A Boy I Used to Love (A St. Skin Novel): a bad boy new adult romance novel

by London Casey

  I grabbed a mop and started to clean up the floor some more.

  Twenty minutes later, my phone rang…

  “I’m sorry,” a voice said on the other line.

  “You’re sure?”

  “Yeah, River. I’ve been hanging with him for a little while.”

  “He’s a nice guy?”

  “Really nice guy.”

  On the phone was a guy named Hector. Remember that guy that did me a favor and I had to do him a favor? Hector was his guy and Hector was in New York, making friends with the guy Lacey was with.

  I just wanted to know the truth about her. If she was happy. Settled. Living. Loving.

  “Fancy kind of guy?” I asked.

  “Suit and tie, yeah. Lawyer. He’s got a hell of a future planned.”

  “Well, with an engagement ring…”

  “Look, River, I’m just being as straight as I can. He was saying something about it when we were drinking and I thought it was just drunk love talk. But he showed me the ring.”

  “What kind of ring was it?”

  “Huh?”

  “The ring, Hector. What kind?”

  “Engagement…”

  “Fuck, man. What did it look like?”

  “An engagement ring,” Hector said. “Three big ass diamonds in the middle. Little diamonds along the band…”

  “Did it look heavy?”

  “Yeah. I mean, it’s a nice ring.”

  “And it’s big?”

  “Yeah. You could see this thing in the dark, man.”

  A smiled flickered for a second. “She’s going to hate it.”

  “What? What woman hates a diamond ring?”

  I didn’t respond.

  Lacey was going to hate it. She wanted a small diamond ring. Nothing big and fancy.

  Unless, of course, her tastes had changed. Sipping up the luxury life out there without me dragging her down. All the so-called bad boy stuff she loved about me could be replicated by some punk ass in a suit.

  The smile faded and the anger rose up.

  “When’s he proposing?” I asked.

  “Tomorrow night.”

  “Have you seen her?”

  “Yeah.”

  “She look good?”

  “Yes.”

  “She happy?”

  “She’s happy, River. She’s getting engaged. I thought I was coming out here to find something important. Like someone stole something from you. I thought I was coming out here to knock some heads around.”

  “You think this guy really loves her?”

  “I don’t know. Why wouldn’t he?”

  “Maybe he’s using her for money…”

  “He’s got a shit ton of money on his own,” Hector said. “Believe me. I dug around. His family is worth millions. The last thing this guy needs is money.”

  “Then maybe…”

  “Hey, River. I don’t know what the fuck you’re trying to figure out here. Do it on your own, though. My time is kept for real problems. Not some romance bullshit that didn’t work out. You want something from her? Come out here and get it. But you have until tomorrow night. He’s going to propose and she’s going to say yes. End of discussion. Fuck.”

  The call went dead.

  I leaned against a wall and nodded.

  I had my answer.

  I lowered my head and placed a call for Pin.

  “You got my answer, motherfucker?” he asked without even a hello.

  “My answer is no,” I said.

  “No?”

  “I don’t want your fucking opportunity.”

  “You’re a dumb shit,” Pin said. “I’m trying to pull your ass off the street and help you.”

  I ended the call.

  I’d never speak to Pin again.

  I left the mop against the wall, went into the back of the gym, and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Outside, I sat against the building and looked up to the clear, starry sky.

  I drank myself drunk and then drank some more.

  It was my last night of freedom but I was brokenhearted.

  “Hey, I heard some shit about this one,” my buddy Jones said to me. “Heard that the big dogs were sniffing around. They bust in, we’re all going to jail.”

  “I don’t care,” I said. “Let them take me in. Fuck it.”

  “Hey, this is a big deal. The earnings aren’t that great on this one,” Jones said. “We can pass it up.”

  “Either drive the truck or I’ll walk,” I said.

  I was hell-bent on going to the fight. All I could picture was Lacey getting proposed to. Some guy sliding a ring on her finger. Her looking down at him. That moment that I wanted. My moment.

  Jones put the truck in drive.

  It was all silence until we got to the building.

  Everything felt off about it.

  Jones was right. We should have skipped it. I should have gone to a bar and gotten drunk and found someone to comfort me for the night.

  The second I got out of the truck I took my shirt off. I grabbed some tape and started to tape up my wrists.

  “Jesus, man,” Jones said. “You’re ready, huh?”

  I ignored him and walked toward the building. I kicked open one of the doors and heard the murmur of voices. I walked right to the main floor and stood there. There weren’t a lot of people there. That meant the bets and payouts were going to be shitty. I’d probably make the same as what Pin had been offering.

  But that didn’t matter.

  I was done with Pin.

  I was done with the straight life for the moment.

  Lacey was getting engaged.

  She was going to wear another man’s ring and carry another man’s heart.

  I walked right to the middle of the floor, stuck my fingers into my mouth, and whistled.

  All eyes started to fall on me.

  “I want a fucking fight,” I yelled. “Someone get out here and fight me.”

  The promoter of the illegal fight came pushing through the crowd. He had two goons with him who had all intention of beating me up for disrupting the night. At that point, guys were still taking bets, buying drinks, getting settled.

  I just stood there.

  “Come on. Where the fuck is someone?”

  My voice echoed around.

  The goons of the promoter came within striking distance of me. I planned on fighting them.

  That’s when the doors to the building blasted open and in came a flood of police.

  Shit.

  Jones had been right.

  The place had been under surveillance and the cops were making their move.

  The crowd quickly started to break up and I darted for a door. I worked my way through the crowd, dodging the grabs of police officers dressed for war.

  When I got outside I looked for Jones’s truck.

  It was gone.

  The fucker left me.

  He let me walk to the building and then took off.

  “Put your fucking hands up!” a voice boomed from behind me.

  I slowly turned and came face to face with an officer.

  He had a gun in one hand and club in the other.

  “Right now, asshole!”

  I thought about Lacey. At the opposite end of the country. She was three hours ahead of me. That meant for sure she was engaged by now. A diamond ring on her finger. Having the night of her life. Making a memory she’d never forget.

  So, do the same, River. Make a memory you’ll never forget.

  I smiled.

  “What the fuck is funny?” the officer growled.

  I lowered my shoulder and charged. I tackled the officer as he swung with this club, getting me good and hard in the shoulder. He should have just shot me. It would have been better for both of us. Instead, his backup arrived and they all beat me to the ground.

  I was cuffed and taken away.

  Lacey was engaged. I had lost her for good.

  I put my head against the window of the cop car.

&n
bsp; All I could think about was Lacey.

  She really couldn’t be happy, right?

  It would take years for me to find out the truth.

  Lacey

  FIVE YEARS AGO

  I knew something was going to happen. The notion of being proposed to did float through my mind a few times but I just shook it off. Chris was a good guy but he was laser-focused on his career. Throwing a ring on my finger just didn’t seem to be part of his plan in life. Which gave me time to figure things out.

  I felt like my life had been sucked into some kind of weird vortex. I finished school and was immediately thrown into med school. I begged to take things slow because I was feeling so burned out. My parents insisted that I go right away. It was actually Chris who came to my aid. He was able to connect with my father in a way that I never could. Maybe because he was successful. Maybe because he had helped my father a few times with legal issues as he cashed out of the company he took us all to New York to work for.

  Whatever it was, I was given a year to relax in life.

  It seemed like a blessing, but it ended up as a curse. I was bored. I was lost. I was under the watch and control of Chris all the time. I ended up becoming almost something like a secretary to him. Running errands for his office, helping with paperwork, soaking in the life of the busy city. But the strangest feeling washed over me time and time again. Being in the middle of thousands - millions - of people and I felt alone.

  There was nothing I could do to shake that feeling, either. No matter what I ate, drank, no matter how hard I tried to force myself to fall for Chris, it just wasn’t happening. Even when he told me to find a house I wanted, that high was only temporary. I searched high and low for houses, the budget in seven figures. A dream for any woman. But each time I found a house and we would look at it, I’d find something wrong with it. To Chris, I’d make something up. It made me sound snotty, like a spoiled rich girl. The truth was that the problem with every house was that River wasn’t inside it.

  He hadn’t slipped my mind and he sure as hell hadn’t escaped my heart.

  I started school again and things were feeling somewhat normal. My dream of being a doctor seemed way off in the distance, and not because the classes were hard.

  I just didn’t want it anymore.

  I washed my hands in the bathroom of the fancy restaurant and checked my makeup. Makeup. I never cared to wear that stuff but Chris liked it. My mother insisted I make myself look appropriate at appropriate times. The entire existence of reality had become this insane blur. I mean, when I thought about it, it was all insane. My father always made great money. We always lived well above most people. But the opportunity to go to New York turned my parents into millionaires. I was instantly rich. I never had to worry about money ever in my life. But it meant nothing because I wasn’t happy. So, that whole crap about money not buying happiness really proved true.

  Drying my hands, I exited the bathroom and Chris stood a few feet away, smiling.

  He was in a fancy suit. His teeth glistened against the light. His hair was perfect. His smile was perfect. Any woman would be lucky to have his attention and right now, his attention was all mine.

  “Everything okay?” he asked me.

  “Yeah. You?”

  “Yeah. Your father wants to slip out for a cigar. I needed a breather from the table.”

  “Sorry. I know they can be intense.”

  “Your father wants to sue the neighbor.”

  “What?”

  “Something about land and vegetation.”

  “They have so much…”

  “Feed the machine, Lacey,” Chris said with a grin. “That’s what I’ve learned. There’s never enough when you’re wealthy. It becomes a drug. An addiction.”

  “Please don’t sue my parents’ neighbor,” I said.

  “I wouldn’t get involved. Family and business don’t mix.”

  Chris winked and offered his arm.

  I took it and walked back to the table.

  We were in the middle of a restaurant. All these fancy people with their fancy lives. In the back of my mind, I thought about River. Working at the shitty garage. Coming to see me as he wiped grease off his hands. The dirt on his shirt. The smell of his skin and sweat. Everything earned through back-breaking work. I thought about him taking me to the abandoned house in his beat-up pickup truck. The noises the truck made. The old, rusted smell of it.

  The memories were flooding hard.

  Suddenly, three men appeared and they took away my chair and Chris’s chair. Then they grabbed the table - the entire table - and carried it away. My parents stood up and their chairs were taken.

  Chris put me where the table had been.

  I stood there in complete shock.

  The entire restaurant stared at me.

  Chris stood before me. He touched my face with both hands. His hands were so soft. Milky soft hands. The thing was… I didn’t feel anything when he touched my face. They weren’t rough like River’s were.

  Chris reached into the pocket of his suit jacket and dropped to one knee.

  I covered my mouth.

  I heard a collective gasp throughout the restaurant.

  This was really happening.

  Chris took my hand. “Lacey, we met in a cafe…”

  He started to ramble about our memories together.

  I loved him. Yes, I did love him. It wasn’t the same love as River. But Chris was here. He was in front of me. He wanted to take care of me. I would have a good and happy life. At least on the outside. I could finish medical school and find a job and just have this simple life. All the bad stuff on the outside of my bubble would remain there.

  To so many around me, I was free. Marrying Chris was a smart decision.

  “Lacey, will you do me the honor and be my wife?”

  I glanced over at my parents. My father smiled proudly, an arm around my mother, gripping her shoulder tight. My mother blinked fast, her eyes glistening with tears.

  The restaurant waited for my answer.

  So, I nodded.

  I nodded… and I kept nodding.

  Next thing I knew, Chris shoved the massive diamond ring on my finger and stood up to kiss me. We kissed. The restaurant burst into applause. My father announced he would be paying for everyone’s dessert.

  And it became a night of celebration and everyone wanting to congratulate me. They were all strangers to me.

  But the biggest stranger of all?

  Myself.

  It was almost one in the morning.

  Chris was sleeping. The apartment was super quiet. I couldn’t sleep. I crept out of the bed and downstairs. I wandered through the kitchen in the dark. Biting my lip, I opened the bottom cabinet where I kept expensive glassware that would never be used. There was a secret corner, and that’s where I kept a pack of cigarettes. It was a stress thing and I only smoked when I was stressed about school. Sometimes I’d have to pull all-nighters and write papers so I would smoke, write, smoke, write. Then I’d have to hurry and air the place out to keep Chris from finding out. He made it very clear to me that smoking was a total deal-breaker.

  I opened the backdoor and went out to our small deck to sit on the top step.

  We were on the outside of the city. If you listened hard enough you could barely hear the hustle and bustle of it, even at this late hour.

  I took out a cigarette and lit it, sucking a deep drag, and coughing hard. I buried my face into the crook of my arm to keep from making too much noise. As I coughed, I stared at the diamond ring on my finger.

  It was really big. It was heavy. It was… obnoxious. It was not what I wanted. I wasn’t that kind of woman. I held my left hand out as my right hand held the cigarette. I didn’t blink as I smoked and stared at the diamond.

  What was I thinking?

  I could be honest with Chris about the ring. And maybe even more than that. This went way beyond an engagement ring. Maybe I could go find River and just… see. Settle my achi
ng heart once and for all. Prove to myself that he wasn’t waiting around for me, either.

  I nodded.

  That made sense.

  I could tell Chris I had to go on a trip. Hell, I took a trip on the day me and River were supposed to meet up every year. I couldn’t face that day, wondering if he would actually follow through and show up looking for me.

  Plus, it had been five years since I’d last seen River. Those were five years that he could have tried to find me. Shocked me. Surprised me. Stolen me.

  But he didn’t do that.

  I finished the cigarette and had to clean up and hide all the evidence. That included scrubbing my hands to the point of them hurting. I brushed my teeth for about ten minutes and chugged mouthwash.

  Back in bed next to Chris, I stared at him. He wasn’t that bad of a guy. He was… worth settling for.

  But I would need to check on River first. I would need to know if anything remained.

  That night I went to bed a little more at ease.

  But looking for River would be useless.

  He was in prison and would stay there for a little while.

  And me…

  I was in my own version of prison, too.

  River

  PRESENT DAY

  The woman sat on the edge of my chair and dabbed the corners of her eyes. She rolled her eyes up into the back of her head and let out a sigh.

  “I don’t want my makeup to run,” she said.

  “I don’t think that really matters,” I said. “I don’t judge by makeup.”

  Her name was Tess.

  She looked at me. “Thank you, River. You really did it. You’ll never know what these roses mean to me.”

  On her arm, from shoulder to elbow, I had been carefully working on a tattoo of three roses that twisted together at the stem. The roses were for her grandparents, the third rose for herself. She had been abandoned by her birth mother at a library, and was shuffled through the foster system until her grandparents found her and raised her.

  Tess reached into her shirt, grabbing at a gold chain. She pulled out a small locket and popped it open, showing it to me.

  “This is them,” she said.

  It was a really old photograph of a young man and woman.