You were trying to do what you thought was right. You were willing to sacrifice your happiness for your friend. And that’s just one of the many things I love about you,” he says, pulling back to look down at me.

  “You went to see her,” I say, not missing the surprised look that flashes through his eyes. “She called me,” I quickly add.

  “I hope I didn’t overstep. I just had to try.”

  “I’m glad you went,” I admit. “I doubt she would’ve called me had you not.”

  “And what did she say.”

  “She’s still hurt and it’s going to take time, but for the first time since all this happened, I actually think that things are going to be okay between us. You did that,” I say, reaching up to take his face in my hands. “You always put me first, even when I don’t do the same for you. I’m not sure if I deserve that.”

  “You deserve someone who will always put you first no matter what. And I will, Bree. You and Jack, you’re all I want. You’re my family. All I want is to come home. I just want to be with you, to love you, to give you and Jackson the family you both deserve. I want Jackson to grow up with two people who love him more than anything in the world, to give him the happy childhood neither of us had.”

  “I want that too.” I smile through the tears falling down my cheeks.

  “I didn’t know it was possible to love someone as much as I love you, Bree Kingsley. You fucking own me.”

  “You fucking own me too.” He chuckles at my words, wiping my tears with the pad of his thumbs.

  It’s only seconds before our mouths crash together, a fury of teeth and tongue, of moans and cries. We can’t seem to get close enough, clinging to each other so tightly that it’s hard to tell where he ends and I begin.

  We spend the rest of the afternoon making love. From the floor in the living room, to the couch, to the bed, there was barely a surface we left untouched. By the time we finally collapse into each other’s arms nearly two hours later, my body is spent but my heart has never felt so full.

  “Where have you been these past few days?” I ask, my body tucked firmly against Ant as his hand trails up and down my bare back.

  “I was in Rockfield. I had to take care of a few things. One being the ownership of my parents’ house.”

  “What do you mean?” I prop my chin on his chest and look up at him.

  “My father thought it was a good idea to leave the house to me instead of letting it default to my mom.”

  “What?” I ask, surprised.

  “I found out right after Courtney ran off. Everything happened so fast I didn’t have a chance to tell you about it.”

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

  “Don’t be. You’ve helped me more than you could possibly ever know.”

  “So what did you do? Did you get it all taken care of?”

  “I did.” He nods. “It took jumping through several hoops, but we finally got it all sorted out.”

  “Why would he do that?” I question.

  “Because he’s Aaron Treadway, and that’s just the kind of shit he’d pull. I don’t know if it was somehow his lame attempt to make things right or if it was one last fuck you because he knew I’d never accept it, but either way, I’m glad it’s over. I’m glad I can finally put that chapter of my life behind me.”

  “How are your mom and sisters?”


  “They’re doing okay.”

  “Do you think you’ll be closer now that your dad isn’t in the picture?”

  “Doubtful. Too much shit has happened. I don’t know that we’ll ever be okay, but I’m trying to be.”

  “I love you.” I don’t plan to say it, it just kind of comes out. Because well, it’s true. Probably truer than anything I’ve ever said before.

  “I love you too.” He pulls me up so that I’m laying on top of him. “So much it fucking hurts.” He latches his hand around the back of my neck and pulls my mouth down to his, kissing me deeply.

  I couldn’t be happier.

  That’s the only thought I have as I watch Jackson round the corner and spot Ant, his entire face lighting up at the sight of him. I really couldn’t be happier.

  It’s only seconds before Jack takes off running, launching himself into Ant’s arms.

  “Hey there, little man.” Ant chuckles, squeezing him tightly.

  “Are you here to take me to the park?” Jack pulls back and smiles, knowing when we both pick him up together it’s usually because we have something fun planned.

  “Of course, I am. I have a title to uphold.”

  “And which title would that be?” I ask, stepping up next to Anthony who gives me a smile that damn near makes me crumble to the floor.

  “Best swing pusher, Mom.” Jack sighs, exasperated, like I should already know.

  “Oh, that’s right,” I laugh, holding my hands up in surrender.

  “Come on, Ant-man, let’s go.” Jack slides out of Ant’s arms and then takes his hand, pulling him down the hallway toward the door.

  I stop the second we step outside, taking a moment to watch the two of them make their way to the car hand in hand. It takes everything in me not to give into the emotion once again welling in my chest. I swear I feel like I’m seconds away from bursting I’m so happy, and it’s not a feeling I’m accustomed to. Honestly, it’s a little scary, but damn it if it’s not a whole lot worth it. And it’s a feeling I wouldn’t trade for anything in the entire world.