These Paper Walls

by Magan Vernon

  He raised his eyebrow. "Didn't think the work would be too hard for a fit guy like you, Crabtree."

  I shook my head. "No, sir, it isn't that the work is too hard...but..."

  I ran my hand over my face. This was harder than I thought, but I had to do it. "Sir, with a baby on the way, Libby needs me closer to home. I can take even the littlest, low man on the totem pole job as long as it means I'll be in Elsbury and able to leave at the drop of a hat if Libby needs me."

  He nodded slowly. "As much as I hate to hear that, Crabtree. I can understand that. Family comes first."

  I rubbed the back of my neck. "And, I'm going to need to cut my hours after this year. I've taken the assistant JV baseball coaching position at Elsbury and I'm going to try and go back to school. It won't be many hours to start, but I'm going to still be the best damn worker you've ever had whether it's five hours a day or fifteen."

  He nodded, thinking on it a moment before he smiled slightly. "Well, Blaine, this wasn't the conversation I expected to be having with you, but I should have seen it coming. You're a bright man, almost too smart for your own good. I've always known you'd go onto greater things, but I'm happy to have you on the team in whatever capacity I can have you. You're going to be one hell of a hard guy to replace, though."

  I licked my lips and nodded. "I know, sir, but if you don't mind, I think you should suggest Jackson Cleary for the job in New Orleans. He's been doing this longer than me and is one hell of a worker. I can take over his pothole work and I'm sure he'd make a great addition to the team out there on the highway."

  Daniel ran his fingers through his beard. "Jackson could be a good match for that. Thank you for the suggestion."

  I nodded. "Thank you, sir."

  Daniel put his hand on his desk. "I'll get the paperwork started. You'll have to still work in New Orleans today, but I'll get the word to your foreman and we should have you working on the Main Street potholes by tomorrow."

  I grinned, not expecting to be that easy. "Thank you so much, sir. I promise that I won't let you down."

  He took my hand, shaking it. "I don't doubt that at all, Crabtree."

  ***

  Before going to the site, I stopped at the coffee shop, knowing she'd be there.

  And of course she was, sitting at the corner table with two coffee cups in front of her. The longer I'd been meeting up with Julie, the lower cut her blouses had become.

  I don't know how I didn't see any of it coming or if I just chose to ignore it. But now I couldn't. Now it was time to do what was right.

  "Hey, Blaine!" She smiled broadly and gave me a huge hug as soon as I approached the table. "I got you a coffee. Black, like you like it."

  I nodded as she let go and sat down, but I didn't take the seat next to her. "I'm not staying, Julie."

  "Oh, well, okay, maybe we can meet for lunch then?"

  I shook my head. "No. We can't. We aren't going to keep doing this."

  She blinked. "Doing what exactly?"

  "Don't play dumb with me, Julie. I may have fallen for it before, but this has to stop. I'm married and you're the girl who cheated on me. I'm not saying I was a saint our entire relationship, but I never so much as talked to another woman. Libby loves me. She's having my son. She's never wronged me in any way and I've been one hell of an evil man, texting and having coffee with my ex-girlfriend."

  She smiled, but it was forced. "We're just two friends having coffee and friendly conversation."

  I shook my head. "You and I both know that this is more than that. I don't know exactly what it is, but it's going to stop. Your number is gone from my phone. No more contact between us, Julie. We may have history, but that history is going to stay in the past."

  "Are you sure this is what you really want, Blaine?"

  I took the drink and emptied it in the trash next to us. It was as if me dumping that was like dumping her. What I should have done before she went to college. What I should have done years ago when I was a shitty boyfriend and didn't know how to be a good one. It took a good long mess of years, but now I was finally figuring out what it took to be a good man. And being a good man meant that I had to get rid of all the old baggage.

  "It is, Julie."

  I didn't even look back at her or say goodbye as I turned and left the building, getting into my car and turning it on.

  I waited a few minutes, hoping she didn't come running out, and thanking the Lord she didn't.

  I pulled out my phone, seeing that I still had some time before I had to be on the site. I scrolled through my contacts until I found the right one and prayed the he answered.

  "Dr. Gentry."

  "Hey, Jack, it's Blaine."

  "Hello, Blaine, I wasn't expecting your call. Libby called her mom last night, is everything okay? Do you need us to come down there?"

  I winced and ran my hand over my face, trying to muster up the courage for what I needed to say. "Yeah. Everything's okay, but I need a favor."

  "Okay."

  "I'm cutting my hours at work and taking a job closer to home to help Libby out. With her not working as much, funds are tight. I'm going to be going back to school and Libby will be taking over the shop, so we'll have money, but for now..."

  I let out a deep breath. God, I hated to ask anyone for anything.

  "Let me guess, you need money?"

  I sighed. "Let's call it a loan? I'll pay you back as soon as I can. We can even arrange a payment schedule. I hate to ask this sir, but I'm trying my best to do what's right for my family and I know that's going to require money. I can give your daughter all the love in me, but sometimes I'm not sure if it's enough."

  He was silent a long moment before he finally responded. "Yeah, Blaine, I'll give you guys the loan. We can talk payment later. I'll get some money wired into Libby's bank account later today."

  "Thank you, sir. I really appreciate it and I'll pay it back as soon as I can."

  "Don't worry, Blaine. You just keep loving my daughter and grandson and the rest will follow."

  I stared in the mirror. The same mirror that had been in my bedroom all of my life. Now I was leaving that bedroom forever. I made sure the last of my buttons were done and straightened out the brown suit jacket. I was thankful that Libby said wearing jeans and jackets were okay instead of stuffing myself into a tux. The last time I had to do that was senior prom and I vowed never to wear a damn bow tie or cummerbund again.

  "Crabtree, stop checking yourself out. Do you think you're getting married or something?" Jackson smacked me on the back of the head.

  "Yeah, I think something like that's going on." I turned around to where my groomsmen were gathered.

  My brothers-in-law, Billy and Ronnie were sitting on my bed, passing a bottle of Jack back and forth. Don and Brian, Libby's brother-in-law, were in some sort of heated discussion about market research or some other boring business shit. Then there was Libby's best guy friend, Sawyer, who stood in the corner, staring out the window.

  The first time I met Sawyer, I thought the redheaded string bean was just trying to bang my girlfriend. Then Libby told me that he was into men.

  Truth be told, I'd never actually met a gay guy. Okay, maybe I had and just didn't know it, but there was still some big mystery to it. When she asked me if I'd take him as one of my groomsmen, she literally did it right before giving me a blow job, so there was no way I could say no.

  She knew how to get me.

  "Hey, Sawyer, you doing okay, man?" I walked over to the window and put my hand on his shoulder.

  He barely looked back at me and ran his fingers through his overly gelled red hair. "Yeah, just watching them set up in the yard. Libby's mama is clucking like a mother hen and your mama is following close behind as they tell everyone where to put things."

  I looked over his shoulder and saw just that: two blurs of purple dresses, wagging their fingers at men setting up different tables and flower arrangements.

  I laughed and patted his shoulder again. "Tha
t is funny, but you know you don't have to stand over here in the corner. We're cool with you hanging out with us."

  Sawyer turned toward me. "You don't have to pretend that you want me here, Blaine. I'm doing this for Libby because I love that girl like she's my sister and I know she wanted me to be a part of this."

  I smiled. "Well, you and I at least have that in common. We both love that little blonde hurricane."

  "You ready to meet that perfect storm at the end of the aisle today, Crabtree?" Sawyer asked, raising one of his very thin eyebrows.

  I looked back to make sure the other guys weren't listening, then smiled at Sawyer. "I think I've been waiting for her all of my life."

  ***

  There was only one Catholic church in Elsbury and it was tiny, at least tiny compared to the mega church that Libby was used to in Chicago. But she wanted to get married here. I wanted to get married here. Elsbury was where we met and started our relationship and where I wanted to start our married lives.

  That, and getting married in Chicago and those mega churches scared the shit out of me.

  When her mama started talking about country clubs and big city things, I felt my insides go numb and thought I was going to purge.

  But Libby wanted the small town wedding and reception in my parents' backyard as well. The big city girl had finally turned into my Southern belle. Well, at least somewhat.

  As soon as I walked into the church, the scent of Magnolia blossoms hit me.

  There were floral balls hanging from each one of the pews by silk hooks. Large arrangements of Magnolias sat along the priest's pulpit and covered just about every surface the white flowers could. A long burlap rug went down the center aisle, lined with Magnolia petals and the words 'Blaine & Libby' written in some fancy font at the end.

  "Dayum, Crabtree, this is the fanciest I've ever seen the church," Jackson said, smacking my back.

  I gulped and loosened my collar. This was almost too much. Too fancy. Too nice.

  What the hell was I doing? I was going to give Libby this nice wedding then walk her into my moth ball smelling Meemaw's house and hope she'd say with me forever because I knocked her up in a janitor's closet.

  Jackson followed the other groomsmen to the priest's office where we were to wait until the wedding started, but I couldn't move. My feet felt like they were stuck in wet cement and I just stared ahead.

  "Blaine? Do you need some help? Your mama should be here soon," Sawyer said, coming to my side.

  "Do you think Libby and I are doing the right thing?" I asked, not looking at him.

  "Do you want my honest answer?"

  I cocked an eyebrow and looked at him, but his gaze was straight ahead. "Yeah, give it to me, Blanchard."

  He shook his head and smiled. "The day I met Libby, I immediately knew I wanted to be her best friend. There was something about the stylish girl and her contagious smile that I couldn't get enough of. That smiled broadened whenever she talked about you. Even when she was complaining, she was hiding that ghost of a smile."

  He turned to fully face me. "If I could bottle up that little ball of sunshine and keep her smiling all the time I would. But I know you're the one that keeps that smile there and I'm pretty sure she keeps that smile on your face as well. She's not always happy, hell you're not always happy with her, and when you two fight it's like BAM, lighting." He put his fists together and pushed them out.

  He continued, "But you always make up and her sunshine always comes back. Two people that collide in a perfect storm like you two, should hold on as tight as they can and enjoy every minute of it."

  I grinned for the first time all day. "Thanks, Sawyer. That was what I needed."

  He shook his head. "I just speak the truth, Crabtree."

  ***

  The church was packed. I think everyone in the entire parish was there for the wedding, even though we tried to keep it small. My hands were shaking, so I shoved them in my pockets and couldn't even look up as the music started and the bridesmaids and groomsmen made their way down the aisle.

  It wasn't until Canon in D played and I heard the shuffle of everyone rising that I finally looked up.

  I choked back the lump in my throat seeing Libby at the end of the aisle. She wore a short white lacy dress that hugged her curves and instead of looking like a pregnant woman, she looked like one of those '50s bombshells they had in the old Hustlers. I'd be lying if I didn't say that, the dress hugging the curves of her hips and dipping low enough to give a hint of her tanned cleavage didn't do something for me.

  Her long blonde hair fell in waves, framing her gorgeous face. She was biting her bottom lip as small tears fell from those big brown eyes. Instead of feeling turned on, I choked up and had to fight back my own tears.

  I'm sure it would have been okay to cry at my own wedding and seeing my bride cry as she glided down the aisle, but I held it back and when my eyes met hers she finally smiled. And that was when I knew that there was no reason to be afraid anymore. There weren't any walls closing in on me. This was real. The girl walking toward me was my own perfect storm.

  Chapter 14

  I had to tell Libby that we took a loan from her parents. I wasn't sure how she would take it. On the one hand, I knew she wanted the nice things, but on the other I knew she would be spitting mad at me for even asking.

  I wasn't even going to mention that I saw Julie.

  The last thing we needed was for her to have a heart attack.

  When I got home from work, I expected her to be in bed, like she was supposed to be. I walked into the bedroom and she wasn't there. The bed was made, another thing she wasn't supposed to do.

  Shit. Was her car in the driveway? Was she so mad she took off?

  "Libby?" I yelled, walking through the house.

  "I'm in here!" her voice rang through the old walls.

  "Where?"

  "Mathieu's room."

  I sauntered down the hallway to see her sitting on the floor with a pile of freshly washed baby clothes next to her. There was a little John Deere onesie already folded on her lap and she was mid-folding another one.

  "What do you think you're doing?" I asked, shaking my head, crossing my arms, and leaning against the doorframe.

  She looked up at me briefly then set the folded onesie to the side. "I'm sitting! The doctor said I didn't have to lay in bed all day."

  I smirked and pushed off the door, walking the few feet over to her until I was sitting right in front of her and grabbed some clothes from the pile. "I don't think she meant that you should be doing laundry, though."

  She rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. I'm fine. Really."

  I set the folded shirt down and put my hand on hers, stopping her actions. Her brown eyes met mine as she bit down on her bottom lip and I knew she was anything but fine. Her feet were still swollen and a layer of sweat had formed on her forehead even though I was pretty sure the air was up as high as it could go.

  "Why don't you have a seat in the rocker and let me finish this?"

  She arched an eyebrow. "Are you sure? I don't think I've ever seen you fold clothes."

  I smiled and stood up, helping her up as well. "A man has to change when it's necessary."

  Putting my arm around her waist, I guided her over to the rocking chair and carefully helped her sit down. Once she was in place, I helped put her feet up on the ottoman and she folded her hands on her stomach.

  "You know, a girl could get used to this."

  I smiled. "All women should be treated like queens, not just when they're pregnant. I should be doing a better job of it."

  I walked over to the already folded clothes and picked them up, walking to the dresser.

  Libby pointed and yelled, "Top drawer for the newborns and 0-3 months. Second drawer for 3-6 months."

  I laughed, shaking my head. "You make one hell of a queen and foreman."

  She said something else, but I didn't hear her because my eyes zeroed in on something familiar in the corner. I p
ut away the onesies and walked over to my old acoustic guitar, picking it up. Jackson helped me get it restrung before the wedding, but I hadn't played it since.

  "What's this doing in here?" I asked, turning toward Libby.

  She rocked gently. "I figured you may want to play some Cajun lullabies for Mathieu."

  I laughed, slinging the guitar strap over my shoulder and strumming a few chords. "I'm not sure how many lullabies I know, especially Cajun ones."

  She smiled. "That's what Google is for."

  I strummed a few chords then hummed, walking toward her. "Hush, little baby, don't say a word..."

  Libby smiled, slowly closing her eyes and she continued to rock.

  I took a few steps closer until I was right in front of her, my hands continuing to strum the chords. "Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird. If that mockingbird don't sing. Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring."

  "I knew you'd know some lullabies," Libby said, keeping her eyes closed.

  I sat down on the floor next to her and leaned over, kissing her stomach, then went back to strumming. "If that diamond ring turns brass. Papa's gonna buy you a looking glass."

  I'd felt Mathieu move a few times and seen him move when we were in the hospital, but this was the first time I really watched him roll across Libby's stomach as if he were trying to get situated and settle down for slumber.

  I smiled, watching him in awe.

  "He liked it," Libby whispered, "keep going".

  I picked a few more chords and wet my lips. "If that looking glass gets broke, Papa's gonna buy you a Billy goat."

  Mathieu rolled a few more times then he settled on the left side of Libby's tummy, the closest to me, as if he was finally settling and wanted to listen to more.

  "If that Billy goat don't pull, Papa's gonna buy you a cart and bull."

  I kept playing and singing. The last time I'd done either was at our wedding, a surprise to Libby, that Jackson and I planned. She'd asked me why I hadn't played in a while and it was really because I didn't have the time between work and wedding planning. Now I was finding I had even less time for things, but seeing the smile on Libby's face even as she drifted off to sleep, I knew I'd have to do more of it.